Category: reviews

video review : Signs

video review : Signs

M Night Shyamalan uses the psyche of his audience against them. He uses what’s not on screen to pump fear into their minds, suggestive music, lighting and camera angles to build a sense of dread where there is nothing to fear. The monster in Signs, a movie that drags along at a slow methodical pace, doesn’t reveal itself till the end. Even then, it’s mostly hidden in shadowy TV-screen reflections.

The thing is, it isn’t scary. It’s somewhat suspenseful; the ending, in which the Hess family borders all the windows and doors of their Philadelphia home and hides in the basement, reminds me of the classic Night Of The Living Dead; but, despite a plot that has reptilian space aliens traveling to Earth from presumably light years away, it wastes too much of its time not really going anywhere.

my rating : 3 of 5

2002

Hudsonville Ice Cream : Triple Peanut Butter Cup

Hudsonville Ice Cream : Triple Peanut Butter Cup

It’s Triple Peanut Butter because it’s peanut butter ice cream with peanut butter swirls and peanut butter cups in it; a treat intended for peanut butter lovers and likers, which I certainly consider myself when it comes to ice cream.

What this delicious blend, which is best melted down to a mushy goo, would do better without are the cups, which are actually chocolate with peanut butter inside like Reese’s. The taste is barely detectable though, if at all, so it’s no big deal.

my rating : 5 of 5

audio review : Ithaca ( album ) … Paula Cole

audio review : Ithaca ( album ) ... Paula Cole

My biggest complaint about Paula Cole is the way she swayed from the artistic ferocity of This Fire, which remains my favorite album of hers. She returned to it briefly, for only about Fourteen seconds or so, on her previous album. She still can’t seem to keep the fire going with Ithaca, which borrows its metaphoric title from Homer’s Odyssey. It does, however, include one song I’d describe as a true return to form.

Elegy sparks slowly before going ablaze. It begins with an introspective narrative sang over a pleasant but uneventful piano melody, so the magic doesn’t begin until almost halfway in. When it does, it really is something to behold as Paula Cole; still playing the piano, over a symphony of tribal drums with rock guitars whining quietly in the background; wails and screams melodic ad-libs just like she used to.

I like how The Hard Way ends and the Sex song, in which she fingers her pink “lips” while thinking about her man, is epic, but the majority of the album, as soothing as it may be for a recently divorced Paula Cole, drowns in the waters of mediocrity before ever reaching the promised land. Hooks aren’t her strong point and that’s the problem. What are supposed to be the best parts are often the most lackluster.

my rating : 3 of 5

2010

Princess Diana’s physical appearance

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I don’t care about Royalty. I judge people for what they are or at least how I perceive them to be. To me, Diana Spencer, better known as Princess Diana; or Diana, Princess Of Wales; was nothing to honor. She might’ve been when it came to personality. I don’t know, but certainly wasn’t when it came to looks.

She looked like a man even when faked up in makeup. I think that mostly had to do with the vertical extension of her nose. It’s the one part of her face I can cover with my thumb to make her look more attractive. I’m not saying she was ugly because I don’t think she was; just that I’m not into dudes.

my rating : 2 of 5

2012

audio review : This Fire ( album ) … Paula Cole

audio review : This Fire ( album ) ... Paula Cole

Welcome to the sweet and bitter world of Paula Cole; a 26-year-old woman who doesn’t seem to hold back when it comes to expressing her feelings. “I want to sit with my legs wide open and laugh so loud that the whole damn restaurant will turn and look at me,” she confesses. But it’s just a metaphor. Either that or she’s crazy. Random screaming at the end of a piano piece entitled Neitzsche’s Eyes suggests the latter.

Elsewhere she’s threatening to bite off the head of her boyfriend’s dick. I get what he sees in her though. She doesn’t offer much in terms of sexual allure, aside from posing nude on the cover photo, but her songs are musically and conceptually appealing. The album blazes with love themes. There’s also a lust theme with “Love” in the title. There she compares what’s happening between her thighs to The Amazon River.

my rating : 4 of 5

1996

audio review : Testify ( album ) … Phil Collins

audio review : Testify ( album ) ... Phil Collins

This release marks a step-by-step degression in the quality of Phil Collins albums. Dance Into The Light, while fun, isn’t on par with Both Sides. Testify; the title track of which suggests a romantic, not religious, undertone; is even lower on the scale.

You might not realize that by listening to the first song; Wake Up Call; with its boosty bassline and inspirational message. It’s one of two notable cuts on an album of mostly spiritless sleepers. It seems Phil Collins has simply lost his knack for melody.

my rating : 3 of 5

2002

audio review : All Of Me ( album ) … Estelle

audio review : All Of Me ( album ) ... Estelle

The title, All Of Me, sets listeners up for some major disappointment given the fact that this is the same Estelle who, in 2008, presented to the world one of the best pop songs of the year. If this album represents all of her, she doesn’t have a lot of good to offer. Nevermind the fact that none of these songs even come close to American Boy. The problem is that they aren’t all that (catchy) in their own rite.

She’s a girl who makes a big deal of not being like other girls; at one point, she mentions how getting married and having kids aren’t for her, despite what her dad had in mind; but the romantic topics she covers on most of these songs, two of which have the word “Love” in the title, are oh so typical. They’re listenable though. The chatty interludes, titled and listed as if they were more songs, are intellectually annoying.

