Category: reviews with a 3 of 5 rating

audio review : Mama Said Knock You Out ( album ) … LL Cool J

audio review : Mama Said Knock You Out ( album ) ... LL Cool J

“Don’t call it a comeback; I been here for years,” LL Cool J warns, “I’m rocking my peers, putting suckers in fear.” Why the battle rapper’s suddenly being coached by Marley Marl; the producer provides the music for every song here; as if he’s a member of The Juice Crew is anyone’s guess. They’re a good match though.

The album starting with a random jam about cars Boomin loud music instead of the go-hard title track comes across as an artistic blunder, though they’re two of its better cuts. Other highlights include Cheesy Rat Blues; a funny anecdote about going broke; along with the Ladies Love songs 6 Minutes Of Pleasure and Mr Good Bar.

my rating : 3 of 5

1990

video review : Jan Błachowicz versus Glover Teixeira at UFC 267

video review : Jan Błachowicz versus Glover Teixeira at UFC 267

After his last five fights, including surprising wins over Dominick Reyes and middleweight champion Israel Adesanya, I thought Jan Błachowicz would beat Glover Teixeira relatively easily. What happens is the opposite. Błachowicz predicted a second-round finish and he was right. This makes Teixeira, at 42, the oldest-ever UFC champion after Randy Couture.

my rating : 3 of 5

2021

video review : Paranormal Activity : Next Of Kin

video review : Paranormal Activity : Next Of Kin

This is the best movie in the Paranormal Activity series, but that’s hardly a compliment. There are now seven parts and still none of them are good. The reason Next Of Kin comes the closest has to do with how far it trips from the original concept; labeling this a Paranormal Activity sequel comes across as a total cash grab; and unshackles itself to become a traditional horror flick.

The last third is actually quite thrilling. At that point, Margot; the Kin bit is about her and the mother she never knew; is allowed bloody grimaces because she no longer has to carry the movie with her cute looks. There are plenty of narrative flaws; her Amish family is scary enough without all the supernatural cowshit; but the ending leaves you wanting more. That’s a first for the franchise.

my rating : 3 of 5

2021

video review : Purple Rain

video review : Purple Rain

This could’ve been a good concert video. Instead the stage bits are repeatedly interrupted by what’s supposed to be a movie. The acting is porn bad; the only two real actors are Clarence Williams and Olga Karlatos as Prince’s dysfunctional parents; but the girls are pretty; Jill is my Apollonia; and the music rocks.

Of course the music rocks. This is a Prince movie and Purple Rain is his best album. The fictionalization of it is off-putting; for some inexcusable reason, his name is changed to The Kid; but its songs shine. Some are poignant enough to leave the ladies in tears. Perhaps the title is a metaphor for running mascara.

my rating : 3 of 5

1984

audio review : Purple Rain ( album ) … Prince And The Revolution

audio review : 8 Diagrams ( album ) … Wu-Tang Clan

audio review : 8 Diagrams ( album ) ... Wu-Tang Clan

Rza’s beats are still the most interesting thing about Wu-Tang Clan. Over the years, it’s transcended into an experimental mix of acid hip-hop and ghetto soul with old Kung Fu movie samples mixed in for nostalgia’s sake. This album presents it amid some of the rawest vocals the eight remaining Clansmen have to offer these days, but, despite guest crooners like Erykah Badu and George Clinton, the album is weak at the hooks; one of the main Diagrams to consider when it comes to making a good rap album.

my rating : 3 of 5

2007

video review : Short Circuit 2

video review : Short Circuit 2

Short Circuit 2 is better than the first one. They’re both corny, thanks mostly to the personality of the star robot, but this one has a better plot. It sends Number 5, now known as Johnny 5, to New York City to build toy replicas of himself. Of course all hell breaks loose from there.

There’s a ridiculous sequence involving a restaurant freezer and an answering machine; in a movie about a living robot, this bit comes across as the most implausible; but it’s a decent sequel. It would be better if it took itself seriously though. Johnny 5’s sense of humor is cringey.

my rating : 3 of 5

1988

video review : Thelma And Louise

video review : Thelma And Louise

The story of Thelma And Louise doesn’t really start to get interesting until it’s almost over. By then, the duo’s weekend plans, which started as a simple vacation to “the mountains”, have long gone awry; thanks in part to Thelma’s decision to bring her gun.

The final scene is poignant; it’s a hell of an ending; but the following flashbacks are counterproductive. Comedic and romantic undertones also lessen the impact of the movie; an unlikely chick flick that would be better if fully embraced the thrill of the chase.

my rating : 3 of 5

1991

Noo Fuzion : Frosé Rosé

Noo Fuzion : Frosé Rosé

What’s the difference between this Noo Fuzion Frosé Rosé from Bang Energy and the regular one? Apparently not the taste. They’re indistinguishable; imagine drinking grape-strawberry Pez; to my buds.

This new Fuzion version is marketed as a “pre-workout” drink “designed to enhance muscle protein synthesis and performance”. The can gets quite technical as it boasts about the science behind the claim.

my rating : 3 of 5

audio review : Firebird ( album ) … Natalie Imbruglia

audio review : Firebird ( album ) ... Natalie Imbruglia

Not including the ill-conceived Male project; it’s just a bunch of cover songs; this is Natalie Imbruglia’s first album in twelve years. It was twelve years before that when she made her pop music debut. Torn, her first single, remains one of her best songs. Her best album is still Left Of The Middle.

All of her albums are near the middle though, at least when it comes to the quality scale. This new one is no exception. There are a few more songs than normal, speaking of twelve, but even the best ones are far from Great. What does it mean that an album entitled Firebird has no highlights?

my rating : 3 of 5

2021

Sassy : The Birthday Storm ( book ) … Sharon M Draper

Sassy : The Birthday Storm ( book ) ... Sharon M Draper

A Florida hurricane threatens to ruin Grammy’s birthday celebration. That’s the gist of the plot, but its nature bits; the Storm, the beach, the turtle eggs; are the pleasant parts. Sassy and her Sack; the magical practicality of the latter is probably the most unrealistic element of the story; are rather annoying.

my rating : 3 of 5

2009

video review : Anderson Silva versus Tito Ortiz at Triller Fight Club

video review : Anderson Silva versus Tito Ortiz at Triller Fight Night

I was hoping Anderson Silva would win this and I figured he would, but what a pleasant surprise. It’s The Spider’s first knockout; non-TKO knockout; since obliterating Vitor Belfort; a main eventer at this very Fight Club; a decade ago. That it happens in the very first round is icing on the cake.

Silva is one of the best UFC fighters of all time; guest commentator Donald Trump is one of the best US presidents; but it’s hard to say what’s more at play between his boxing skills and Tito Ortiz’s lack thereof. It’s Ortiz’s defense that fails him as Silva lands a right to his glass chin.

my rating : 3 of 5

2021

Rockstar Pure Zero : Silver Ice

Rockstar Pure Zero : Silver Ice

This Rockstar has Zero fat, Zero sugar; only the latter fact is used for promotion; and more caffeine (Energy) than most other brands. The taste is, despite its carbonated sting, sweet and citrus-like. The can describes it as “grapefruit”, though there’s no actual grapefruit juice on the ingredients list. It’s a drink that’s best served (Ice) cold.

my rating : 3 of 5