video review : The Devil’s Rejects

video review : The Devil's Rejects

The Devil’s Rejects, also known as The Firefly Clan, are a family of Satanic killers. They slay people at will and store their body parts in the confines of their country home. This movie serves as both a homage and a documentary of their lives.

As mean and violent as they are, they carry a sinister charm, especially the Baby sister. She’s like the kid in school who sicced her big brother on innocent boys and got turned on by the sight of the blood. That brother is scary. So is the father.

Some of the acting is flawed. Sheri Moon has the tendency to come across unconvincingly in her role and there’s a scene in which a crying kid looks like he’s laughing, but there is plenty of evil entertainment to be found amidst the wackiness.

my rating : 4 of 5

2005

video review : 3 From Hell

video review : What About Bob

video review : What About Bob

I’m generally amused at the thought of a person being inconspicuously annoyed by another, especially when I’m around them being around each other. So this comedy; about a psychiatrist who meets what quickly becomes his most exasperating patient; is best during its first half when doctor Leo is still trying, on some level, to hide his contempt for Bob. The more obvious Leo is with his behavior and the more likeable Bob becomes to everyone other than Leo, including those of us watching the movie, the less funny it all is.

my rating : 3 of 5

1991

video review : Tinker Bell

video review : Tinker Bell

There’s a point in which Bell encourages the mouse she’s straddled on to set off on capturing the feared sprinting thistles, even though he’s afraid to. And it doesn’t take long. All she has to do is breath a few whispery words of encouragement into his ear and he can’t resist. I bet that’s because she’s so pretty, as are most of her lady peers.

They’re co-workers, in fact, from Never Land’s Pixie Hollow; divided only by their job titles and the perks those jobs provide. Bell is a tinker fairy, hence the Tinker Bell name, and it is her job to make and fix things. It’s when she finds out, much to her dismay, that tinkers don’t get to go to The Mainland that the story’s plot starts to unfold.

Some of the music is too contemporary for such a mythical concept. The beginning/ending song vocals are particularly questionable. But it’s a cute movie and the 3D animation is absoultely adorable. It’s Tinker Bell though, specifially her Disney-perfect face and the life-like emotional expressions it conjures, that’s most magical.

my rating : 4 of 5

2008

video review : Paranormal Activity 3

video review : Paranormal Activity 3

3 is better than 2. I’ll give it that. It’s about on-level with the movie that introduced this increasingly more unnecessary string of Blair ghost sequels. If they end it here, perhaps it will stand as a decent trilogy; notably better than, say, the Poltergeist series. But there’s almost a better chance of real ghosts and demons existing than that happening. This series; each entry of which is presented by a different director, though that fact isn’t obvious from watching them; will probably long overstay its welcome.

Let me just make it clear that I don’t like any of these movies. And I especially don’t like the way this one ends. Going to Grandma’s house was a bad idea for the plot. But the story before that point is thoroughly decent, which is surprising because, when it comes to movies, it seems part threes are rarely better than part twos. It’s another prequel; revolving around, or panning back and forth on, Katie and Kristi as little kids. Katie, I think, is about eight years old, so this is where their demonic hauntings begin.

my rating : 3 of 5

2011

video review : Paranormal Activity 4
video review : Paranormal Activity : The Marked Ones
video review : Paranormal Activity : The Ghost Dimension
video review : Paranormal Activity : Next Of Kin

video review : Paranormal Activity 2

video review : Paranormal Activity 2

The best thing about this movie is the baby boy. He’s cute and endearing, as babies often are. But his precious presence is wasted because the movie is pointless. It’s a very unneccesary sequel to a movie that wasn’t even that interesting in the first place, let alone scary. And even if you think the first set of Paranormal Activity was scary, how likely are you to fall for the same tricks?

Everything but the ending takes place before that first one, so it’s actually a prequel of sorts; a backstory to tell us more about Katie and the demon that’s been harassing her since she was eight years old. It does that via more home video footage; this time from a surveillance system installed in the home of Katie’s sister, Kristi, after what appears to be some kind of random home invasion.

