audio review : Roland Gift ( album ) … Roland Gift

audio review : Roland Gift ( album ) ... Roland Gift

If you listen to this album; Roland Gift’s solo debut; expecting the aesthetic equivalent of the long-awaited third Fine Young Cannibals project, you’re in for a disappointment. “The voice” is here; it’s a joy to hear that gay falsetto after all these years; but the songs aren’t up to par.

A Girl Like You and Lady DJ evoke vintage FYC; the only thing missing is Gift fully utilizing his signature ad-libs during their peaks; and Looking For A Friend is a melodic highlight, but the set is merely decent on the whole. The worst thing about it is the lazy 1980s-throwback self title.

my rating : 3 of 5

2002

Great Value Ice Cream [ Celebration Edition ] : Pride

Great Value Ice Cream [ Celebration Edition ] : Pride

I won’t get started on how much I detest what this Ice Cream represents, but the inclusion of white chocolate is a pleasant surprise. It tastes more like vanilla though with a hint of Superman. Why it isn’t rainbow-colored like the carton is beyond me, but that’s all it would need to be enjoyable.

Instead, like the “LGBT” initialism and all its ridiculous extensions, they went too far. Cherries alone would have been tolerable or even acceptable. Perhaps they’re what help give rise to Superman. It’s the “brownies”; what homo put these nasty chocolatey bits in my ice cream; that totally ruin it.

my rating : 2 of 5

video review : Orphan : First Kill

video review : Orphan : First Kill

The First twenty minutes or so, most of which serve as a sort of prelude, suggests this; First Kills would be a more accurate title; will be another bad movie sequel, but it gets better. The plot never reaches the watchability of the original Orphan; this is actually a prequel set in 2007; but it has its moments.

The best parts draw (paint) upon the tension around Esther’s secret as she cons herself into the life of a family living in Darien, Connecticut. She plays the role of their missing daughter/sister, but of course things aren’t always what they appear to be. Cue a sudden and anagnorisis plot twist near the halfway point.

It’s a surprise for sure and initially disappointing in its execution, but at least it’s a new idea in a movie sequel that was playing out a bit too much like its predecessor. It’s inferior on the whole but better than the start leads you to believe. I also like the ending as it sets up the main (Orphan) story quite nicely.

my rating : 3 of 5

2022

audio review : Get Off The Stage ( album ) … Too Short

audio review : Get Off The Stage ( album ) ... Too Short

Sounding more like a collection of song demos than album number seventeen, Get Off The Stage will have you yelling just that. Too Short has never sounded so uninspired and the beats are basic, but the worst parts by far are the lame-ass hooks. Dum Ditty Dum is downright awful.

I like I Like It; it’s the one good song on the album; and I’m glad Short Dogg came out of retirement when he did to drop some more game on us, but, if it’s gotten to the point where he’s putting out shit like this, it’s time to take his own advice and get the fuck Off The Stage for good.

my rating : 2 of 5

2007