Category: reviews

audio review : Hello ( song ) … Eminem

“My head is pounding to the beat of the drum,” a drug and sex addicted Eminem announces. That beat is the best part of the song. It’s a Dr Dre production and one of his sleekest; Mark Batson serves as co-producer; not just for the drums but the twangy synths and sneaky bassline that comes at the end of every fourth bar.

It’s an introduction slash return song; a cliché concept for a rapper whose past titles include My Name Is and I’m Back. Why it doesn’t start the Relapse LP is beyond me, but, after the mediocrity of his previous two (Show/Encore) albums, Eminem is indeed “resuscitated and rejuved” when it comes to lyrical prowess.

my rating : 4 of 5

2009

audio review : Relapse ( album ) ... Eminem

Mainstays Chalkboard Wood Crate

Mainstays Chalkboard Wood Crate

The only thing I really dislike about this crate, puzzlingly described as being intended “for indoor decorative use only” when it can also be used for storage and such, is the Chalkboard bit, which puts what would be a big rectangular hole on one end. It looks okay from the outside because it’s black; I wish the whole crate were; but the inside is beige, bulgy and tacky. It’s a cute crate otherwise.

my rating : 3 of 5

Teddie All Natural Smooth Peanut Butter

Teddie All Natural Smooth Peanut Butter

The All Natural bit has to do with the fact that, unlike most Peanut Butter, this has no extra oil added to it. It’s just peanut butter, made from “dry roasted peanuts”, and salt; no sugar; which leaves a lot to be desired in the way of taste.

You’ll have to eat it with something sweet, like in a sandwich with jelly or jam, to enjoy the flavor. Of course that would negate one of its main benefits; that, while sugars ultimately have the opposite effect, it serves as a healthy source of energy.

my rating : 3 of 5

audio review : Big Bad Sister ( song ) … MC Lyte

MC Lyte contradicts herself here. “The Big Bad Sister from around the way,” she describes herself as before declaring, “I’m not tall but I’m small; don’t matter what I weigh.” That last comment sounds more clever than she probably meant it when you consider how self-conscious women generally are about their weight.

It’s a good song though. That’s partly due to the rapper’s “funky lyrics”; it’s basically just a short verse and a long verse with no chorus; but mostly because of the funky New York City beat, produced by The 45 King and led by what sounds like a rendition or altered sample of the bassline from The Whatnauts’ Help Is On The Way.

my rating : 4 of 5

1991

audio review : Act Like You Know ( album ) ... MC Lyte

Chobani Zero Sugar : Strawberry Cheesecake

Chobani Zero Sugar : Strawberry Cheesecake

Why even bother calling this Strawberry Cheesecake? It’s a bad idea as far as marketing and promotion goes because it tastes nothing like it and will inevitably irk those of us anticipating the flavor.

What does it taste like? Well, it’s hard to say; certainly not cheesecake or even strawberries. It’s mildly sweet though and pleasant enough to eat as a healthy alternative to sugar yogurt.

my rating : 3 of 5

Quaker Puffed Granola : Apple Cinnamon

Quaker Puffed Granola : Apple Cinnamon

The box describes this cereal as having a “unique light and crispy texture”, but it’s basically Granola with rice cake crumbs. What is unusual are the dried apple pieces. Actual fruit, along with the addition of Cinnamon, lends credence to the “natural flavors” bit in the promo. Is it “delicious”? No, but it makes for a decent breakfast or dry snack.

my rating : 3 of 5

MagicaLicious

MagicaLicious

This cereal; a Laura Lynn product distributed by Ingles Markets; is a blatant ripoff of Lucky Charms. If the similarity of the frosted oats and marshmallows weren’t obvious enough, the mascot is a Magician dressed like a leprechaun.

It tastes better though. What put me off Lucky Charms is when they started skimping on the marshmallows. These seem to have enough. Even if they didn’t, the oat pieces, all of which are shaped like stars, taste better than theirs.

my rating : 4 of 5

the Udison Portable Speaker

the Udison Portable Speaker

While certainly Portable, this would more accurately be described as a Udison Bluetooth Speaker considering it can’t be used without said technology. With just four buttons; the blue light, which can be distracting in the dark, can’t be turned off; its features are as basic as the name. Still I like it, especially in regard to its handy size and durability.

my rating : 4 of 5

Checkers Crispy Fish Sandwich

Checkers Crispy Fish Sandwich

This; a rare example of a popular fast-food Fish Sandwich available any time of year; is “topped with iceberg lettuce and tartar sauce for”, as Checkers describes it, “a boatload of flavor”.

That last bit is clever hyperbole; I wish it came with more sauce than it does and usually add my own mayo to compensate; but it’s a damn good alternative to a typical hamburger.

my rating : 4 of 5

Bang : Miami Cola

Bang : Miami Cola

I don’t know what this Cola has to do with Miami, but it’s a cool name. Miami Coke; pun intended, especially given the fact that each can smuggles in a whopping 300 milligrams of caffeine; would’ve been even better as the taste, which comes with a hint of cherry, reminds me of a cross between Cherry Coca-Cola and Dr Pepper.

my rating : 3 of 5