Category: reviews with a 3 of 5 rating

video review : The Twilight Zone : Eye Of The Beholder

video review : The Twilight Zone : Eye Of The Beholder

The best thing about this Twilight Zone episode, about a hospital patient who’s undergone a series of medical treatments to normalize (“fix”) her grotesque appearance, is the suspense in the build-up. She’s first shown with her face wrapped in gauze bandages. It’s not until the story is almost over that it, and the twist, is finally revealed.

Maxine Stuart gets annoying when she goes into a fit of overacting to convey the desperation/frustration of Janet Tyler, known by hospital staff as patient 307, but that melodramatic bit doesn’t last long. As the title suggests, the overall lesson is that beauty is in the Eye Of The Beholder; something ugly people have to repeat to themselves.

my rating : 3 of 5

1960

audio review : For The Fkn Love ( album ) … Arrested Development

audio review : For The Fkn love ( album ) ... Arrested Development

The abbreviation in the title is silly; Effin would’ve been a more appropriate edit; but the worst thing about this album are the “Configa” tags that start nearly every song. He’s a damn good producer; this is vintage hip-hop that could’ve come out any time since the 3 Years 5 Months And 2 Days it took for Arrested Development to enter the world stage; but the constant credits give the set a sloppy mixtape feel.

Those beats are also the best thing about the album. Speech remains a pro-black poet; guest verses from rap veterans like Monie Love, Masta Ace and Big Daddy Kane come as nostalgic surprises; but it’s only when he stumbles upon a catchy chorus that we’re reminded why we fell in Fkn Love with his group in the first place. Highlights include We Are Not In Kansas, Where Lions Roam, Do It Up and Yes Always.

my rating : 3 of 5

2021
 

Dr Configa (PhD) :

Thanks for the review and the props when you gave them. Many producers have tags and tbh – it鈥檚 the best marketing tool I ever created. When you have ppl getting their kids to say it and ppl literally hashtagging it to you, you know it鈥檚 a winner. I鈥檝e also used it for YEARS 馃槑

African Pride Olive Miracle Braid Sheen Spray : Tension Relief And Shine

African Pride Olive Miracle Braid Sheen Spray : Tension Relief And Shine

I’d gladly recommend this Braid Sheen, formulated to nourish the hair and scalp, if not for the last item on the ingredients list. It’s the inclusion of an azo dye known as CI 19140 that makes the spray not clear but urine Yellow, which gives the head a noticeable tint.

Aside from that major aesthetic drawback; the lighter your skin, the more noticeable it is; it seems to do a fine job of “deep conditioning” with its trademark Olive and tea tree oils, which “help prevent dryness, breakage and split ends”. It also feels and smells good going on.

my rating : 3 of 5

video review : The Twilight Zone : The Man In The Bottle

video review : The Twilight Zone : The Man In The Bottle

The Man is actually a genie able to grant wishes. The one caveat is that you only get four and can’t wish for more. That would be plenty to make my life everything I’d ever want it to be; he actually gives you time to think it over before making it “official”; but the plot of this story relies on the stupidity of its protagonist.

Enter Arthur Castle. When the genie is summoned to the struggling antique shop he runs with his wife, he’s at first skeptical and wastes his first wish on a trivial test. Once he realizes he’s for real, he wishes for money but isn’t thoughtful enough to make it limitless. His last two wishes are even more idiotic.

my rating : 3 of 5

1960

video review : Raw ( comedy special ) … Eddie Murphy

video review : Raw ( comedy special ) ... Eddie Murphy

When Eddie Murphy impersonates a gay guy imitating a police siren and a starving man’s reaction to eating a cracker, it’s laugh-out-loud funny, but such moments are fewer and farther between than the ones from his Delirious show.

That one rarely lets up. This one is funny; once you get past the corny introduction skit; but not nearly as often. He spends too much time on Bill Cosby, which isn’t one of his best impersonations, romantic relationships and sex.

my rating : 3 of 5

1987

video review : Mommie Dearest

video review : Mommie Dearest

I’m not sure why, but I get the feeling Joan Crawford might be mentally unstable. Perhaps it’s the way she reacts when she realizes her daughter’s dress is hanging on a, gasp, wire hanger. It’s one of the movie’s many examples of overacting but also its most iconic, and most hilarious, moment. All of Mommie Dearest’s best scenes, in fact, are ones in which she’s abusing her daughter.

To be fair, the plot is based on a book, a memoir, written by Crawford’s real-life adopted daughter, so we’re only getting one side of the story. When it comes to allegations of mistreatment, especially among dysfunctional families, the truth is often overdramatized for the sake of one’s own virtue. Her take is interesting though, even if barely enough to have been made into a Hollywood movie.

my rating : 3 of 5

1981

video review : Miranda Maverick versus Erin Blanchfield at UFC 269

video review : Miranda Maverick versus Erin Blanchfield at UFC 269

In hindsight, it’s easy to say Miranda Maverick shouldn’t have taken this fight. She stepped in, on about a month’s notice, to replace a reportedly injured Maycee Barber, who gave Maverick her first UFC defeat back in July, but gets mostly dominated.

