Category: reviews

audio review : Devil’s Night ( album ) … D-12

audio review : Devil's Night ( album ) ... D-12

Devil’s Night formally introduces the pop music world to the group Eminem rapped with before he got famous and took over. It’s D-12; The Dirty Dozen; “twleve motherfuckers in six different bodies with their personalities split” as he explains on the opener. And though only about half of those personalities are interesting enough to stand-out on their own, the album provides a dose of high-concept entertainment.

“It ain’t nothing but music,” Dr Dre declares over a technofied circus beat. That song, like much of the album, is a comical response to people who claim the group’s songs are a negative influence on children. From Eminem shooting at cops to Bizarre kidnapping Lil Bow Wow, you get the sense that all D-12 wants to do is stir-up more controversy. Fight Music, for example, is for kids to “trash their rooms with”.

Eminem, while not as lyrically impressive as he was on his Marshall Mathers LP, is consistently on-point. He’s still the best rapper, but Bizarre’s shock value; the crazy and sometimes surprisingly vulgar things he says in his verses like eating his girlfriend’s “miscarriage”; makes him a notable second. Kuniva is third, followed by Proof, leaving Swifty McVay and Kon Artis merely stringing along for the hell of it.

my rating : 4 of 5

2001

video review : 1408

video review : 1408

The set-up is interesting. A paranormal investigator named Mike Enslin receives an anonymous postcard in the mail about a particular room in New York City’s Dolphin Hotel. All the card says is “Don’t Enter 1408”. So, of course, he goes to the city and books an overnight reservation.

There’s a satisfyingly spooky scene featuring the hotel manager. He warns the man that the room is “evil”, begs him not to stay and talks as if he knows he’s in a Stephen King story. The plot falls apart from there, to the floor of horrid randomness, and keeps getting worse until checkout.

my rating : 1 of 5

2007

Full Dark No Stars ( book ) … Stephen King

Full Dark No Stars ( book ) ... Stephen King

The title is only half true. The stories of this Stephen King collection are indeed dark in nature; the set is bookended by tales of bloody spousal murder; but there are stars. It’s just that they’re normal people. They’re people who kill and harm other people, yes, but the author does his best to justify their actions by providing a method to their madness. Are his justifications successful? Not usually. There’s only one story in which I think the protagonist is justified and that’s the rape victim who seeks revenge on her Big Driver attacker. But their sides of the story are told. That’s the point.

It’s unfortunate those stories aren’t presented in a more interesting manner. The underlying concepts spark real suspense in the build-up, even the ridiculous Fair Extension, but the way Stephen King drones on and on in meticulous descriptions and backstory is more than enough to kill it. He’s an excellent writer when it comes to using words to tell a story, yes; possibly one of the best; but these stories lack anything interesting beyond that. There’s nothing clever or witty about them. No artistic depth. They’re just told. That might’ve been okay if the process weren’t so redundant.

The best parts of the Big Driver and 1922 stories; the rape and murder that should be their ending peaks; come closer to the beginning. After that, the plots just ramble along in boring epilogue. A Good Marriage gets the structure right, but the peak is unrealistic given everything that came before it. The normal caring protagonist, like the one in Big Driver, suddenly becomes as vicious as the man she’s up against. In this case though, it’s not a matter of retaliation, so her motive doesn’t make much sense. Not that it matters in the end. By that point, you’re just happy it’s all over.

my rating : 1 of 5

2010

audio review : Death Threatz ( album ) … MC Eiht

audio review : Death Threatz ( album ) ... MC Eiht

I think it’s safe to say the most anticipated song on this album is MC Eiht’s official response to Dollars And Sense; the song DJ Quik, as far as a lot of rap fans are concerned, verbally destroyed him on. The diss, featured on both Snoop Dogg’s Murder Was The Case compilation and DJ Quik’s Safe And Sound album, was a direct response to Def Wish 3 from MC Eiht’s previous release. While it may be a wise marketing move to start this album with Death Wish 4, so that people can hear it right away, it also comes across as somewhat of an artistic blunder.

