audio review : 8 Diagrams ( album ) … Wu-Tang Clan

audio review : 8 Diagrams ( album ) ... Wu-Tang Clan

Rza’s beats are still the most interesting thing about Wu-Tang Clan. Over the years, it’s transcended into an experimental mix of acid hip-hop and ghetto soul with old Kung Fu movie samples mixed in for nostalgia’s sake. This album presents it amid some of the rawest vocals the eight remaining Clansmen have to offer these days, but, despite guest crooners like Erykah Badu and George Clinton, the album is weak at the hooks; one of the main Diagrams to consider when it comes to making a good rap album.

my rating : 3 of 5

2007

video review : Short Circuit 2

video review : Short Circuit 2

Short Circuit 2 is better than the first one. They’re both corny, thanks mostly to the personality of the star robot, but this one has a better plot. It sends Number 5, now known as Johnny 5, to New York City to build toy replicas of himself. Of course all hell breaks loose from there.

There’s a ridiculous sequence involving a restaurant freezer and an answering machine; in a movie about a living robot, this bit comes across as the most implausible; but it’s a decent sequel. It would be better if it took itself seriously though. Johnny 5’s sense of humor is cringey.

my rating : 3 of 5

1988

video review : Thelma And Louise

video review : Thelma And Louise

The story of Thelma And Louise doesn’t really start to get interesting until it’s almost over. By then, the duo’s weekend plans, which started as a simple vacation to “the mountains”, have long gone awry; thanks in part to Thelma’s decision to bring her gun.

The final scene is poignant; it’s a hell of an ending; but the following flashbacks are counterproductive. Comedic and romantic undertones also lessen the impact of the movie; an unlikely chick flick that would be better if fully embraced the thrill of the chase.

my rating : 3 of 5

1991

Noo Fuzion : Frosé Rosé

Noo Fuzion : Frosé Rosé

What’s the difference between this Noo Fuzion Frosé Rosé from Bang Energy and the regular one? Apparently not the taste. They’re indistinguishable; imagine drinking grape-strawberry Pez; to my buds.

This new Fuzion version is marketed as a “pre-workout” drink “designed to enhance muscle protein synthesis and performance”. The can gets quite technical as it boasts about the science behind the claim.

my rating : 3 of 5

audio review : Firebird ( album ) … Natalie Imbruglia

audio review : Firebird ( album ) ... Natalie Imbruglia

Not including the ill-conceived Male project; it’s just a bunch of cover songs; this is Natalie Imbruglia’s first album in twelve years. It was twelve years before that when she made her pop music debut. Torn, her first single, remains one of her best songs. Her best album is still Left Of The Middle.

All of her albums are near the middle though, at least when it comes to the quality scale. This new one is no exception. There are a few more songs than normal, speaking of twelve, but even the best ones are far from Great. What does it mean that an album entitled Firebird has no highlights?

my rating : 3 of 5

2021

Sassy : The Birthday Storm ( book ) … Sharon M Draper

Sassy : The Birthday Storm ( book ) ... Sharon M Draper

A Florida hurricane threatens to ruin Grammy’s birthday celebration. That’s the gist of the plot, but its nature bits; the Storm, the beach, the turtle eggs; are the pleasant parts. Sassy and her Sack; the magical practicality of the latter is probably the most unrealistic element of the story; are rather annoying.

my rating : 3 of 5

2009

video review : Anderson Silva versus Tito Ortiz at Triller Fight Club

video review : Anderson Silva versus Tito Ortiz at Triller Fight Night

I was hoping Anderson Silva would win this and I figured he would, but what a pleasant surprise. It’s The Spider’s first knockout; non-TKO knockout; since obliterating Vitor Belfort; a main eventer at this very Fight Club; a decade ago. That it happens in the very first round is icing on the cake.

