video review : Halloween

video review : Halloween

This is just what the world needed; another Halloween backtrack. I say that sarcastically, of course, as it’s gotten absurd how many times previous narratives are flatly ignored in favor of new ones. They’re all based around a town in Illinois called Haddonfield and this one, the third simply titled Halloween, plays not as a remake but a direct sequel to the 1978 original. It continues the tradition of being set in real time though, so it’s forty years later.

That means Michael Myers is old. The gray hair on his balding head is shown within the first few minutes, which not only makes him less scary but stretches the believability of a plot that has him overpowering younger men and women without throwing out his back. If he’s inhuman, as the bullets he endures suggests, why does he age and breathe like one? There I go trying to apply logic to a cohort of Jason Voorhees and Freddy Krueger.

Jamie Lee Curtis is back as Laurie Strode; she returns every twenty years; but it’s all in vain. This sequel is basically H20 2.0 as it builds to a final showdown between the gun-toting Laurie and her knife-wielding nemesis. It’s Grandpa versus Grandma, except Grandma has the help of her daughter and granddaughter. Rob Zombie’s Halloween remains the best and only good movie in a series that should’ve ended long before even that movie was made.

my rating : 2 of 5

2018

video review : Halloween 2

video review : Halloween 2

This sequel isn’t a remake of the sequel to the Halloween the Halloween this is a sequel to is a remake of. It’s a new story. And if you’re confused, ghostly white horses will only make matters worse. Rob Zombie outdid John Carpenter with the liberties he took in 1, but he goes too far here. The first twenty-something minutes are a thrill, then a flashforth happens and Halloween is over.

At least that’s how it feels between kills. Those are the best parts. Laurie Strode and her PTSD are far less interesting, along with Samuel Loomis and his book. Even The Bogeyman himself is a bore; wandering around unmasked with a hood and beard, seeing visions of his mother and that damn white horse; when he isn’t severing a security guard’s spine or bashing a stripper’s face in.

my rating : 3 of 5

2009

video review : Halloween

video review : Halloween

The Halloween series resets itself again, this time all the way back to the 1978 original. It’s a remake by Rob Zombie and easily the best movie in the franchise. That’s mostly due to the liberties it takes with the plot, a third of which focuses, close-up and shaky, on “Mikey” as a psychopathic child.

Character backstories are usually best left untold, or at least kept to a minimum, especially the enigmatic Bogeyman type, but the case study of Michael Myers, led by Malcolm McDowell as doctor Samuel Loomis, lends a layer of poignancy to the later kill scenes. It also explains why he wears the mask.

my rating : 4 of 5

2007

audio review : Confessions On A Dance Floor ( album ) … Madonna

audio review : Confessions On A Dance Floor ( album ) ... Madonna

Madonna skips church for a more familiar place to make her Confessions. These 12 songs, played in a continous mix as if they were the setlist at the local disco, are for the Dance Floor. Stuart Price is the DJ and his music is brilliant. The problem is that it outshines the star.

“You can love me or leave me,” she sings under the mirrorball, “I’m never gonna stop.” She should’ve stopped for this album. Her middling melodies do little more than drag the quality down. Confessions would be better as an instrumental, in other words, without Madonna.

Her New York City dedication reads like elementary school poetry. “I like New York,” it goes, “Other places make me feel like a dork.” What better place for such Earth-shattering confessions than the dance floor, where lyrics/vocals take a back step to the rhythm of the beat.

my rating : 3 of 5

2005

video review : Halloween : Resurrection

video review : Halloween : Resurrection

If you’re wondering how Michael Myers is Resurrected after having his head chopped off, stop. You’re being logical and the Halloween world, which revolves around a town called Haddonfield, is anything but. The secret to sort of enjoying this episode, which, along with H20, make the third pair that go together in the series, is to embrace its ridiculousness.

Resurrection is directed by Rick Rosenthal, the guy who directed Halloween 2, but you wouldn’t know it. Halloween 8 is a virtual comedy, a virtual parody, starring another rapper. First it was LL Cool J. Now Busta Rhymes basically plays Busta Rhymes. Other characters star on his live internet broadcast entitled Dangertainment. This movie should be a shitshow. It isn’t.