Why is he so consumed with DJ Quik? He’s basically dedicating an entire album to him. At least that’s what putting the diss at the beginning and titling the album Death Threatz suggests. To make matters worse, the song doesn’t really deliver. The beat is funky and danceable, but a funky danceable beat doesn’t exactly fit the concept. Besides, it’s too little too late. The MC simply doesn’t have the rap skills to match the DJ, as odd or ironic as that may seem. He seems to know it as he alleges some other “motherfucker” wrote Quik’s verses.

From there it’s business as usual. Quik was right when he said “bitches” don’t (generally) jock MC Eiht’s “shit” and that’s okay. This is thug music for thug “niggas”, but, as much as he raps about guns, it’s the beats that bang the most. That’s probably why they’re allowed to play on sometimes long after the vocals have ended. They don’t quite have the elegant sheen of the Strapped album, but they’re close enough. The Endoness, which provides a dose of conceptual creativity for a change, and the sequel to Late Night Hype are especially remarkable.

my rating : 3 of 5

1996

audio review : So Beautiful Or So What ( album ) … Paul Simon

audio review : So Beautiful Or So What ( album ) ... Paul Simon

I don’t think Paul Simon’s ever made a beautiful album. He’s made plenty of beautiful songs though. That made albums that were at least good. That was until a little over a decade ago when; after The Capeman, one of his most melodic sets; the quality of his music suddenly declined. He’s been stuck in an artistic rut ever since. This new album, only his third in all that time, is no return to form.

The first song, a Christmas anthem, suggests it might be. It’s better than every song on his last album and most of the ones on The One before it. But So Beautiful is a wonderless mess from there. Most of the album, all but the first and last song, is simply a drag. The poetry and storytelling is signature Paul Simon, but the vocal melodies, an element the artist used to master, are boring and bland.

These songs should’ve been scrapped for better ones, or “simple” ones as Paul Simon himself described during a Barnes And Noble interview in 2008. He debuted live demo versions of Love And Hard Times and Questions For The Angels that day, music he described as “complex”, before strumming an experimental groove he described as the result of going back to something simple.

That groove was bouncy and catchy. It didn’t need drums or even vocals to sound marvelous. I hoped he’d make a song out of it, but it’s nowhere to be found. In its place are songs it takes repeated listens to grasp the melodies of. The whiny guitar riffs on Love And Blessings are funky, but it’s not enough. I want a beautiful Paul Simon album, or at least another good one, before he’s dead and gone.

my rating : 2 of 5

2011

audio review : Pink Friday [ Roman Reloaded ] ( album ) … Nicki Minaj

Pink Friday [ Roman Reloaded ] ( album ) ... Nicki Minaj

The vapid Matrix-esque title is a clue. Nicki Minaj, it seems, as unique as she may be in the wacky style and personality she projects to the pop world, is no more of a music artist than her average fan. If you randomly put one of them in a high-end studio with established beat-makers and a hefty budget, I bet they would shoot-out, or perhaps shit-out, an album that’s no worse, if not better, than this Pink Friday sequel.

She’s an okay rapper. Her lyrics aren’t special, but I can at least dig her regular rapping voice. That’s “regular” as in when she’s not caricaturing it with goofy inflections. Her talent is minimal though, so even when she sings whole songs, verses and all, over thumping house beats that could’ve been made for Rihanna or Lady Gaga, as is the case for much of this album, the quality of her music is never better than average.

I don’t mind bubble gum pop music, but I demand from it what I demand from music of any other genre. That quality is missing here. Worse is that these songs, some of which are already bad in the first place, are presented without any conceptual order. It starts as a rap album but soon transforms into the aforementioned croonfest. Without any balance or separation lines, the switch is jarring and anticlimactic.

