Tag: dicks

audio review : Xxplosive ( song ) … Kurupt + Six-Two ( featuring Nate Dogg + Hittman )

The odd song structure, which starts with a hook never heard again and separates two rap verses by what itself sounds like a Nate Dogg song demo, isn’t as off-putting as it should be. In fact it works, mostly because it all sounds good. The best part, aside from Nate’s splendid vocal melodies, is the beat; a pimped-out funk-guitar loop that sounds like it was made to smoke weed and fuck hoes to.

my rating : 4 of 5

1999

audio review : Chronic 2001 ( album ) ... Dr Dre

video review : Delirious ( comedy special ) … Eddie Murphy

video review : Delirious ( comedy special ) ... Eddie Murphy

I don’t know about Delirious, but Eddie Murphy is certainly hilarious in this HBO special. It’s a stand-up comedy show live from Washington DC, but there’s nothing politically correct about it. Even with kids in the audience, Murphy comes with a barrage of raunchy jokes, often via personal anecdotes and spot-on celebrity impressions. He also goes after white people and “fags”, but it’s all in fun. “I fuck with everybody,” he says, “I don’t give a fuck.”

my rating : 5 of 5

1983

a dream I had about having sex with Michelle Waterson

I guess I was married to her. Perhaps, since I wouldn’t under any realistic circumstance get married to even a cutie like her, assumably even in my dreams, I was the man she’s married to in real life. Either way, there we were in one of the bedrooms in our near mansion of a house.

It was the bedroom our kids slept in and I was lying in one of the beds as she stood beside me, asking what time our daughter woke up in the morning. It was as if she didn’t know because she was always or usually gone to work in the morning and I was more-or-less a househusband.

I started to answer; the kids were in the next room; when she cut me off with something like, “Or we can go in our room and wake up together.” That doesn’t really make sense and I don’t remember her exact words, but it ended with an emphasized “together” and she said it with a grin.

The implication was an invitation for sex with the excuse for the kids being that we were going in another room to give them theirs back; they seemed to be keeping their distance to respect the privacy of our conversation; to which I hopped up as her grin grew to a restrained giggle.

Since I was sort of Quantum Leaped into my role, I had no memory of having sex with her before; imagine all of a sudden waking up as the husband of someone you never met in real life; but I was damn-sure excited to have an opportunity as I followed her out of the kids room.

Michelle Waterson is an MMA fighter known as The Karate Hottie and that nickname is certainly fitting; a swift kick in the nuts with one of those Chun-Li legs wouldn’t break my instant boner; but I’d be lying if I say the anticipation didn’t come with a bit of performance anxiety.

I was being led hurriedly and hornily to the bedroom by a strong stamina-loaded athlete who also happens to be an attractive woman and I had to perform with no prep time. My dick saying no problem was the problem. I wasn’t worried about not being able to get up but keep up.

It wasn’t enough of a concern to stop me, but the pace slowed on its own as soon as we entered the bedroom. She had what looked like portable stove burners cooking breakfast; pancakes; presumably for the kids. “Oh, you brought me in here to work,” I said, feeling duped. She laughed.

2021 ( March 31 )