Category: reviews

video review : Edward Scissorhands

video review : Edward Scissorhands

Edward has scissors for hands, but no one ever says why. All his backstory explains is that the scissors, which, like his mountain home and the personalities of the people in the surrounding neighborhood he eventually pierces, are largely exaggerated, were supposed to be temporary. The man who invented him died just before putting on his hands.

Not that it matters much. Scissorhands, a well-mannered ghost of a man dressed in all leather like a slave in a bondage session, is more annoying than intriguing and I don’t care anything about him. Even when a plot finally begins to develop, it’s all in vain. The fairy tale epilogue, which explains the origin of snow in pastel Suburbia, is cute though.

my rating : 2 of 5

1990

video review : Alice In Wonderland

video review : Alice In Wonderland

There’s nothing wonderful about Tim Burton’s adaption of Alice’s Adventures In Wonderland, a fantasy novel by Lewis Carroll. It’s one of the most popular children’s stories American culture has to offer. I remember attending a stage play version of it in elementary school. I don’t remember it being this bad.

This is a movie without a clear plot. The visuals; the costumes and set designs that make-up Wonderland; are artsy and imaginative. That’s something a Tim Burton presentation basically guarantees. The story, however, which lands a girl named Alice in an impossible dreamworld of sorts, fails to captivate or intrigue.

The characterization is even worse. I especially hate the incredibly annoying Mad Hatter and the cringe-inducing Futterwacken dance he does, which an otherwise likeable Alice mimics near the end. It’s just stupid and pointless as is the whole movie. Shame on Tim Burton for ruining my childhood memories.

my rating : 1 of 5

2010
 

Andrew J. Holliday :

“It’s one of the most popular children’s stories American culture has to offer.”

American culture? Alice in Wonderland? American? Like that other US classic, The Wind in the Willows….

video review : Throw Momma From The Train

video review : Throw Momma From The Train

The premise, two guys planning to commit murder for each other, would work better in a serious movie. The comedy genre doesn’t do it justice. Perhaps it’s just the fact that Danny DeVito, who not only stars as a writing student named Owen but also plays the role of director, isn’t that funny. Nor is comedian Billy Crystal, Owen’s college professor, a novelist who hates his ex-wife for taking credit for one of his books and getting famous enough to go on Oprah for it.

Owen hates his mother and for a good reason. She’s an old decrepit bitch. Though he takes care of her on a daily basis; he cooks meals for her, gives her baths and even gets wax-balls out of her ears; she treats him like dirt. Instead of having her taken away to a nursing home or simply moving out of the house, he invertedly comes-up with the idea to have her killed by Owen in exchange for killing Owen’s ex-wife; an idea that comes from an Alfred Hitchcock movie.

It’s the wacky ways in which the two protagonists go about their plan that’s disappointing. There are some laughs, mostly centering around “Momma” and her blatant grumpiness, but those laughs are far and few between. Most of the comedy is slapstick hack. The dark underlying and the little bit of suspense it provides is what keeps things interesting. I just wish there were more of it and less Billy Crystal falling down the stairs or being smacked in the head with a frying pan.

my rating : 3 of 5

1987

audio review : The MF Life ( album ) … Melanie Fiona

The MF Life ( album ) ... Melanie Fiona

The title implies a distinction, but the MF life isn’t much different than the life of most girls who happen to sing songs for a living. It’s almost all about having a romantic relationship, or being in “love”, with a guy, and that’s okay. Clichés aren’t necessarily a bad thing. But as gorgeous as Melanie Fiona’s voice may sound in a technical sense, it hardly latches onto a melody to match.

No ID and other producers, along with a handful of guest vocalists, try to make-up for that. Sometimes it works. The John Legend duet sounds like Motown, Nas provides a surprisingly impressive verse for Running and the ending of Break Down These Walls sounds nice. But the album is mostly kitchen cookie cutter cuts that could’ve come from any average female soul singer.

my rating : 3 of 5

2012

audio review : Chronic 2001 ( album ) … Dr Dre

audio review : Chronic 2001 ( album ) ... Dr Dre

Dr Dre begins this album, the much-anticipated Chronic sequel, as The Watcher. He’s an “OG” who’s grown tired of the gangster lifestyle, so now, instead of running the streets and causing mayhem, he just sits back and observes others. He also raps not only better than Dre ever could but almost to the point of lyrical flawlessness. That’s because it was Eminem, not Dre, who wrote the lyrics for the song.

