Category: reviews with a 3 of 5 rating

video review : Hostel [ Part 2 ]

video review : Hostel [ Part 2 ]

Perhaps I’m a little “sick”. I think it’s morally wrong to torture and kill people for no justifiable reason, but I can understand, even relate to, the desire to do it, especially when the victim is a girl who’s as sexually attractive as actress Lauren German. She plays a wealthy art student named Beth, who, along with two of her female classmates and the model girl they were assigned to draw, decide to take a train to Slovakia for a little “spa” vacation. That’s where the danger begins. Eventually one of the girls is hanging upside down from a ceiling, dripping sweat and gushing blood.

That scene, a display of lesbian sadism, is a turn-on. That’s where it goes back to me being a little sick. I’m not a sadist in that I’d ever do what these Hostel clients do; pay money to get their rocks off by torturing and killing innocent people; but it can be a thrill to watch. That’s the point of this movie; a Part 2 that’s a lot more entertaining than its predecessor partially because the main victims are cute girls but mostly because Eli Roth, probably inspired by mentor Quentin Tarantino, manages to provide an engaging, sometimes surprisingly suspenseful, plot.

It’s not quite a good movie. The individual parts are better than the whole. The beginning, an epilogue sort of prelude, is unnecessary. The ending, in which one of the girls starts behaving in a way that seems to go against her character; the set-up to another sequel; is just plain silly. This second Hostel is a movie I’d nonetheless recommend to anyone who’s into bloody horror and already had the displeasure of sitting thru the first one… or any sicko who gets a psychological rush from the sights and sounds of girls screaming, crying and wiggling around in physical anguish.

my rating : 3 of 5

2007

audio review : Fuck Yo Feelings [ Volume 1 ] ( mixtape ) … Honey Cocaine

audio review : Fuck Yo Feelings [ Volume 1 ] ( mixtape ) ... Honey Cocaine

“I don’t love no one,” Honey Cocaine proclaims, staying true to the title of the set. If that’s true, ignoring the double negative, she seems to at least like herself. Her raps are the rhythmic ramblings of a cute Yellow Bitch who’s used to getting positive attention. If she’s not the most popular girl on the scene, she seems to be on her way. Her skills, which thrive in style but lack in substance, leave a lot to be desired, but you can’t tell her that.

my rating : 3 of 5

2012

audio review : Write Me Back ( album ) … R Kelly

audio review : Write Me Back ( album ) ... R Kelly

R Kelly put a Love Letter in the mailbox a couple of years ago. It was dedicated to the ladies. This is the follow-up entitled Write Me Back because, as far as he’s concerned, the best albums were made before email and phone texting. It’s a record of new soul songs that sound like old soul songs, a trip back to the 1970s and 1960s, and, like that last album, it’s a case of style over substance.

R Kelly handles almost all of the production and that’s fantastic. He’s always been his own best musician. The instrumental backing sounds gorgeous, sometimes perfectly so. The first song captures the magic of Marvin Gaye. It’s the vocal melodies that are lacking and that’s a shame because catchy vocals were a given back when the singer made albums with no special formulas or gimmicks.

my rating : 3 of 5

2012

video review : Throw Momma From The Train

video review : Throw Momma From The Train

The premise, two guys planning to commit murder for each other, would work better in a serious movie. The comedy genre doesn’t do it justice. Perhaps it’s just the fact that Danny DeVito, who not only stars as a writing student named Owen but also plays the role of director, isn’t that funny. Nor is comedian Billy Crystal, Owen’s college professor, a novelist who hates his ex-wife for taking credit for one of his books and getting famous enough to go on Oprah for it.

Owen hates his mother and for a good reason. She’s an old decrepit bitch. Though he takes care of her on a daily basis; he cooks meals for her, gives her baths and even gets wax-balls out of her ears; she treats him like dirt. Instead of having her taken away to a nursing home or simply moving out of the house, he invertedly comes-up with the idea to have her killed by Owen in exchange for killing Owen’s ex-wife; an idea that comes from an Alfred Hitchcock movie.

