Category: reviews

audio review : Both Sides ( album ) … Phil Collins

Both Sides ( album ) ... Phil Collins

Phil Collins is a one-man band. He still Can’t Dance; there are only three uptempo songs on this set; but he sings and plays, or programs, the instruments without missing a beat. If you didn’t know any better, you might think you were listening to another Genesis release.

Both Sides isn’t as epic as their last album; few albums are; but it’s a worthy follow-up. The voice of Phil Collins remains a blanket of melody, which helps give a warm and comfy atmosphere to these songs. Most are good. Some, including the idyllic title track, near greatness.

my rating : 4 of 5

1993

Tootsie Roll

Tootsie Roll

Never had a Tootsie Roll? Imagine chocolate-flavored chewing gum you can easily swallow because it doesn’t stick together. That’s the basic consistency here. It’s a rolly taffy of sorts, not made with actual chocolate but with cocoa and sugar.

my rating : 3 of 5

audio review : Welcome To Our House ( album ) … Slaughterhouse

audio review : Welcome To Our House ( album ) ... Slaughterhouse

You can’t tell from the generic album title, but the Slaughterhouse rappers, even with weak link Joell Ortiz, can be a clever bunch. They hype themselves as the best rap group out now. If that’s true, it just means there aren’t any great rap groups out now, but there is enough lyrical skill between the four of them to make inviting songs that would otherwise turn you away. That’s literally the case with some of these songs as executive producer Eminem; a rapper who, once upon a time, would’ve easily outshined all four MCs; provides them with basically a tame collection of run-of-the-mill pop music. Rather than serve as a showcase for hip-hop; the only right direction to go with a group like this; the album seems to be made for the 2012 Billboard charts. A seemingly talentless Skylar Grey sings to emo Alex Da Kid beats. That fact alone flies in the face of what Slaughterhouse is supposed to be about. They may have “made it”, meaning heightened fame and fortune for four rappers who’ve never been far above the underground, but the Our Way claim rings false.

There is nothing essentially wrong with commercialized rap music. The popular bandwagon is often a fun ride. Eminem has proven that time and time again. This Slaughter-House simply isn’t a good place to be. Both D-12 albums are better for comparison’s sake and I don’t even like the second D-12 album. That isn’t much of a surprise though. Eminem has been off-track ever since he went against his own Relapse, my second-favorite album of his, and ditched the twisted artistry of his Slim Shady persona for a watered-down pop hits Recovery. Listen to his forced flow on this album’s title song, which does include a witty line about his daughter, and tell me it’s any better than “eh”. Not that he never shines anymore. The Asylum song, which he provides the chorus and beat for, is actually good. It’s only for the Deluxe version of the album though, which means it has no affect on this review. The highlights that do count, like the Coffin drums and lyrics that are great as opposed to just better than most other mainstream rappers, are few and far between.

my rating : 3 of 5

2012

video review : Deep Impact

video review : Deep Impact

The premise is captivating. A huge comet is headed toward Earth and will hit in less than a year, which means most, if not all, people will die. It’s a extinction-level event; an “Ele”, as some unimaginative government official dubs it. But such a thing is hard to take in. Earth hasn’t had one since the dinosaurs, after all. So an MSNBC news reporter named Jenny Lerner carries on with her job, looking as lethargic as ever, as the end of the world grows near.

A decision she makes near that end is stupid, but it’s the boy who discovered the comet while looking thru a telescope in astronomy class who’s the ultimate idiot. His impeding doom is a secondary concern for him. He cares more about the classmate he’s fallen in love with. Time wasted on such trivial silliness instead of more hardcore realism; The President addressing the nation are the best parts; cushions the blow with a layer of schmaltz.

my rating : 3 of 5

1998

video review : Terminator 3 [ Rise Of The Machines ]

video review : Terminator 3 [ Rise Of The Machines ]

The machines aren’t the only things rising. The sight of the TX cyborg, played by Kristanna Loken, causes my body to react automatically. Her face, which only occasionally breaks expressionless focus for a slight grin, is perfectly cute. Her body is perfectly slim. It’s her conduct that could use some work. Her merciless aggression is a turn-on, yes, but the girl is literally a killing machine. So if she touches you, it’s only to take the form of your body when you’re dead.

The “Terminator” moniker now refers to her. The T-101 model, played by an Arnold Schwarzenegger who looks older but still fit for the role, is now the savior. He’s been sent from the future to protect the lives of John Conner and his future wife from both the TX and the near nuclear holocaust the people of the world will face as a result of the Skynet computer virus. The virus has infiltrated our machines and decided to wipe us out, hence the movie’s subtitle.

This part 3, which doesn’t feature Linda Hamilton and isn’t directed by James Cameron, sadly enough, is inferior to part two but superior to part one. There are surprisingly funny moments and the overall plot, while riddled with improbable coincidences and stodgy dialogue, is consistently engaging. The best scenes are the fight and shoot ones that revolve around the TX. There’s an extended chase involving a crane truck that’s actually quite remarkable.

my rating : 4 of 5

2003

audio review : Pronounced Jah-Nay ( album ) … Zhané

audio review : Pronounced Jah-Nay ( album ) ... Zhané

Zhané’s music isn’t as exotic as they want you to believe; the grandiose introduction describes it as something you’ve never experienced before; but it is “strong”, “smooth” and occasionally “infectious”.

