Add this to the endless list of disappointing sequels. Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes set the scene for what could’ve been a classic movie trilogy. Dawn, the title of which is just as clunky, kills all hope.
The apes talk too much. The storyline, stitched together by a series of unlikely coincidences, is surprisingly tame and predictable. A hero found alive, a villain on a cliff; this is War Movies 101.
my rating : 3 of 5
2014
This song begins exactly like Jump Around by House Of Pain because the first six seconds is that song’s first six seconds. The sample continues in a stuttered loop, over boomy drums, but the decision to use it at all was a banal move on the part of producer Scoop DeVille. There wasn’t anything special about it in the first place.
For what it’s worth, Eminem helps connect the concept a bit by mentioning the House Of Pain song in his extra-long verse, which is about as verbose but more entertaining than Busta’s rhymes. It’s far (far) from his best, but the Abraham Lincoln, Wake-Up Show and Stan bits rival highlights from the (first/good) Marshall Mathers LP.
my rating : 3 of 5
2014
Mariah Carey’s voice is raspier than it used to be, but that’s okay because it’s barely noticeable until she gets loud. Besides, she’s over 40 and even the best voices generally start to degrade at around that age. What isn’t forgivable is the clunky title of this album, which reads more like 3 she couldn’t decide on. I would’ve picked the third. Not that a fancy title can compensate for mediocre music.
Meteorite sort of soars, but most of these songs lack the (melodic) charisma of her early stuff. The worst moments are the annoying ones. I understand why she and other pop divas (cough-Beyoncé-cough) think it’s cute to hear their kids voices on their songs, but I don’t get why they think other people will want to hear them. Wale is almost as bad and the Fabolous feature has too much Fabolous on it.
my rating : 3 of 5
2014
The Slaughterhouse dwellers are good rappers. Even annoying Joel Ortiz has bars. Listen to how he introduces the group on the album’s first four. This is better than their last album. They should’ve saved some of the songs for their next one.
When they’re not bragging and boasting, the group has an emo-like tendency to express solemn emotions; Crooked I even takes a moment to talk to his dead aunt; but my only major complaint about this mixtape is the lack of strong (catchy) hooks.
my rating : 3 of 5
2014
It’s not as good as part 1; horror sequels rarely are; but it’s not too far behind. Mick Taylor is still serial killing, which makes Australia’s Wolf Creek Crater a deathtrap for clueless tourists. No cute girls this time; the main victim is a guy and the one girl before him looks like Alanis Morissette; but there is suspense in the plot, which, during one stretch, brings to mind Steven Spielberg’s Duel. Watch for flying kangaroos.
my rating : 3 of 5
2013 | 2014
“Promise not to say that I’m getting too old,” Tori Amos pleads. It’s something that seems to weigh on her mind. 16 Shades Of Blue, the production of which includes some quirky sound effects, is all about aging, but the vocals, like most on the album, don’t go anywhere interesting in the way of melody. That’s a shame because the instrumentation, which often features enchanting piano play, is just ready to wrap itself around a beautiful song.
my rating : 3 of 5
2014
Michael Jackson’s newest album was released in 2001. Michael Jackson died in 2009. That means, ignoring the scant possibility that he’s not really dead, Invincible is and will always be his final album. I, like most of his real fans; that’s “real” in contrast to the ones who trashed him until they found out he was gone; wish that weren’t true, but it is. He had plenty of time to release another album, but, thanks in part to a fresh set of criminal charges, a lengthy trial and whatever psychological restraints that might’ve put on him, never got the chance. He’d just begun the process of making new songs when he died. That’s a sad reality, but it is a reality. This Xscape album is an ill-conceived fantasy.
Unlike the first posthumous album, entitled Michael ironically enough, I think it’s the real Michel Jackson singing on all these songs, but this being an album of his in any real sense ends there. It wouldn’t even qualify as a proper compilation because the original songs these “contemporized” versions are based on are mere demos; songs he recorded but decided not to release. Presenting them as they were, which, to executive producer LA Reid’s credit, does happen via a special Deluxe Edition, might’ve been forgivable. Giving the master vocals to a handful of popular producers to basically remix for profit, à la Blood On The Dance Floor, is conceptually, if not artistically, reprehensible.
