Category: reviews with a 3 of 5 rating

video review : Paranormal Activity : The Marked Ones

video review : Paranormal Activity : The Marked Ones

This is Paranormal Activity 5. The decision to omit the “5” and give it a subtitle was a stupid one that not only causes confusion but basically ruins the consistency of the series. Not that it wasn’t already stupid. Paranormal Activity should’ve ended after the first one. Making more has less to do with art than money and it shows. This is, in a lot of ways, the same story being told over and over again. It’s a decent story usually; 2 is notably worse than the rest; but essentially the same nonetheless.

This time the camera focuses on a recent high school graduate named Jesse. His best friend Hector is the one with the camera and he seems to have it on constantly, as if he knows he’s shooting a real movie. They also have a friend named Marisol. The three serve as amatuer investigators when spooky things start happening around Jesse’s apartment. It begins with the death of the weirdo downstairs neighbor. By the end, people are screaming and running for their lives as the camera shoots on.

my rating : 3 of 5

2014

video review : Paranormal Activity : The Ghost Dimension
video review : Paranormal Activity : Next Of Kin

video review : Horrible Bosses 2

video review : Horrible Bosses 2

This movie isn’t horrible. It’s as okay as the first one. The title makes less sense now as it refers not to the people the main characters work for but the guys themselves. Nick, Kurt and Dale have become potential entrepreneurs by quitting their jobs and inventing a bath product called The Shower Buddy.

The opening scene has them on the set of a morning TV show to promote it. What happens from there takes the plot into an assortment of wacky twists and turns, all for the sake of comedy. Is it funny? Sometimes. But not nearly as often as it tries to be. Is it stupid? Usually. But so was the original.

my rating : 3 of 5

2014

video review : Big Eyes

video review : Big Eyes

Margaret Keane is supposed to be a victim. Her husband defrauded the public by taking credit for her art and selling it as his, but it’s hard to feel sorry for her because she went along with it for financial gain albeit in 1950s America, where women artists weren’t taken seriously.

Sexual equality is a major theme in this slightly campy biography, which, with its simple storyline, serves as one of Tim Burton’s more cohesive, thus enjoyable, movies. It’s called Big Eyes, by the way, because of the peculiar way Keane’s art depicts the faces of its kid subjects.

my rating : 3 of 5

2014

video review : Orange Is The New Black [ Season 3 ]

video review : Orange Is The New Black [ Season 3 ]

Well, the first two seasons were good. This one represents a sudden and significant drop in quality. It’s the dialogue and storyline that can’t, for even one episode, rise above mediocrity. The comedy is mostly lame and the drama arcs are silly in comparison to the ruckus Vee, now dead, brought in Season 2.

Inmate Piper Chapman and her baggy eyes have become almost completely unlikeable. The fact that “transsexual” men are still men is (finally) addressed and the plot makes practical use of the women’s dirty panties, but there’s not much else to compliment about this disappointing season.

my rating : 3 of 5

2015

video review : Orange Is The New Black [ Season 4 ]
video review : Orange Is The New Black [ Season 5 ]
video review : Orange Is The New Black [ Season 6 ]
video review : Orange Is The New Black [ Season 7 ]

audio review : Talk Back ( song ) … Gorilla Zoe ( featuring Roxy Reynolds )

The spotlight is on Roxy Reynolds. You knew she fucked and sucked, but you probably didn’t know she rapped. Her lyrics are far from impressive; she’s as simple-minded as Gorilla Zoe when it comes to composing bars; but the meretricious content of her verse, presented in that sexy voice, makes up for what she lacks in artistic creativity.

“Put your tongue on that bubble gum,” she commands, referring to her pussy, which I imagine is sweet and yummy. “You love my lady lumps?” My answer would be yes, but not as much as her pussy. That’s what the song is about. “I’ll make that pussy talk back,” the chorus goes, which makes sense because her pussy has lips. I’ve seen them.

my rating : 3 of 5

2009

audio review : Real Talk ( song ) … R Kelly

It’s a heated Talk between R Kelly and his girl, but eavesdroppers only get to hear his side of the story. “Wait a minute; calm down,” he starts. By the end, he’s calling his driver to take him home, so he can stop that “bitch” from burning his clothes.