Silva is one of the best UFC fighters of all time; guest commentator Donald Trump is one of the best US presidents; but it’s hard to say what’s more at play between his boxing skills and Tito Ortiz’s lack thereof. It’s Ortiz’s defense that fails him as Silva lands a right to his glass chin.

my rating : 3 of 5

2021

Rockstar Pure Zero : Silver Ice

Rockstar Pure Zero : Silver Ice

This Rockstar has Zero fat, Zero sugar; only the latter fact is used for promotion; and more caffeine (Energy) than most other brands. The taste is, despite its carbonated sting, sweet and citrus-like. The can describes it as “grapefruit”, though there’s no actual grapefruit juice on the ingredients list. It’s a drink that’s best served (Ice) cold.

my rating : 3 of 5

audio review : Untitled ( album ) … R Kelly

audio review : Untitled ( album ) ... R Kelly

This album isn’t really untitled. The title is Untitled, but don’t waste your time trying to interpret some special meaning behind it. It’s apparently just a lazy artistic decision on the part of R Kelly, which doesn’t surprise me. Most of his albums have silly titles, so it’s business as usual for the crooner and in more ways than one.

Every song has to do with sex in some way or another. Even the Religious one has him singing to a girl he’s romantically, and no doubt sexually, involved with but not married to. Perhaps he forgot that his prolific song catalogue already includes a Religious Love dedication; one that happens to sound better than this one.

I’m not a “hater” though. I like R Kelly because R Kelly makes good music. After his previous two albums, I should say he’s starting to make better music again. His lack of conceptual diversity is actually part of his allure. The more shameless the lyrics are, like telling a girl to open her legs so that he can Kiss her on the lips, the better.

The best songs are the ones with the best vocal melodies. There’s an enchanting chorus happening Elsewhere. There’s also a cool song about Text messages tequila drinkers can relate to. Go Low, on which he sings about wanting to lick a girl’s pussy and sip on the “sweet sweet water” that will presumably ooze out of it, grooves like classic R.

All references to the Fourth Quarter of 12 Play should’ve been removed when he decided to ditch that concept, Supaman High isn’t a saver until the very end; the best part of the album is the way the beat takes the song out; and there should be a closer after the Pregnant ballad, but the girls don’t seem to mind such artistic blunders.

my rating : 3 of 5

2009

audio review : Outer World ( song ) … Bass 305

The best part of this song is the breakdown near the middle when the drums stop to make way for what sounds like the harps of Heaven. “It creates an atmosphere,” a man says and what a peaceful atmosphere it is. It “might be dangerous”, but the music gives a sense, even if a false sense, of security.

The secret explorer concept seems to revolve around Outer space; a frequent hangout spot for Bass 305 when they’re not rattling car trunks here on Earth; but the aforementioned harp loop should’ve been expanded well beyond a mere eight bars. As is, the song ends up being rather anticlimactic.

my rating : 3 of 5

2021

audio review : Bass Resurrection ( album ) ... Bass 305

audio review : 333 ( album ) … Tinashe

audio review : 333 ( album ) ... Tinashe

If the title is a reference to my rating system, Tinashe’s got it right. Almost every song here is a 3. This might be her most musically cohesive album since Nightride; her best; but the quality of that one leaves this one in the dust.

Not that 333 won’t have the girls Bouncin to its bassy summer beats. X, featuring Jeremih, is fun, but the album’s best song is Last Call; a breakup ballad on which the tipsy songstress manages to stumble upon some lovely melodies.

my rating : 3 of 5

2021

video review : Killing Season

video review : Killing Season

The best thing about Killing Season is the two legends that star in it. Robert De Niro and John Travolta, who play Bosnian War veterans, are alone (together) in the woods for most of it with nothing, besides a somewhat endearing scene involving an elk, to distract from their beaming star power. It’s a shame their rivalry couldn’t play out in a more fitting movie.

Though it gets better than the cliché battle flick the flashback prelude suggests it’s going to be, the plot is too contrived for its own good. There are solemn undertones dealing with death and life; the final scene hammers that latter message home; but the story, with all its unlikely happenstances, plays out more like a cartoon than something to be taken seriously.

my rating : 3 of 5

2013