As the most popular rapper on the album, Eminem is like the new and improved Snoop while old Snoop, Daz, Kurupt, and Nate Dogg continue to do their thing. It wouldn’t be a Chronic without them. That’s almost literally the case considering the fact that they’re the only guests to be featured on both albums. Everyone else is new to the set and Eminem is the obvious best, so the two best songs are the two he’s on.

Elsewhere it’s up to Dre and his beats, composed with co-producer Mel-Man, to keep the song quality levels high. That they do with ride-rattling precision. It’s modern-day, sometimes futuristic, “gangsta” music with deep basslines, dominant kicks, snazzy snares and not a whole lot else. Less seems to be more here in contrast to the abundance of familiar instrumentals laced with the Chronic of 1992.

That it is conceptually limiting, thus rather silly, to name the album after the year 2001, especially when it’s released for 2000 and Snoop Dogg can be heard saying it’s Still 1999, is the one major flaw on a sequel that otherwise manages to outdo its predecessor. This is the better Chronic. If rap’s easily-influenced fanbase agrees, that means another career high for Dr Dre in the new millennium.

my rating : 4 of 5

1999

audio review : The Chronic ( album ) … Dr Dre

audio review : The Chronic ( album ) ... Dr Dre

“Welcome to Death Row,” a voice says as you enter a room filled with weed smoke thick enough to make you choke. It’s The Chronic; a westcoast (Californian) celebration where all “niggas” want to do is get “fucked-up” and ride around blasting their own records. The bulk of that music features hardcore rap vocals over 1970s-style P-funk; soul samples by George Clinton and others interlaced with original hip-hop tracks; dubbed G-funk for the gangstas.

Despite this solo venture, it’s still NWA. It’s just that Dr Dre is no longer a member of the group, so verbal gunfire goes to former homies like Eazy E, along with casual shit-talkers like Luke Campbell and Tim Dog. Though Dr Dre is only alone on the album cover, he has his own Dogg; a smooth-flowing youngster who goes by the name of Snoop; among plenty of others. They have his back thru whatever, deadly drama and random song features included.

The beats bang, the synths blaze and the rhymes are decent enough for the genre. “I write a rhyme hard as concrete,” RBX declares, “Step to the heat and get burned like mesquite.” The best song is the one with the deepest hook; a politically driven street anthem dedicated to the Lil Ghetto Boy. It begins with heartfelt testimony about a poor African kid, presumably real audio from the LA riots, and features a magnificent jazz flute that is sure to enhance your high.

my rating : 4 of 5

1992

video review : The Score

video review : The Score

Perhaps it should be The Heist. It’s a score, but only for the men involved. It’s a big one too, worth 30 million dollars. All lead thief Nick Wells has to do is make it to the basement of the Montréal Customs House, break into the safe and get away with a valuable French scepter while partner and House janitor Jack Teller manipulates surveillance cameras from the inside.

It’s not quite as easy as it seems. It never really is. That’s where layers of criminal-siding tension begin to build. Some of the characterization is overplayed; a computer hacker named Steven is particularly silly; and the romantic side story is unnecessary, but the plot, which mostly consists of compelling planning until the final third, provides a nice pay-off at the end.

my rating : 4 of 5

2001

audio review : Down To Earth ( album ) … Monie Love

Down To Earth ( album ) ... Monie Love

She may be down to Earth, but Monie Love isn’t a girl you want to “funk” with. She’s an independent Sister who demands respect, outspoken enough to cuss you out in a British accent that mysteriously goes to robotic syncopation when she raps and articulate enough to hold your attention.

All this album needs is better hooks. Even It’s A Shame; a rip-off of the Spinners song; samples the most annoying part. R U Single ends on a fun note though and Don’t Give a Damn; a bitter dedication to her ex-boyfriend; is a noteworthy addition to the growing list of girl-power anthems.

my rating : 3 of 5

1990

audio review : Girl You Know It’s True ( album ) … Milli Vanilli

Girl You Know It's True ( album ) ... Milli Vanilli

Who is this Girl? What’s True? And if she already Knows it, why tell her? One of those questions is answered within the first few seconds of this album on the title song; a hip-hop “love” anthem with rhapsodic drums, melodic synths, a catchy hook and a weird burping noise panned to the right at every fourth bar.

