Category: reviews

audio review : Curtain Call 2 ( album ) … Eminem

audio review : Curtain Call 2 ( album ) ... Eminem

Eminem should’ve come up with a different title. Curtain Call made conceptual sense coming after the Encore album. This new one, based on the cover artwork, attempts to merge the concert/stage theme with, of all random things, a pinball game.

Musically it covers every Eminem album since that first Hits compilation, which, since he’s made one good album in all that time; one man’s “trash” is another man’s treasure; results in a lackluster affair. Even his raps have gotten corny and verbose.

“Oh,” he mocks on Rap God, “he’s too mainstream.” It’s kind of true though. His first two LPs were fun, edgy and provocative. Relapse was a gratifying throwback. Imagine a cringey Ed Sheeran, Rihanna or Beyoncé chorus on one of those albums.

my rating : 3 of 5

2022

Pringles Scorchin Hot Ones : Los Calientes Verde

Pringles Scorchin Hot Ones : Los Calientes Verde

These Pringles, based on Los Calientes Hot Sauce, are all about the heat. The Scorchin brand logo even has a burning thermometer in place of the “i”. They don’t seem that hot when you first start eating them, but eventually your mouth; tongue and even lips; are indeed set ablaze.

They taste pretty good otherwise. Why anyone would want to experience pain while eating, or doing anything else for that matter, has always been beyond me. When I eat food promoted as Hot, it’s despite the pain, not because of it, and these chips (Crisps) are no exception.

my rating : 3 of 5

audio review : Curtain Call [ The Hits ] ( album ) … Eminem

“Hi” was his formal introduction to the world; “My name is Slim Shady.” Almost seven years later, after becoming the most famous rapper ever, Eminem returns to the stage for a Curtain Call. It’s a compilation of his most popular songs; The Hits; plus a few new ones.

Fack, an odd start, finds him shoving a gerbil in his ass. “This don’t mean I’m gay,” he declares, “I don’t like men.” It’s a silly song that has the rapper, a genius during his Shady LP debut, squirting a wad of babble. That’s the problem with too much of his recent stuff.

His rap skills have steadily declined; a fact that would standout like a thumb sore from holding the mic too long if these songs were ordered chronologically. Then there’s the problem an Eminem Hits album was bound to create; that most of his best songs aren’t hits at all.

Guilty Conscious and Stan; a studio version featuring Elton John singing and playing the piano like he does on the Live one would be epic; represent Eminem at his best, but they’re here amongst a bunch of corny chart-toppers like Without Me and Mockingbird.

my rating : 3 of 5

2005

audio review : Curtain Call 2 ( album ) … Eminem

video review : Mean Girls 2

video review : Mean Girls 2

Perhaps the 2 should’ve been swapped with Too. This is a movie about a trio of Mean Girls; North Shore high schoolers known as The Plastics; but it’s a whole new class. The original members graduated years ago along with all their schoolmates, including Cady. Here her role of a fresh face in a strange new world is played by a loner named Jo.

It’s an unnecessary sequel that plays more like a conceptual remake, but it’s an aesthetic match not only when it comes to the attractiveness of the girls but the decency of the plot. The movie never really gets good; the constant comedy attempts only sometimes hit the mark; but it’s about as entertaining as the first movie if not a bit better.

my rating : 3 of 5

2011

video review : Mean Girls

video review : Mean Girls

Mean Girls, which focuses on a high school freshman named Cady, never really gets good, but it’s an interesting watch all the while. That’s thanks mainly to its charming array of colorful characters, trendy music and classy backdrops. The whole cool-teen-flick atmosphere goes down to near perfection, but the plot, along with much of the awkward dialogue and odd comedy attempts, fails it.

The story revolves around Cady’s introduction to life in modern America, after growing-up home-schooled by her parents in ancient Africa, and the social politics that come with it. She’s instantly cliqued by a trio of girls called The Plastics; also known as the hottest girls in the school; and two artsy outsiders who hate them and want nothing more than to use her to penetrate their inner circle.

my rating : 3 of 5

2004

video review : Mean Girls 2

audio review : Renaissance ( album ) … Beyoncé

audio review : Renaissance ( album ) ... Beyoncé

This would be Beyoncé’s Confessions On A Dance Floor; speaking of overrated music goddesses; if not for the two songs in the middle. Plastic Off The Sofa won’t necessarily put you to sleep; its 1970s-inspired soul semblance is quite likable; but it breaks the flow of what was, up to that point, a dynamic dance album. Virgo’s Groove gets back on track conceptually, but it belongs in a different club than the rest of the set.

