dreams I had

finally meeting an ex-housemate

being handed a slice of cake

leading the charge against a tyrannical landlady

living in an apartment with a dining room

graduating high school

a new pair of shoes and a dangerous freeway trip

saving the life of someone also named Marcel

walking thru my apartment building

living in a college dorm

Eugene getting knocked out in class

a nude white girl lying on me

a video I shot in a high school science lab

fucking a girl from behind

a five-part Steven Spielberg movie

having an interesting discussion with a woman at a table

staying in a college dorm

watching a video of a girl being killed

overhearing my lesbian roommate have sex

watching My Girl in class

a girl interviewing me for school

living in an apartment in Detroit

meeting Stevie Wonder

having sex with Michelle Waterson

watching a movie that started to become real

my next-door neighbor and a bunch of dogs

a girl who was about to let me put my tongue in her ass

living in a college dorm and seeing an enormous insect

a gay school teacher giving me his phone number

lying to a high school security guard to get out of trouble

a woman named Rebecca

a girl staring at me like she wanted to fuck

driving my cars from a bus

witnessing a crazy traffic collision

being late for class

arguing with Alex Malpass

taking pictures of girls I used to know

two old people who vacationed a lot

being at school with Wendy and Leanne

a co-worker named Eugene

a video girl who seemed to have a crush on me

kissing and fondling a girl named Wendy

living with people and a caged bird

walking to a college campus and teleporting back home to get my car

500 girls at a hotel

a teen prison inmate attempting an escape

a man and a woman near the end of their romance

my car being repossessed

being on a tower and trying to run home before being eaten by lions

attending an event with tables of free White Castle burgers

a parachute man

waiting till the last minutes to study for a college exam

taking notes in a history class

taking a photo of a police officer at my job

seeing an airplane going down outside my window

working in a mansion with Sheila

being trapped nude in a bathroom stall

going to Solomon’s Temple in Detroit

a freaky bisexual girl

meeting a distant cousin

seeing two dragons fighting in the night sky

hiring Pinky and Misty to exercise at my mother’s house

asking for Cap’n Crunch at Target

going back to the past

somehow getting an enormous amount of cash from a bank ATM

trying to interview Hulk Hogan for the site

a girl and her sister

being featured on a “reality” TV show with Jack Osbourne

my boss Heather sitting on my face

working for AVI

being in an elementary school reading class

a beat I made

being at home in my apartment

playing Night Of The Living Dead

trading insults with a girl named Eliza

a tube of peanut butter toothpaste

a girl giving me her baby in Miss Dubose’s class

a sweaty porn girl with amazing tits

going back to the past

a dream I had about finally meeting an ex-housemate

She wasn’t so bad now that I got a good look at her. Not that I thought she looked bad the one time I’d seen her before. It was her loud annoying ghetto-ass personality that made me despise her. She was, metaphorically speaking, the neighbor from Hell, at least for as long as she lasted.

She wasn’t even supposed to be staying there in the other living area of the house. It was probably more of a large condo. In either case, the landlord evicted her when they found out she was staying there illegally. Now she was back, at my front door, just a few days before I myself was set to leave.

“You’re the one,” I don’t think I ever finished the sentence, but I was going to say that she’s the girl who got kicked out, as if she didn’t know. “Yeah,” she acknowledged with a slight, perhaps slightly embarrassed, grin. Without hesitation, I nonverbally, and rather ironically, invited her in.

I forgot what all we talked about, but it started with what happened; her living there for several weeks and getting kicked out. As we walked around; I think she came back to grab a few things she’d left; it seemed obvious there was some kind of sexual, if not romantic, chemistry between us.

She’s not really my type physically. She’s short and petite, which I like, but she’s dark-skinned and I strongly prefer light-skinned girls. Her face is otherwise kind of cute though, so she certainly passes when it comes to having sex. I wouldn’t date her though. Besides, I hate her personality.

That’s based on hearing her with her friends, laughing and yelling obnoxiously thru the surprisingly thin walls of this otherwise elegant dwelling place. The quieter reserved version I was talking with for the first time; we never spoke before and only saw each other that one time; was likable.

I don’t know how the landlord found out about her. I never told them and didn’t want her to think I did. I planned to let her know it wasn’t me and that I never even knew she was there illegally, but I never got around to it. I was too busy feeling the vibes, translating the body language.

The way she kept looking at me, I could tell, at least I strongly suspected, she wanted to fuck me as bad as I wanted to fuck her. Maybe I downplayed my attraction to her. I still wouldn’t date her, but what better way to end the summer than to dick her in my summer home just before departing?

I wouldn’t have to see her again, at least not until next summer if I decided to rent there again, which would prevent our new relationship from developing into something romantic. It would also prevent her from getting too comfortable and inviting her friends back. That’s what I call a win-win.

2024 [ February 17 ]

audio review : Innocence ( album ) … Kenny G

audio review : Innocence ( album ) ... Kenny G

An album of lullabies? Why not? It seems Kenny G stopped making regular (nonconceptual) albums years ago. Entering the genre of baby sleep music also serves as an unintentional quip at critics who complain that his music is boring. He should’ve used a different title though. Innocence brings to mind that song from The Moment.

