Category: reviews with a 2 of 5 rating

audio review : The Monster ( song ) … Eminem ( featuring Rihanna )

I would’ve been perfectly happy living the rest of my life never hearing Rihanna’s voice again. Hearing it spew more flat melodies on another Eminem song is almost heartbreaking. That has less to do with her voice being annoying, which it is, and more to do with her further contributing to Eminem’s great demise as a song artist. Awkwardly-constructed rap verses aside, there was a time when Marshall Mathers would mock pop fluff like this. Now he’s making it, without a hint of satire. That’s what’s scary.

The “monster” under his bed is just a silly metaphor. It has something to do with his fame, which, after all these years, he still hasn’t seemed to manage. It’s “bittersweet”, he complains, on a single seemingly designed to make him more famous. That goes back to Rihanna singing on the chorus and an airy emo-tech track certainly not produced by Dr Dre. This is music you’ve heard before in some way or another and will continue to hear as long as music like this remains popular, however monstrously bad it may be.

my rating : 2 of 5

2013

audio review : The Marshall Mathers LP 2 ( album ) ... Eminem

audio review : Feels Like Home ( album ) … Sheryl Crow

audio review : Feels Like Home ( album ) ... Sheryl Crow

Sheryl Crow has become a country girl since moving to Nashville a few years ago, so the title of this album can be taken literally. It’s twelve songs that are more than a little a bit country. The singer, whose brand of pop rock never really fit snug in a particular subgroup, embraces her new world with open arms.

The problem is that, genres aside, she isn’t making good music anymore. The closest thing here is an Easy summer romancer that begins remarkably similar to Tom Petty’s Free Falling. Other songs, like Waterproof Mascara and the bombastic Give It To Me, are molded with flat melodies and cornball lyrics.

my rating : 2 of 5

2013

audio review : Berzerk ( song ) … Eminem

Going Berzerk is embedded in the concept, so this song is supposed to sound crazy, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it. The chaotic vibe, led by rock-style breakbeats; the kind Rick Rubin used to make for rappers in the 1980s; is the one refreshing element.

The problem is the bridge and chorus, which blur the line between wacky and wack. Eminem begins interestingly enough with an impression of Ad-Rock; a throwback to “straight” hip-hop; just before this party anthem breaks down into a noisy mess.

my rating : 2 of 5

2013

audio review : The Marshall Mathers LP 2 ( album ) ... Eminem

audio review : Stay Trippy ( album ) … Juicy J

audio review : Stay Trippy ( album ) ... Juicy J

The title references mind-altering drugs. “I get high,” a soul sample says. Smokin Rollin is about puffing weed on a tour bus. “I smoke more than a hippie,” Juicy J boasts. If these lyrics are any indication, when the Memphis thug isn’t obsessing over money, he’s immersed in a world of drugs, primarily marijuana and alcohol.

That’s what you’ll need to fully appreciate this set, which works as urban strip club music and not much else. The beats bang in the literal if not aesthetic sense, but, at least when it comes to those of us whose brains aren’t warped by kush and Drank, Juicy J’s syncopated vocals and “ignant” lyrics leave much to be desired.

my rating : 2 of 5

2013
 

B. Convery :

“works as urban strip club music and not much else” i think you’ve just unintentionally sold me on this album

audio review : Yeezus ( album ) … Kanye West

audio review : Yeezus ( album ) ... Kanye West

I like all four of Kanye West’s regular albums; his College Dropout debut and the three that follow a similar soundscape. Even when he’s sampling old soul songs, his music represents vintage hip-hop more than anything else. Yeezus, like 808s And Heartbreak, comes across as more of an experimental departure. There is romance and sex; at one point, he’s “eating” his girlfriend’s ass; but instead of 808 drums and Autotune singing, it’s dominated by fuzzy distortion and spacey effects. They penetrate almost every cut, which shouldn’t be a problem for anyone who appreciates the genres of techno. The problem, more than the fact that the rapper never really spits a proper rap verse; his flow these days consists mostly of chanty poetry; is the lack of a catchy chorus.

