![Frosted Mini-Wheats [ Original ]](https://marcellee.com/posts/34540-1.jpg)
My worst complaint about Kellogg’s Frosted Mini-Wheats is that they’re only frosted on one side. That makes them sweet; I imagine trying to eat the wheat pillows with no frosting at all would be a bland experience; but not quite sweet enough. The front of the box admits they’re only “lightly” sweetened. Heavily frosted Mini-Wheats would taste better.
my rating : 3 of 5
The title represents the three Lox members, but they should’ve reinforced that concept by limiting this set, a four-song EP, to three songs. Faded is the only one with a decent chorus, thanks to singer Tyler Woods, so that’s a keeper, along with Love Me Or Leave Me Alone, which jacks an old school Brand Nubian joint.
my rating : 3 of 5
2013
Beyoncé is such a stupid title, especially for an album that isn’t her first and probably won’t be her last. Self-titled albums were popular at one point in time, sure, but that doesn’t make her apparent lack of creativity any more forgivable. It’s an artistic flaw that extends to the music itself, which, if not for the sound of her voice, would be indistinguishable from most of her pop peers. She’s been giving herself production credit for years, which I suspect is nothing more than a power grab via semantic equivocation, but there’s nothing particularly unique about either her vocals or the the music she’s singing over.
What makes Beyoncé special is her physical beauty. She’s one of the most attractive celebrities in modern times. But that sex appeal, which she’s pushing now more than ever; she’s literally singing about sucking dick and getting spermed on here; doesn’t translate as well to audio as it does to video. There are no fashion fake-ups to distract, but her voice, rather the way she uses it, is often more annoying than alluring. Flawless, a feminist anthem that is anything but, is especially irritating. “I woke-up like this,” she says, which, if true, just means that, unlike most clowns, she wears her face paint to bed.
If you want to be seriously enchanted by this Beyoncé album, her fifth solo, you’ll have to wait till the end. The Blue song is a dedication to her daughter, Ivy Blue, and, though even this song has its flaws; it would be better without the electro synths that begin at 2:08 and the kid’s annoying voice at the end; it’s a nice ballad overall. She implies that her daughter makes her happy and that (Happy) would’ve been a more fitting album title given the way the album begins. “What is your aspiration in life,” a man asks. “My aspiration in life would be to be happy,” she says. It’s the same answer I would’ve given.
my rating : 3 of 5
2013
The most glaring flaw, apparent just by browsing the setlist, is a Prelude randomly placed at track 4. Even a song with that title would throw things off a bit, but it’s not a song. It’s an actual three-minute prelude, not so much to the album but to the track that follows, which is a song entitled Marry The Pussy. If it; a silly skit in which R Kelly plays himself and two other characters engaged in ghetto dialogue; had to be included at all, it should’ve come at the beginning of the album. As is, all it does is interrupt the flow.
Not that the songs themselves are particularly enticing. Black Panties is his second best album title after 12 Play; most of the others, not the albums but their titles, are rather atrocious; but, while I’m glad he’s returned to the role of raunchy sex maniac after going retro romantic for the last two, it continues the run of mediocrity that began with TP3. His releases were consistently pleasing until then; especially the R one, which could have easily been a classic if it were condensed down to, say, the best twelve songs.
This one has twelve, plus the aforementioned Prelude, but none of them really come close to matching the quality of his best work. Legs Shakin, which borrows the style of its repeated “love” line from Michael Jackson’s Lady In My Life, is an early highlight. It’s also one of three songs about licking pussy, which this rich “nigga” does both literally and figuratively. His juvenile lyrics, his obvious reliance on an Auto-Tune-like vocal processor, and rap features from the likes of Jeezy and 2 Chainz leave much to be desired.
my rating : 3 of 5
2013
The final fifty seconds are awesome and exhilarating. If the whole song sounded that great, it would be a classic. It doesn’t. That bridge plays twice before, but the melody doesn’t change for the better until the end. The way she vocalizes the second “life”, it should sound that way every time. The final bridge is also the only one accompanied by a cutesy counter vocal. “If you go with me,” she sings, breaking the word “me” into two syllables because it sounds better that way, “See the world with me.”
It’s the final chorus though, the second of only two, that steals the show. “I’m a gypsy,” she insists, except that the words “I’m” and “gypsy” are repeated, before going on to identify with various nations from Russia to Norway. There doesn’t really seem to be any structural order or reason for her chanty declaration, but it’s fun nonetheless. Listen for the little random bass riff at 3:53. The first chorus section and most of the rest of the song; a Meat-Loaf-styled power ballad; is tame in comparison.
my rating : 3 of 5
2013
If anyone knows about “pop”, it’s Lady Gaga. She released her debut album five years ago and has already become one of the most popular singers ever. That’s quite a feat. Whether it had more to do with talent or luck is a question this album makes it difficult to answer. It’s far from spectacular, but her hooks are generally better than average and catchy hooks are very important. I just wish she’d ride them out more. The Dope ballad, for example, sounds almost anticlimactic because the refrain never goes for longer than four bars.
