Category: reviews

audio review : From Death ( album ) … Goon Squad

audio review : From Death ( album ) ... Goon Squad

This Goon Squad, representing Detroit’s 7 Mile road, often rap about partaking in criminal activities. They’re thugs, after all. But, while several people are harmed over the course of the set, their biggest crime seems to be stealing (sampling) other people’s music. Marvin Gaye is the victim on No Place, about a man serving time in prison. It’s deep but doesn’t leave as much of an impact as No Trust, another prison story that deals with unfaithful “hoes” on the outside. It’s the best song. The chorus doesn’t really make sense; first he says he trusts nobody, then he says he only trusts a few people; plus it plays just once and lasts for only four bars, but it’s catchy and the echoed shout ends it on a perfect note.

The most entertaining song is Lick Lickin, about oral sex and dedicated to the “slut” who performs it. It’s sort of a mock ballad in that the guys are playing around instead of being serious while actually singing instead of rapping. The organ sounds pretty nice though and the Squad manages to stumble upon a few real melodies along the way. This particular form of comic relief is quite welcomed. It’s a funny song. What the album would do better without are the Luke-like dance tracks near the end, some of which are verse-free instrumentals. Their inclusion, all during the second half where they are, comes across as random and off-putting, basically killing any chance of this being a decent rap album.

my rating : 2 of 5

1995

audio review : Girl On Fire ( album ) … Alicia Keys

audio review : Girl On Fire ( album ) ... Alicia Keys

If the title is a metaphor to suggest that Alicia Keys is some kind of outstanding musical talent, I disagree. The girl can play the piano, but, when it comes to composing songs, she’s lukewarm at best. Her singing voice is nice enough. I don’t even mind the husky underlining that makes it sound like she either needs to go “ahem” real loud or lay off the Newports. It’s her vocal melodies that lack. Almost every song here suffers from a case of first-degree mediocrity.

my rating : 3 of 5

2012

audio review : Departure ( album ) … Bass 305

audio review : Departure ( album ) ... Bass 305

Bass 305 may be starting to Depart from their musical roots, but it’s not enough to justify such a dramatic album title. The only signature sounds they’ve completely abandoned are the corny hip-hop samples I was hoping they’d rid themselves of long ago and the robotic voices I was hoping they’d never mute.

Even the audiologist returns on Tones; one of the album’s two best songs and previously released on Volume Two of the Bass Explosion series. There are also samples from Nasa space missions, though the one used as the album’s Introduction; an astronaut simply counting down and blasting off; reeks of laziness.

Laziness seems to play a major part of this album. The mastering is flawed; some songs sound louder than others; and some tracks, namely Industrial Computer and the Cyber Bass Woofer Test; the latter of which should’ve actually served as the background to a proper Introduction; sound like filler.

Mark Watson; Magic Mark from the Bass Explosion series; plays the saxophone on a few jazz songs, including an Electro (filler) version of Ocean Dance, but they sound disappointingly out of place on a Bass 305 album. Cyber Travel, which launches the album via the aforementioned Apollo blast, sounds about right.

305.1, on which the audiologist from Tones gives a lecture about loudspeakers, is a standout. The angelic chorus conjures Does Life Exist. It would be the album’s best song if not for the way it rhapsodizes itself two thirds in. China Doll and Dominican Moondance, despite their traveling titles, go nowhere.

my rating : 3 of 5

1995

audio review : Virtual Bass ( album ) … Bass 305

audio review : Virtual Bass ( album ) ... Bass 305

“If you cannot relate to 305, you will not survive the future,” an automated voice warns on the Intro, which sets the tone for an album that is essentially a musical space trip. Close your eyes, drift off to Digital Dreams and lose yourself in an intergalactic joyride.

Pit stops include Does Life Exist; the best Bass 305 song yet; Space Travel and the oddly-titled Look Aggressively Towards The Future. The only real failure, in fact, is Mix Master; a stereo-panned tribute to a hip-hop subgenre the 305 boys really need to let go of.

my rating : 4 of 5

1994

audio review : Bass [ The Future ] ( album ) … Bass 305

audio review : Bass [ The Future ] ( album ) ... Bass 305

At this point, it’s about more than just making your woofers go boom. Bass is at the forefront, to the point of being obsessively interlaced into the very essence of these songs, but musically it’s more of an underline. That means Bass 305 is taking you Into The Future of music; electronic music in general; a world where computer-savvy audiophiles, be them bassheads or not, reign supreme.

Maybe 305 should; no pun intended; drop the Bass and market themselves as just an electronic music duo from Miami. The best parts of their music actually have little to do with the bass. It’s other elements of the music; higher frequency synths, orchestration chords and such; that sound most pleasing to the ears. Man Likes The Sound Of Bass, yes, but those other parts are even better.

Most of the track titles have the word Bass in them, so they’re just as repetitive and unimaginative as the ones on Digital Bass, but this album is better than that one. The duo should stop using so many outside vocal samples though. Most of them are corny and cliché. One major exception is that audiologist guy who seems to know everything there is to know about sound. He’s awesome.

my rating : 4 of 5

1993

audio review : Digital Bass ( album ) … Bass 305

audio review : Digital Bass ( album ) ... Bass 305

The title song; trance music for space cars; is the best song. Most of the others serve as filler. The gist of the album centers around a celebration of computer-generated Bass music with stock vocal samples mixed in for measure. Techno seems to be the genre of choice; the first of many similarly titled, and subtitled, songs is Techno Bass; but there are also hints of hip-hop.

my rating : 3 of 5

1992

audio review : You’re The One ( album ) … Paul Simon

audio review : You're The One ( album ) ... Paul Simon

Paul Simon is a brilliant storyteller. He could sing the story of your life in a few bars. It’s a talent he has a true knack for. Melody is another, but that talent doesn’t really reveal itself on this album, which, following what is probably his best; Songs From The Capeman; is probably his worst.

