Category: reviews

audio review : Pussy Loud ( song ) … Maniac Lok + E-40 + Cool Nutz ( featuring Arjay )

There should be a “That” at the beginning of the title. Not only because the chorus says it that way, but because the title doesn’t really make sense without it. As is, it looks like they’re saying that pussy is loud in general. What they’re actually saying; that a female sex partner’s body metaphorically calls out for them when they’re not around; makes more sense, but the corrected title would best fit a song about the slurping noises a girl’s pussy makes when you’re fucking it.

The beat, with its slinky bass and amorous (heart) strings, is gorgeous enough to play while doing just that. I don’t think it needs the “what” and “hey” chants happening in the right and left pans, but they’re not Loud enough to distract. The cherry on top is the chorus, which grows on you like pubic hair. If there’s a minor complaint about this song, it’s how the rappers don’t all stick to one perspective. Instead they go from talking about the girl to talking to her and vice versa.

my rating : 4 of 5

2012

audio review : The Block Brochure ( album ) ... E-40

audio review : Real Talk ( song ) … R Kelly

It’s a heated Talk between R Kelly and his girl, but eavesdroppers only get to hear his side of the story. “Wait a minute; calm down,” he starts. By the end, he’s calling his driver to take him home, so he can stop that “bitch” from burning his clothes.

What was once a nice relationship has, over five years, descended into a dramatic mess. One of her friends; the “no-man-having hoes” he so despises; told her she saw him at a dance club over the weekend with another girl and she believes her.

Some of what he says is funny and the background music is sweet, but the song lacks if it is indeed supposed to be a song. Perhaps it would’ve been better as a skit in which he actually talked instead of singing a random array of tactless melodies.

my rating : 3 of 5

2007

audio review : Money ( song ) … Michael Jackson

This song deserves better verses. What we get is Michael Jackson, arguably the best singer in the pop world, trying to rap. It’s actually more like spoken-word poetry set to rhythm, which would be fine over a bridge but takes up too much valuable time and space as is.

It’s a morality lesson boring enough to put you to sleep until the chorus comes and the magic begins. The song isn’t a classic, but by the end, when precious counter melodies and signature (“hoo/hee”) ad-libs come into play, I bet you won’t be able to tell the difference.

my rating : 4 of 5

1995

audio review : History ( album ) ... Michael Jackson

audio review : Take Care ( song ) … Janet Jackson

Soft fingersnap snares are the metronome to an array of steamy chords, drippy keys and mellow bass. It’s horny mood music made for “quiet” times in the bedroom as a girl masturbates under candlelight.

With each thrust, she’s imagining her man who’s away at work for the night. “I’m in a sexy mood and only you can fill my needs,” she thinks to herself; “I’ll lay here and take care of it till you come home to me.”

my rating : 4 of 5

2006

audio review : 20 YO ( album ) ... Janet Jackson

audio review : Outer Space Girls ( song ) … Spice Girls

Taking a Parliament approach to dance, the Spice Girls transcend Earth to the farthest regions of the galaxy. The song goes up with delightful corniness, but it’s the chorus that soars.

I don’t think the girls deliver on the “mind-blowing” guarantee offered at launch, but the song is catchy and fun. All it takes is a little imagination to join-in on their interstellar party.

my rating : 4 of 5

1997

audio review : The Lost Children ( song ) … Michael Jackson

This is Michael Jackson, the philanthropist. He’s at his most caring, and perhaps most daring, while singing shamelessly a hymn to wish home all the missing children of the world with the help of a backing choir, woodchip snares and Disney-like orchestration.

Schmaltz, poured warm and heavy, can be a sweet thing in small melodic doses. Here that melody is led by a sing-along chorus you’ll have to listen to a few times, if not lose a child, to fully appreciate. The bridge, where “no one can find thee”, is instantly accessible.