One could be a savior to any of these songs. Instead Mister West, once a humble student, simply says he’s a God over and over again, emphasizing the word “am” as if to taunt his detractors. They say his ego has gotten out of control, so he makes it even bigger and even if the “God” thing is just a lazy metaphor, he compares himself to “Michael” in what seems to be an earnest assertion. If he’s referring to Jackson or Jordan, even Tyson, he’s delusional. He’s talented, but not as talented as he seems to think, so when he releases what sounds like a demo album void not only of melodic hooks but boom-bap beats, he leaves much to be desired. Too much of the music is soulless and spiritless. The Blood and Bound vocal samples are annoying. Yeezus gets no praise from me.

my rating : 2 of 5

2013

audio review : The Wack Album ( album ) … The Lonely Island

audio review : The Wack Album ( album ) ... The Lonely Island

The main problem with this album, entitled The Wack Album because insulting yourself lessens the impact of other people insulting you, is that it isn’t funny. That would be okay for most artists; some of my favorite songs are depressing; but The Lonely Island, a pseudo-rap trio who got their start on Saturday Night Live, are all about comedy. The ultimate goal here, beyond rhyme and rhythm, is to make you laugh, without any outrageous visuals to help in the process. But that goal fails with me. There are some smirk-worthy lines sprinkled about, but, as hard as it tries, almost nothing on this album makes me laugh.

These guys, if I’m judging them on what I’m hearing here, are creative but not particularly clever, ambitious but not particularly talented. Most of the beats, with a few cool exceptions like Perfect Saturday; a funky 1970s-style disco joint that should’ve been reserved for a real song by real rappers; are hackneyed. Most of the lyrics, or the jokes, are corny. A wack album? Not quite. Go Kindergarten, a mock club anthem, is, intentionally or not, a dumb noisy mess. Diaper Money is just plain stupid. But “wack” is reserved for the worst and this album, I imagine, could be a lot worse. Wacky, in a not-funny sort of way, is more like it.

my rating : 2 of 5

2013

video review : The Shining

video review : The Shining

A mother and son trapped at an empty hotel with an axe-wielding killer are the ones I’m supposed to be rooting for, but I’m hoping he chops them both to bits. Then I’ll no longer have to look at their asinine facial expressions. They’re supposed to be terrified; the hotel is also haunted by ghosts; but director Stanley Kubrick exaggerates the fact. Their grimaces alone, especially in the case of the mother; the pathetic victim type horror flicks thrive on; take away from any realism The Shining has to offer.

Worse yet is the plot, which, due to its reliance on paranormal activity; Shining is apparently a form of telepathy; is often nonsensical or, at best, confusing. Is Jack going crazy or is he really seeing ghosts? That seems like a valid question until his wife starts seeing them too. The answer should be that he’s not going crazy, but he obviously is, so it must be both, which is convenient for the plot as it’s now allowed to throw logic out the hotel room window in favor of creepiness for the sake of creepiness.

my rating : 2 of 5

1980

audio review : The Comeback ( album ) … Bass 305

audio review : The Comeback ( album ) ... Bass 305

The title is about as trite as can be. Bass 305 already made a Return twelve years ago. That one, from a four-year album Departure, produced just one follow-up; a 2002 remake of their Digital Bass debut. Both albums were massively disappointing, at least for those of us anticipating music near the aesthetic level of Bass The Future and Virtual Bass. The problem with Bass 305, at one time one of my favorite song artists, is that they lost their way and are apparently too inept or too apathetic to get back on track. Artists lose talent, yes, but I’d bet on the latter, which goes back to the laughably unartistic album title.

The tracks, of which descriptions like Supa Bass DJ Mix and DJ Hip-Hop Drop serve as actual titles, only make matters worse. There are savers. The Fort Lauderdale song is quirky and fun. I can imagine it playing on a tour bus as it arrives in the city. The Brave, with its soothing synth notes, comes close to revisiting the duo’s glory days. As generic as this Comeback sounds; plenty of bass but hardly any good music to accommodate; there is melody there. It’s one of too many political songs featuring the voice of Ronald Reagan, but it stimulates. A random JL Audio plug sloppily tacked to the beginning of the album just annoys.

my rating : 2 of 5

2011

audio review : From Death ( album ) … Goon Squad

audio review : From Death ( album ) ... Goon Squad

This Goon Squad, representing Detroit’s 7 Mile road, often rap about partaking in criminal activities. They’re thugs, after all. But, while several people are harmed over the course of the set, their biggest crime seems to be stealing (sampling) other people’s music. Marvin Gaye is the victim on No Place, about a man serving time in prison. It’s deep but doesn’t leave as much of an impact as No Trust, another prison story that deals with unfaithful “hoes” on the outside. It’s the best song. The chorus doesn’t really make sense; first he says he trusts nobody, then he says he only trusts a few people; plus it plays just once and lasts for only four bars, but it’s catchy and the echoed shout ends it on a perfect note.