“How you feel right now,” Maverick’s coach starts to say between rounds, but she takes it as a question. “I’m losing,” she answers. She does good at limiting “damage”, but it’s Blanchfield’s offense; takedowns and ground game; that does her in.

my rating : 3 of 5

2021

video review : Buried

video review : Buried

A lot of people say that being Buried alive is the thing they fear more than anything else. I can think of worse, but the lack of oxygen alone would make for a terrifying experience. An American truck driver named Paul Conroy finds himself in just this situation after being kidnapped by “terrorists” while doing contract work in Iraq.

The hook is that the entire movie, which is sometimes overdramatic but generally suspenseful, takes place in the coffin. That means we’re with Paul the whole time. His breathing is annoying, but there are interesting talk breaks as his abductors were thoughtful enough to leave him with a cellphone to call home and beg for ransom money with.

my rating : 3 of 5

2010

Ilhan Omar’s physical appearance

Ilhan Omar's physical appearance Ilhan Omar's physical appearance Ilhan Omar's physical appearance Ilhan Omar's physical appearance Ilhan Omar's physical appearance

A woman’s face is the most important thing when it comes to her physical appearance and often the most important thing about her period, but that’s basically all Ilhan Omar shows. She’s apparently fully clothed any time she expects to be seen by the general public. Aside from her mugshots, we never even see her hair.

That makes for a tough review, but I can tell she’s nowhere near fat. In fact she’s quite slim. My body standards are wide open from there. The aforementioned face is also acceptable. She’s actually somewhat cute; the only notable drawback being her seemingly bloodshot eyes and the way the middle part of her nose droops down.

I want to see more of her. If not an outline of her tits and ass, full bare legs and arms would be nice. When she’s feeling frisky, or risky given the strict fashion boundaries of her Muslim religion, she’s been known to show a little arm. I was also (surprisingly) able to find some pictures of her lovely feet, which for me is like porn.

my rating : 3 of 5

2021

audio review : Amerikkka’s Nightmare ( album ) … Spice 1

audio review : Amerikkka's Nightmare ( album ) ... Spice 1

“Now they try to wonder and figure how the fuck Charles Manson turn himself to a nigger,” Spice 1 says. The first bar of that line doesn’t really make sense, but the second one is a rare moment of metaphorical brilliance from an otherwise run-of-the-mill gangsta rapper. You listen to Spice 1 albums not for his wit but for his cap-busting tough talk and the grimy beats they’re presented upon. In that regard, AmeriKKKa’s Nightmare doesn’t disappoint. It’s his third, longest and perhaps best album so far.

D-Boyz Got Love for Me, featuring Jive labelmate E-40, is an odd start, but it’s addictive vibe, led by one of the sickest basslines you ever heard Spice 1 rap to, makes it one of the best songs on the album. The piano-led Tell Me What That Mail Like is another. In almost every case, with the exception of a few G-Funk knock-offs, it’s the music, most of which is carefully produced by Blackjack, that overshadows the vocals to the point where you almost start to wonder if the album would be better as an instrumental.

I don’t know, but the only major gripe I have with the album, other than the fact that Spice 1 insists on dating his songs with “94” references, is the diss song. It’s dedicated to Pooh Man; a “fat-ass pudgy” rapper Spice 1 is apparently beefing with. It’s interesting to hear him go at a real person, but the hook, which makes the artistic blunder of stealing a line from Menace To Society, is awkwardly off-beat. Worse yet, the song, which ends the album, has basically nothing to do with the overall concept.

my rating : 3 of 5

1994

Roger Wood Lumber Jack Smoked Sausage

Roger Wood Lumber Jack Smoked Sausage

The catchphrase; Great Tastin Good; makes no sense, but these Smoked Sausages are tasty enough to eat and enjoy. At least that’s the case when you put them on a bun with ketchup and mayonnaise or use them as a side with macaroni and cheese.

What’s a bit annoying is how they come tied in pairs, meaning you have to cut them, umbilical-cord-style, before you cook one. It also means, unless you snip off the parts you cut, you’re often left chewing on tough strings, which could potentially kill you.

What’s fun, though it might also make your skin crawl, is how they burst open, sometimes violently, when you boil them too long. It’s a grotesque sight, but the laceration makes for a convenient place to hold the aforementioned ketchup and mayo.

my rating : 3 of 5

audio review : 14 Shots To The Dome ( album ) … LL Cool J

audio review : 14 Shots To The Dome ( album ) ... LL Cool J

This LL Cool J album begins like his previous one should’ve. How I’m Comin, a Marley Marl production seemingly created and released as the first single to recapture the commercial success of Mama Said Knock You Out, is an appropriate starter. Crossroads, about Biblical Revelation, is a fitting closer.

There’s only one good song in-between; a lament entitled Diggy Down on which Cool J covers societal problems such as poverty and crime. “In every alleyway, they’re getting high,” the occasional philanthropist observes, “On playgrounds, they’re selling crack and every day another baby dies.”

my rating : 3 of 5

1993