My only complaint about the song is the fact that they; mixing engineer Bruce Swedien or whoever it was; used the children’s “ladybug” dialogue clip more than once; an annoying artistic decision, or mishap, that sort of puts a damper on an otherwise surreal soundscape.

my rating : 3 of 5

2001

audio review : Invincible ( album ) ... Michael Jackson

audio review : Don’t Let It Get You Down ( song ) … Fine Young Cannibals

The beginning of the second chorus section is out of sync. “When my plans,” it starts, but Roland Gift says it a little too fast. It’s a technical flaw that could’ve been fixed with a redo or post delay. How it got by, after being either ignored or accepted by the people involved, and made it onto a major album release is beyond me.

The rest sounds fine. The techno beat is mixed at a considerably lower volume than the vocals, which is abnormal for the genre, but it doesn’t bother me. I’m more bothered by the fact that I’m not bothered by Roland Gift’s homoerotic falsetto. In fact, I like it, especially when he screams the title phrase like a mad woman.

my rating : 4 of 5

1989

audio review : The Raw And The Cooked ( album ) ... Fine Young Cannibals

audio review : Naughty Girl ( song ) … Beyoncé

Beyoncé’s just arrived at the party. She’s “feeling sexy” and she wants everyone to know, especially the boys she insists on flirting with by offering not only rhythmic movements but also empty promises for later tonight.

The beat is hot enough to get any urban club jumping, while the vocals work around it effectively if not too closely at times. The best part is the chorus though, where she declares that she’s “all yours” tonight. Yeah right.

my rating : 3 of 5

2003

audio review : Let’s Get It On ( song ) … Macho Man Randy Savage

The best part of this song is the beat, which works with a sort of hip-hop rock chemistry. It takes amatuer production to new heights with everything from the crunch snare to the addition of coliseum-inspired horns and automated crowd cheers where applicable.

Over the music, Randy’s laughably simple raps don’t sound as bad as they should. By the second verse, where he declares “It’s not wise to mess with Randy cause you’ll catch a beat-down to the third degree”, you’re actually bobbing your head and getting amped to it.

my rating : 2 of 5

2003

audio review : Something About The Name Jesus ( song ) … Kirk Franklin ( featuring Rance Allen + Men Of Standard )

What is Kirk Franklin talking about? You can’t do much “dancing” to this song. You can sway from side to side with your arms up in the air though, which I guess is a form of dance. It’s more of a praise song about a guy named Jesus.

“It is the sweetest name I know,” these Christians claim. I’d personally beg to differ. “Jeff” is a sweeter name to me. I generally prefer names with one syllable. Their fanatical declarations do, however, float upon clouds of sweet melody.

my rating : 4 of 5

1998

audio review : Bollywood ( song ) … Liz Phair

Record companies are all about making money, Liz implies, even at the expense of their own artists, but her point is lost in the wackiness of this song, which sounds more like an experimental skit of sorts.

There are crazy sounds mixed in for comical effect, but none of it works. Perhaps it’s intentionally bad. Maybe she wants to never get signed to a label again. If that’s the case, she’s on the right track.

my rating : 1 of 5

2010

audio review : Bollywood ( song ) ... Liz Phair

audio review : Love The Way You Lie ( song ) … Eminem ( featuring Rihanna )

What’s bad is that Eminem, who has the potential to be one of the edgiest rappers in the world, is down to making generic love songs. What’s worse is that he’s decided to recruit the singing voice of Rihanna; one of pop music’s most annoying.

This is a song about a romantic relationship gone wrong; “wrong” in the sense that everything isn’t all right like it was when the guy and the girl first met. They’re fighting now, verbally and physically, only to kiss, make-up and fight again the next day.

It’s a love-hate situation with masochistic undertones; something celebrity gossip suggests both Eminem and Rihanna are familiar with. And I’d bet it happens more often than most couples would be willing to admit. But who cares. This song is boring.

Eminem’s forced delivery is bland and tiresome, especially when he’s playing the role of a pussy-whipped boyfriend involved in a domestic quarrel I couldn’t give a fuck less about. The music; maudlin rock-hop produced by Alex Da Kid; does little to help.

my rating : 2 of 5

2010

audio review : Recovery ( album ) ... Eminem