There are only seven originals here. The rest are covers; the worst thing about the set. Mixing them, as opposed to just making a full-on cover album, is even more of a misstep. Still the project ultimately serves its purpose. I’d prefer a lead piano, even guitar, over a sax, but; screw the kids; it’s pleasant and serene enough to put me to sleep.

my rating : 3 of 5


a dream I had about being handed a slice of cake

I was sitting in the driver’s seat of the parked car as she; a real-life former roommate of mine; talked with her best friend outside. They were several feet away, but I could hear their conversation as she jokingly told her friend how annoying her voice was. It was at that point that, as I tried to adjust the rearview mirror to see them, the whole thing fell.

I don’t know whose janky car it was, hers or mine, but I was able to get a glance of her friend for the first time. I could tell she was light-skinned. My girlfriend was dark. That’s the first anomaly because I prefer my girls light, like her friend, and almost never date dark ones. The second and biggest anomaly is that I probably wouldn’t date this girl in particular.

She’s short and petite, which I like, so her looks would be fine if not for her skin tone, but her personality is a major turn-off. She’s the loud and ghetto type of black girl with emphasis on the word “loud”. Her voice is also annoying, gratingly so. That little comment she made about her friend’s took some audacity, which I told her when she came back to the car.

“You can’t talk about somebody’s voice being annoying,” I said, loud enough for her friend to hear, as she, standing just outside the door, handed me thru the window a slice of cake; it had nuts on it; on what seemed like a sheet of paper towel or napkin. The cake was a favorite she’d been getting from this place; I guess a local bakery; and wanted me to try.

It was tilted on the napkin, so she told me, in a stern tone as if I were a child, not to drop it. She said to hold it straight, which I did. Her bossiness is another reason I probably wouldn’t date her in real life. That same trait could be a major turn-on in the bedroom though when it comes to sadomasochistic sex fetishes, hence the word “probably”.

“They gave me this too,” she said as she showed me a small piece of the same cake on a separate napkin, “but it’s not really a lot though.” She said that last bit matter-of-factly with an almost Spanish accent. She also showed me the cotton candy she bought, which I wanted to taste more than the cake, as I pondered her getting diabetes from all that sugar.

2023 [ October 01 ]

a dream I had about leading the charge against a tyrannical landlady

Imagine my surprise when I came home, or went outside, to see a row of huge sinkhole-like holes in the ground just outside my apartment complex. Each hole was somewhere between three to ten feet in diameter with a car or truck parked next to it. Each vehicle belonged to a tenant who stood beside it.

I could tell by the fact that my immediate neighbor and her vehicle were beside the newest hole that I was up next. I’d gotten the word, perhaps by said neighbor, that we could have whatever came up from our hole; whatever there may have been in the soil beneath after the excavator worker did his thing.

I was somewhat excited; apparently there were valuable items underground; as I walked briskly to my car to pull it around. I was also concerned; hesitant about the fact that I didn’t want all my, or any of my, neighbors seeing what car I drove. I’m a cynical person in general and didn’t trust them.

The next thing I remember is walking back, without my car, and seeing what seemed like dozens of neighbors on the ground. They were now near the middle of the complex. The holes were in the front where the lawn met the sidewalk. They were doing push-ups. Some were past coworkers from real life.

Lisa was there along with Bernadette; both fat women; the latter of which couldn’t even raise her arms, let alone midsection, during the so-called push-ups. She humped the grass as she let out an audile grunt for each rep. I laughed and asked what they were doing. Then I “but seriously” asked them why.

They said they were told to, implying it was more of a command than a suggestion. When I asked by who, they said the landlady. “Man, fuck that bitch,” I retorted, “I thought you were talking about the governor or something.” I may have said “mayor” but meant governor. Not that I would’ve stood for it either way.

As I continued to reprehend the landlady and her authoritarian ways, the others began to express their agreement. They stopped the push-ups and sat up as the momentum of the protest built. “Remember when she said don’t stand over there in the sun,” one woman yelled, “We should all go over there right now!”

There was a roar of agreement from the crowd as they stood up and dusted themselves off. I was leading the charge, with the woman who’d just spoke out, against our tyrannical landlord. I was new there but apparently the abuse had been going on for a while. Well, it was about to end. That’s when I awoke.

2023 [ September 17 ]

video review : Freddy Versus Jason

video review : Freddy Versus Jason

Freddy Krueger and Jason Voorhees are the two most iconic serial killers in the horror movie world, so the concept of putting them against each other is interesting to say the least. This is the chronological follow-up to Jason Goes To Hell; the ending of which hinted at what was to come.

Who wins the fight is basically beside the point. It’s the mere presence of the two trying to kill each other for a change that fans have been eagerly awaiting. Most of those people won’t be disappointed. There’s plenty of screams, kills, illogical narration, corny dialogue and bad acting to keep them entertained.

my rating : 3 of 5


video review : Wes Craven’s New Nightmare

video review : Wes Craven's New Nightmare

Wes Craven’s New Nightmare claws right thru the cinematic fourth wall to bring Freddy Krueger into real life. That’s done via Heather Langenkamp; the actress who plays Nancy Thompson. She, and her annoying son, are having bad dreams about the man who made her movie career a success. This is a horror flick about the horror flick you’re watching; an innovative epilogue for the franchise.

my rating : 3 of 5