a dream I had about meeting a distant cousin

I guess she was my “second” cousin. That’s sort of what the two of us figured-out as she sat at a table in what seemed like the upstairs living room of my grandmother’s old house. In this dream, it was my living quarters though, and there I sat at my computer, much like I am in real life typing this dream post now. We’d only recently met, that day it seems, and this was our first time really engaging in conversation and getting to know each other. She’d told me, from the bottom of the stairs where the backdoor is, that she needed to use a computer. I forgot exactly what it was she needed to do, but I told her she could use mine, in a “minute” or a “second” though, meaning not to come up just yet. And she seemed to understand. But as we talked, me upstairs at my computer and her downstairs looking up to where my voice was coming from; I don’t know if she could see me, but she certainly couldn’t see the computer screen; she began to walk up.

The problem was that, while there wasn’t necessarily anything I didn’t want her to see up on the screen at the time, I knew that once she sat down and started to do whatever it was she had to do, which almost certainly involved getting on the internet, it probably wouldn’t be long before she’d stumble across some porn or something embarrassing like that. Not that there’s anything inherently wrong with having porn and such on your computer. It’s just that she was a distance relative I’d just met and that’s not something I wanted to spring on her that soon into our relationship. Besides, she looked and acted quite young. I’d guess she was in her early twenties, but she might have been as young as seventeen years old. Whatever her age was, I didn’t think letting her stumble upon my world of porn was a good idea, so my plan was to quickly close all windows, delete all cookies and everything before she came up to use the computer. I never got that chance.

I was still trying to click windows close and delete my internet “history” as she got to the top of the stairs and stood there beside me, facing me but facing only the back of the computer monitor, but it didn’t take long for her to walk around and take a seat at the table; I think it was a table but it could’ve been a desk or a couch; behind me. That meant she could see everything I could see on the screen, which would’ve been fine if she wasn’t there to use the computer; I had several harmless windows up; but was anything but fine under the circumstances. Aside from my site name and links to (other) porn sites popping-up as you type in the address bar, there were open windows with pictures of her. “I even have your pictures on here,” I might’ve phrased it before she had a chance to see them for herself. “Oh really,” she might’ve shot back, with a smile, seeming happily surprised as I clicked each window to show her the recent pictures I had of her.

She was sort of cute but not really. I’m quite sure I’d rate her a 3 of 5. Her face was okay enough and her general skin color was a nice sandy tan, but she had a lot of dark spots or smudges on her face, probably from acne or some other long-term skin disorder, and wore relatively thick eyeglasses. Her teeth might’ve been off-puttingly crooked too, but I liked her spit-moist lips. While not exactly thin, her body wasn’t close to being fat neither. Distant cousin or not, she was certainly attractive enough to have sex with. And I got the sense that she probably thought the same about me. Maybe it was just her personality, but she certainly seemed to latch onto me emotionally as she sat there smiling at me, telling me repeatedly, almost desperately, that she wanted to “help” me. It would’ve been an odd thing to say in real life, especially to a virtual stranger, but I somehow knew, or figured, that she meant I could use her basically however I wanted.

She wanted to become friends with me, in other words. That’s what I got from not only her words but her submissive body language. It was more than just a sexual thing. Perhaps she was just lonely and needed someone to bond with; a void I was certainly willing to fill, at least until I got what I wanted out of her. “Can you sing,” I asked before telling her that I could certainly use her if she could sing or rap. I don’t remember her exact words in response, but it seemed to be a hesitant no. She didn’t really have a good singing voice and didn’t really know how to rap, she seemed to be trying to say, but she was willing to give either a try if that’s what I wanted. As she talked in stuttered mumbles, I turned from the computer screen; I’d been mouse jumping all along, almost at random, trying to figure-out how to solve the impending porn problem; and looked at her face again, contemplating whether or not she looked good enough to be seen out in public with.

2013 ( October 15 )

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