I like cheese on pizza and such, but I’ve never understood the allure of eating it by itself. These Organic Valley Stringles; glorified mozzarella sticks; are no exception. The ingredients list is impressively simple; skim milk, salt and enzyme; but the taste leaves a lot to be desired.
my rating : 2 of 5
This tastes like a standard energy drink except it’s not. There’s a sugar substitute (sucralose) but apparently no caffeine. In its place is 30 milligrams of Delta-8 THC; a cannabinoid. The “effects” you get as a result are, for those of us who don’t smoke or take drugs to get high, nothing more than an unwanted, albeit intriguing, side effect.
my rating : 2 of 5
“‘Wack’ is not a word that’s in my dictionary,” Rob Base boasts, but parts of this album, including the song he says it on, are wack indeed. It begins with his hit single; It Takes Two; the popularity of which is taken full advantage of right down to the title concept. It’s also the best track. The worst is the closing bit; a silly dub mix entitled Creativity.
my rating : 2 of 5
1988
The killer seems to be enjoying himself as he plays around in different disguises; listen for his signature cackle; but this horror flick doesn’t offer much Amusement to its unfortunate viewers. The three girls the story carousels around are cute to look at; Tabitha reminds me of Taylor Swift; but the fun stops there. The concept and plotting are film school level bad.
my rating : 2 of 5
2008
The main ingredient of this jerky is Venison; “100% grass-fed”, whatever that’s worth; but it’s “grounded and formed” with beef, so the name is a bit of a misnomer. It’s seasoned with sea salt, black pepper, onion powder and garlic powder; none of which seem to help matters in the way of taste. A little sugar would be nice. As is, the Strip, quite literally, leaves a bad taste in your mouth.
my rating : 2 of 5
The song that best fits the title theme also happens to be the best song. Strung Out Johnny, on which Iggy Pop plays the familiar role of a hapless drug addict, rocks. Morning Show, Comments and New Atlantis are also decent. The rest is basically trash.
Pop, whose vocal range goes from Weird Al to Johnny Cash where applicable, revels in raunch like the rock legend he is, but here he comes across as mostly corny. Neo Punk, on which he sings of old ladies cumming; gag; is particularly atrocious.
my rating : 2 of 5
2023
You’d think a soap “exclusively created for guests of” Rosen Hotels And Resorts would be mild and unobtrusive, but this is anything but. The bar looks pleasant enough and the lather is okay, but it smells like a mix of lemons, pepper and wood burning under a chimney. It also makes your skin feel sticky, which is weird.
my rating : 2 of 5
What a confusing mess this movie is. It seems the whole thing is shot on a wide-angle, almost fisheye, lens; the cinematographer also has a preference for vignetting and dutch tilts; which, along with a vintage 1954 Detroit setting, is somewhat visually appealing. It’s the convoluted plot that betrays it.
It starts interestingly enough with a man named Curtis; Don Cheadle plays the role way too cool to the point of being unrealistic; making a sketchy “babysitting” deal with a stranger in an alley, but the suspense doesn’t hold up from there. Awkward dialogue and misplaced comedy only make matters worse.
my rating : 2 of 5
2021
![Great Value Ice Cream [ Celebration Edition ] : Pride](https://marcellee.com/posts/114749.jpg)
I won’t get started on how much I detest what this Ice Cream represents, but the inclusion of white chocolate is a pleasant surprise. It tastes more like vanilla though with a hint of Superman. Why it isn’t rainbow-colored like the carton is beyond me, but that’s all it would need to be enjoyable.
Instead, like the “LGBT” initialism and all its ridiculous extensions, they went too far. Cherries alone would have been tolerable or even acceptable. Perhaps they’re what help give rise to Superman. It’s the “brownies”; what homo put these nasty chocolatey bits in my ice cream; that totally ruin it.
my rating : 2 of 5
The prelude, which introduces “paranormal investigators” Ed and Lorraine Warren via their Annabelle Case, is silly, but the following story begins decently enough. It has a family; a husband and wife along with their five daughters; moving into a house in Harrisville, Rhode Island. The year is 1971 and, despite a janky furnace, the retro vibes are warm and inviting.
It’s when the spooks begin; the house is, of course, haunted; that things start to get silly again. Perhaps The Conjuring, with a less ominous title, would’ve been better as a light Brady-Bunch-like coming-of-age story. As is, the movie, which is supposedly based on a true story, with all its lazy horror genre clichés, gets more and more ridiculous the longer it goes.
my rating : 2 of 5
2013
Sounding more like a collection of song demos than album number seventeen, Get Off The Stage will have you yelling just that. Too Short has never sounded so uninspired and the beats are basic, but the worst parts by far are the lame-ass hooks. Dum Ditty Dum is downright awful.
I like I Like It; it’s the one good song on the album; and I’m glad Short Dogg came out of retirement when he did to drop some more game on us, but, if it’s gotten to the point where he’s putting out shit like this, it’s time to take his own advice and get the fuck Off The Stage for good.
my rating : 2 of 5
2007
Fuck the euphemisms. Lizzo isn’t “thick”, “meaty”, “big-boned”, “chubby” or even merely “overweight”. The bitch is fat. It would be going too far to say she’s obese; though perhaps medically accurate, I reserve that term for the truly grotesque; but she’s certainly fat.
She’s not ugly per se; her face could be cute if she were skinny; but fatness is a form of ugliness, so she’s far from pretty. When people refer to her as such; she even has the audacity to describe herself as “beautiful”; it suggests either dishonesty or delusion.
Call me a “fat shamer” and you won’t be too far off the mark. Lizzo should indeed be ashamed when she exposes to the world that bloated belly, those massive thighs and that dimply cottage cheese ass. Then again, who am I to criticize people who cater to fetishism?
Truth be told, I might actually (secretly) have sex with her if she were to catch me in a horny mood. I’d never date her, but my sexual standards are a lot lower than my romantic ones. Still I’d be instantly disgusted with myself the second I, pun intended, drop my load.
my rating : 2 of 5
2022