It’s the wacky ways in which the two protagonists go about their plan that’s disappointing. There are some laughs, mostly centering around “Momma” and her blatant grumpiness, but those laughs are far and few between. Most of the comedy is slapstick hack. The dark underlying and the little bit of suspense it provides is what keeps things interesting. I just wish there were more of it and less Billy Crystal falling down the stairs or being smacked in the head with a frying pan.

my rating : 3 of 5

1987

audio review : The MF Life ( album ) … Melanie Fiona

The MF Life ( album ) ... Melanie Fiona

The title implies a distinction, but the MF life isn’t much different than the life of most girls who happen to sing songs for a living. It’s almost all about having a romantic relationship, or being in “love”, with a guy, and that’s okay. Clichés aren’t necessarily a bad thing. But as gorgeous as Melanie Fiona’s voice may sound in a technical sense, it hardly latches onto a melody to match.

No ID and other producers, along with a handful of guest vocalists, try to make-up for that. Sometimes it works. The John Legend duet sounds like Motown, Nas provides a surprisingly impressive verse for Running and the ending of Break Down These Walls sounds nice. But the album is mostly kitchen cookie cutter cuts that could’ve come from any average female soul singer.

my rating : 3 of 5

2012

audio review : Down To Earth ( album ) … Monie Love

Down To Earth ( album ) ... Monie Love

She may be down to Earth, but Monie Love isn’t a girl you want to “funk” with. She’s an independent Sister who demands respect, outspoken enough to cuss you out in a British accent that mysteriously goes to robotic syncopation when she raps and articulate enough to hold your attention.

All this album needs is better hooks. Even It’s A Shame; a rip-off of the Spinners song; samples the most annoying part. R U Single ends on a fun note though and Don’t Give a Damn; a bitter dedication to her ex-boyfriend; is a noteworthy addition to the growing list of girl-power anthems.

my rating : 3 of 5

1990

audio review : Girl You Know It’s True ( album ) … Milli Vanilli

Girl You Know It's True ( album ) ... Milli Vanilli

Who is this Girl? What’s True? And if she already Knows it, why tell her? One of those questions is answered within the first few seconds of this album on the title song; a hip-hop “love” anthem with rhapsodic drums, melodic synths, a catchy hook and a weird burping noise panned to the right at every fourth bar.

It’s the best song. The next one, on which he reminds her not to Forget My Number, is the second best. The two are oddly similar with the same drums, which come back later in yet another song. This is cliché pop music produced for the masses, which is ironic because it’s supposed to be just for the Girl.

my rating : 3 of 5

1989

audio review : The Idler Wheel ( album ) … Fiona Apple

audio review : The Idler Wheel ( album ) ... Fiona Apple

The best songs from Fiona Apple’s last album are the two Jon Brion productions left intact after the singer decided to remake it without him. She enlisted the less experimental, more radio-friendly talents of Mike Elizondo and Brian Kehew. Now the expulsion of Brion is complete as his music is nowhere to be heard on this new set, entitled The Idler Wheel Is Wiser Than The Driver Of The Screw And Whipping Cords Will Serve You More Than Ropes Will Ever Do because, in Fiona Apple’s world, there is no character limit on album titles.

What’s pleasing to the ears is the minimalist approach of these songs. Drummer Charley Drayton is involved, but this isn’t an album that’s driven by beats, so the drums aren’t so obvious. Even on a song like Left Alone, which begins with thirty seconds of drums, they’re panned to the left or the right and set at a relatively low volume in the mix. In fact, all of the percussion sounds take a back row to Fiona Apple’s voice, which is almost always right there up front. For some reason, the starting lead vocals of Daredevil are (also) panned to the left.

With that, the overall message seems to be, “Hey, listen to what I have to say.” But this is mostly just amorous poetry about Jonathan or whatever boyfriend Fiona is thinking about, even the closing song. That means she’s a typical romantic; “I love you,” she says to her Valentine; made interesting and original only because of her quirkiness. The closest thing to a typical catchy chorus is the refrain of Anything We Want; the album’s best, or at least most easily accessible, song. The best moment is when the Hot Knife piano first comes in.

