Fiona Apple isn’t pretty anymore …

pictures of Fiona Apple when she was pretty :

a photo of Fiona Apple a photo of Fiona Apple a photo of Fiona Apple a photo of Fiona Apple a photo of Fiona Apple

pictures of Fiona Apple now that she isn’t pretty :

a photo of Fiona Apple a photo of Fiona Apple a photo of Fiona Apple a photo of Fiona Apple a photo of Fiona Apple

It’s true. Seven years is a long time, apparently long enough for a woman’s face to go from pretty to about average. That can happen in seven seconds, of course, if she were, say, punched in the face really hard or set on fire. Facial beauty is mostly just a matter of skin and bone structure, but I don’t think Fiona Apple, a woman I once considered one of the best-looking famous people, has been the victim of some physical injury, disease or anything like that. It seems her face has simply degraded over the last few years.

Video and pictures suggest she was certainly pretty from her teenage years to at least 2005, the year of the release and mass promotion of her Extraordinary Machine album. By 2012, the year of the release and mass promotion of her Idler Wheel follow-up, she was no longer pretty. The difference probably wouldn’t seem as jarring if it weren’t for the fact that she’s rarely seen in the public spotlight when she isn’t out and about, in front of cameras, promoting a new album, which these days occurs only about every seven years.

That goes back to seven years being a long time. People age. When it comes to physical beauty, adults generally age for the worse. That’s why so many women hide under makeup. Fiona Apple is no exception, but, while there are new pictures of her looking old, I think that’s only part of the problem. The other part and probably main reason for her aesthetic degradation is that her face looks thinner than it used to. She’s far from ugly; her new face looks okay to me; but she looks like a witch; not a good witch but a hag.

I’d have sex with her, let her kiss me and even kiss her while we’re doing it. I’d date her and even get into a serious romantic relationship with her. That’s what most of her songs are about anyway. I’d do it partly because she’s rich and famous, but mostly because she (still) looks attractive enough. She is a light-skinned woman who’s not old, fat or ugly. My acceptance criteria isn’t too selective from there. Even while I’m with her and enjoying it though, I’d know it could’ve been a lot better if I’d gotten her a lot sooner.

Then again, while I’ll probably never get a chance with her outside of my own fantastical imagination, I don’t think it’s too late for her to restore at least most of her beauty. As far as life in years goes, she’s only in her thirties. If she puts on a little weight; something I usually advise against; make it show on her face and perhaps start taking better care of herself by laying off the marijuana and taking a holistic approach to beauty, she could probably, if not raise my rating of her from a 3 back to a 5 of 5, make herself look pretty again.

8 replies :

  1. 2023 and people (like me) are still discovering you are a moron. What a shitty take and a waste of time your writing is

  2. I feel genuinely feel sad for you. I can’t imagine living such a life that would lead to the genesis of a thought like this, or furthermore to take the time to write a blog post about it, let alone think that it’s something that should be shared with others (to put that sort of vile negativity out into the world?!)… I hope you are okay, and maybe one day can reflect on why you ever even thought this or shared this.

  3. I think this is the saddest thing I’ve ever seen on the internet. Jesus, what’s your problem? This is vile.

  4. You sound like a fucking moron. Like ANY woman you’ve EVER been with has ever rated higher than in the negatives.

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