video review : Bitch I’m Madonna ( song ) … Madonna ( featuring Nicki Minaj )

video review : Bitch I'm Madonna ( song ) ... Madonna ( featuring Nicki Minaj )

There’s a party going on and I wasn’t invited. The scene; people having crazy fun at what looks like a lavish rooftop hotel suite in or near Los Angeles; is awesome. I especially dig the part where host Madonna prances her way up a red-lit graffiti-laced staircase and tongue-kisses a random girl. It’s nice to see she’s still being a slut in her 50s.

What the video would do better without are the cringey cameos from celebrities who obviously aren’t at the party. Having Beyoncé in your video, lip-syncing to your song, makes for ultimate bragging rights, even for a VIP like Madonna, but it also makes for an awkward edit. The one exception is Nicki Minaj, who at least raps on the song.

my rating : 4 of 5

2015

video review : Miranda Maverick versus Maycee Barber at UFC Fight Night

video review : Miranda Maverick versus Maycee Barber at UFC Fight Night

Daniel Cormier makes it seem like this wasn’t close. His objections after the fight suggest there’s something wrong with the judges, but, while I think Miranda Maverick won it, I would’ve been okay with the decision either way. Her pressure gives her the first round, but she can’t keep it up. By round three, she seems to be nearly exhausted as Maycee Barber puts it on her.

“I definitely had a good fight with her,” Barber says in her interview; Daniel Cormier is all smiles in her face; and I agree, though the ending seems a bit anticlimactic. I’ve been anticipating this bout since UFC 260 and I wanted two more rounds dammit. If it were a five-rounder, perhaps Barber would’ve finished her. Perhaps not. Miranda Maverick is a tough girl.

my rating : 4 of 5

2021

video review : Paige VanZant versus Rachael Ostovich at BKFC 19

video review : Paige VanZant versus Rachael Ostovich at BKFC 19

Paige VanZant is the winner in looks; Rachael Ostovich looks like a tranny with all that fakeup on; but looks don’t win bare-knuckle boxing matches. VanZant is simply outstruck here; she gets jawed audibly hard in the fourth round; despite giving her opponent an extra coating of red lipstick by fight’s end.

The most notable part comes at the end. VanZant’s smile instantly turns to sulk as Ostovich is announced; Jeff Houston is a lot less annoying here than during the introductions; the winner. She (VanZant) walks off and out, leaving her team behind, perhaps to cry as her boxing career takes another hit.

my rating : 3 of 5

2021

audio review : Babylove ( song ) … Morris Day

This is a party anthem for sugar daddies. The club is packed with “sexy people”, but it’s the young ladies Morris Day is after, “as long as you’re 21”. What he means is 21 years old, no younger and not much older, and who could blame him? The best meat is fresh meat. There are no girls in jail though, so Jerome is posted at the door, checking state IDs and driver’s licenses.

Pedophilic undertones and all, the song is a banger. A louder beat (drums/bass), less cluttered production and more melodic ad-libs; the one at 3:08 is the best part of the song for me; could push it up to classic status, but it’s still the jam as is, mostly because of a set of hooks catchy enough to go fishing. “Calling on the sexy ones,” it goes, “Girls are sure nough fine.”

my rating : 4 of 5

2021

audio review : Jam And Lewis [ Volume One ] ( album ) ... Jimmy Jam And Terry Lewis

audio review : Jam And Lewis [ Volume One ] ( album ) … Jimmy Jam And Terry Lewis

audio review : Jam And Lewis [ Volume One ] ( album ) ... Jimmy Jam And Terry

The title suggests a compilation of songs from the past, but this is a new album; the duo’s first ever after four decades of making music for other people’s. Some of those singers are featured here. Every song is by a different artist or group, in fact, with one flagrant exception.

That Janet Jackson isn’t included, and starting the whole damn set, is about as disheartening as recent rumors that Jam And Lewis aren’t involved in her upcoming Black Diamond project. Unbreakable was underwhelming, yes, but they should never stop making music together.

Maybe if they had a new Janet song, they wouldn’t need to restore a 2005 Toni Braxton album reject, the inclusion of which makes me wonder how much of this set is actually new. Babylove; the best song and one true jam; sure is. It’s Time for another Morris Day solo album.

my rating : 3 of 5

2021

video review : Knowing

video review : Knowing

This movie starts off interestingly enough and stays that way for a while, but soon the plot heads Hellward. There are some awesome disaster scenes scattered about, all of which happen to include people running around on fire or being smashed to death by man-made vehicles gone awry, but they don’t even begin to make-up for all the numerical nonsense happening elsewhere in this two-hour yawner.