Every Single Night is annoying. I don’t know what made her think it was a good idea to stretch the word “brain” out to eight syllables. It would sound silly at two. Eight just makes it four times worse. She’s also grown careless when it comes to the sound of her voice, sometimes letting it distort into an ugly growl as if vocal intonation is her sole way of conveying emotion. Not that such flaws would matter much if she were singing pretty melodies consistently instead of contrasting them with not-so-pretty ones for the sake of artistic creativity.

my rating : 3 of 5

2012

audio review : Condensation ( album ) … The Original Seven

audio review : Condensation ( album ) ... The Original Seven

This is The Time. Make no mistake about it. It’s the original seven members reunited on album for the first in a long. What’s disappointing is the new name, which they apparently had to adopt because Prince, who created the band in 1981; this is their first album he has no artistic involvement in; owns the original name and doesn’t want to let them use it anymore. Now they’re The Original Seven, a change that wouldn’t be nearly as atrocious if it weren’t for the way they decided to stylize the word “Seven”. “7ven”, which to me looks like Seven Ven, makes no sense.

If, however, you can ignore that fatal flaw, the band is still cool. Jimmy Jam and Terry Lewis have become perhaps my favorite music duo, thanks mainly to all the impressive songs they’ve made with Janet Jackson over the years, and Morris Day is as funny and charismatic as he ever was. He’s 54 years old now, but his girls don’t seem to age, so when the playboy partakes in a Role Play session to a funky dance beat, the voice of the girl he’s doing it with adds to the song a pretty and sexy allure. It’s no wonder he, like me, has a problem being Faithful to just one.

One of the few songs not to or about girls is Trendin, though it is off-putting hearing these old-schoolers, who, at one point, suggest splitting the album into two sides like a cassette tape, latch on to such a right now Twitter term. The title, as they put it, even begins with a hashtag. I guess that kind of stylization, like the spelling of the new name, comes from their quirky Prince roots, but they need to give it up and focus on making better songs. This set is fun, even the mediocre songs are funked-up with dazzling highlights, but it isn’t as hot as the title suggests.

my rating : 3 of 5

2011

audio review : That’s Why God Made The Radio ( album ) … The Beach Boys

That's Why God Made The Radio

The Beach Boys sound like they did decades ago. It’s as if they’re stuck in the past, not even aware that; with the invention of the internet, iPods and such; AM-FM radio is a dying medium. That’s not a bad thing. The point of this album is to take rock and roll lovers on a trip down memory lane where they’d cruise the streets in a relatively recent creation now known as the classic car.

The harmonies are nice and the concepts are fitting. Titles include words like Spring, Ocean and Coast. Brian Wilson’s soundscape is there, but the Boys sang better melodies in the past. As serene as these songs are, there isn’t a gem in the sand. It’s also debatable whether or not “God” made the radio as opposed to hard-working people who’d probably take umbrage with such a claim.

my rating : 3 of 5

2012

video review : Evil Things

video review : Evil Things

The title is wrong. There is no supernatural underlining. This is the story of five college-aged kids on a vacation to the middle of nowhere. Things get weird early on and, despite technical blunders like non-diegetic drones in a “film” supposedly shot from a character’s camera, it’s interestingly creepy in a Blair Witch sort of way. That is until the final third when the one-camera perspective is betrayed and Things fall apart.

my rating : 3 of 5

2009

audio review : Consignment ( mixtape ) … Jadakiss

audio review : Consignment ( mixtape ) ... Jadakiss

Jadakiss may be Raspy, but Young Jeezy is grating. When he goes into his “yeah” chant on a song that comes shortly after the annoying voice of French Montana, it makes me want to stop the tape. Nevermind how the rest of it sounds. Why Jadakiss; still the best Lox rapper, though nowhere near the “top five”; chooses to surround himself with this kind of wackness probably has more to do with future sales than anything else. Having their names attached to this set, which serves as a tease for his upcoming album, adds to its promotional buzz. But as far as product quality goes, it would do better without them.

Styles P is a welcomed guest. Dope Boy and Gettin Money have him sharing verses with Jadakiss, which has become a tradition for them. Going back and forth, almost bar for bar, is just what they do when they make songs together. Sheek Louch; the other Lox member; is also featured. And that reminds me how long I’ve been waiting for a new Lox album. It’s been, what, twelve years? But he’s only featured once and on a song that also features Gucci Mane. So yes, there’s rhyme, but there doesn’t seem to be any reason to these guest features; the best of which include a bassy club anthem entitled By The Bar.

my rating : 3 of 5

2012