Kristi; who shares the house with her husband, his daughter from a previous marriage and their newborn son; come home one day to discover that, with the exception of the baby’s room, the house has been ransacked. But there doesn’t seem to be anything missing. It isn’t until after they install the cameras that the probability of robbers is virtually eliminated and things start to get creepy.

That’s creepy for them, not necessarily for us. Weird noises come out of nowhere and objects appear to move by themselves, but it’s never particularly scary to watch on camera; even when it becomes obvious that there’s something supernatural going on. When you ponder the suggested cause, which revolves around some folklore the daughter reads on the internet, it’s actually quite silly.

my rating : 2 of 5

2010

video review : Paranormal Activity 3
video review : Paranormal Activity 4
video review : Paranormal Activity : The Marked Ones
video review : Paranormal Activity : The Ghost Dimension
video review : Paranormal Activity : Next Of Kin

video review : Paranormal Activity

video review : Paranormal Activity

A fictional video experiment presented as a real one, à la The Blair Witch Project, is only scary if you subscribe to its ideology. If you believe there really is a such thing as ghosts and demons, I imagine the realism of this movie; enhanced by improvised character dialogue and the fact that the perspective never leaves that of the camera that is supposed to be capturing it all; will create quite a creepy experience for you. If you don’t believe, the whole thing might seem sort of silly.

I don’t believe, but I don’t think that’s ever stopped me from enjoying a supernatural horror flick before. The difference here is that, stripped of traditional scare tactics or even non-diegetic background music, the flick relies on not much more than the notion that the underlyng concept is real in order to be effective. That leaves a lot of mere observation; watching the people interact while waiting for something truly uncanny to happen; where there should be dreadful tension.

The sound of footsteps coming up the stairs or a knock on the bedroom door when no one else should be in the house doesn’t do it for me. For all I know, that could be a human intruder trying to scare people. So I think the two main characters, and the “psychic” they call to help get rid of their problem, are too quick to jump to supernatural conclusions. Even when it becomes evident that something weird really is going on, you still can’t rule-out the two main characters as the culprit.

Their names are Micah S and Katie F. They are a girlfriend and boyfriend that are “engaged to be engaged”. They live together in a house in San Diego; a house that’s, for lack of a better term, haunted… because this “demon”, who Katie claims has been in her life since she was eight years old, supposedly follows her wherever she moves to. That skepticism goes a long way, becoming less and less so until the end, where things start to get really creepy. By then it’s a little too late.

my rating : 3 of 5

2007

video review : Paranormal Activity 2
video review : Paranormal Activity 3
video review : Paranormal Activity 4
video review : Paranormal Activity : The Marked Ones
video review : Paranormal Activity : The Ghost Dimension
video review : Paranormal Activity : Next Of Kin

Crest 3D White Strips : Professional Effects

Crest 3D White Strips

I’d rather not go to the dentist. It’s a financial burden and time taker, yes, but there’s also the fact that you never really know how clean those cleaning tools are. Not to mention the fact that I simply hate the thought of anyone looking inside my mouth. It happens though. And I care about how I look to other people; especially girls I might kiss. So I try to keep my teeth not only clean but as white as possible.

The best home whitening system I’ve been able to find is these 3D White Strips; Professional Effects. The treatment, which Crest says is comparable to paying 500 dollars for light and laser treatment, works by having you put gelled strips over your front teeth. And yes, it really works. Frequent use might make your teeth temporarily sensitive and I’d prefer a more secure fit around the back, but it does work.

my rating : 4 of 5

video review : Mirrors

video review : Mirrors

There’s a nice glimpse of Angela’s butt as she’s stepping into a bathtub. Amy gets wet and shows her sexy cleavage during a house flood. Those are the best parts. That’s not a good thing for a movie that’s supposed to be encased in horror.