Her singer fans and her rapper fans get only about a half album each. Maybe that’s a good thing because there isn’t really a good song on either set. Roman Holiday, despite its outlandish vocals, does have a tolerable stage-ready chorus, but Come On A Cone sounds like an impromptu; something you’d record for fun but wouldn’t dare put on your album; and Hov Lane is one of the worst songs I ever heard.

The singing songs, which sound not just like one another but generic prototypes for the genre, do better. They, unlike Nicki Minaj and Lil Wayne going “ba-bang-bang” on the title track, at least have flat little melodies to latch on to; no worse than Rihanna and Lady Gaga to my ears. They belong on a different album though; one that’s not supposed to be a sequel to an album that wasn’t about songs like these.

my rating : 2 of 5

2012

video review : American Reunion

video review : American Reunion

Did the world need another slice of American Pie? The answer is, of course, no. And I’m referring to American Pie 2; the first in a set of unnecessary sequels, including four spin-offs. That the story continues to continue on, with an oddly-timed thirteen-year Reunion, thirteen years later, is a testament to the way the movie business works. It’s not really about art. It’s about money. So even moderately popular flicks spawn sequels almost automatically. That means this reunion just might be the first of more.

When we met Jim Levenstein, he and his three best friends were high school seniors with a pact to lose their virginity before graduation. Now he’s married with a kid, Kevin is married, Oz is a professional sportscaster and Finch… rides a motorcycle. But we shouldn’t know any of this. Their stories should’ve ended with their high school graduation. The rest should’ve been left to our imaginations. Instead we get what feels like an extended epilogue; one that’s long passed the length of the story itself.

It is nice to see everybody again, particularly Stifler. He’s not nearly as funny as he tries to be; the fake phone-call is the only thing he does that makes me laugh out loud; but his outrageousness makes him the funniest among these semi-funny characters. It’s just that the movie, as much as it tries with all its time-lapse jokes; Stifler pretends to read the Twilight series to connect with high school chicks and the Spice Girls Wannabe song now plays on the Classic Rock station; can only go so far on nostalgia alone.

my rating : 2 of 5

2012

video review : Above The Rim

video review : Above The Rim

This is a basketball movie, but the most uninteresting parts are when people are playing basketball. There’s a lot of shout-cued interpersonal drama happening elsewhere. The story centers around a skilled high school player on the verge of a scholarship to Georgetown University and a side-story involving his mother’s new boyfriend; a former player who missed his chance. Elsewhere is where you’ll have to focus for shots of entertainment. That’s assuming you can get pass all the overacting and pointless violence.

my rating : 3 of 5

1994

Vanilla Ice Cream With Snickers

Vanilla Ice Cream With Snickers

This is exactly what it says; “REAL” vanilla ice cream with Snickers, as if you made it at home. The main difference is that you’d have a hard time blending yours this thoroughly, so that you get about an equal ratio in every spoonful. It’s a sweet treat; greater than the sum of its parts; the only flaw being that the hardness of the peanuts, even chopped down to tiny bits, sort of distract from an otherwise smooth and gooey chew.

my rating : 4 of 5

video review : Killer Klowns From Outer Space

video review : Killer Klowns From Outer Space

The title says it all. It’s a movie about space aliens who come to Earth to kill people. Why they have rubber noses, wear face paint and blow-up balloons is anyone’s guess, but that’s what makes it so much fun. Without the campy concept, there’d be nothing to distract from all the bad acting and technical blunders. Whoever edited the opening theme song, for instance, should be pied to death.

my rating : 4 of 5

1988

video review : Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes

video review : Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes

The title is awkward, but it serves as the gist of the plot. It’s a restart of a franchise that began with Franklin Schaffner’s Planet Of The Apes in 1968. Of course, by now, cinematic technology is such that the apes; every one of which is computer-generated using Weta Digital motion capture; look even more alive than they do in real life. The story itself, which revolves around a brain-enhancing retrovirus, isn’t quite as believable, but it is thoroughly entertaining.