The album’s best moments come via Gypsy, the final fifty seconds of which are awesome and exhilarating. If the whole song sounded that great, it would be an instant classic. The worst parts of the album can be found not in the music but in the lyrics of the songs. Venus has on it the kind of stale space-love lines The B-52s might’ve used. “Manicure” as a pun for “man-cured” is just plain stupid. For what it’s worth though, Lady Gaga’s music is aesthetically on par with, if not better than, that of Madonna, her most obvious influence.
my rating : 3 of 5
2013
A few randomly placed vocal tracks on an album otherwise composed of instruments is almost never a good idea and this Booka Shade release is no exception. Not that Eve’s instrumentals necessarily provide exceptional grooves on their own.
This is mostly mid-tempo techno-house music that would work fine in a lounge club, where what matters most is the pulse of the beat; I can also imagine fashion models sauntering the beaches of Jesolo to it; but comes across as musically middling.
my rating : 3 of 5
2013
If Eminem were to ask for my advice in regard to making another Marshall Mathers LP, I would’ve told him not to do it. That album itself is a sequel of sorts to The Slim Shady LP. A part “2” after all this time; he’s released four albums since then; would be, at best, pointless. If he insisted on it, I would’ve told him it should match the original not just on an aesthetic level, which is subjective, but on a conceptual level. That means about eighteen tracks; a few skits and several songs that have him rapping-up controversy like he did back in 2000 to beats produced by the likes of Dr Dre, Mel-Man and The Bass Brothers. The addition of a 45 King song would be great. If the album isn’t the same conceptually, I would’ve told him, it will be a sequel in title only and that won’t make much sense.
I don’t personally know Eminem though. Even if I did, he probably wouldn’t be seeking my advice on such an important career move. So here we have it; an album that, as far as I’m concerned, should’ve never seen the light of day; a light that, despite boarded windows, shines into the old house he grew-up in. That means more bars about being a bullied outcast with a passion for hip-hop. Rapping was not only a normalizer but a popularizer, he suggests, so, even at the age of 41, a song about his mother serves as a sort of psycho-therapy session. The difference is that he now says he loves her, “because you’re my Ma,” as if merely giving birth to him is (suddenly) reason enough to love her. He says he cringes when he hears Cleaning Out My Closet. I cringe when I hear Headlights.
This is a sequel to The Marshall Mathers LP, after all, not The Eminem Show or Encore… or Recovery. Yet it sounds more like those (subpar) albums than his third best. Let alone Relapse, which he bashed, and The Slim Shady LP; the best two of only three good albums. With that, his Legacy is tarnished. He’s been my favorite rapper since 1999, but his skills have generally dropped from excellent to barely good since then; he’s more of a rhyme god than a Rap God; and this album is a reflection of that. There are two eight-bar sets on So Far that near prime Eminem; the McDonald’s and Kroger bits; and he easily outwits Kendrick Lamar on their Love duet. Berzerk is trashy though, So Much Better isn’t much better and the Stan sequel is ruined by a bombastic tack-on verse at the end.
Yes, he had the balls to make a Stan sequel. The main beat is the closest we get to a Dr Dre production and the chorus is the best the formulaic guest-list of out-of-place crooners have to offer, but even with a proper ending, it wouldn’t come close to the quality of the original. The Canibus take from C True Hollywood Stories is better. The biggest problem with Bad Guy though, in the context of this album, is that it comes at the start and is followed by a tracked skit that continues LP 1 not from the end but from the part of Criminal in which Eminem shoots the bank teller. Here history is revised, his getaway driver bails and he (Eminem) ends-up shooting and presumably killing himself; a fate that clashes awkwardly with his impeding doom in the trunk of Stan’s brother’s car.
There are LP 1 references elsewhere; he finally gets to say what he wanted to say about giving guns to kids at Columbine, uncensored, now that society has forgotten about them; but spotty moments of nostalgia aren’t enough to make LP 2 a worthy follow-up. You can hear Ken Kaniff on one of the Deluxe tracks; the Wicked Ways beat is the best of the lot; but he should be on the actual album, with Steve Berman, Paul and a 2013 Public Service Announcement. It would be cool hearing Dina Rae on track 13, but a generic stadium anthem like Survival, with Liz Rodrigues, is not. He should’ve cut all the part 2 stuff and went with a different title. Then this would’ve just been another mediocre Eminem album. He hints that it might also be his final album and, at this point, that’s okay too.