Not that You’re The One; what an awful title; is abominable. Only the Pigs Sheep Wolves allegory and the tuneless Quiet fall below average. It’s just that most of the songs are average. Darling Lorraine is poignant and sweet. Old is quirky and fun. The rest struggle in the way of vocal melody.

my rating : 3 of 5

2000

audio review : Haleshop ( EP ) … Booka Shade

audio review : Haleshop ( EP ) ... Booka Shade

If I’m the DJ, all three of these songs can go on my playlist. Club dancers should find it easy to lose themselves in their pulsating grooves. The first one is the best and Booka Shade seems to know that. The others, stripped down to mostly rhythmic loops and weird sound effects, serve as virtual bonus tracks. What I think they’d do better without are the incoherent, albeit concise, vocal samples.

my rating : 3 of 5

2013

Skittles [ Original ]

Skittles [ Original ]

If not for the little “s” on each piece, you might mistake a handful of Skittles for “M&Ms”. They might even be the same candy if it weren’t for the fact that one is filled with milk chocolate and the other fruit. At least that’s the concept here as each of the five colors represent a different kind.

Strawberry and grape are the best, orange dangles in the middle, while lemon and lime serve only to balance-out the other colors of the rainbow. What’s amazing is how well the five flavors blend together into a sweet fruit punch of sorts, which I’d take over a mouthful of chocolate any day.

Aside from the taste, the best thing about these bite-sized candies is that, even with a shell, they’re chewy, they’re not sticky and they dissolve into sugary grits rather than a taffy mass when you chew them. For what it’s worth, they’re also made with apple juice as one of the key ingredients.

If the makers get rid of lemon and lime for better fruits; or just leave it as a trio of orange, grape and strawberry; they could be on to something truly special. But even as is, because you can’t really taste the lemon and lime when you eat them all together, Skittles are my favorite candy.

my rating : 5 of 5
 

S. Fitze :

Absolutely no apple juice is used in manufacturing Skittles. No juice of any sort. Primary ingredients are sugar, corn syrup, hydrogenated palm kernel oil.

I’m also a Skittles fan, but making them out to be even semi-healthy is ludicrous.

audio review : Keep It Hood ( EP ) … MC Eiht

audio review : Keep It Hood ( EP ) ... MC Eiht

This EP would be better if MC Eiht didn’t stop for breaks. He has no discernible talent when it comes to composing hooks, so he shouldn’t bother. He should just rap. Reciting Hood poetry to Hood beats is what he’s best at, so maybe he should rap one long verse on every song.

Even better would be to recruit guests, preferably “bitches”, to sing the hooks. Premier scratches, as featured on a few of these songs, can only do so much. Eiht, as far as MCs go, is nowhere near the best, but his grimy voice is listenable enough over a dope Brenk Sinatra beat.

my rating : 3 of 5

2013

Turkey Hill All Natural Ice Cream : Vanilla Bean

Turkey Hill All Natural Ice Cream : Vanilla Bean

The best ice cream to eat, as far as your health goes, is all-natural ice cream without all the artificial additives and preservatives. This version of Turkey Hill’s Vanilla Bean has none. The ingredients are a list of five; cream, nonfat milk, sugar, vanilla and vanilla bean.

They’re “the same ingredients you would use to make ice cream at home”. That means, though it isn’t the best when it comes to taste; artificial flavors are generally better; the trade-off of being natural, thus as healthy as ice cream gets, makes it worthwhile.

my rating : 4 of 5

video review : Django Unchained

video review : Django Unchained

Silent letters are stupid and I don’t like Jamie Fox, but such nuisances are beside the point. It’s the plot of Django Unchained, a historic epic of sorts in which Fox plays a “nigger” slave turned contract killer, that’s the problem. The first half or so presents an interesting plotline as we travel with Django, led by fellow bounty hunter King Schultz; Christoph Waltz as the movie’s coolest character; to a “MISSISSIPPI” plantation to free his (Django’s) estranged wife. The final stretch is where everything sort of falls apart. Quentin Tarantino may be one of the best movie-makers pop cinema has to offer, yes, but this one suffers from what seems to be a simple case of artistic overindulgence. That final stretch, which begins with a ridiculous shoot-out, comes across as an unnecessary tack-on to what, though nowhere near his Inglourious Basterds magnum opus, could’ve been an enjoyable movie.

A dinner scene involving a slave named Stephen and a secret revealed unravels too conveniently; there isn’t enough reason given for Stephen’s sudden plot-turning suspicion; but there are moments of genuine tension there. You wonder, if only for a minute or two, whether or not the protagonists will make it out alive. That’s it though. There is no real tension or suspense anywhere else in the movie, which also lacks in the way of humor. Violence breaks itself for chuckle time and sometimes that works; a scene involving a blind lynch mob on horseback nears hilarity; but the movie’s many comedy attempts too often fall flat. Quentin Tarantino composed the words, but the dialogue is missing his signature zing. There’s not really any cleverness or grand irony here. Nothing wows, at least not in a positive sense. It’s just a slightly engaging slave story that runs too long.

my rating : 3 of 5

2012