Category: reviews with a 3 of 5 rating

audio review : Speechless ( song ) … Michael Jackson

This is Michael Jackson at his most mawkish, which isn’t necessarily something to frown upon. The problem is that there aren’t any soothing melodies to counter the nausea. “Your love is magical,” this teenage love poem insists, “I’ll go anywhere and do anything just to touch your face.” If a person were to say that to me with a straight face, I’d question their sanity.

The King proves he still has one of the best singing voices in Pop music; he begins and ends with an a cappella; and I like the way he ad-libs “You are always in my heart” like he did at the end of You Are Not Alone, but the ballad’s only true saving grace is the gorgeous orchestration happening in the background. It would do much better as a sap-free instrumental.

my rating : 3 of 5

2001

audio review : Invincible ( album ) ... Michael Jackson

audio review : The 20-20 Experience [ 1 of 2 ] ( album ) … Justin Timberlake

audio review : The 20-20 Experience [ 1 of 2 ] ( album ) ... Justin Timberlake

Timbaland needs to shut up. The decision to use him and co-producer J-Roc was a wise one; their grooves are sleek and often superb; but he rarely, if ever, has anything poignant to add vocally. His signature ad-libs serve as not much more than a minor distraction made major because it happens too often. This is a Justin Timberlake album, after all, and though Timberlake is no master poet himself, he does have a pleasant singing voice and a knack for vocal melody. For comparison’s sake, since it would take an artist at least near Michael Jackson’s level to take the King Of Pop crown, you can call Justin Timberlake a modern-day Andy Gibb. Like Gibb, as creatively limited as it is, most of his songs have to do with girls and romance. In the case of this album, they all do.

Besides stealing Barry White’s music and emulating Prince’s falsetto, the set begins and ends with a random metaphor. The Love he has for his “baby” is a drug addiction. Their romantic getaway is a Blue Ocean Floor. Even Let The Groove Get In, a party anthem that simply encourages people to dance, is focused on “little mama”. It’s also built around an annoying party chant that’s abandoned for a much better 1970s-style floater about three-fourths in. Most of these songs make grand transformations at some point. That Girl, the skit-like intro of which throws things off a bit, isn’t much to look at and I don’t see anything special in Mirrors, but much of this 20-20 Experience, the title of which allows for such corny visual puns, is dazzling enough.

my rating : 3 of 5

2013

audio review : The 20-20 Experience [ 2 of 2 ] ( album ) … Justin Timberlake

audio review : Hearts And Bones ( album ) … Paul Simon

audio review : Hearts And Bones ( album ) ... Paul Simon

I don’t know why Paul Simon decided to put two versions of the same song on this album. There are A and B versions of Think Too Much. The better one should be the only one. For me that’s B; a placid Karimba tune that, for some reason, comes before A. Also troubling is how the album ends. The Late Great Johnny Ace is a nice tribute as far as peer homage goes but not a proper way to close a Paul Simon album.

If there’s a saving grace, it’s the inclusion of the title song; Hearts And Bones; and Train In The Distance. They’re less songs than narrative poems set to music, but they’re two of Simon’s best. René And Georgette Magritte With Their Dog After The War; you’ll appreciate the long title after hearing the song; is also enchanting, but the background singing; the best part; is abandoned before the halfway point.

my rating : 3 of 5

1983

audio review : Hallelujah ( song ) … REM

A piano plays at 02:34. It’s panned to the right, but it should be mixed, louder than it is, in stereo. That or dead center. It should play repeatedly, perhaps as a continuous loop, so that the guitars, drums and what sounds like orchestral strings revolve around it.

As it is, REM’s Hallelujah, their final song as far as album chronology goes, struggles to lift itself up from the pits of mediocrity. The music carries with it the grandeur of a huge and historic cathedral. The verses are also enchanting. It’s the refrain that suffers.

my rating : 3 of 5

2011

audio review : Part Lies Part Heart Part Truth Part Garbage ( album ) ... REM

audio review : Girl On Fire ( album ) … Alicia Keys

audio review : Girl On Fire ( album ) ... Alicia Keys

If the title is a metaphor to suggest that Alicia Keys is some kind of outstanding musical talent, I disagree. The girl can play the piano, but, when it comes to composing songs, she’s lukewarm at best. Her singing voice is nice enough. I don’t even mind the husky underlining that makes it sound like she either needs to go “ahem” real loud or lay off the Newports. It’s her vocal melodies that lack. Almost every song here suffers from a case of first-degree mediocrity.

my rating : 3 of 5

2012

audio review : Departure ( album ) … Bass 305

audio review : Departure ( album ) ... Bass 305

Bass 305 may be starting to Depart from their musical roots, but it’s not enough to justify such a dramatic album title. The only signature sounds they’ve completely abandoned are the corny hip-hop samples I was hoping they’d rid themselves of long ago and the robotic voices I was hoping they’d never mute.

Even the audiologist returns on Tones; one of the album’s two best songs and previously released on Volume Two of the Bass Explosion series. There are also samples from Nasa space missions, though the one used as the album’s Introduction; an astronaut simply counting down and blasting off; reeks of laziness.

Laziness seems to play a major part of this album. The mastering is flawed; some songs sound louder than others; and some tracks, namely Industrial Computer and the Cyber Bass Woofer Test; the latter of which should’ve actually served as the background to a proper Introduction; sound like filler.

