Category: reviews with a 2 of 5 rating

video review : The Twilight Zone

video review : The Twilight Zone

The Twilight Zone; a “middle ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition”; is conceptually an interesting place. It’s how those ideas play out that tend to lead nowhere. The series, presented in five seasons, wouldn’t be bad condensed to a short one of its best stories.

The Fever, The Shelter, It’s A Good Life, The New Exhibit, Living Doll and Night Call would all be included. Most other episodes are subpar, thanks in part to corny hyperbolic characterization. Some, especially the ones that abandon the sci-fi/horror genre for comedy, are downright stupid.

my rating : 2 of 5

1964

Icee Cereal

Icee Cereal

“Feel the freeze,” the catchphrase exclaims. This Cereal “cools your mouth as you eat”. It’s a gimmick that fits the concept; it’s based on those Icee slushies kids drink in the summer; but ultimately ruins the taste. That chalky antacid-like bit, which, ironically enough, starts to become nauseating, lingers long after you’re done eating.

my rating : 2 of 5

Van Leeuwen French Ice Cream : Dill Pickle

Van Leeuwen French Ice Cream : Dill Pickle

You might think this isn’t bad if you’re just tasting it as a sample, but the more you eat the worse it gets. Besides the sweetness of French Ice Cream, it really does taste like a Dill Pickle; the ingredients list includes vinegar; and that’s the problem. Pickles aren’t even good on their own. Why would I want one ruining my Ice Cream?

my rating : 2 of 5

a DM Records compilation : Bass Sound Off USA [ Volume 3 ]

a DM Records compilation : Bass Sound Off USA [ Volume 3 ]

This third Volume in the Bass Sound Off series is about on par with the first two. That is to say it’s just as much of a bloated mess. An EP of the six actual Bass Syndicate songs; the rest are 808XS beats and random sound effects; would make for a decent listen. The better among them include Aruba Prelude, which should’ve started the set, and Backward Glances, which should’ve ended it.

my rating : 2 of 5

1997

Yerbaé : Pumpkin Spice

Yerbaé : Pumpkin Spice

“What does Pumpkin Spice energy feel like,” the can reads, “an energy so perfect it pumps you up for all three months of fall.” What does it taste like? Watery tea with a hint of carbonation. That makes this energy drink, though Yerbaé is among the healthiest of the harvest, mighty hard to “enjoy”.

my rating : 2 of 5

Bibigo Multigrain Medley : Brown Rice | Quinoa

Bibigo Multigrain Medley : Brown Rice | Quinoa

I imagine this is what prison loaf tastes like. The Bibigo catchphrase is to “share Korean flavor”. If this is how Koreans eat, I’m glad to live in the USA. That’s not to say this Multigrain Medley, the ingredients list of which is impressively simple/healthy, isn’t edible, but it’s barely so. It’s best to ignore the “1 serving per container” bit and share a bowl.

my rating : 2 of 5

Bang Sweet Ice Tea : Lemon Drop

Bang Sweet Ice Tea : Lemon Drop

I don’t like the taste of Tea nor Lemons, especially the former, so this Bang is, for me, one of the worst. That’s despite the fact that their Sweet Ice Teas are “non-carbonated” thus lack the off-putting sting of regular Bangs. The first sip is quite unsettling, but it does get better as the flavor of Lemonade; this is a drink best served cold; takes over.

my rating : 2 of 5

Hello Cake Stim For Him Serum

Hello Cake Stim For Him Serum

This gel, made to rub on your or your partner’s penis before sex, is promoted as “a tingling serum for his enhanced play”. The sensation, which isn’t immediately noticeable, is rather underwhelming. Neither is the scent; it smells like Peppermint Patties; conducive to sexual arousal. It makes for a decent lube though.

my rating : 2 of 5

video review : A Nightmare On Elm Street 3 [ Dream Warriors ]

video review : A Nightmare On Elm Street 3 [ Dream Warriors ]

Freddy Krueger is better than ever. Powered up on the souls of the children he murdered, his antics and the effects that bring them to life give the franchise a sense of charm. Worse than ever is everything else. It’s as if the characters, who all seem to know they’re asleep when dreaming, also know they’re playing a character in a bad movie.

The story itself is back on track; that Revenge chapter can be totally ignored without any lost of continuity; but it’s easily the weakest and stupidest installment in the series so far. That’s a shame because the concept, which gives potential victims special powers to defend themselves against Freddy, could be quite good in a better movie.

my rating : 2 of 5

1987

video review : A Nightmare On Elm Street 4 [ The Dream Master ]
video review : A Nightmare On Elm Street 5 [ The Dream Child ]
video review : Freddy’s Dead [ The Final Nightmare ]
video review : Wes Craven’s New Nightmare

audio review : Discombobulated ( song ) … Eminem

This song would be a lot better if not for the switch that happens at the start of the second verse. The music; a Relapsesque Dr Dre production; is suddenly and permanently abandoned.

The change fits the concept, but the beats that replace it, apparently provided by Black Bethoven and S1, are inferior. Thus what could’ve been a good song is ruined ninety seconds in.

my rating : 2 of 5

2020

audio review : Music To Be Murdered By [ Side B ] ( album ) ... Eminem

audio review : a DM Records compilation : Adventures In Car Audio Software

audio review : a DM Records compilation : Adventures In Car Audio Software

This is supposed to be music for cars and it starts off with Velocity, but it goes off track along the way. It’s ultimately a random collection of Bass songs from DM Records, most of which you could’ve already heard on the Bass Explosion set. The inclusion of a Bass Invaders album prelude shows just how haphazardly these Adventures were put together.

That’s a shame because the concept suggests an anthemic compilation for Car Audio enthusiasts. Sub Culture and Cyber Travel get it right; the best songs are the ones by Bass 305; but the Space music should’ve been saved for the Rocket Audio version. The album’s biggest blunder though is that it isn’t mastered correctly if at all. Some tracks are louder than others.

my rating : 2 of 5

2000