Tinashe’s physical appearance

Tinashe's physical appearance Tinashe's physical appearance Tinashe's physical appearance Tinashe's physical appearance Tinashe's physical appearance Tinashe's physical appearance

If I could have a romantic relationship with any famous singer, or just use her as a sex doll, I’d probably pick Tinashe. I could nitpick her height down a few inches; I generally prefer short girls; but damn. With that face, which is adorable even without makeup, body and blanched almond skin color, she’s about as close to my ideal girl as I’ve seen.

my rating : 5 of 5

2019

Magnum ice cream bars : White

Magnum ice cream bars : White

These are vanilla bean ice cream bars, the kind on a wooden stick, covered (dipped) in chocolate; not brown chocolate but white chocolate, which isn’t really chocolate at all.

That’s great because white “chocolate” tastes a lot better than real chocolate. If you’re not used to eating this flavor, in fact, your taste buds may be in for a shock. They’re damn delicious.

my rating : 5 of 5

video review : Frozen

video review : Frozen

You don’t have to be a skier to imagine how scary it would be to get stuck on a lift, in the bitter cold, for almost a week. That’s the dilemma the three protagonists in this Stephen King styled story face. It’s a girlfriend-boyfriend couple, Parker and Dan, along with Dan’s third wheel best friend. Their decision to ride the lift one last time, despite the resort closing early due to an on-coming snow storm, becomes their doom.

You’d think they’d use their hats and hoods to protect their faces from the wind. You’d think the owners of a public ski resort would’ve long ago done something about their killer wolf infestation. Those are two major plausibility faults in a story that’s otherwise terrifically realistic. The tension heads high about a quarter of the way in and only gives way to moments of desolation. The death scene near the middle is especially poignant.

my rating : 5 of 5

2010

audio review : Ghosts ( song ) … Michael Jackson

Though the spooky soundscape; a thumping in the floor, a creep behind the door; suggests otherwise, this isn’t just a song about ghosts. The term seems to be a metaphor for something deeper, something real. “Who gave you the right to shake my family tree,” the controversial King Of Pop asks rhetorically, “Tell me; are you the ghost of jealousy?” He’s apparently addressing his many detractors, but the point is nearly lost in the groove.

The beat, produced by Teddy Riley, is as cold as the concept and the bridge conjures 1970s funk, but it’s the aforementioned chorus; not the words themselves but their harmonic melodies; that haunts. It’s a majestic masterpiece; one of the best I’ve heard, in my life, from Michael Jackson or anyone else. There’s just something (special) about the way it’s layered that, at the right moment, can literally send chills down your spine.

my rating : 5 of 5

1997

audio review : Blood On The Dance Floor [ History In The Mix ] ( album ) ... Michael Jackson

White Castle Cheeseburgers

White Castle Cheeseburgers

This grocery store version of White Castle cheeseburgers; the best tasting fast-food burgers I ever had; doesn’t quite match-up to a fresh batch from the restaurant, but it’s not far behind. The trick is to let the sliders, kept frozen, thaw in the refrigerator before “use” as the back of the box instructs. That way they have a chance to cook (heat-up) thoroughly when you zap them in the microwave oven or, if you’re really feeling yourself, steam them on the stove. Add crinkled pickle slices for maximum deliciousness.

my rating : 5 of 5

audio review : Stacey Adams ( song ) … Snoop Dogg ( featuring Kokane )

This is Snoop Dogg’s dedication to the OGs. You can even call it a player’s anthem as he pimp-raps, almost freestyling, over a laid-back thumper; perhaps Battlecat’s best production so far. It’s almost certainly Snoop’s best song, thanks in part to its classic chorus.

“We stay on point like Stacey Adams,” Kokane insists, transforming a simple simile into a grand testimony with his laughably whiny singing style; a homage to George Clinton. That glorious hook, playing along with the music, represents the best of new-age funk.

my rating : 5 of 5

2000

audio review : It Happened Today ( song ) … REM

What happened? Michael Stipe is too ambiguous a poet to say, but concept isn’t what matters here. It’s about the music, which stomps along a bassy drum beat, guitars, and what sounds like an array of tambourines. It’s the kind of folky dance vibe you haven’t heard in an REM song for a long time.