Mark Watson; Magic Mark from the Bass Explosion series; plays the saxophone on a few jazz songs, including an Electro (filler) version of Ocean Dance, but they sound disappointingly out of place on a Bass 305 album. Cyber Travel, which launches the album via the aforementioned Apollo blast, sounds about right.

305.1, on which the audiologist from Tones gives a lecture about loudspeakers, is a standout. The angelic chorus conjures Does Life Exist. It would be the album’s best song if not for the way it rhapsodizes itself two thirds in. China Doll and Dominican Moondance, despite their traveling titles, go nowhere.

my rating : 3 of 5

1995

audio review : Digital Bass ( album ) … Bass 305

audio review : Digital Bass ( album ) ... Bass 305

The title song; trance music for space cars; is the best song. Most of the others serve as filler. The gist of the album centers around a celebration of computer-generated Bass music with stock vocal samples mixed in for measure. Techno seems to be the genre of choice; the first of many similarly titled, and subtitled, songs is Techno Bass; but there are also hints of hip-hop.

my rating : 3 of 5

1992

audio review : You’re The One ( album ) … Paul Simon

audio review : You're The One ( album ) ... Paul Simon

Paul Simon is a brilliant storyteller. He could sing the story of your life in a few bars. It’s a talent he has a true knack for. Melody is another, but that talent doesn’t really reveal itself on this album, which, following what is probably his best; Songs From The Capeman; is probably his worst.

Not that You’re The One; what an awful title; is abominable. Only the Pigs Sheep Wolves allegory and the tuneless Quiet fall below average. It’s just that most of the songs are average. Darling Lorraine is poignant and sweet. Old is quirky and fun. The rest struggle in the way of vocal melody.

my rating : 3 of 5

2000

audio review : Haleshop ( EP ) … Booka Shade

audio review : Haleshop ( EP ) ... Booka Shade

If I’m the DJ, all three of these songs can go on my playlist. Club dancers should find it easy to lose themselves in their pulsating grooves. The first one is the best and Booka Shade seems to know that. The others, stripped down to mostly rhythmic loops and weird sound effects, serve as virtual bonus tracks. What I think they’d do better without are the incoherent, albeit concise, vocal samples.

my rating : 3 of 5

2013

audio review : Keep It Hood ( EP ) … MC Eiht

audio review : Keep It Hood ( EP ) ... MC Eiht

This EP would be better if MC Eiht didn’t stop for breaks. He has no discernible talent when it comes to composing hooks, so he shouldn’t bother. He should just rap. Reciting Hood poetry to Hood beats is what he’s best at, so maybe he should rap one long verse on every song.

Even better would be to recruit guests, preferably “bitches”, to sing the hooks. Premier scratches, as featured on a few of these songs, can only do so much. Eiht, as far as MCs go, is nowhere near the best, but his grimy voice is listenable enough over a dope Brenk Sinatra beat.

my rating : 3 of 5

2013

video review : Django Unchained

video review : Django Unchained

Silent letters are stupid and I don’t like Jamie Fox, but such nuisances are beside the point. It’s the plot of Django Unchained, a historic epic of sorts in which Fox plays a “nigger” slave turned contract killer, that’s the problem. The first half or so presents an interesting plotline as we travel with Django, led by fellow bounty hunter King Schultz; Christoph Waltz as the movie’s coolest character; to a “MISSISSIPPI” plantation to free his (Django’s) estranged wife. The final stretch is where everything sort of falls apart. Quentin Tarantino may be one of the best movie-makers pop cinema has to offer, yes, but this one suffers from what seems to be a simple case of artistic overindulgence. That final stretch, which begins with a ridiculous shoot-out, comes across as an unnecessary tack-on to what, though nowhere near his Inglourious Basterds magnum opus, could’ve been an enjoyable movie.

A dinner scene involving a slave named Stephen and a secret revealed unravels too conveniently; there isn’t enough reason given for Stephen’s sudden plot-turning suspicion; but there are moments of genuine tension there. You wonder, if only for a minute or two, whether or not the protagonists will make it out alive. That’s it though. There is no real tension or suspense anywhere else in the movie, which also lacks in the way of humor. Violence breaks itself for chuckle time and sometimes that works; a scene involving a blind lynch mob on horseback nears hilarity; but the movie’s many comedy attempts too often fall flat. Quentin Tarantino composed the words, but the dialogue is missing his signature zing. There’s not really any cleverness or grand irony here. Nothing wows, at least not in a positive sense. It’s just a slightly engaging slave story that runs too long.

my rating : 3 of 5

2012

audio review : Dogs Eating Dogs ( EP ) … Blink-182

audio review : Dogs Eating Dogs ( EP ) ... Blink-182

My problem with this EP is the way it ends. The final song; Pretty Little Girl; the perfect title for a pedophilic love ode, though I think the girl referenced here is “nineteen”; might be the best of the bunch, but the concept is too specific to serve as an appropriate ender.

The overall theme of Dogs Eating Dogs seems to, in other words, have little to nothing to do with romance. The solution to that problem would’ve been to either add another song or rearrange the order so that a different one, preferably the title track, comes at the end.

my rating : 3 of 5

2012