Part of the problem isn’t that it tries to cover several sci-fi subgenres at once, but that it does so clumsily, going from paranormal thriller to disaster flick to religious allegory only when it’s convenient to the plot. Marco Beltrami’s over-the-top score isn’t appreciated until the end, during a muted scene in which the jovial orchestration doesn’t at all fit with what’s happening on screen but sounds terrific nonetheless.

my rating : 2 of 5

2009

video review : Jesus He Knows Me ( song ) … Genesis

video review : Jesus He Knows Me ( song ) ... Genesis

Casual listeners probably thought this was a typical Christian praise song; the chorus sure sounds like it; but the video makes the message crystal clear. It’s a parody in which frontman Phil Collins plays the role of a television evangelist; the Robert Tilton type who, the band suggests, are mostly in it for the money.

The video, their best yet, is thoroughly entertaining in all the funny/clever ways it plays with the concept. My favorite bit is the paparazzi photos of Mike Rutherford cheating on his wife. It’s also a damn good song, though the most endearing part is an organ prelude you won’t hear on the regular audio version.

my rating : 5 of 5

1992

video review : Dustin Poirier versus Conor McGregor at UFC 264

video review : Dustin Poirier versus Conor McGregor at UFC 264

Ever since this fight, the third and hopefully final in the Dustin Poirier versus Conor McGregor trilogy, was announced, I thought it was a bad idea. McGregor, who’s “won exactly one fight since Barack Obama was president”, didn’t deserve an immediate rematch with the number one title contender. I also figured it would end like the previous one with McGregor getting finished early.

To his credit, he sort of finishes himself by breaking his own leg or ankle after probably fracturing it during the barrage of outside leg kicks he starts the fight with. Still, though I was actually rooting for the fallen Irishman to win this bout and reclaim his former UFC glory, it’s hilariously ironic to see him being rolled out on a stretcher after he predicted that exact scenario for Poirier.

The most poignant moment happens several minutes before when the Notorious one, in terrible pain and grasping onto what’s left of his pride, yells to the officials to make sure this loss comes with the asterisk of being a “doctor stoppage!” He then goes on, in his post-fight interview with Joe Rogan, to throw angry jabs at Poirier and his “little ho” wife like the villain in a superhero comic.

my rating : 4 of 5

2021

audio review : The Mail Man ( EP ) … E-40

audio review : The Mail Man ( EP ) ... E-40

I don’t know why the intro; a disclaimer in which E-40 lets listeners know the violent “mob music” he makes is solely for entertainment; is Scotch-taped to the beginning of the first song instead of being listed as a track of its own, but that technical blunder is the only major flaw of this six-song set.

Neva Broke, that first song, is a P-Funk-like banger about armed robbery; the point is that all a poor man needs is a “strap” (gun) to make money; while Bring The Yellow Tape, another crime story, deals in premeditated murder. Other highlights include Where The Party At and Captain Save-A-Hoe.

my rating : 4 of 5

1993

audio review : Xxplosive ( song ) … Kurupt + Six-Two ( featuring Nate Dogg + Hittman )

The odd song structure, which starts with a hook never heard again and separates two rap verses by what itself sounds like a Nate Dogg song demo, isn’t as off-putting as it should be. In fact it works, mostly because it all sounds good. The best part, aside from Nate’s splendid vocal melodies, is the beat; a pimped-out funk-guitar loop that sounds like it was made to smoke weed and fuck hoes to.

my rating : 4 of 5

1999

audio review : Chronic 2001 ( album ) ... Dr Dre

video review : Pretty Woman

video review : Pretty Woman

I’d prefer a petite woman. Julia Roberts is too tall, especially in high heel shoes, but I guess her face is Pretty enough for the role. Besides, her character (Vivian) isn’t a beauty model. She’s a hooker and her place of business is California’s Hollywood Boulevard, where she walks up to the Lotus Esprit of a rich businessman named Edward.

A hotel proposition takes the unlikely pair from strangers to friends; sex partners to romantic lovers; in a matter of days. Careful editing keeps the plot going at a believable pace given the circumstances of their relationship, which, with the help of a beautiful piano theme and charming dialogue, stumbles upon genuine allure.

my rating : 4 of 5

1990

video review : Julio César Chávez Junior versus Anderson Silva at Tribute To The Kings

video review : Julio César Chávez Junior versus Anderson Silva at Tribute To The Kings

It was sad to see Anderson Silva end his once-impeccable UFC run with a knockout loss, but this is a good consolation. It can even be argued that his victory here is more impressive as Silva, in just the third pro boxing bout of his career, dominates a former WBC champion with over fifty wins under his belt.

It’s not a blowout; Chávez wins a couple of rounds and never looks to be in serious danger; but it’s a relatively easy win for Silva, despite one corrupt (Mexican) judge voting against him. Highlights include The Spider’s signature taunting in Round 3 and Canelo Álvarez congratulating him after the bout.

my rating : 3 of 5

2021