The chorus on Speak Ya Mind sounds like Beyoncé’s Rather Be With You and Adina Howard’s Freak Like Me, but melodic similarities are bound to happen. What I don’t get is why Estelle feels the need to rap when her singing voice sounds much better. It’s not smooth enough to save the album, that would’ve been up to the melodies, but give it a breezy beat with a couple of Rick Ross verses and it makes for nice vibes.

my rating : 3 of 5

2012

audio review : No Trespassing ( album ) … Too Short

No Trespassing ( album ) ... Too Short

I understand why Too Short felt the need to post the No Trespassing sign. His world, a pimp’s paradise populated with fine females, is a place of attraction for low-lives like myself. That’s why I’m constantly checking for new Short albums. This is album number… I lost count, but it sounds like I thought it would at this point in his post-retirement career; raunchy raps over funky beats.

Not all the beats are funky. Shut Up Nancy and Ba Boom Cha are easy throwaways. Short Dog, a rapper sometimes lost in the guest vocals of icons like Snoop and people you never heard of, also seems to be on lyrical auto-pilot these days. Still the album, which commits the lazy blunder of including songs from the previous two, is decent as far as this kind of ghetto sex life music goes.

my rating : 3 of 5

2012

audio review : Late Nights And Early Mornings ( album ) … Marsha Ambrosius

audio review : Late Nights And Early Mornings ( album ) ... Marsha Ambrosius

Marsha Ambrosius is like most singers of the soul croon genre in that her days seem to revolve obsessively around “love”. It’s a buzzword that stands for the allure of a romantic relationship between two people. In this case, it’s Marsha and You. It can also serve as a euphemism for sex as this album makes clear from the start.

“I wanna ‘uh-uh-uh’ with you,” she says with those “uh”s representing the sighs of sexual pleasure. If her naughty intentions go over his head, she makes them clearer on the next song. “Let me do you all night long,” it goes, “I wanna do it all night long.” Marsha Ambrosius is horny. Perhaps all that talk of romance is just a facade.

Though a Remix of Michael Jackson’s Butterflies, a song she originally composed with Andre Harris, and a cover of Lauryn Hill’s Lose Myself are unnecessary additions that should’ve served as bonus tracks, most of these songs have silky smoothness going for them. It’s their vocal melodies that lack the magic to make it matter.

Highlight’s include Far Away, which is a seven-minute lament about the death of her “baby”, and The Break-Up Song, which most couples will come to relate to. “I’m out of here,” she says on the latter to the guy she started-off so passionately entangled with, “It’s over.” Hmm. Maybe the sex wasn’t all she cracked it up to be.

my rating : 3 of 5

2011

audio review : New Adventures In Hi-Fi ( album ) … REM

audio review : New Adventures In Hi-Fi ( album ) ... REM

REM is a big rock band, but this album suggests they’re at their best when the music isn’t led by big rock guitars. The best songs are the exceptions to the rule; the ones that take a more subtle approach in the way of sonics.

How The West Was Won wouldn’t sound out of place in a jazz lounge. E-Bow The Letter flirts with a country twang. Electrolite, which takes you up LA’s Mulholland Drive, is a thing of beauty. The heavier stuff can’t quite compare.

my rating : 3 of 5

1996

audio review : Accelerate ( album ) … REM

audio review : Accelerate ( album ) ... REM

REM return from their trip Around The Sun at godspeed. The songs are faster, conceptually edgier and, thanks to the help of grunge producer Jacknife Lee, more rock-and-roll than anything they’ve released in the past several years. If those last few albums were polished down to a nice elegant sheen, this one is, right out the gate from the opening guitar riff, a throwback to the old dirty garage band days. While I have no problem with the relaxed post-party digression REM began once Bill Berry fell from the tree, there’s a certain nostalgic charm to this sudden return to form.

Lacking are the songs. In the way of sonics, the album sounds like vintage REM. The guitars are set louder in the mix, sometimes with a mild distortion effect to give them a hardcore rock vibe. Michael Stipe is still a wonderful, if ambiguous, wordsmith, but, even with Mills harmonizing softly in the background, there are few melodies to match. Until The Day Is Done stands as one of their best songs, the chorus on Man-Sized Wreath is fun and Sing For The Submarine is catchy, but, at a mere 34-minute stretch, the album doesn’t have enough melodic gas to go the distance.

my rating : 3 of 5

2008

audio review : Up ( album ) … REM

audio review : Up ( album ) ... REM

“I jumped Up,” says the Sad Professor, but I don’t think he’s referring to the album title. That seems to be a bit of poetic irony as the pace of the music goes in the opposite direction. It’s a collection of mostly downtempo songs with singer Michael Stipe delivering inspirational messages in a somber voice. Why Not Smile, he asks a friend, while sounding himself sad enough to cry.

It’s a pretty uplifting ballad though, with a nice build-up of sonic instrumentation stuck to its sides. Listen in a pair of high-fidelity headphones. It sounds almost as beautiful as My Most Beautiful; a romantic beach gem that could be a conceptual sequel to Smile if whoever decided on the order of the songs were thoughtful enough to place the former after the latter.

Bill Berry, the main drummer, is gone. REM, now a trio, instead rely on electronic drum machines and an array of trippy synth effects to get their musical points across. Even much of the rock guitars are laid to rest in place of pianos, chimes and Santa bells. It works well to the point where, at times, the music starts to sound like something made for body relaxation and mind elevation.

my rating : 4 of 5

1998