audio review : The Lady In Red ( song ) … Chris De Burgh

Chris should’ve left out the part about hardly knowing this woman because he also mentions the things he’s “never seen” about her, which implies he’s known her for a long time. It’s an odd contradiction and the one ugly flaw on a song that is otherwise quite beautiful.

Most appealing is melody of the vocals, which are partnered by a gorgeous guitar lick, though it’s the waltzy beat that serves as the basis of the concept. “The Lady In Red is dancing with me,” De Burgh announces as they embrace, “cheek to cheek”, in the ballroom.

my rating : 5 of 5

1986

audio review : The Lady In Red ( song ) ... Chris De Burgh

audio review : Touch ( song ) … Daft Punk ( featuring Paul Williams )

This song could be, and probably should be, in a Disney movie. “Sweet Touch,” Paul Williams says with Pinocchio-like wonderment, “You’ve almost convinced me I’m real.” It’s the vocals; not just their magical melodies but the poetry of the words themselves; that make this Daft Punk collaboration something special.

It’s a rhapsody of sorts; one that goes back and forth between vocal and instrumental whenever it feels like. The festive horn bit near the middle reminds me of Billy Joel’s “rock and roll” scene From An Italian Restaurant. The song is majestic. My only complaint is that the space prelude goes on a little too long.

my rating : 5 of 5

2013

audio review : Random Access Memories ( album ) ... Daft Punk

Yoplait Original : Harvest Peach

Yoplait Original : Harvest Peach

Peaches were never one of my favorite fruits growing up, but a cup of this Yoplait Original cold from the fridge is enough to make a man question his own life values. It’s smooth creamy yogurt with bits of real Harvest Peaches and it’s absolutely delicious.

my rating : 5 of 5

audio review : Morphine ( song ) … Michael Jackson

This song is addictive. It rocks and rolls as a manic Michael Jackson rants and raves; the verses mimic the fragmented thoughts of a broken addict fiending for a fix; over its intense industrial-style beat.

Demerol provides some relief; the song is a rhapsody of sorts; but it’s not the opioid of choice. He “heard what the doctor said”, but he doesn’t give a shit. He’s in pain (dammit) and he wants his Morphine.

my rating : 5 of 5

1997

audio review : Blood On The Dance Floor [ History In The Mix ] ( album ) ... Michael Jackson

Borden Eggnog

Borden Eggnog

That Borden cow Elsie produces delicious Eggnog but not straight from the udder. Like most commercial versions, this has “artificial” flavor on the ingredients list. It’s not as rich as the Premium version, but it’s a sweet indulgence nonetheless.

my rating : 5 of 5

audio review : All For You ( song ) … Janet Jackson

This is Janet Jackson’s best song ever. That’s thanks in part to an old Luther Vandross (Change) sample her loyal superproducers, Jimmy Jam And Terry Lewis, decided to bring back to life. It’s a gorgeously slinky beat to match Jackson’s gorgeously slinky vocal melodies.

If there’s a flaw, it’s that the song dances around the cliché concepts of sex; the part in which she tells a stranger she’s going to “ride” his “package” is uncharacteristically graphic for a radio single; and romance instead of just being the classic party anthem it’s meant to be.

my rating : 5 of 5

2001

audio review : All For You ( album ) ... Janet Jackson

video review : Jesus He Knows Me ( song ) … Genesis

video review : Jesus He Knows Me ( song ) ... Genesis

Casual listeners probably thought this was a typical Christian praise song; the chorus sure sounds like it; but the video makes the message crystal clear. It’s a parody in which frontman Phil Collins plays the role of a television evangelist; the Robert Tilton type who, the band suggests, are mostly in it for the money.

The video, their best yet, is thoroughly entertaining in all the funny/clever ways it plays with the concept. My favorite bit is the paparazzi photos of Mike Rutherford cheating on his wife. It’s also a damn good song, though the most endearing part is an organ prelude you won’t hear on the regular audio version.

my rating : 5 of 5

1992

audio review : Gone Too Soon ( song ) … Michael Jackson

This is a song that uses the imagery of similes to lament a special someone or something that, “like a comet blazing cross the evening sky”, is Gone Too Soon. The vocals; both Michael Jackson’s voice and the melody it carries; are utterly marvelous. I’m not crying. Those “perfect” flowers are messing with my allergies.

my rating : 5 of 5

1991

video review : Delirious ( comedy special ) … Eddie Murphy

video review : Delirious ( comedy special ) ... Eddie Murphy

I don’t know about Delirious, but Eddie Murphy is certainly hilarious in this HBO special. It’s a stand-up comedy show live from Washington DC, but there’s nothing politically correct about it. Even with kids in the audience, Murphy comes with a barrage of raunchy jokes, often via personal anecdotes and spot-on celebrity impressions. He also goes after white people and “fags”, but it’s all in fun. “I fuck with everybody,” he says, “I don’t give a fuck.”

my rating : 5 of 5

1983

audio review : Hello ( song ) … Lionel Richie

Lionel Richie goes beyond simply admiring a pretty neighbor from afar. He’s fallen in love with her, which, as a guy who considers a girl’s looks more important than her personality when it comes to romance, I can relate to. He seems too shy to tell her though. “Hello,” he says, but only in his mind.

What he should do is play this song for her. I’m the least gay tenant in the building and I’d damn-near date him. It’s a beautiful “love” song, basically flawless as far as vocal melodies go. Even the bridge, a guitar instrumental, is a tender serenade. If it doesn’t win her heart, nothing will.

my rating : 5 of 5

1983

audio review : I Care 4 You ( song ) … Aaliyah

I don’t Care 4 the Prince-like numeration in the title; it takes away from the solemnity of the song; but damn. I would’ve swore this were a remake of some soul classic from the 1970s, but, according to the credits, Timbaland composed the beat with no samples and it’s Missy Elliott who deserves credit for the melodic vocal arrangement.

The trite lyrics, which tell a guy who’s “in pain” with heartbreak that the girl who left him must be “insane”, are the song’s one major weakness. The a4mentioned title number is a small factor in comparison. A lot of great songs say silly things though. It’s the throwback groove that comforts, along with the sweet croon of a very accommodating Aaliyah.

my rating : 5 of 5

2001

audio review : Hand In My Pocket ( song ) … Alanis Morissette

This song’s only flaw, aside from the One missing from the title, is the fact that there’s no piano after Alanis mentions playing the piano. A bar or two in the empty space that follows would help inch the ballad that much closer to perfection.

It’s an ego trip of sorts that begins with the singer fingering her Pocket for cash that isn’t there and ends with the hailing of a “texi kab!”. Her psycho-chick voice inflections are part of the song’s overall charm, along with a beautiful refrain.

my rating : 5 of 5

1995