Category: reviews

video review : The Hand That Rocks The Cradle

video review : The Hand That Rocks The Cradle

Peyton Flanders, the widow of an obstetrician who kills himself after a media scandal in which he’s accused and criminal charged with molesting his patients, is supposed to be despicable, but I like her. She’s an attractive woman physically, but that also makes her manipulating and malicious personality attractive in a psychological, almost masochistic, sense. It’s as if she can do no wrong because her sexual and romantic allure makes it right.

If I were the husband of the woman she blames for the death of hers; the woman whose marriage she infiltrates and plans to takeover as wife and mother; I might be easy prey. After murdering his wife’s best friend and emptying her asthma inhalers, Peyton tries to seduce him into sex. She dries his rain-soaked body with a towel and gazes into his eyes. He rejects her, which I guess, as far as morality and self-control goes, makes him a better man than me.

These are cut-out characters limited to strict moral roles, however, so the straight-forward plot wouldn’t let him even consider doing such a thing for more than a few suspense-building seconds. That’s only a minor part of what makes what happens in The Hand That Rocks The Cradle so far-fetched and unrealistic. Most of it has to do with the amount of unlikely coincidences that allow Peyton to succeed with her plan as far as she does in the first place.

my rating : 3 of 5

1992

video review : The Help

This story takes place during The Civil Rights Movement; a time when it wasn’t uncommon for wealthy white husbands and wives to hire poor black people, mostly women, to help around the house. The hired help weren’t slaves. That period in American history had long passed, but racism was still very much alive. Even as maids; paid to cook, clean and practically raise their bosses babies; they were often treated with racial condescension.

A maid is fired for using the in-house bathroom, reserved for white people. Another scene has one “axing” her Ma’am for a 75-dollar advance to help pay for her son’s college tuition. “God don’t give charity to those that are well and able,” the boss says with a haughty grin, “You need to come-up with this money on your own.” But not all white people are snobs. One, an aspiring writer named Skeeter, makes it her duty to help the help.

It’s a story about a book based on a book about stories; the stories of black Mississippi maids working for upper-class white people in the 1950s and 1960s; stories we never really get to read, hear or see, because they’re hidden deep within the perspective walls of the narrative. There is, however, a main plot. While it isn’t as straight-forward as it should be; the pie humor, for one, seems out of place; it has a good deal of heart.

my rating : 4 of 5

2011

video review : Warrior

video review : Warrior

I want my money back! I paid top-dollar for in-ring seats at the biggest MMA event of the year and all the fights are rigged! That’s all I have to say about this brutal lovefest, which follows two fighters on the road to “Sparta”, a multi-day tournament in which the winner gets a whopping five-million dollars to spend on whatever he needs.

The woes of their lives, the financial and psychological misfortunes that are supposed to make us cheer them on, serve as the hook. And the twist, the one and only aspect of the plot that makes it different than all those other fight flicks, is that they share the same father; a former alcoholic abuser trying, unsuccessfully, to mend his past.

The fighting; the actual in-ring combat; is entertaining and realistic. Ringside commentators make it almost like watching real UFC fights, but the movie’s emotional element is anything but tough, so the crowd-pleasing outcomes of those matches are unrealistic and anticlimactic; cliché and predictable; all the way to the scripted end.

my rating : 3 of 5

2011

audio review : 4 ( album ) … Beyoncé

4

The title is stupid. It’s Beyonce’s fourth solo album, but so what. Naming an album after its numerical order makes little artistic sense, especially when the three previous albums don’t share the same concept. Of course, it’s the music that matters most. In that category, there are barely four good songs. Track one, One Plus One, which equals a romantic two, may have a number of things going for it and the Miss You song, despite its irksome snare drum, may sound gorgeous before it suddenly fades away, but that’s not really saying a lot. Beyonce’s first album, Dangerously In Love, has a lot of good songs on it. Not to mention the Destiny’s Child albums. These days the girl is drowning in mediocrity and has been for years.

4 throws itself back three decades to the 1980s for some vintage vibing, and that part of it; the retro music production that makes most of these songs sound as if they could’ve come out in that decade; sort of works. A sample from Slick Rick’s La-Di Da-Di evens shows-up in an old-school-synth-laced Party mix. It’s the album’s vocal melodies, and sometimes the words themselves, that fail to live-up. Listen to the chorus on I Care. It just sounds silly. And the Run The World anthem, with all its bombastic sound effects, is hollow and annoying; almost as annoying as the Countdown song. Composer Diane Warren does better with a power ballad entitled I Was Here, but it’s not nearly enough to match the album’s rating with its title.

my rating : 3 of 5

2011

audio review : Soldier Of Love ( album ) … Sade

audio review : Soldier Of Love ( album ) ... Sade

Songstress Sade has a thing for Love. This is her third album in a row with that word in the title. For her, it’s a catch-all for romantic allure, which this time comes with the theme of war. Even the Babyfather ballad, presumably dedicated to her own daughter, has “troops and extra backup standing by”.