The concept is too silly to be scary. It’s about demon-imprisoned mirrors, but characters taking it seriously just make you laugh. The last three minutes before the ending credits are actually pretty cool. By then, it’s too late.

my rating : 2 of 5

2008

Flipz pretzels : White Fudge

Flipz pretzels : White Fudge

These pretzels are “so completely irresistible”, “you’ll make up excuses to eat em,” the bag brags before listing some surprisingly funny examples. “I’ll just have one more,” goes one, “after this one.”

They’re right. This is a snack that’s virtually irresistible after the first bite. That’s thanks mainly to the way the sweet taste of the white chocolate (fudge) coating plays on the salt of the pretzels.

my rating : 5 of 5

Casey Anthony’s physical appearance

Casey Anthony's physical appearance Casey Anthony's physical appearance Casey Anthony's physical appearance Casey Anthony's physical appearance

There was some media chatter during Casey Anthony’s murder trial that suggested her physical appearance worked in her favor. I have my doubts about that. I think she’s sort of attractive, particularly in the face, but I don’t think she’s that attractive. The obvious flaw is the prominent puffs under her eyes. Aside from assuming she’d look better without than with them, it’s a flaw that doesn’t really bother me.

It’s the length of her face I have a problem with. It stretches out vertically pass the possibility of perfection. There’s some natural beauty there, but I think she would look cuter if her face were more rounded. There’s a little heap at the tip of her nose, but her mouth is just right and I like her little pop-up ears. As with any girl, I’d try not to get her pregnant, but she’s someone I certainly wouldn’t mind having sex with.

my rating : 3 of 5

2012

audio review : My Life 2 [ The Journey Continues ] ( album ) … Mary J Blige

audio review : My Life 2 [ The Journey Continues ] ( album ) ... Mary J Blige

“If you gon do it,” Puff says in regard to Mary J Blige talking to him about making a sequel to her My Life album, “You know you gotta come with it, girl.” He should know. He produced it. But that was back in 1994 and a lot has changed since then. It’s been seventeen years and Mary J Blige isn’t the “girl” she used to be.

That fact, of course, has little to do with this album, which, like part 1, revolves almost exclusively around “love”. Perhaps they should be titled My Love Life because even the most obsessive romantic has other things going on in life, especially if they happen to be one rich and famous enough to befriend Beyoncé.

Their duet, which teaches men how to Love A Woman, is a gag, but it goes down easier than the Chaka Khan cover. The music, provided by the hip-hop producers of the day; Diddy only talks on the Intro; sounds fresh enough. I’ll leave whether or not this sequel compares to the “classic” original up to the fans.

my rating : 3 of 5

2011

audio review : Return Of The Boom Bap ( album ) … KRS-One

audio review : Return Of The Boom Bap ( album ) ... KRS-One

“Return Of The Boom Bap means just that,” KRS-One explains, “It means return of the real hard beats and real rap.” It’s the word “Return” that confuses me because KRS-One, whose albums should’ve always been credited under that name, never fell off. His albums have been on-point at least since The Blueprint. Maybe he’s saying that rap music in general has fallen off. If that’s the case, this album brings it back.

The verses are about as Edutaining as always. The beats, some of which are produced by DJ Premier, stay true to the concept. Despite KRS-One using headphones as a mic on the cover photo, the album’s mixing and mastering sounds slicker and smoother than usual. Other than that, it’s not much different than the other albums. He’s still a rapper with a thing for reggae who’s main objection is to uplift the black race.

A Brown Skin Woman, as far as he’s concerned, is a queen, not a ho, though he refers to one as such just two songs later. He compares Da Police to the overseers of slave plantations and when he addresses white kids, on a beat-box narrative about teen peer pressure, he does so with a hint of animosity. He puts them in the cynical scenario of ganging-up to bully an innocent youth. “And yes, that youth is black.”

There has long been a fine line between being pro-black and being anti-white. Other rappers have certainly crossed that line, but, though he comes close, I don’t think KRS-One has reached that point. Even if he has, that doesn’t take anything away from his skills as an MC and overall rap artist. He’s not quite as skilled as he thinks he is, but he’s the real deal. He’s a hip-hop purist if there ever was such a thing.

my rating : 4 of 5

1993