“Promise not to say that I’m getting too old,” Tori Amos pleads. It’s something that seems to weigh on her mind. 16 Shades Of Blue, the production of which includes some quirky sound effects, is all about aging, but the vocals, like most on the album, don’t go anywhere interesting in the way of melody. That’s a shame because the instrumentation, which often features enchanting piano play, is just ready to wrap itself around a beautiful song.
my rating : 3 of 5
2014
Michael Jackson’s newest album was released in 2001. Michael Jackson died in 2009. That means, ignoring the scant possibility that he’s not really dead, Invincible is and will always be his final album. I, like most of his real fans; that’s “real” in contrast to the ones who trashed him until they found out he was gone; wish that weren’t true, but it is. He had plenty of time to release another album, but, thanks in part to a fresh set of criminal charges, a lengthy trial and whatever psychological restraints that might’ve put on him, never got the chance. He’d just begun the process of making new songs when he died. That’s a sad reality, but it is a reality. This Xscape album is an ill-conceived fantasy.
Unlike the first posthumous album, entitled Michael ironically enough, I think it’s the real Michel Jackson singing on all these songs, but this being an album of his in any real sense ends there. It wouldn’t even qualify as a proper compilation because the original songs these “contemporized” versions are based on are mere demos; songs he recorded but decided not to release. Presenting them as they were, which, to executive producer LA Reid’s credit, does happen via a special Deluxe Edition, might’ve been forgivable. Giving the master vocals to a handful of popular producers to basically remix for profit, à la Blood On The Dance Floor, is conceptually, if not artistically, reprehensible.
The songs are better than you might expect though, mainly because of Michael Jackson’s original vocals, which essentially make them what they are, but also because of the new music Timbaland and others set them to. Most have been leaked on the internet for years; the original demos, that is; but the new production gives them a fresh sound. Michael Jackson almost definitely wouldn’t have started with a romantic Love song or limited the setlist to urban club play; there are no signature orchestral ballads or guitar rockers here; but it’s probably the closest we’ll get to how a real 2014 Michael Jackson album would’ve sounded. Interestingly, it’s the newer outtakes that disappoint.
Blue Gangsta and the misspelled title track; I can’t think of any logical reason to spell it with an “X”; sounded better in their original forms. Blue Gangsta, with its cheesy snare, is a mess here. Rapper Tempamental made the best version when he somehow got ahold of the master tracks back in 2006. Rodney Jerkins does better with Xscape, which he originally produced, but the booming bass is a bit (too) much. Worse is the fact that he abandons not only the beautiful pianos in the bridge but the original song’s entire coda section, which brought it to almost six minutes long. This new one is four minutes. It sounds fresher and sleeker; the horns add a nice touch; but is inferior on the whole.
I also prefer the original version of Love Never Felt So Good; I can appreciate the sloppy intimacy of just Michael Jackson and some fingersnaps over a piano; but the new version does an excellent job of conjuring the disco dance vibes of the late 1970s and early 1980s. Musically, while even Invincible, his worst album, is better, aside from the money-milking decision to limit it to only eight songs, there’s not really anything too displeasing about this album. It’s the underlying concept that ruins or at least heavily befouls the experience. Xscape is an escape alright, but I prefer the reality of having to cherish the Michael Jackson albums we have because we’ll never get another one.
my rating : 3 of 5
2014
dawn :
Yes, I miss the orchestral ballads too–I loved his ballads.
There’s some gospel shouting on Go Down Moses, but these songs are mostly mellow. It’s a self-titled album, so the music is a reflection of Natalie Merchant, who’s long past the rock-party days of 10000 Maniacs, but trying to appreciate her music takes patience.
Occasionally there’s a payoff; puttering horns over marching drums make for desolate beauty on Seven Deadly Sins; but usually not. The elegant string arrangement on The End is a technical marvel, for example, but the vocal melodies are no match aesthetically.
my rating : 3 of 5
2014
Shine is an antonym for dullness, so perhaps there is a hint of tongue-in-cheek humor in the title of this album. Most likely not. Sarah McLachlan isn’t one for jokes. Her music, it seems, even the happy Love songs, are meant to be taken dead-seriously. No fun allowed.
That was okay on Surfacing when most of the songs were good, but she’s slipped off that surface and fell hard since. She should never abandon Pierre Marchand and the lush soundscapes he provides, but, melody-wise, this is her third boring (non-Christmas) album in a row.
my rating : 2 of 5
2014
DeeGee :
I agree with this review. I couldnt put my finger on what the issue was until you mentioned that she’s not working with PM. Too bad. This music is bland.
