Category: reviews with a 3 of 5 rating

audio review : Walk On Water ( song ) … Eminem ( featuring Beyoncé )

Eminem is only human, so he makes mistakes. A big one was putting Beyoncé on this song. Put aside her humdrum melodies. A top celebrity crooner with no real connection to Eminem representing him on a song about his own waning popularity makes little sense conceptually. Bring back the humdrum singing; the chorus sounds mawkish and out of place; and the combination makes for a record that’s ironically unimpressive.

The Stan rapper, still my favorite after all these years, reveals introspective worries about letting his fans down. “I’m doing my best to not ruin your expectations,” he writes with a pencil and paper like it’s 1999. Somebody buy this guy a MacBook. But it’s not his verses that disappoint this time around. It’s the corny guest-reliant platform he’s presenting them on. The old (young) Eminem would’ve drowned Beyoncé in that Water.

my rating : 3 of 5

2017

audio review : Revival ( album ) … Eminem

audio review : Heartbreak On A Full Moon ( album ) … Chris Brown

audio review : Heartbreak On A Full Moon ( album ) ... Chris Brown

Juicy Booty girls love Chris Brown. I’m thinking that probably has more to do with his physical allure than his music. The Auto-Tuned singing voice is good enough, but he lacks talent when it comes to composing melodies for it. Bonus tracks included, there are 45 songs here; more than his last three albums combined; but you’ll have a hard time finding a single catchy chorus among them.

The first four bars of Future’s rap verse, looped with some dainty singing in the background, could’ve made High End a better song, but the bragfest is a modest highlight nonetheless. Most of the album, which covers a wider theme range than its restrictive title suggests, leaves nothing more than romantic vibes and contemporary soul beats to keep the aesthetic ship in orbit.

my rating : 3 of 5

2017

audio review : 4 No Reason ( EP ) … The Lox

audio review : 4 No Reason ( EP ) ... The Lox

This is a set of 4 new Lox songs, each including a verse from all three members, released for no apparent reason. The title is stylized as a grammatically incorrect social media hashtag. There doesn’t seem to be a (sensible) reason for that neither.

The music is what you’ve come to expect from the boys, which, after their disappointing comeback album released late last year, isn’t a good thing. The one exception is Gangsta Party featuring Derez Deshon; the one song with a decent chorus.

my rating : 3 of 5

2017

audio review : Make America Crip Again ( EP ) … Snoop Dogg

audio review : Make America Crip Again ( EP ) ... Snoop Dogg

The MACA theme is an obvious reference to Donald Trump’s presidential campaign slogan, but the word Crip, which can be read as an adjective or a verb, offers nothing in the way of clever puns or wordplay. It’s a title that doesn’t make much sense. America as a whole never gangbanged. OG Snoop apparently never stopped, at least on record. This EP makes a point of that. Why it ends with a lovey-dovey serenade to a girl beats me.

The best part of the set comes at the end of Three’s Company; a westside party starter featuring OT Genasis and Chris Brown; when the vocals finally make way for the music to bump. What a funky beat it is. Bassy beats are actually the best thing Snoop’s Crip Again EP has to offer. The rest may as well be reject tracks from his last two albums. Stealing the hook from Slick Rick’s Hey Young World for the opening title cut is especially lame.

my rating : 3 of 5

2017

audio review : Wu-Tang : The Saga Continues

audio review : Wu-Tang : The Saga Continues

This isn’t really a Wu-Tang Clan album. It’s a compilation of new songs featuring Wu-Tang Clan, U-God excluded, along with a fistful of guest rappers and singers. The project is produced by DJ Mathematics, so the beats; the sort of rough rugged hip-hop you’ve come to expect from the group; are consistently solid. So are the raps. It’s the abundance of weak breaks, like the amateurishly-cut Frozen and Hood Go Bang hooks, and awkward artistic decisions, like having nonmember Redman start things off, that flaw the set.

my rating : 3 of 5

2017

audio review : All The Light Above It Too ( album ) … Jack Johnson

audio review : All The Light Above It Too ( album ) ... Jack Johnson

“Summer don’t turn to fall.” Not when you’re Jack Johnson. Warm beach music is what he does and this album is no exception. His talents are nowhere near, say, Brian Wilson at his peak, but there are some notable songs here.