It’s a waste of resources though. The one place Sade needs back-up is on the hooks of these songs, which rarely sway from the narrow melodic range we’ve come to expect from her. It, along with the smooth jazz grooves it’s presented upon, represents her comfort zone. But neo-soul only goes so far.

There’s some impressive, subtle yet sporadic, instrumentation happening during the last third of the title track, which marches like the beat of a military band. The best song though doesn’t come until the album’s end. “In my heart, your love has found the safest hiding place,” she sings to her soldier.

my rating : 3 of 5

2010

audio review : Michael Jackson Immortal

audio review : Michael Jackson Immortal

I can appreciate homage, especially to an icon like Michael Jackson. He’s my favorite song artist and performer, but I might turn down even a free ticket to see other people perform medleys of his songs. That makes Cirque Du Soleil’s Immortal World Tour; a stage show that sends dancers, acrobats, mimes and such around the globe to do just that; more of a negative than a positive. At least they’re not singing. Apparently director Jamie King had sense enough to leave that part up to the icon himself, which makes listening to this soundtrack album more tolerable than it should be.

What it presents, rather bombastically, are original Michael Jackson songs snipped apart and blended together to form what may as well be a glorified mixtape. The main difference and one positive thing the album has going for it is that many, if not most, of the songs are mixed in a way that would be impossible for the average DJ. Producer Kevin Antunes was given access to the individual track recordings of these songs. That allows him to make full-on remixes, shuffle vocals from one song to another and resurrect studio outtakes that weren’t included in the original album versions.

It makes for an interesting, sometimes surprisingly enjoyable, listen for those of us who are fanny enough to notice the often subtle differences. What ruins it is the conceptual context in which it’s presented, of which there seems to be none. The album, which puts Working Day And Night not after but before the Intro and teams Speechless with Human Nature, goes from song to song, and sometimes back to song, seemingly at random. So even though this new-age version of Wanna Be Startin Somethin sounds funky, it does nothing to cover that massive and ultimately dooming artistic flaw.

If this album were a general music review or perhaps the DJ’s setlist at a Michael Jackson party, I’d be inclined to praise it. One of my favorite Michael Jackson songs; Is It Scary; is included in the mix. It runs dead into Threatened, which serves as a notable promo for The King Of Pop’s final and largely underrated Invincible album. My main gripe with Michael Jackson compilations in general is that they tend to overlook his newer songs. As an album; a decision I’m willing to bet had a lot more to do with making money than creating art; this Immortal project stumbles and falls flat on its face.

my rating : 2 of 5

2011

audio review : Reveal ( album ) … REM

audio review : Reveal ( album ) ... REM

As far as choruses and drumbeats go, REM’s Reveal is a step down from Up. That’s despite the titles of the first two songs, which seem to imply further artistic elevation. High, with a dreamy snare and hazy chords, conjures 1980s Phil Collins. That’s a good thing. The Lifting, even with a rhythm section pleasantly reminiscent of Can You Feel It by The Jacksons, never really gets off the sand.

There’s a Beautiful Beach Boy ballad on the last album, but this entire Reveal has a warm summer atmosphere. There’s a Beachball flying thru the sky. The shiniest gem, Beat A Drum, has the sun reflecting in the back of Michael Stipe’s eye. Cool in contrast are the spacey sound effects on Saturn Return, which throws what sounds like a referee’s whistle into the mix, and the album’s Rain song.

my rating : 3 of 5

2001

audio review : Part Lies Part Heart Part Truth Part Garbage ( album ) … REM

audio review : Part Lies Part Heart Part Truth Part Garbage ( album ) ... REM

I don’t know why I consider REM one of my favorite bands. They’ve made some great songs, sure, and a few are included on this compilation; an album-to-album collection of mostly popular singles, along with three new songs. But they’ve also made songs that aren’t so great. A lot of those are also included here. There’s no “garbage”; that’s a joking display of modesty; but compared to personal favorites that aren’t included on this consumer-focused set, like Up‘s Sad Professor, some of what is emit a rather unpleasant odor.

The One I Love is the template for a generic “love” ballad and Everybody Hurts has always been overrated, but Shiny Happy People is better than bitter angry people say it is and I consider the second half of this chronological set; the era in which REM’s music supposedly began to decline; much better than the first. End Of The World, from that first half, is their best song, but the inclusion of Bad Day; their second best; a reworked demo-child of End Of The World; makes for an off-putting clash. They should have chosen one or the other.

I like that there are three songs from Collapse Into Now; a decision that serves as a free promotional plug for their last (final) album, released only a few months ago. Überlin, despite the silly stylization of its title; the “Ü” means “thru” and “berlin” is the capital city of Germany; soars. That’s thanks partially to the harmonic background vocals of Mike Mills, which also help make Leaving New York the best cut from Around The Sun. The Sidewinder Sleeps Tonite is another major stand-out and I have nothing but praise for Country Feedback.