The title acronym, which stands for Girl Under You, is, at best, pointless. This is a love song from Lady Gaga to a guy she wants to mount and fuck her, but the pun, which refers to her as a “guy”, makes no sense. As far as casual listeners, unaware of the conceptual specifics, are concerned, she wants to be a male. Past penis rumors suggest that might actually be the case.
She sounds like a female though. Unfortunately her voice is never laid atop any pleasurable melodies. The chorus, sang over bombastic synth sounds, is ironically weak. Despite what’s promised on the starting monologue, the song doesn’t offer anything particularly “new” or “exciting”, unless, of course, you happen to be Lady Gaga or the gentleman she’s singing to.
my rating : 3 of 5
2013
The first song encourages kids to stay in school where Biz Markie is the class clown. Imagine a wigged goofball making everyone in the science lab laugh except for the teacher who only wants to get thru another workday. This album is crazy and experimental. Biz raps about ferocious body odor and undercover transsexuals, but the best song is a feel-good anthem entitled Spring Again.
my rating : 3 of 5
1989
Eminem raps better here than anywhere else on the second Marshall Mathers LP. That’s partly because he’s using the same contentious vocal delivery he used on the first one. The McDonald’s and Kroger bits are particularly commendable as they show the aging rapper can still amuse. What basically ruins the song; a remake of Joe Walsh’s Life’s Been Good; is its lack of originality.
my rating : 3 of 5
2013
The Me in the title refers to Biggie, but clips of a casual conversation between Puff Daddy and his Bitch is a nice touch if only because those bits, played during the breaks, add to a simple hook that wouldn’t sound so underdeveloped if it had a girl singing something sweet in the background.
Not that such a feature would make this anything close to a traditional love song. The string loop sounds nice, but the Notorious one is too thuggish for that. “When the time is right, the wine is right, I treat you right,” he tells the object of his affection, “You talk slick, I beat you right.” How romantic.
my rating : 3 of 5
1994
It’s not Speed on a plane despite the clunky title. It’s not that entertaining. The suspense level of the plot, which puts a US Air Marshal on a plane full of passengers that include a terrorist whose get-rich-quick plan threatens the life of everyone on board, is brought down by its own ridiculous implausibilities. This is a by-the-numbers action flick you’ll have to suspend your belief thousands of feet to fully enjoy.
my rating : 3 of 5
2014
The title is Holland but the chorus says “Hollands”. One spelling is the last name of a girl who I think is supposed to stand as a metaphor for marijuana, but which is it? That distinction, without an explanation from the artist, comes across as a glaring mistake. Not that the song would be something special otherwise.
It’s a noisy party in The Netherlands, but the only fun parts for me are the aforementioned chorus sections, which come after a bridge that sounds more like a chorus than the chorus. The aesthetic high can be heard in the final forty seconds; especially when the music subsides and a woozy Gaga goes, “Hoo-hoooo!”
my rating : 3 of 5
2013
Structurally this one is a bit of a mess. There are two hooks; the second and best of which doesn’t come until after the halfway point. “We know how to make that money,” Gaga sings, so she doesn’t want yours. She has her own Jewels too. What she wants is your Drugs and your “love”; the former of which she can buy with all the money she has and the latter of which is an irrelevant subject nothing else in the song deals with.
The Too Short feature is surprising. As long as he’s been rapping, I don’t think he’s ever been featured on a song by an artist this popular before. There should only be one verse by one rapper though; of the three, I’d pick TI; and his verse should come not at the beginning but about where Too Short’s is. Three rappers with little to no association with each other only crowd the song in an awkward trap remix sort of way.
my rating : 3 of 5
2013
The Her of this heterosexual love tale is a futuristic computer operating system that communicates verbally like a real, albeit invisible, woman. Her voice is raspy and slightly annoying; imagine Scarlett Johansson without the looks; but her personality is decidedly charming. That a man, especially a lonely divorcee named Theodore, could find himself romantically intrigued by her is the believable part. That he’d turn down immediate sex from two real (attractive) women for the sake of his relationship with her stretches the believability factor quite thin. She doesn’t even have a pussy. He has to imagine one while masturbating to the sound of her groaning.
A relationship is supposed to be about more than the physical stuff, of course; I guess that’s the point; but the physical stuff is important, as even the computer girl, named Samantha, acknowledges. She’s mostly jokey and easy-going but seems to suffer from the Pinocchio complex of wanting desperately to experience life as a real (physical) human-being. But human-beings fall out of love; a fact Theodore knows all too well. Whether or not that also goes for operating systems programmed to learn and evolve is anyone’s guess. It’s a chance Theodore is willing to take. If that all seems silly, it is. Her is a silly concept movie that only occasionally arouses real emotion.
my rating : 3 of 5
2013