Those two songs should’ve been omitted for the sake of sonic cohesion. Their inclusion is the album’s biggest blemish. Beyoncé leaves a lot to be desired in the way of vocal melody when she actually sings; she seems to prefer annoying us with ghetto rap chants; but it’s hard to go wrong over these beats. “Dance all night,” the queen commands before comparing her pussy juice to Honey, and the music encourages you to do just that.

Standout songs include Move, though it doesn’t vibe until the chords drop halfway in, and Alien Superstar, though its catchy Princesque chorus is abandoned at the two-thirds mark. Cuff It is another highlight, but perhaps it should’ve been saved for the Sofa/Virgo EP and the way it blends into the Energy bit makes for an awkward track cut. The point is that, while the album stands as one of Beyoncé’s best, it has its flaws.

my rating : 3 of 5

2022

Michael Angelo’s Three Cheese Baked Ziti

Michael Angelo's Three Cheese Baked Ziti

This is “zita pasta smothered in a delicate cream sauce” with parmesan and white wine. That makes it a fancy alternative to plain macaroni and cheese. It’s also “topped with mozzarella and Romano”, which is where the Three Cheese theme comes into play.

You might think you made a blunder when it comes out a tad burnt until you notice there are also brown spots on the box photo. That adds to its “homemade taste”, which is damn good. My only complaint is the relatively large size of the ziti pieces.

my rating : 4 of 5

Lizzo’s physical appearance

Lizzo's physical appearance Lizzo's physical appearance Lizzo's physical appearance Lizzo's physical appearance Lizzo's physical appearance Lizzo's physical appearance

Fuck the euphemisms. Lizzo isn’t “thick”, “meaty”, “big-boned”, “chubby” or even merely “overweight”. The bitch is fat. It would be going too far to say she’s obese; though perhaps medically accurate, I reserve that term for the truly grotesque; but she’s certainly fat.

She’s not ugly per se; her face could be cute if she were skinny; but fatness is a form of ugliness, so she’s far from pretty. When people refer to her as such; she even has the audacity to describe herself as “beautiful”; it suggests either dishonesty or delusion.

Call me a “fat shamer” and you won’t be too far off the mark. Lizzo should indeed be ashamed when she exposes to the world that bloated belly, those massive thighs and that dimply cottage cheese ass. Then again, who am I to criticize people who cater to fetishism?

Truth be told, I might actually (secretly) have sex with her if she were to catch me in a horny mood. I’d never date her, but my sexual standards are a lot lower than my romantic ones. Still I’d be instantly disgusted with myself the second I, pun intended, drop my load.

my rating : 2 of 5

2022

audio review : Bobby Digital And The Pit Of Snakes ( album ) … Rza

audio review : Bobby Digital And The Pit Of Snakes ( album ) ... Rza

This Bobby Digital project is promoted as both the new Rza album and the “soundtrack” to his new graphic novel. Conceptually it works better as the latter. As a solo release, even a pseudonymous one, it makes for an odd affair as the hip-hop Clansman outnumbers himself with not just Snakes but eyebrow-raising guest crooners à la De La Soul’s Anonymous Nobody.

Some of those hooks make for the best parts though. Something Going On is a definite highlight. Even the Broadway-like harmonies of Cowards are pleasant enough on the ears. The music on these songs seems to be led by a live band of instrumentalists, which gives the album; with a mere seven songs, it’s actually more like an EP; a fresh, if not comically epic, vibe.

my rating : 3 of 5

2022

No Sugar Keto Cup : Dark Chocolate Peanut Butter

No Sugar Keto Cup : Dark Chocolate Peanut Butter

If these Dark Chocolate Peanut Butter Keto (diet) Cups aren’t as yummy as Reese’s, and I don’t think they are, that fault is compensated by the fact that they have No Sugar, which is amazing given their taste. The secret to the sweetness is erythritol; the one questionable item on an otherwise impressively simple (healthy) ingredients list.

my rating : 4 of 5

Little Debbie Mini Powdered Donuts

Little Debbie Mini Powdered Donuts

Little Debbie’s Mini Powdered Donuts are baked fresh and made with homemade imperfection. The hole sizes may vary, you might find some donuts have less powder than others and they have the tendency to sweat when stored in warm environments, but they are tasty. As tasty as Entenmann’s? No, but certainly good enough, especially when you eat them by the halves.

my rating : 4 of 5

Brim’s Fried Pork Rinds

Brim's Fried Pork Rinds

There’s a Bible quote on the back of the bag about God’s everlasting “mercy”; Brimhall Foods is apparently a Christian company; but he’s not so merciful when it comes to swine. These Fried Pork Rinds are the remains of skinned pigs; the only other ingredient is salt; which makes for a decent snack. Beware of the dark ones though. They’ll put a chip in your tooth.

my rating : 3 of 5