It would be a senseless way to go, but his album history has been conceptually senseless ever since he decided to title the first one The Slim Shady LP as if Slim Shady was a one-album character. Now he randomly goes back to not the first but the second LP for one that, aside from its own structure flaws, is filled with songs that have structure flaws. Verses go on too long. I think every verse in a song should be the same length in bars and those bars should go by eights, unless there’s a logical reason for them not to. Choruses are abandoned. If you like the Evil Twin hook but happen to miss it in the middle of the song, too bad. Eminem apparently doesn’t give a “beep” about things like that, which makes him more impressive as a rapper than a song-slash-album artist.
my rating : 3 of 5
2013
The title is appealing because, while I’ve had the pleasure of experiencing a hot summer nearly every year of my life, long ones are something I long for. Time flashes by for adults, so the Long Hot Summer Masta Ace presents here is a fictional one in which he plays the role of himself, a rapper named Ace, on tour with an annoying drug dealer named Fats Belvedere. There lies a major problem.
This is a concept album that too often abandons its music for storyline interludes. There are several and every one takes away from what, with some chorus enhancements, could’ve been a season favorite. Ace’s rhymes aren’t nearly as “amazing” as he boasts, but they don’t disappoint. Neither do the beats, an impressive soundtrack of Brooklyn baps, most of which are lush enough to daydream to.
my rating : 3 of 5
2004
The setting is a visual marvel. “You can’t beat the view,” astronaut Matt Kowalski comments in regard to seeing Earth from space, but soon disaster strikes. It comes hard and fast. A girl Mission Specialist named Ryan, the only other main character, goes flying. She begins to drift away uncontrollably, into the darkness, as the level of suspense goes into full thrust.
It’s a nightmare scenario that should’ve served as the plot’s gist, but it takes an imaginative storyteller to keep an audience engaged from there, so we’re taken into more familiar cinematic territory and that aforementioned level of suspense starts to descend. In a sense, we’re following the wrong character, though Sandra Bullock (still) looks sexy in spandex.
my rating : 3 of 5
2013
Eminem isn’t really a Rap God. The title is just a metaphor. Rappers have been calling themselves “King” since Run-DMC’s second album. They’ve been calling themselves “God” for a long time too, as Wu-Tang fans can attest, but the boastful declaration has received a recent surge in popularity. Kanye West’s Yeezus album, released a few months ago, includes a song entitled I Am A God. Jay-Z is also one on his album. It’s a new trend among popular rappers. What separates Eminem from the rest is that he generally raps better than they do. So when he follows along and calls himself a God, which the most religious of his detractors will probably consider blasphemous, it’s a little closer to the truth.
The problem is that the song doesn’t really match the claim. Not to say that it’s a lackadaisical affair. It seems Eminem put a lot of effort into composing these verses, the third of which lasts for nearly sixty bars. It’s just that rhyming a complex array of words at Supersonic speed doesn’t compensate for a lack of clever or otherwise interesting things to say. The “Columbine” line is a nostalgic highlight; listen for the gun sound effect; and the Ray J bit is sort of funny, but most of this is just a long-winded Eminem rapping to a generic beat produced by someone he should’ve passed for DJ Premier. The hook is weak too. The song, based on the concept alone, would’ve been better without any breaks.
my rating : 3 of 5
2013
![audio review : The 20-20 Experience [ 2 of 2 ] ( album ) ... Justin Timberlake](https://marcellee.com/posts/31168-1.png)
This isn’t really a sequel. It’s more like the second half to a set of songs that were supposed to stand on their own. The first Experience wasn’t originally presented as an incomplete project, in other words, so this part 2, released just a few months later, comes across as a tacked-on bonus of sorts. What Justin Timberlake should’ve done was limit the Experience to one album of the best, or most fitting, songs from the two. It’s not as if most, dare I say any, of the 21 are too damn good not to have been released.
Timbaland does a commendable job of providing a sleek soundscape; listen in high-end headphones for small but pleasant surprises in the mix; but Timberlake’s vocals, essentially the songs themselves, are consistently lackluster. The soul dance vibes of Take Back The Night does channel Michael Jackson’s Off The Wall, as noted by many listeners since its first single release, but it would’ve been one of that album’s worst songs and I don’t even consider Off The Wall one of Michael Jackson’s best albums.
If the original 20-20 Experience album was, in fact, supposed to be the only one, that would explain why most of these songs sound like rejects from a slightly better album. Even the song sequencing, which puts a ten-minute vampire ode at track two, seems somewhat random. The fact that every track has to do with girls and romance isn’t so much of a problem, because the first Experience was the same way, but there should be some kind of conceptual clue in the set title. The 20-20 Love Experience perhaps?
my rating : 3 of 5
2013