Subplots, from which the Light Above It title is lifted, serves as a fitting preface of sorts. It’s also the album’s main delight as far as vocal melodies go. Love Song Number 16, a demolike serenade to his wife, is also nice.

my rating : 3 of 5

2017

audio review : Native Invader ( album ) … Tori Amos

audio review : Native Invader ( album ) ... Tori Amos

It sounds like this set starts with a ballad about Yoo-hoo, but that would be quirky fun and Tori Amos isn’t about having fun. Her music is sober and somber, so when she stretches “you” out to two syllables, as she does with Reindeer King, she’s just unaware of how silly she sounds.

Native Invader doesn’t get much better from there; this is the land of the dull and the dreary; though there is an exception at the end of Bang when Amos, over spacey electric guitars, starts listing chemical elements from the periodic table. That whole section is rather dazzling.

my rating : 3 of 5

2017

audio review : Double Bubble ( album ) … Stereo MCs

audio review : Double Bubble ( album ) ... Stereo MCs

Human is zany and exhilarating. The rest of the album pales in comparison. The energy level is consistently high; this is music to dance to; but as cool as Rob Birch’s voice may sound over wild party drums and flashy liquid synths, it rarely has anything interesting to offer. It’s mostly rhythmic filler. Perhaps this would’ve been better as a Double album split between regular vocal songs and their instrumental counterparts.

my rating : 3 of 5

2008

video review : Arrival

video review : Arrival

The actual Arrival; space alien vessels coming to Earth à la Independence Day; is intriguing. It’s the stay that grows tedious. The beings, which resemble monstrous octopuses, aren’t necessarily out to exterminate but to teach us their language, which does little in the way of tension.

The back and forth lessons between Team America, led by linguist Louise Banks, and the aliens are silly. The speed at which we begin to learn their language and teach them ours seems unrealistic. The time-bending plot revelations that come out of it don’t seem to make much sense.

my rating : 3 of 5

2017

audio review : Acoustic Levitation ( album ) … Devin The Dude

audio review : Acoustic Levitation ( album ) ... Devin The Dude

It’s not just about smoking weed and Gettin High. Floating up to the clouds is what Devin’s music is essentially about, but the first song on this set, appropriately titled Acoustic Levitation given what sounds like acoustic guitars being played throughout, suggests a romantic underlying. Actually it’s more sexual; The Dude loves getting pussy; and Can I sets the tone, though some of the other 1970s-soul-styled grooves are just as smooth.

my rating : 3 of 5

2017

audio review : Which Way Iz West ( album ) … MC Eiht

audio review : Which Way Iz West ( album ) ... MC Eiht

I thought DJ Premier was supposed to provide the beats for this album, which has apparently been in the works for years, but most of the production is handled by Brenk Sinatra. He’s a fitting alternative with a similar style, though neither can match the dramatic hood scores DJ Slip and others orchestrated in the 1990s.

The closest here might be the one song that features Boom Bam and Tha Chill from CMW; Last Ones Left; a smokey riders anthem. The album should start with a solo MC Eiht song, not an Outlawz feature, but that’s its biggest flaw. The beats bang and the vocals are what you’ve been getting from MC Eiht since 89.

my rating : 3 of 5

2017

audio review : TLC ( album ) … TLC

audio review : TLC ( album ) ... TLC

The unimaginative title and artwork suggest that TLC or TC, considering member Left Eye, the “L”, died in 2002, is back for all the wrong reasons. Haters, a generic pop anthem aimed at critics like me, seems to back that theory. The rest of the album is better.

Way Back, which is clumsily featured twice, the second being an “extended” version, sounds like a summer hit from the 1990s. That’s a good thing. Other standouts include Perfect Girls, a mellow girl power anthem about self esteem à la Unpretty, and American Gold.

my rating : 3 of 5

2017