The songs are better than you might expect though, mainly because of Michael Jackson’s original vocals, which essentially make them what they are, but also because of the new music Timbaland and others set them to. Most have been leaked on the internet for years; the original demos, that is; but the new production gives them a fresh sound. Michael Jackson almost definitely wouldn’t have started with a romantic Love song or limited the setlist to urban club play; there are no signature orchestral ballads or guitar rockers here; but it’s probably the closest we’ll get to how a real 2014 Michael Jackson album would’ve sounded. Interestingly, it’s the newer outtakes that disappoint.
Blue Gangsta and the misspelled title track; I can’t think of any logical reason to spell it with an “X”; sounded better in their original forms. Blue Gangsta, with its cheesy snare, is a mess here. Rapper Tempamental made the best version when he somehow got ahold of the master tracks back in 2006. Rodney Jerkins does better with Xscape, which he originally produced, but the booming bass is a bit (too) much. Worse is the fact that he abandons not only the beautiful pianos in the bridge but the original song’s entire coda section, which brought it to almost six minutes long. This new one is four minutes. It sounds fresher and sleeker; the horns add a nice touch; but is inferior on the whole.
I also prefer the original version of Love Never Felt So Good; I can appreciate the sloppy intimacy of just Michael Jackson and some fingersnaps over a piano; but the new version does an excellent job of conjuring the disco dance vibes of the late 1970s and early 1980s. Musically, while even Invincible, his worst album, is better, aside from the money-milking decision to limit it to only eight songs, there’s not really anything too displeasing about this album. It’s the underlying concept that ruins or at least heavily befouls the experience. Xscape is an escape alright, but I prefer the reality of having to cherish the Michael Jackson albums we have because we’ll never get another one.
my rating : 3 of 5
2014
dawn :
Yes, I miss the orchestral ballads too–I loved his ballads.
There’s some gospel shouting on Go Down Moses, but these songs are mostly mellow. It’s a self-titled album, so the music is a reflection of Natalie Merchant, who’s long past the rock-party days of 10000 Maniacs, but trying to appreciate her music takes patience.
Occasionally there’s a payoff; puttering horns over marching drums make for desolate beauty on Seven Deadly Sins; but usually not. The elegant string arrangement on The End is a technical marvel, for example, but the vocal melodies are no match aesthetically.
my rating : 3 of 5
2014
The title acronym, which stands for Girl Under You, is, at best, pointless. This is a love song from Lady Gaga to a guy she wants to mount and fuck her, but the pun, which refers to her as a “guy”, makes no sense. As far as casual listeners, unaware of the conceptual specifics, are concerned, she wants to be a male. Past penis rumors suggest that might actually be the case.
She sounds like a female though. Unfortunately her voice is never laid atop any pleasurable melodies. The chorus, sang over bombastic synth sounds, is ironically weak. Despite what’s promised on the starting monologue, the song doesn’t offer anything particularly “new” or “exciting”, unless, of course, you happen to be Lady Gaga or the gentleman she’s singing to.
my rating : 3 of 5
2013
The first song encourages kids to stay in school where Biz Markie is the class clown. Imagine a wigged goofball making everyone in the science lab laugh except for the teacher who only wants to get thru another workday. This album is crazy and experimental. Biz raps about ferocious body odor and undercover transsexuals, but the best song is a feel-good anthem entitled Spring Again.
my rating : 3 of 5
1989
Eminem raps better here than anywhere else on the second Marshall Mathers LP. That’s partly because he’s using the same contentious vocal delivery he used on the first one. The McDonald’s and Kroger bits are particularly commendable as they show the aging rapper can still amuse. What basically ruins the song; a remake of Joe Walsh’s Life’s Been Good; is its lack of originality.
my rating : 3 of 5
2013
The Me in the title refers to Biggie, but clips of a casual conversation between Puff Daddy and his Bitch is a nice touch if only because those bits, played during the breaks, add to a simple hook that wouldn’t sound so underdeveloped if it had a girl singing something sweet in the background.
Not that such a feature would make this anything close to a traditional love song. The string loop sounds nice, but the Notorious one is too thuggish for that. “When the time is right, the wine is right, I treat you right,” he tells the object of his affection, “You talk slick, I beat you right.” How romantic.
my rating : 3 of 5
1994
