Category: reviews with a 3 of 5 rating

audio review : Justin Bieber ( song ) … Bizarre + King Gordy

Neither rapper mentions putting their tongue in Justin Bieber’s ass; only their dicks; so this is only tongue-in-cheek in the literal sense. It’s a dedication to the pop star. It’s also a direct threat that goes from what they “want” to do to what they’re “going” to do to him, which includes not only rape but also murder.

With that, joke or not, the “white boy” might have a legal case if, with the ridiculous conceptualization of “hate” crimes, he decides to take the song seriously. He could say he fears for his life, and anus, but it’ll be a hard case to win given the history of King Gordy and especially Bizarre as shock value artists.

my rating : 3 of 5

2012

audio review : Starships ( song ) … Nicki Minaj

If you’re wondering what this has to do with starships; theoretical ships used to travel to and from stars; the answer is apparently nothing. An alien-looking girl sings about how they’re meant to “fly”, but that’s about it. This is actually a song for dance floors on planet Earth, as the flashy club music it plays upon; a mesh of European house and techno; seems to insist.

Nicki Minaj is sort of charming during the first eight bars of each verse, when it’s just her rapping, then rapping and singing, to a stripped-down version of the main melody. But the chorus sections sound like the template for a generic Lady Gaga anthem and the “higher” breaks, which distract from the flow of the song in the most annoying of ways, are a cosmic mess.

my rating : 3 of 5

2012

album review : Roman Reloaded ( album ) ... Nicki Minaj

audio review : The Don Killuminati [ The 7 Day Theory ] ( album ) … 2Pac ( posthumous )

audio review : The Don Killuminati [ The 7 Day Theory ] ( album ) ... 2Pac ( posthumous )

2Pac sounds angrier and more aggressive than ever, as if he’s ready for war. “It’s not about east or west,” he declares, “It’s about ‘niggas’ and bitches… riders and punks.” He wastes no time categorizing the latter with rival rap peers. Biggie and Puff make the list, of course, but this time as mere afterthoughts amid an army of faceless targets. If it’s true that all Eyez are on him, he’s finally starting to crack. He can’t black them all, so when he swings, he only hurts himself by leaving his legacy an unfocused mess. None of these beefs, I bet, will mean much 7 months from now, let alone 7 years.

2Pac, a thug rapper who doesn’t have the wit or wordplay to make full diss songs that interesting anyway, is best when he’s in deep poetic thought. Blasphemy, featuring one of the only beats I’ve heard on a major record label release that doesn’t sound like it was distorted on purpose, is a prime example; though there’s a “dada” vocal loop that should’ve been set louder in the mix. Or perhaps he’s best slow-jamming with the ladies. Just Like Daddy is the album’s best song; not necessarily for its verses, but for the passionate vibes of its beat with 2Pac and a girl singing a catchy hook over it.

The way these songs, which are mixed and mastered with murky expediency, blend to and from each other gives the album a sloppy mixtape vibe. In a sense, it seems rushed, as if it’s something he felt he had to make and put out as quickly as possible. With that, it stands in dark contrast to the polished presentation of his last. That album has California Love on it, featuring Dr Dre. This one has the sequel, To Live And Die In LA, without “gay-ass” Dre. I bet the two of them would, or, depending on the depth of this “Makaveli” thing, will, have a friendly laugh about that line in 2003.

my rating : 3 of 5

1996
 

Gaz :

Cool review. I still remember getting home and putting the CD on for the first time. I had it cranked up on my parents’ Marantz stereo. I just about shit myself during the intro. BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG… “You niggaz still fuckin’ talkin’? You niggaz is still fuckin’ breathin’?”

I will never forget that.

video review : The Bling Ring

video review : The Bling Ring

A few years ago, a ring of teenagers were arrested for burglarizing several Hollywood Hills homes. Many of their victims were famous celebrities. Paris Hilton was one of them. It was a story that warranted media attention and got it, but a movie? The answer is no, but here it is; a somewhat fictionalized take on the scandal, one that comes across as more of a box office cash-in than a work of art.

Sofia Coppola directs by summarizing and glamorizing. The protagonists, all or most of whom are already out of jail in real life, are stupid but trendy; annoying but cool; in a typical Californian pop-culture sort of way. When they’re not burglarizing, they’re sniffing coke and partying. That’s especially the case for ring leader Rebecca. The plot revolves mostly around her and her friend Marc.

my rating : 3 of 5

2013

Cheerios

Cheerios

Eating a bowl of Cheerios is a bland affair. Almost any of its variants tastes better. The only reason to eat it is that it’s not only the healthiest among them but one of the healthiest cereals on (in) the market.