What’s unusual is how traditional word-based vocals; lyrical verses and bridges; are abandoned before even the halfway point. “Huh-huh” murmurs take over from there for what serves as the chorus section. It’s a celebration chant of sorts, layered with harmonious melodies, and one of the band’s all-time best.

my rating : 5 of 5

2010

audio review : Collapse Into Now ( album ) ... REM

audio review : Is It Scary ( song ) … Michael Jackson

It isn’t scary, but neither is Thriller. It’s hard to make a song scary in a horror kind of way without a scary video to accommodate it. Michael Jackson has, however, managed to once again create a song that is truly spectacular. It’s actually a musical and conceptual recomposition of Ghosts, evident by the fact that their verses are quite similar and hinted at by the fact that they play-out one after the other on the Blood On The Dance Floor album. It’s an awesome set, but this song is better. There’s just no matching Michael Jackson on the chorus.

“Is it scary for you,” it goes; a question phrased in a way I can’t make grammatical sense of. A “too” before “scary” would fix it. A “to” instead of “for” would be even better. As is, it sounds like a lyrical mistake on what is otherwise a masterpiece. You could say the music, a rhapsody by Jimmy Jam and Terry Lewis, is overproduced, but I think it’s a perfect fit to Michael Jackson’s epic vocal performance. He sings, screams, hoos and makes his signature hiccup noises, projecting his voice to the point of hoarseness, in an amazing showcase of musical magic.

He’s a pop legend with a world of spectators, many of whom view him as not much more than a freak. If he’s been holding his feelings in all these years, he’s finally letting them out. “I’m gonna be exactly what you wanna see,” he says before morphing into an uglier version of the Thriller monster, “And if you want to see eccentric oddities, I’ll be grosteque before your eyes.” If you want a freak show, in other words, you got one. It’s the coda, when a lonely piano plays a haunting melody over enchanting strings, that will put a chill up your spine.

my rating : 5 of 5

1997

audio review : Blood On The Dance Floor [ History In The Mix ] ( album ) … Michael Jackson

video review : Casino

video review : Casino

This story takes place in Las Vegas back when most of the dirt wasn’t confined to its surrounding deserts. The Tangiers (Casino) is run by The Mafia, a secret organization of criminals working together for one common goal; to make money, illegally and abundantly. The figurehead boss is a guy named Ace Rothstein. It’s his “love” life, with a woman named Ginger, that stretches thin your suspension of disbelief. As wise as he is when it comes to making money, you’re supposed to believe he’d be stupid enough to fall for (trust/marry) such a leech.

The most interesting character though is his best friend Nicky Santoro, or Joe Pesci playing (basically) the same mobster he played in Goodfellas. With Robert De Niro by his side and Martin Scorsese at the helm, this feels like a sequel; a great one that does an even better job of watching relationships deteriorate over time. Non-diegetic monologues set the tone right from the beginning. Ace Rothstein is, at one point, on top of the world. By the end, it’s the two closest people in his life, and their selfish traits, that set the inevitable downfall into motion.

my rating : 5 of 5

1995

Entenmann’s Snack Size Powdered Donuts

Entenmann's Snack Size Powdered Donuts

The best way to eat these is not to put a whole donut in your mouth but to bite it in half. Less is more, or at least better, here. That probably has to do with the donut-to-powder ratio, which assures each piece is covered in tasty whiteness. When it comes to donuts, it doesn’t get much better than this.

my rating : 5 of 5

Berry Colossal Crunch With Marshmallows

Berry Colossal Crunch With Marshmallows

Berry Colossal Crunch is a direct rip-off of Cap’n Crunch’s Crunch Berries right down to the name. The main difference with this version of it is that it has marshmallows, which enough of can make even the blandest cereals taste good.

When added to a cereal that’s already good, the level of deliciousness starts to peak the scales. It’s sugar central; your pancreas may remind you later in life; but health smealth. The aftermilk alone could be bottled as a separate drink.

my rating : 5 of 5

video review : Inglourious Basterds

video review : Inglourious Basterds

“I think this just might be my masterpiece,” a character says to another just before the ending credits begin. It’s an obvious wink from director Quentin Tarantino. Inglourious Basterds is his best movie yet, even better than Jackie Brown and Reservoir Dogs, and he seems to know it. There’s no “might” about it. It’s a masterpiece. It’s also one of the best movies I’ve ever seen.

The story takes place during WW2 as Nazis, led by Hitler, seize control of France, killing Jews along the way. Their opposition? A small troop of Jewish soldiers whose primary goal is to kill Nazis and off their scalps for souvenirs. It’s a brutal battle with clever crossplots; scenes simmer with suspence until someone’s killed once their cover is blown; thrown in for narrative measure.

my rating : 5 of 5

2009