It’s not good by any reasonable stretch of the imagination, but it’s also not bad and not being bad is somewhat of a rarity for the Halloween series. The “continual” orchestral music is overdramatic and annoying, along with Michael’s signature breathing, but there’s enough happening plotwise; the internet bit is actually well utilized; to keep you somewhat entertained.

my rating : 3 of 5

2002

video review : Halloween : H20 [ 20 Years Later ]

video review : Halloween : H20 [ 20 Years Later ]

Taking a cue from her brother, Laurie from the original Halloween of 1978 is back. She faked her death, she says in a plot reveal made unnecessary since this seemingly final episode, number 7, seems to ignore every other one after 2. That means daughter Jamie apparently never existed. However, Laurie does have a son. He’s 17 and attends the California boarding school she works at.

How an infamous murderer who wears a mask and doesn’t speak travels from Illinois to California undetected is anyone’s guess, but these movies never make sense in regard to Michael Myers. It’s all about the thrill of the kill. That leads to an epic (nostalgic) showdown between he and Laurie. None of the Halloween movies are good, but this one, while bad, might be the best since the first two.

my rating : 2 of 5

1998

video review : Halloween : The Curse Of Michael Myers

video review : Halloween : The Curse Of Michael Myers

They stopped numbering them, but make no mistake about it; this is Halloween 6. Perhaps 666 is more accurate. As the Curse word implies, the religious anti-Christ undertone of the story; remember Michael Myers has been Evil since the beginning; has taken over and now it’s sillier than ever. There’s a funny bit involving a radio show early on, but this entry is mostly awful.

my rating : 1 of 5

1995

video review : Halloween 5

video review : Halloween 5

Halloween 5 goes with 4 like 2 goes with 1. It’s just that the latter set, while easily superior to the abysmal departure of 3, is markedly worse than the former.

What started as a simple Bogeyman story is now a conceptual mess. Michael Myers, still on the hunt for Jamie, suddenly communicates via telepathy.

my rating : 2 of 5

1989

video review : Halloween 4 [ The Return Of Michael Myers ]

video review : Halloween 4 [ The Return Of Michael Myers ]

Letting the world know in the subtitle that Michael Myers is back has more to do with marketing than the art of storytelling. Halloween 3 is a travesty to the series. 4 attempts a turn around. While it is better than Season Of The Witch, it’s a feeble effort.

The Return Of Michael Myers, which has the Evil killer going after Laurie Strode’s daughter; the child’s mother and father are apparently dead; comes across like a cheap made-for-TV knockoff. Even Michael’s mask is less menacing this time around.

my rating : 2 of 5

1988

video review : Halloween 3 [ Season Of The Witch ]

video review : Halloween 3 [ Season Of The Witch ]

What the hell is this? It certainly isn’t a Halloween movie. The main character, a doctor named Daniel, watches one on TV. I guess that’s supposed to be the link. What a ruse. The plot has nothing to do with the 1978 original, which might not be so bad if it weren’t so stupid. Michael Myers is replaced with killer androids in business suits.

my rating : 1 of 5

1982

video review : Halloween 2

video review : Halloween 2

2 is better than 1 if only because it starts, after a pointless recap, at full thrust. It’s still Halloween night (1978) in the city of Haddonfield and Michael Myers remains on the loose.

Laurie Strode is his prime target and she’s still conveniently inept, at one point waiting for help to walk away to scream for help, but this time it’s revealed why he wants to kill her so bad.

The best parts are the first several minutes after the beginning title sequence before the setting switches to the local hospital; Haddonfield Memorial Hospital; where it stays to the end.

my rating : 3 of 5

1981

video review : Halloween

video review : Halloween

What do you do after finally subduing and taking the knife from the masked murderer who’s been trying relentlessly to stab you to death? Drop it on the floor beside his seemingly unconscious body, of course, and hang around until he gets up.

It’s such dumb decisions that’ll have you rooting not for the protagonist, a girl named Laurie, but The Bogeyman himself; a ruthless killer named Michael. He’s escaped from a psychiatric hospital to wreck havoc on the night of, you guessed it, Halloween.

There are some scary moments here, most notably during the ending climax; the movie wouldn’t be as entertaining as it is if Laurie were smart enough to simply run away; but they’re undermined by all the wacky characterization and plotting.

my rating : 3 of 5

1978

video review : Halloween 2