Driver 8 is tired. New Test Leper, which sounds beautiful enough during the verses, falls under the weight of its deadpan chorus. How fitting is it then that the three new songs are also a mixed bag. A Month Of Saturdays is as lazy and unproductive as the title suggests. Hallelujah is comparatively enjoyable. Nicer still is We All Go Back To Where We Belong, which shines like the sun on a warm summer day. It’s a pleasant song; the kind of melodic dream music this band should’ve focused more on during their twenty-nine years.

my rating : 3 of 5

2011

video review : Captain America : The First Avenger

video review : Captain America : The First Avenger

I’m an American but not a patriot and I’ve lost what little fascination I had with comic books a long time ago, so Captain America does nothing for me as a character. This movie, the latest in a relatively recent string of money-motivated superhero flicks, makes him matter even less because his story isn’t an exciting one. If it is, director Joe Johnston does a piss-poor job of telling it.

Where the first Iron Man had its clever, perhaps even awe-inspiring, moments, this script is all hack. It’s significant only in the sense that it leads directly to the much-hyped Avengers movie, which I have no interest in seeing. Even the visuals, featuring a bulky Chris Evans CGIed down to a charicaturous weakling, lack luster. That’s surprising for a film with a 140-million-dollar budget.

my rating : 2 of 5

2011

video review : 11-11-11

video review : 11-11-11

I’m posting this review on “11-11-11” because that’s the official release date of the movie. Not to follow its ideology that sets of the number eleven, as in a digital clock displaying eleven minutes after eleven o-clock, holds any significant meaning. It’s a superstitious (retarded) aspect of numerology that creeps upon the life of an atheist named Joseph Crone after the death of his wife and kid.

He awakes at 11:11. When he checks his watch, it’s 11:11. I bet when he gets gas, the clerk gives him eleven dollars and eleven cent in change. Sets of eleven have become the fabric of his life. It’s when those numbers start to bring him bad luck that things start to get creepy. At one point, he gets into a car accident. His friend yells for someone to “Call 911!” Nine, one and one equals eleven.

The premise might work for a comedy or mythical fantasy, but 11-11-11, which goes for horror and suspense, presents it as something real, which is ridiculous. Not that a movie like this has to be logical to be interesting or entertaining. It doesn’t. But this illogical movie is neither. It is, however, one of the worst I’ve ever had the displeasure of watching. Here’s another 1 to add to the mix:

my rating : 1 of 5

2011

audio review : Collapse Into Now ( album ) … REM

audio review : Collapse Into Now ( album ) ... REM

There’s a song here entitled It Happened Today featuring Eddie Vedder. It’s a sing-a-long of sorts, though lyrics lead way to a wordless chant about a third of the way in. There are rock guitars, stomping drums and what sounds like rusty church tambourines. It’s a marvel that exudes the kind of folky party vibe you haven’t heard from REM in a long time and I wish the other melodies on this album were as uplifting.

This is their best album since Reveal; it’s peppier than Around The Sun and easier on the ears than Accelerate; but half of its songs fall short at the chorus, where melody counts the most. Oh My Heart, on which the band sound like old men having heart attacks, is a grower, but Michael Stipe yelling “Discoverer” over and over again sounds silly and Andre 3000 sang “Hey Ya”; Every Day Is Yours To Win; better years ago.

ÜBerlin flies high, thanks mostly to Mike Mills harmonizing Michael Stipe’s vocals in the background; a technique the band should make use of a lot more often. Blue, on which Stipe talks his poetry instead of singing it, is a cool showcase for Patti Smith, but, even with an escalator at her feet, Peaches can’t help lift Alligator Aviator Autopilot Antimatter and Mine Smell Like Honey is more bitter than sweet.

There aren’t any major musical calamities. Nothing even comes close to countering It Happened Today on the low end of the spectrum. It’s just that, as is the case with REM’s last few albums, there are simply too many mediocre songs. I guess that gives some unintentional meaning to the Now bit. The band is merely another group of aging rock stars trying, only almost successfully, to revive their former glory.

my rating : 3 of 5

2011

audio review : Zingalamaduni ( album ) … Arrested Development

audio review : Zingalamaduni ( album ) ... Arrested Development

You don’t have to be an advocate for Africa in order to appreciate Arrested Development. Their main objective is to uplift African people, yes, but they do it with music that’s catchy and charming enough to appeal to all races. “It’s not just race,” Speech declares on the United Minds starter song, “We’re all in this together.” That is perhaps what inspires the title; a Swahilian term he says means “a beehive of culture”.

This is the group’s second album, not including their MTV Unplugged set, and it’s considerably better than the first. The production, while still packed with stereophonic quirks and spur-of-the-moment ad-libs, is less frantic and more focused; the vocals more melodic. When Speech’s singy raps go back and forth with the (black) female voices of his sidekicks over a hip-hop soul groove, you can’t help but vibe to it.

There’s an unnecessary FM radio concept started on Baba Oje’s prelude. The fictional station is called WMFW for We Must Fight (And) Win. Having two unrelated songs with titles that both start with “United” as close to each other as they are makes for a somewhat awkward playlist. Those are relatively minor offenses though on a hip-hop album in which almost every song is musically, perhaps culturally, delightful.

my rating : 4 of 5

1994
 

ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT :

THX!