The most entertaining song is Lick Lickin, about oral sex and dedicated to the “slut” who performs it. It’s sort of a mock ballad in that the guys are playing around instead of being serious while actually singing instead of rapping. The organ sounds pretty nice though and the Squad manages to stumble upon a few real melodies along the way. This particular form of comic relief is quite welcomed. It’s a funny song. What the album would do better without are the Luke-like dance tracks near the end, some of which are verse-free instrumentals. Their inclusion, all during the second half where they are, comes across as random and off-putting, basically killing any chance of this being a decent rap album.

my rating : 2 of 5

1995

video review : Eddie Murphy : One Night Only

video review : Eddie Murphy : One Night Only

Eddie Murphy deserves some praise. His Delirious concert from nearly thirty years ago is a masterpiece, but this Spike TV tribute show, which comes across as a polar roast in which the recipient is praised instead of insulted, is all wrong. It’s not just the format that’s the problem; it’s the fact that old Eddie Murphy video clips are the only funny thing about it.

Every guest, from Jamie Fox to Chris Rock, aims to make you laugh and even their lamest jokes work on the giddy Saban Theatre crowd, but their attempts rarely work on me. Tracey Morgan is a hack. The Stevie Wonder performance, which shows he still has a wonderful singing voice, is, in this context, off-puttingly random. The whole show is a bit of a mess.

my rating : 2 of 5

2012

Ur ( story ) … Stephen King

If you own an E-reader, avoid books by Stephen King. He’s a technical wordsmith, probably the result of “good” schooling, but he often lacks what it takes to create an interesting story. Ur, published for and seeming to serve as an elaborate plug for Amazon’s Kindle, is a perfect example.

The premise; a college English teacher buys a Kindle that offers nonexistence books from popular authors in alternative universes; has potential, but the tale Stephen King dents the fourth wall to crowbar it around is silly and illogical, especially when The Paradox Police arrive near the end.

my rating : 2 of 5

2009

audio review : History [ Mob Music | Function Music ] ( albums ) … E-40 + Too Short

audio review : History [ Mob Music | Function Music ] ( albums ) ... E-40 + Too Short audio review : History [ Mob Music | Function Music ] ( albums ) ... E-40 + Too Short

Mob music is the style of music E-40 rapped to on his Federal debut. The beats on that album were produced by Studio Tone and they, like most on those early albums, pound. But somewhere along the way; a decade after Federal, to be exact; E-40 lost his way. Now, another decade later, what he tries to pass as classic “mob” music is a collection of mostly watered-down starter beats. They do “pound” in the literal sense, meaning they’re produced with enough bass to give your speakers a workout, but not in the aesthetic sense the slang term implies.

Studio Tone is limited to just one track. That song, entitled Ask About Me, is perhaps the closest this set comes to classic “mob”. Most of the others, on both albums, sound like new-age post-Hyphy “function” music to me. That makes the double album concept a bit of a fraud. Long-time E-40 and Too Short fans anticipating an epic return to form shouldn’t get their hopes up, in other words, because they’ll be disappointed in a major way. In fact, the individual solo albums E-40 and Too Short released earlier this year are considerably better than this set.

Aside from the beats, the album concept is also thrown off by the fact that both rappers aren’t given equal time. This seems more like an E-40 release featuring Too Short than a true one-and-one collaboration. Too Short is featured on only the West Coast Shit chorus. E-40 is featured on several. I think E-40 has more verses too. He’s the better rapper, sure, but it’s a major flaw; one that would be hard to overcome even if most of the beats weren’t amateurish and most of the hooks weren’t lackluster. Some; Toasted, Say I and One Foot included; are just plain annoying.

my rating : 2 of 5

2012