Category: reviews

audio review : The Mail Man ( EP ) … E-40

audio review : The Mail Man ( EP ) ... E-40

I don’t know why the intro; a disclaimer in which E-40 lets listeners know the violent “mob music” he makes is solely for entertainment; is Scotch-taped to the beginning of the first song instead of being listed as a track of its own, but that technical blunder is the only major flaw of this six-song set.

Neva Broke, that first song, is a P-Funk-like banger about armed robbery; the point is that all a poor man needs is a “strap” (gun) to make money; while Bring The Yellow Tape, another crime story, deals in premeditated murder. Other highlights include Where The Party At and Captain Save-A-Hoe.

my rating : 4 of 5

1993

audio review : Xxplosive ( song ) … Kurupt + Six-Two ( featuring Nate Dogg + Hittman )

The odd song structure, which starts with a hook never heard again and separates two rap verses by what itself sounds like a Nate Dogg song demo, isn’t as off-putting as it should be. In fact it works, mostly because it all sounds good. The best part, aside from Nate’s splendid vocal melodies, is the beat; a pimped-out funk-guitar loop that sounds like it was made to smoke weed and fuck hoes to.

my rating : 4 of 5

1999

audio review : Chronic 2001 ( album ) ... Dr Dre

video review : Pretty Woman

video review : Pretty Woman

I’d prefer a petite woman. Julia Roberts is too tall, especially in high heel shoes, but I guess her face is Pretty enough for the role. Besides, her character (Vivian) isn’t a beauty model. She’s a hooker and her place of business is California’s Hollywood Boulevard, where she walks up to the Lotus Esprit of a rich businessman named Edward.

A hotel proposition takes the unlikely pair from strangers to friends; sex partners to romantic lovers; in a matter of days. Careful editing keeps the plot going at a believable pace given the circumstances of their relationship, which, with the help of a beautiful piano theme and charming dialogue, stumbles upon genuine allure.

my rating : 4 of 5

1990

video review : Julio César Chávez Junior versus Anderson Silva at Tribute To The Kings

video review : Julio César Chávez Junior versus Anderson Silva at Tribute To The Kings

It was sad to see Anderson Silva end his once-impeccable UFC run with a knockout loss, but this is a good consolation. It can even be argued that his victory here is more impressive as Silva, in just the third pro boxing bout of his career, dominates a former WBC champion with over fifty wins under his belt.

It’s not a blowout; Chávez wins a couple of rounds and never looks to be in serious danger; but it’s a relatively easy win for Silva, despite one corrupt (Mexican) judge voting against him. Highlights include The Spider’s signature taunting in Round 3 and Canelo Álvarez congratulating him after the bout.

my rating : 3 of 5

2021

audio review : LTJ Bukem and MC Conrad performing at the Electronic Beats festival in Cologne

“If you don’t know what to do,” MC Conrad suggests, “learn learn learn to boogie.” That’s easy to do at the Electronic Beats festival, especially during this gorgeous DJ set by LTJ Bukem. It’s a compilation of drum and bass tracks mostly from his Good Looking record label, but it’s Conrad’s signature vocals over the top that make it special.

The way he addresses the crowd, by shouting echoed commands to the beat, should be annoying. It isn’t. In fact, it’s exhilarating, especially when he goes from rhythmic to melodic, making the songs he’s singing over sound even better than they did as instrumentals. He also seems to be freestyling, which makes it even more impressive.

my rating : 4 of 5

2002

audio review : Relax ( song ) … Problem ( featuring E-40 )

The problem here is Problem. His apathetic (garbage) vocal delivery, specifically on the hook; I hate the way he says “Ooooh” and that he continues to rap after saying he’s “out”; ruins what could’ve been a decent song.

The obvious highlight, aside from the way the beat plays (out) at the end, is E-40. “Never reveal your enforcers; make them think that you’re nervous,” he advises, “not knowing you active duty, more guns than The Service.”

my rating : 1 of 5

2018

audio review : The Gift Of Gab ( album ) ... E-40

video review : Israel Adesanya versus Marvin Vettori at UFC 263

video review : Israel Adesanya versus Marvin Vettori at UFC 263

Marvin Vettori insists he won the first bout, but, unless he’s as delusional as Israel Adesanya suggests in his victory speech, there’s no denying this one. Despite a few takedowns, one of which includes a near rear-naked choke Adesanya is slick enough to spin out of, Vettori does considerably worse this time around.

A lot of fans were speculating and debating about who improved more since their Fight Night pairing in 2018. The answer is clear, though Adesanya seems to move like he’s still carrying his weight from the Jan Błachowicz fight. Perhaps his Zen-like demeanor is just brought on by those new nose-breathing techniques.

my rating : 3 of 5

2021

Gerber Prune

Gerber Prune

This Prune, which is actually a prune purée, looks like chocolate pudding. Unfortunately for the poor babies it’s created and marketed for, it doesn’t taste like it. It tastes, appropriately enough, like liquid raisins, which isn’t downright disgusting; I’m reluctantly able to finish the pack if only for the health benefits it provides; but close enough.

my rating : 2 of 5

Olivia Luccardi’s physical appearance

Olivia Luccardi's physical appearance Olivia Luccardi's physical appearance Olivia Luccardi's physical appearance Olivia Luccardi's physical appearance Olivia Luccardi's physical appearance Olivia Luccardi's physical appearance

Olivia Luccardi is one of those women who can be pretty one minute and ugly the next. It’s mostly to do with whether or not she’s showing her teeth, specifically that gap. Seeing it brings about a mild version of the repulsion you get when an otherwise normal person smiles to reveal they’re missing a tooth in the front.

To be clear, she is cute, if not pretty, most of the time. Look at those turquoise eyes. She looks like a doll. Her one big flaw is that goofy toothy grin. Not that it would stop me from kissing her, having sex with her or dating her. I’d just have to be sure not to make her laugh. It’ll have to be a serious relationship.

my rating : 4 of 5

2021

Libby’s Premium Mandarin Oranges

Libby's Premium Mandarin Oranges

The word Premium might go too far, but these Mandarin Oranges, which Libby’s official site suggests “add that extra kick to any fruit salad or leafy-green salad”; I prefer to eat them as they are; do taste good, especially cold out of the fridge. “They’re a far-out fruit straight out of the far east,” meaning China, in “light syrup”, meaning sugar water.

my rating : 4 of 5

Casablanca’s Greatest Catch [ Traditional Sardines In Vegetable Oil ]

Casablanca's Greatest Catch [ Traditional Sardines In Vegetable Oil ]

You might think it’s a bar of soap from the beige box packaging. It’s the illustration on the front that’ll clue you in that there’s something fishy going on. Corny jokes aside, these sardines may indeed swim, rather flop and squirm, among the Greatest Catch.

They’re “wild caught” from The Atlantic Ocean, off the coast of Morocco, and they actually taste good. I say “actually” because food this healthy usually doesn’t. The only ingredients listed are fish, sunflower oil; no Vegetable Oil, oddly enough; and salt.

my rating : 4 of 5

Adrenaline Shoc [ Smart Energy ] : Cotton Candy

Adrenaline Shoc [ Smart Energy ] : Cotton Candy

The flavor does remind you of Cotton Candy, at least when you first taste it. The aftertaste of this Smart Energy drink from Adrenaline Shoc is more similar to Smarties or Pez.

There’s “zero sugar” though and, aside from its suspect substitutes, the ingredients list, which include green coffee beans and ginseng root extract, looks surprisingly healthy.

my rating : 3 of 5