You wouldn’t know from the title, but this is a sequel to The Shining. Both movies, based on Stephen King horror novels, are stupid, but this one is worse. The underlying concepts of telepathy and ghosts, which allow supernatural “magic” to happen seemingly at random, make for a plot that’s both silly and confusing.
my rating : 1 of 5
2019
Ellen Page is a woman. As a girl, she was actually quite cute; adorable even. Why she decided to alter her looks, going as far as to chop off her hair and tits, and pretend to be a man; Elliot Page; for the rest of her life is well beyond me, but it’s certainly an aesthetic tragedy.
As a female, her transformation makes her, at least for a straight guy like myself, unattractive to the point of repulsion, though it should be pointed out that growing older also plays a part in her degradation. As a male, at least a normal one, she doesn’t pass the piss test.
my rating : 1 of 5
2024
“Lady FBI agent” Lee Harker, played by Maika Monroe, is attractive. She resembles a younger version of Jennifer Lopez. There’s no other reason to watch this stupid movie; a horror flick about a serial killer who acts like The Joker and looks like Roc… Well, I’m not going to say who he looks like, but his name is Longlegs. Imagine Silence Of The Lambs but worse; a lot worse.
my rating : 1 of 5
2023 or 2024
KRS-One and Freddie Foxxx should’ve took their Time to make a better song. The verses, in which they have the nerve to brag about their skills and badmouth other (anonymous) rappers, are “lazy”. The same can be said for the beat; an amateurish production led by sloppy drums and a monotonous piano riff. The worst thing about the song though is the stupid hook.
my rating : 1 of 5
2011
You’d think they’d somehow found a way to make Seaweed edible when you see it packaged and promoted as Snacks, but no. These, despite being “roasted to light crispy perfection”, are as nasty as you’d otherwise expect. Teriyaki my ass. The taste is more akin to shit; thin sheets of freeze-dried feces; seasoned with powders and sugars.
my rating : 1 of 5
“Tears and flowers dry over time,” Paul ponders, “Memory leaves us; melody and rhyme.” He’s still Rhymin Simon, but his knack for melody left him a long time ago. It was 2000 to be precise when, after making his best albums in the 1990s, his inevitable decline began. I remember listening to You’re The One and being Surprised at how unremarkable his music had become.
These Seven Psalms, given his old age and the amount of time between projects, may be the final batch. The morbid concept certainly seems to suggest so. They’re Hebrew Bible songs about God and death; a thematic continuation of his previous (Stranger) album, which ended with the Insomniac’s Lullaby. It’ll be a sad day when Paul Simon dies, but he seems to be prepared.
It’s nonetheless his worst album if it can be considered as such. It’s described as a “seven-movement composition”; The Lord is resurrected in intervals as if the chorus to a very long song; “intended to be listened to as one continuous piece”. If the purpose were to put you to sleep, it would be a success. Paul Simon, singing over an acoustic guitar, has never sounded more lifeless.
my rating : 1 of 5
2023
This movie, about a psychiatrist being haunted by a ghost-like entity, won’t invoke many Smiles. Wasting your time watching rubbish is generally nothing to be happy about. Token casting and bad acting aside, it’s a horror flick of one of the worst kinds; in which the hallucinations of a potentially crazy protagonist are used as an excuse for a slew of hokey jump scares.
my rating : 1 of 5
2022
You’ll do yourself a favor turning this movie off before the actual Ending; one of the worst I’ve ever seen. The plot, which starts normal enough with a girl on her way to meet her boyfriend’s parents for the first time, is coated in pretentious ambiguity from the start, but it gets worse the longer it goes. The final several minutes are jarringly off-putting; random and nonsensical; as if director Charlie Kaufman just abandoned the script and said “Fuck it.”
my rating : 1 of 5
2020
The one payoff to sitting thru this shitty excuse for a horror flick, the monsters of which look like Halloween costumes with light-bulb eyes, is the ending credits. Over it plays the full version of the opening theme music and it sounds good.
The title stands for Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dwellers; the homeless population of Manhattan turned killer creature as a result of a secret Contamination Hazard Urban Disposal; and the movie is as stupid as those acronyms.
my rating : 1 of 5
1984
The problem here is Problem. His apathetic (garbage) vocal delivery, specifically on the hook; I hate the way he says “Ooooh” and that he continues to rap after saying he’s “out”; ruins what could’ve been a decent song.
The obvious highlight, aside from the way the beat plays (out) at the end, is E-40. “Never reveal your enforcers; make them think that you’re nervous,” he advises, “not knowing you active duty, more guns than The Service.”
my rating : 1 of 5
2018
Basket Case, as technically flawed as it may be, is rather engrossing. This sequel, which should’ve never been made; there’s simply no good reason to continue the story; is a joke. My main complaint with the first one was that it didn’t take itself more seriously. Part 2 crawls even further astray.
The tone here is more of a bad TV show than a horror movie. “The Times Square freak twins” are back, but all they do is ruin their mystique. That’s especially true for Belial, who, in a plot that has him and his brother living with other abnormals, is no longer the freakiest in the room.
my rating : 1 of 5
1990
This movie, which, at less than an hour long, hardly qualifies as such, is about friends getting together via Zoom during the Covid-19 “lockdown” to participate in a séance. They’re Hosted by a girl named Haley. It’s her friend who connects them to the “spirit realm”.
After a few jokes, it becomes a horror movie; one inspired by Rec; it’s actually based on a real-life internet prank inspired by Rec; presented in the style of Unfriended with all the silly scare tactics of the Paranormal Activity series. I jumped once. Cute girls though.
my rating : 1 of 5
2020
