Category: reviews with a 5 of 5 rating

video review : Jesus He Knows Me ( song ) … Genesis

video review : Jesus He Knows Me ( song ) ... Genesis

Casual listeners probably thought this was a typical Christian praise song; the chorus sure sounds like it; but the video makes the message crystal clear. It’s a parody in which frontman Phil Collins plays the role of a television evangelist; the Robert Tilton type who, the band suggests, are mostly in it for the money.

The video, their best yet, is thoroughly entertaining in all the funny/clever ways it plays with the concept. My favorite bit is the paparazzi photos of Mike Rutherford cheating on his wife. It’s also a damn good song, though the most endearing part is an organ prelude you won’t hear on the regular audio version.

my rating : 5 of 5

1992

audio review : Gone Too Soon ( song ) … Michael Jackson

This is a song that uses the imagery of similes to lament a special someone or something that, “like a comet blazing cross the evening sky”, is Gone Too Soon. The vocals; both Michael Jackson’s voice and the melody it carries; are utterly marvelous. I’m not crying. Those “perfect” flowers are messing with my allergies.

my rating : 5 of 5

1991

video review : Delirious ( comedy special ) … Eddie Murphy

video review : Delirious ( comedy special ) ... Eddie Murphy

I don’t know about Delirious, but Eddie Murphy is certainly hilarious in this HBO special. It’s a stand-up comedy show live from Washington DC, but there’s nothing politically correct about it. Even with kids in the audience, Murphy comes with a barrage of raunchy jokes, often via personal anecdotes and spot-on celebrity impressions. He also goes after white people and “fags”, but it’s all in fun. “I fuck with everybody,” he says, “I don’t give a fuck.”

my rating : 5 of 5

1983

audio review : Hello ( song ) … Lionel Richie

Lionel Richie goes beyond simply admiring a pretty neighbor from afar. He’s fallen in love with her, which, as a guy who considers a girl’s looks more important than her personality when it comes to romance, I can relate to. He seems too shy to tell her though. “Hello,” he says, but only in his mind.

What he should do is play this song for her. I’m the least gay tenant in the building and I’d damn-near date him. It’s a beautiful “love” song, basically flawless as far as vocal melodies go. Even the bridge, a guitar instrumental, is a tender serenade. If it doesn’t win her heart, nothing will.

my rating : 5 of 5

1983

audio review : I Care 4 You ( song ) … Aaliyah

I don’t Care 4 the Prince-like numeration in the title; it takes away from the solemnity of the song; but damn. I would’ve swore this were a remake of some soul classic from the 1970s, but, according to the credits, Timbaland composed the beat with no samples and it’s Missy Elliott who deserves credit for the melodic vocal arrangement.

The trite lyrics, which tell a guy who’s “in pain” with heartbreak that the girl who left him must be “insane”, are the song’s one major weakness. The a4mentioned title number is a small factor in comparison. A lot of great songs say silly things though. It’s the throwback groove that comforts, along with the sweet croon of a very accommodating Aaliyah.

my rating : 5 of 5

2001

audio review : Hand In My Pocket ( song ) … Alanis Morissette

This song’s only flaw, aside from the One missing from the title, is the fact that there’s no piano after Alanis mentions playing the piano. A bar or two in the empty space that follows would help inch the ballad that much closer to perfection.

It’s an ego trip of sorts that begins with the singer fingering her Pocket for cash that isn’t there and ends with the hailing of a “texi kab!”. Her psycho-chick voice inflections are part of the song’s overall charm, along with a beautiful refrain.

my rating : 5 of 5

1995

audio review : The Lady In My Life ( song ) … Michael Jackson

The Lady In most people’s lives, at least at the beginning, is their mother, but Michael Jackson isn’t singing about Katherine. This is a song about a girlfriend. “Lay your body close to mine,” he croons with strong sexual undertones, “I can make you feel alright.”

It’s mostly about “love” though; the romantic kind that can make a gentleman resort to bombastic schoolyard poetry in order to express his true feelings. He and she become not just a couple but “two hearts in a beat of ecstasy”, whatever that’s supposed to mean.

Sweet nothings can be awwfully charming though, especially when they’re winter-blanketed in funky grooves and gorgeous melodies like these. Most popular songs are “love” songs and Michael Jackson’s are no exception, but this one may very well be his best.

my rating : 5 of 5

1982

audio review : Thriller ( album ) ... Michael Jackson

Sonic’s Chili Cheese Coney

Sonic's Chili Cheese Coney

I don’t like and rarely eat chili unless it’s on a hot dog, which it actually improves the taste of. This Coney from Sonic is no exception. Cheese only further enhances the experience.

The usual condiments; mustard, ketchup and mayonnaise; would only distract. Neither is there a need for onions. It’s just a beef hot dog with chili and cheese and it’s delicious.

my rating : 5 of 5

Jessica Parker Kennedy’s physical appearance

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I want to eat Jessica Parker Kennedy. I don’t just mean that as a metaphor for licking pussy. I mean I want to eat her face like a cannibal. It looks like someone already got to her nose, but it’s slightly odd shape only adds to her prettiness.

If she’s not perfectly pretty, she’s about as close as I’ve seen. That’s thanks in part to her creamy skin color, which is indeed perfect in my eyes. It seems rare to catch her without make up; the one true beauty test; but she’s also cute without it.

my rating : 5 of 5

2019

audio review : What I Feel ( song ) … R Kelly

I like You Are Not Alone, but I wish R Kelly had also given this song to Michael Jackson. It would, with a few lyrical alterations, be the perfect way to end or even begin his next album. The woes R Kelly expresses, having to do with being metaphorically crucified by a world of “haters”, fits M Jackson a lot more than it does R Kelly.

I can’t blame him for keeping it for himself though, considering it’s one of his best songs. Convention crashes thru the stained glass window to make way for a solemn piano that conjures The Young And The Restless. From there, the ballad builds to a rapturous anthem with guitars, thunder and an arena full of cheering fans.

my rating : 5 of 5

1998

audio review : R ( album ) ... R Kelly

audio review : Beat It ( song ) … Michael Jackson

As funny as it would be, this isn’t a song about masturbation. When Michael Jackson says Beat It, he’s telling some boy to scram because it’s not worth risking his life fighting those other boys. There’s one of him, too many of them and “No one wants to be defeated.” I just love the way he harmonizes that last part.

A lot of guys, perhaps the boy’s father or older brother, will criticize Michael Jackson for telling him to run like a coward, especially with rock music this kick-ass blaring in the background; Eddie Van Halen’s guitar solo alone would destroy those little punks; but the point is that he’ll live to fight another day.

my rating : 5 of 5

1982

audio review : Thriller ( album ) … Michael Jackson

audio review : Baby Be Mine ( song ) … Michael Jackson

The title reminds me of Valentine’s Day. That would make it a cold February night as Michael Jackson offers to warm a girl in his arms. He already has her at his place. Now he wants to “share my feelings in the heat of love’s embrace” and “show you all the passion burning in my heart today.”

Rod Temperton is to blame for those lyrics. Quincy Jones is responsible for the slinky disco groove, which is upbeat enough to dance to and sensual enough to seduce to. Michael’s trying to have sex with this girl. “Only you and I can make sweet love this way,” he confesses, “There’s no more I can say.”

my rating : 5 of 5

1982

audio review : Thriller ( album ) … Michael Jackson