What was once a nice relationship has, over five years, descended into a dramatic mess. One of her friends; the “no-man-having hoes” he so despises; told her she saw him at a dance club over the weekend with another girl and she believes her.

Some of what he says is funny and the background music is sweet, but the song lacks if it is indeed supposed to be a song. Perhaps it would’ve been better as a skit in which he actually talked instead of singing a random array of tactless melodies.

my rating : 3 of 5

2007

audio review : The Lost Children ( song ) … Michael Jackson

This is Michael Jackson, the philanthropist. He’s at his most caring, and perhaps most daring, while singing shamelessly a hymn to wish home all the missing children of the world with the help of a backing choir, woodchip snares and Disney-like orchestration.

Schmaltz, poured warm and heavy, can be a sweet thing in small melodic doses. Here that melody is led by a sing-along chorus you’ll have to listen to a few times, if not lose a child, to fully appreciate. The bridge, where “no one can find thee”, is instantly accessible.

My only complaint about the song is the fact that they; mixing engineer Bruce Swedien or whoever it was; used the children’s “ladybug” dialogue clip more than once; an annoying artistic decision, or mishap, that sort of puts a damper on an otherwise surreal soundscape.

my rating : 3 of 5

2001

audio review : Invincible ( album ) ... Michael Jackson

audio review : Naughty Girl ( song ) … Beyoncé

Beyoncé’s just arrived at the party. She’s “feeling sexy” and she wants everyone to know, especially the boys she insists on flirting with by offering not only rhythmic movements but also empty promises for later tonight.

The beat is hot enough to get any urban club jumping, while the vocals work around it effectively if not too closely at times. The best part is the chorus though, where she declares that she’s “all yours” tonight. Yeah right.

my rating : 3 of 5

2003

audio review : 2 Bitches ( song ) … Too Short

A wild sex orgy isn’t out of the ordinary in the life of a pimp “nigga”; a fact Too Short throws in your face over a nasty Jazze Pha beat. This freaky tale centers around a threesome he initiates by taking a bisexual “bitch” to a strip club and asking which dancer she wants to fuck. She picks a chocolate one with a big booty and big tits. Long story Short, the girls end-up licking each other’s tits, navels, toes and assholes.

my rating : 3 of 5

2000

audio review : I Don’t Like ( song ) … Chief Keef ( featuring Lil Reese )

This song is all chorus. Not really, but the chorus is virtually indistinguishable from the verses if you happen to be a casual listener, at least until Reese gets on and provides a slight but welcomed change of tone.

It’s about just what the title says; what they don’t like; which could be a creative concept if the two rappers were mindful enough to utilize it. Instead we get a lot of random “niggas” and “bitches”. I do like the beat though.

my rating : 3 of 5

2012

audio review : Gang Bang ( song ) … Madonna

This isn’t about what you might think. Madonna has kids now. She’s not nearly as erotic as she used to be, at least not in public, but she can still shock. There’s a big one at the end of this pulsating hate song.

“Now if you’re gonna act like a bitch,” she says, holding a gun to her lover’s head, “you’re gonna die like a bitch.” With that, the title should be Bang Bang. It sounds like that’s what she’s saying on the refrain.

my rating : 3 of 5

2012

audio review : MDNA ( album ) ... Madonna

audio review : 13 And Good ( song ) … KRS-One

I’m surprised to hear a song like this from KRS-One. It’s a story about him having sex with a 13-year-old girl, which, as far as the law is concerned, makes him a rapist. That’s despite the fact that she didn’t bother to tell him her age until he asked. By then it was too late. They’d already fucked and she’d already fallen in love. “I want to be with you forever,” she tells him.

It’s a tricky predicament and a serious issue for men who go to parties looking for sex, but KRS-One handles it with misplaced satire by getting the girl’s Pops involved and ending the story with an outrageous twist. What her father does is possible but extremely unlikely under the circumstances. It’s a major turn-off on a song that was relatively believable until that point.

my rating : 3 of 5

1992

audio review : Sex And Violence ( album ) ... Boogie Down Productions