This “Planet”, by the way, isn’t in some far-away galaxy. It’s planet Earth. And the story is set during the present time. That means it’s a given that these apes; physically stronger and genetically altered to be even more intelligent than humans; are going to take over as the rulers of the world. The suspense lies in how that happens, which begins with chimpanzees being hunted and captured in the Congo jungle and sold to pharmaceutical labs for testing.

It’s when the lead scientist; a man named Will Rodman; rescues a cute baby from being euthanized by taking it home with him; à la Gremlins; that things start to get interesting. It lives with him and his father, who’s suffering from Alzheimer’s; a disease the scientist proposes the experimental retrovirus might develop into a cure for; growing older and getting smarter, until something goes wrong and it has to be sent away to a sanctuary… with other apes.

From there, it’s an evolution revolution that leads to escape and quite an amazing movie climax. Yes, that final third or fourth is the best part as wild apes unite not necessarily to take over the world at this point but to free themselves from captivity. So they raid public places, causing mass hysteria; the zoos are a primary target; all the while exposing more and more apes to the brain-enhancing retrovirus; a process that itself spreads like a virus.

There’s an ape-versus-human showdown on The Golden Gate Bridge, where police set-up a barricade in an effort to stop the apes, but the police don’t stand a chance. What the humans need, in order to preserve their status as the rulers of the world, is the military. And that, quite literally, means war; an interspecific war of the world. But this is only the prelude. So it’s a war you’re left very-much anticipating by the end of this science-fiction epic.

my rating : 5 of 5

2011

video review : Dawn Of The Planet Of The Apes
video review : War For The Planet Of The Apes

audio review : Discipline ( album ) … Janet Jackson

audio review : Discipline ( album ) ... Janet Jackson

When I found out that, for the first time since taking Control in 1985, Jimmy Jam and Terry Lewis weren’t contributing to the new Janet Jackson album, I thought, “This Can’t B Good.” It’s not. The duo; they share production credit, I suspect, even when working solo; are almost as responsible as Janet herself for making her albums good for so long. Leaving them now, as if they’re responsible for her recent decline in sales, is somewhat of a musical abomination.

Initially it doesn’t really sound like much of a loss. The music generally has a cheaper and less dynamic sound; Jimmy Jam and Terry Lewis really are geniuses when it comes to composing modern soul music; but their absence isn’t instantly noticeable. Rodney Jerkins, the album’s lead producer just ahead of Jermaine Dupri, has improved a lot since his contribution to brother Michael Jackson’s Invincible project from 2001, but he’s still a poor man’s Jimmy Lewis.

Not that it’s all about beats. The vocals are supposed to be the main attraction on a Janet Jackson album and they are generally the best parts here. She didn’t help compose any of these songs, another first since Control, but her vocals still carry a better-than-average sense of melody. I’m starting to wonder if that has more to do with her voice itself, but this is still her worst album since… well, since I started listening to Janet Jackson albums.

I like The Velvet Rope, All For You, Damita Jo and 20 YO. Discipline initially sounds like those right down to the spoken-word Interludes that envelope nearly every song. Then comes the realization that the songs aren’t exactly up to par. Rock With U is a sexy dance groove that manages to outstrobe the one on Off The Wall, but most of the other songs aren’t good enough to hold-up to the standard she’s either intentionally or incidentally set for herself.

Conceptually it’s still about tender romance and raunchy sex, but this time her libido dabbles into surprising territory. The title song is a fetishistic role play that is masochistic, incestuous and even pedophilic. “Daddy, make me cry,” she whispers, leather-bound and in total submission. She’s begging to be punished, or Disciplined, for the crime of “touching” herself even though he told her not to. I can imagine the Jackson family shrink listening in horror.

my rating : 3 of 5

2008