Mister DJ, their hit single from last year’s Roll Wit Tha Flava compilation, is up front. “What we going to do now is go back,” a voice says over the PA system as if it’s a classic from decades ago.

The best song is For A Reason, which, other than what sounds like clipping; distortion from the vocals being recorded too loud; is flawed only by the “second/minute/hour” part being in the wrong order.

my rating : 4 of 5

1994

audio review : Havoc And Bright Lights ( album ) … Alanis Morissette

Havoc And Bright Lights ( album ) ... Alanis Morissette

I need brighter lights. I can’t see what made Alanis Morissette think these songs were good enough to put out. Most aren’t bad. There’s a love-women anthem for men that’s pretty repulsive and Til You is syrupy enough to make you sick, but the background ambience this album provides is nice and breezy.

Listen for the dreamy military drum section at the end of the title song. Producers Guy Sigsworth and Joe Chiccarelli do a decent job in that regard. What’s lacking are any hooks to latch on to. There are hooks; every song has a soaring vocal refrain; but they aren’t catchy. That’s where the real havoc lies.

my rating : 3 of 5

2012

audio review : On The House ( mixtape ) … Slaughterhouse

On The House ( mixtape ) ... Slaughterhouse

The concept of this set was doomed from the beginning. It doesn’t really make sense to promote an album with an album, even when that promo album is only a so-called mixtape, especially when it’s composed of new songs that aren’t included on the album its promoting, because it only distracts from what it’s supposed to focus your attention on. The idea is that, while you have to pay for the official album, this one is On The House, but the official release date of Our House comes just days after this one. If this one is better, it will overshadow it. If it’s worse, it will put a damper on any anticipation the album had going for it. It’s not good promotion either way.

That said, every member of Slaughterhouse is a skillful rapper. Even their weakest link; Joell Ortiz; can be surprisingly impressive at times. He outshines Royce Da 5-9; my pick for the best rapper of the four, though this set, which has him favoring a gay sing-songy flow over a straight one, doesn’t really reflect that; on Truth Or Truth, which comes across as a 14-minute therapy session. Joe Budden also shines there, though he’s missing in action on a few of these songs. The best ones are generally the ones with the best hooks; namely Sucka MCs, Gone and Coming Home; but even the worse ones have at least a few impressive bars scattered here and there.

my rating : 3 of 5

2012

Red Bull

Red Bull

Red Bull is advertised as an energy drink that “improves performance”, “increases endurance”, “increases concentration”, “improves reaction speed” and “stimulates the metabolism”. In short, it “vitalizes” the “body and mind”, as the front of the can so proudly declares.

Interestingly enough, with all that said, there’s no mention of the taste, which I’d say is rather unique. It’s lightly carbonated, so I’d compare it to soda, but the closest flavor I can liken it to is maybe a lemon-lime berry mix with crushed Rockets (candy) stirred in for lift.

my rating : 3 of 5

video review : You’re The One [ In Concert ] ( concert ) … Paul Simon

You're The One [ In Concert ] ( concert ) ... Paul Simon

Old Paul Simon stands front and center, under a baseball cap, in a shirt with a cross on it, looking modest. Perhaps it’s because he knows that it’s not really him but his music that is the star of the show. He’s composed some great songs over the years and some of them find their way here, despite the off-putting set title, which falsely suggests that it’s primarily a concert of songs from his new album.

He does perform six songs from You’re The One, including the heartbreak anthem title track, but most of the songs he sings are the ones the world already knows and loves. And the backing music often sounds even better than the original album versions, thanks to his band, which at one point has master drummer Steve Gadd totally nailing the complex marching beat of Fifty Ways To Leave Your Lover.

That song fuses into a Fender Rhodes jazz session at the end, but funky instrumental breakdowns aren’t uncommon during this show, which is actually a mesh of two recent (2000) shows performed at The Olympia Hall in Paris. It would’ve been better to stick to one show, yes, but Paul Simon and his crew are wearing the same clothes, so you won’t notice unless you’re comparing shots of the audience.

my rating : 4 of 5

2001

video review : Night Of The Living Dead

video review : Night Of The Living Dead

What’s missing from the title is that The Living Dead are also murderous predators who want nothing more than to eat the flesh of their prey; undead people. It’s the gloomy doomy plot that makes it thrilling.

The ghouls stumble about slowly and are fragile enough to push out of the way, but there’s strength in numbers, so a boarded-up house in Pennsylvania is only the safest place until there are enough of them to break in.

my rating : 5 of 5

1968

video review : Dawn Of The Dead

Listerine PocketMist : Cool Mint

Listerine PocketMist : Cool Mint

The keychain loop at the top makes it convenient because there’s no top to flip or remove. You can put your finger on the pump while it’s still in your pocket, whip it out, quick-spray and put it back in your pocket in a matter of seconds, long before you’re face-to-face with the person you’re about to talk to.

The paper labeling also comes off easily, so if someone does see it, they probably wouldn’t know what it is. With two peels, you’re left with a mysterious little green-blue thing that could be a gum dispenser. It’s a cool and handy item for those of us who want to be discreet about our oral hygiene.

My only complaint is the strong taste of peppermint that stings your tongue with every spray. It kills bacteria, so it helps to imagine the sting as bacteria dying, but I wonder why the taste of mint is so associated with fresh breath in the first place. I’d much rather have it taste and smell like nothing.

my rating : 4 of 5