It’s the best song. The next one, on which he reminds her not to Forget My Number, is the second best. The two are oddly similar with the same drums, which come back later in yet another song. This is cliché pop music produced for the masses, which is ironic because it’s supposed to be just for the Girl.

my rating : 3 of 5

1989

audio review : The Idler Wheel ( album ) … Fiona Apple

audio review : The Idler Wheel ( album ) ... Fiona Apple

The best songs from Fiona Apple’s last album are the two Jon Brion productions left intact after the singer decided to remake it without him. She enlisted the less experimental, more radio-friendly talents of Mike Elizondo and Brian Kehew. Now the expulsion of Brion is complete as his music is nowhere to be heard on this new set, entitled The Idler Wheel Is Wiser Than The Driver Of The Screw And Whipping Cords Will Serve You More Than Ropes Will Ever Do because, in Fiona Apple’s world, there is no character limit on album titles.

What’s pleasing to the ears is the minimalist approach of these songs. Drummer Charley Drayton is involved, but this isn’t an album that’s driven by beats, so the drums aren’t so obvious. Even on a song like Left Alone, which begins with thirty seconds of drums, they’re panned to the left or the right and set at a relatively low volume in the mix. In fact, all of the percussion sounds take a back row to Fiona Apple’s voice, which is almost always right there up front. For some reason, the starting lead vocals of Daredevil are (also) panned to the left.

With that, the overall message seems to be, “Hey, listen to what I have to say.” But this is mostly just amorous poetry about Jonathan or whatever boyfriend Fiona is thinking about, even the closing song. That means she’s a typical romantic; “I love you,” she says to her Valentine; made interesting and original only because of her quirkiness. The closest thing to a typical catchy chorus is the refrain of Anything We Want; the album’s best, or at least most easily accessible, song. The best moment is when the Hot Knife piano first comes in.

Every Single Night is annoying. I don’t know what made her think it was a good idea to stretch the word “brain” out to eight syllables. It would sound silly at two. Eight just makes it four times worse. She’s also grown careless when it comes to the sound of her voice, sometimes letting it distort into an ugly growl as if vocal intonation is her sole way of conveying emotion. Not that such flaws would matter much if she were singing pretty melodies consistently instead of contrasting them with not-so-pretty ones for the sake of artistic creativity.

my rating : 3 of 5

2012

audio review : Condensation ( album ) … The Original Seven

audio review : Condensation ( album ) ... The Original Seven

This is The Time. Make no mistake about it. It’s the original seven members reunited on album for the first in a long. What’s disappointing is the new name, which they apparently had to adopt because Prince, who created the band in 1981; this is their first album he has no artistic involvement in; owns the original name and doesn’t want to let them use it anymore. Now they’re The Original Seven, a change that wouldn’t be nearly as atrocious if it weren’t for the way they decided to stylize the word “Seven”. “7ven”, which to me looks like Seven Ven, makes no sense.

If, however, you can ignore that fatal flaw, the band is still cool. Jimmy Jam and Terry Lewis have become perhaps my favorite music duo, thanks mainly to all the impressive songs they’ve made with Janet Jackson over the years, and Morris Day is as funny and charismatic as he ever was. He’s 54 years old now, but his girls don’t seem to age, so when the playboy partakes in a Role Play session to a funky dance beat, the voice of the girl he’s doing it with adds to the song a pretty and sexy allure. It’s no wonder he, like me, has a problem being Faithful to just one.

One of the few songs not to or about girls is Trendin, though it is off-putting hearing these old-schoolers, who, at one point, suggest splitting the album into two sides like a cassette tape, latch on to such a right now Twitter term. The title, as they put it, even begins with a hashtag. I guess that kind of stylization, like the spelling of the new name, comes from their quirky Prince roots, but they need to give it up and focus on making better songs. This set is fun, even the mediocre songs are funked-up with dazzling highlights, but it isn’t as hot as the title suggests.

my rating : 3 of 5

2011

audio review : That’s Why God Made The Radio ( album ) … The Beach Boys

That's Why God Made The Radio

The Beach Boys sound like they did decades ago. It’s as if they’re stuck in the past, not even aware that; with the invention of the internet, iPods and such; AM-FM radio is a dying medium. That’s not a bad thing. The point of this album is to take rock and roll lovers on a trip down memory lane where they’d cruise the streets in a relatively recent creation now known as the classic car.

The harmonies are nice and the concepts are fitting. Titles include words like Spring, Ocean and Coast. Brian Wilson’s soundscape is there, but the Boys sang better melodies in the past. As serene as these songs are, there isn’t a gem in the sand. It’s also debatable whether or not “God” made the radio as opposed to hard-working people who’d probably take umbrage with such a claim.

my rating : 3 of 5

2012