It’s toasted whole grain oats and not much else. You’d have to read the ingredients list to even know there’s a tiny amount of sugar added. It’s also GMO-free, which makes it a top breakfast choice for healthy living.

my rating : 3 of 5
 

nica :

Sorry you only grant unsweetened Cheerios 3 stars! I love them so much and am so disappointed that only the sweetened Cheerios are now available for sale in the stores here in Austria. Hard to find healthy, unsweetened cereals these days, it appears.

audio review : Sorry For The Wait 2 ( mixtape ) … Lil Wayne

audio review : Sorry For The Wait 2 ( mixtape ) ... Lil Wayne

I like No Type. It’s a conceptual cover of the Rae Sremmurd song. Lil Wayne sings the whole way thru and that’s part of why it stands out. He has a knack for subtle melodies, which makes it better than the retarded original. In fact, if this can be credited as an official Lil Wayne song, and I don’t see why it can’t, I’d place it among his best.

The rest of the mixtape is okay; his raps are still better, if only slightly better, than average; but the Sorry title theme is rather senseless. At best, releasing a mixtape to promote an upcoming album; as other rappers have also been doing lately; runs the risk of the former being better than the latter, which, of course, defeats the purpose.

my rating : 3 of 5

2015

audio review : Compositions ( album ) … Anita Baker

audio review : Compositions ( album ) ... Anita Baker

The title should be Romantic Compositions because romance is what this album is all about. Anita Baker calls it “love”, an amorous and intimate relationship between two people, and these songs are dedicated to “you”. That means every one is sang as if the man, or woman if she’s into that, is listening to a personal message. It’s nice music; imagine jazzy soul ballads floating on quiet storm clouds; but nothing to fall in love with.

my rating : 3 of 5

1990

Vanilla Chex

Vanilla Chex

The problem with Vanilla Chex is that they’re mixed with regular Chex, which results in a sort of anticlimactic eating experience. The two don’t mix particularly well because you (I) typically have a craving for one or the other. Imagine eating a bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch if half of it didn’t have any cinnamon or sugar on it.

my rating : 3 of 5

audio review : Rebel Heart ( album ) … Madonna

audio review : Rebel Heart ( album ) ... Madonna

Madonna is Iconic. Now that Michael is dead, she’s the biggest music artist alive, but you wouldn’t know it by listening to this album. She’s long been overrated to me, so I’m not surprised, but these songs are so-so. Inside Out at least has a pleasant chorus. If more songs did, Rebel Heart could be something relatively special. As is, it isn’t even on par with her previous release.

MDNA; even when her vocals dissatisfies, as it often does; pulsates with innovative club beats. Rebel Heart sounds more like the cookie-cutter pop fluff they play too much on the radio these days. But forget innovation. That’s unnecessary, especially at this point in her career. Madonna, while she may have the Heart, simply lacks the talent needed to make a good album.

my rating : 3 of 5

2015
 

tvicon :

Some of the demos were really good but most of this album is just awful. It could have been a fantastic album but it turned out so bad like if it was recorded in a tin can

audio review : The Firewatcher’s Daughter ( album ) … Brandi Carlile

The Firewatcher's Daughter ( album ) ... Brandi Carlile

Brandi Carlile rocks the house on The Things I Regret. It’s not a song of celebration, quite the contrary, but, with it’s stomping drums and chanty refrain, it should be. Elsewhere the album isn’t quite as fun. She makes country/folk music that falls relatively easy on the ears, but there’s nothing special about most, if any, of it. Sparks are too far and few between, even when she’s belting her heart out with the Hanseroth twins harmonizing in the background.

my rating : 3 of 5

2015

audio review : A Day In The Life [ A Pokadelick Adventure ] ( album ) … Kwamé And A New Beginning

Kwamé calls himself Da Man, but he’s more like one of the coolest, most charming kids in the school. He’s not the most popular; that’s a slot reserved for the sports jocks; but he attracts more girls than he has time for. The ones he rejects throw hissy fits, spread rumors about him or try to get their boyfriends to beat him up. What a Life.

The songs would be more pleasant on the ears if he got real girls to do the girl voices, but doing them in his own falsetto does provide some fun, if demo-like, backdrops. Points are deducted for lack of originality; the house party song copies Kid N Play; and Ownlee Eue isn’t an appropriate ender, but the album earns itself a C in my gradebook.

my rating : 3 of 5

1990

audio review : Brazilian Nights ( album ) … Kenny G

audio review : Brazilian Nights ( album ) ... Kenny G

The title is spot on. It doesn’t tell you it’s a bossa nova album; the repetitive use of “Bossa” in the songlist is a clue; but it doesn’t have to. The genre is globally associated with Brazil, a country Kenny G has apparently taken a liken to. Paradise, from years back, if you remember, begins with Brazil; a song that wouldn’t sound out of place here.

Brazilian Nights serves wine-fine as, if nothing else, background mood music. There’s nothing even close to being a classic standout to my ears; dare I say the slightly annoying sound of a saxophone is generally the worst part of any Kenny G album; but I wouldn’t object to it playing softly at, say, an outside dinner party serving Brazilian food.

my rating : 3 of 5

2015