It’s not Speed on a plane despite the clunky title. It’s not that entertaining. The suspense level of the plot, which puts a US Air Marshal on a plane full of passengers that include a terrorist whose get-rich-quick plan threatens the life of everyone on board, is brought down by its own ridiculous implausibilities. This is a by-the-numbers action flick you’ll have to suspend your belief thousands of feet to fully enjoy.
my rating : 3 of 5
2014
The title is Holland but the chorus says “Hollands”. One spelling is the last name of a girl who I think is supposed to stand as a metaphor for marijuana, but which is it? That distinction, without an explanation from the artist, comes across as a glaring mistake. Not that the song would be something special otherwise.
It’s a noisy party in The Netherlands, but the only fun parts for me are the aforementioned chorus sections, which come after a bridge that sounds more like a chorus than the chorus. The aesthetic high can be heard in the final forty seconds; especially when the music subsides and a woozy Gaga goes, “Hoo-hoooo!”
my rating : 3 of 5
2013
Structurally this one is a bit of a mess. There are two hooks; the second and best of which doesn’t come until after the halfway point. “We know how to make that money,” Gaga sings, so she doesn’t want yours. She has her own Jewels too. What she wants is your Drugs and your “love”; the former of which she can buy with all the money she has and the latter of which is an irrelevant subject nothing else in the song deals with.
The Too Short feature is surprising. As long as he’s been rapping, I don’t think he’s ever been featured on a song by an artist this popular before. There should only be one verse by one rapper though; of the three, I’d pick TI; and his verse should come not at the beginning but about where Too Short’s is. Three rappers with little to no association with each other only crowd the song in an awkward trap remix sort of way.
my rating : 3 of 5
2013
The Her of this heterosexual love tale is a futuristic computer operating system that communicates verbally like a real, albeit invisible, woman. Her voice is raspy and slightly annoying; imagine Scarlett Johansson without the looks; but her personality is decidedly charming. That a man, especially a lonely divorcee named Theodore, could find himself romantically intrigued by her is the believable part. That he’d turn down immediate sex from two real (attractive) women for the sake of his relationship with her stretches the believability factor quite thin. She doesn’t even have a pussy. He has to imagine one while masturbating to the sound of her groaning.
A relationship is supposed to be about more than the physical stuff, of course; I guess that’s the point; but the physical stuff is important, as even the computer girl, named Samantha, acknowledges. She’s mostly jokey and easy-going but seems to suffer from the Pinocchio complex of wanting desperately to experience life as a real (physical) human-being. But human-beings fall out of love; a fact Theodore knows all too well. Whether or not that also goes for operating systems programmed to learn and evolve is anyone’s guess. It’s a chance Theodore is willing to take. If that all seems silly, it is. Her is a silly concept movie that only occasionally arouses real emotion.
my rating : 3 of 5
2013
This album begins on an awkward note. The first song is a Love song that has little do with the concept of the album, but MC Lyte is nearly forgiven as she goes on to cover an impressive assortment of social themes over funky hip-hop beats. Her raps aren’t as impressive as she seems to think, but her Georgie story, about a friend who kills himself in a drunk-driving accident, is touching.
my rating : 3 of 5
1991
The narrative of Toni Braxton as an anonymous wife and Babyface as an anonymous husband flows well until song number seven. He’s supposed to have left her for another woman by then, a woman she hopes gives him an STD, so it’s unlikely either would be so eager to Take It Back so soon. By the next song, they’re officially Reunited, back in “love”, only to split-up again. “I’d Rather Be Broke than be with you,” she says, as if a pussy-whipped fool like Babyface would’ve been smart enough to a demand a prenup. But this time she means it. In fact, she gets pleasure out of introducing her new “friend” to him. This love story ends in divorce.
The two get near-equal croon time, but Braxton has two solo songs compare to Babyface’s one. They also share compositional credit, but the music for every song is produced by Babyface. That last fact, along with the fact that his music sounds about the same as it did when they first started making music together a little over twenty years ago, gives the album a consistent sound. This is contemporary soul music, the smooth syrupy kind real-life romantics sop with their morning pancakes. The vocals rarely match the music on an aesthetic level, but, considering the American divorce rate, it’s an album a lot of people can relate to.
my rating : 3 of 5
2014
The premise is engaging. Two kids go missing during a Thanksgiving dinner. The fear is a kidnapping with the probability of the girls being raped and killed. Such an outcome could make for a poignant movie, but director Denis Villeneuve would rather cater to the morals of its audience thus realism is overshadowed by silly unlikelihoods. The actions of Keller Dover; the father of one of the girls; are particularly outrageous.
my rating : 3 of 5
2013
Ice Cube is cool as detective James Payton, but it’s pseudo partner Ben Barber, played by Kevin Hart, who steals the show. He’s funnier here than he is as an on-stage comedian, so, in a movie with such a hackneyed plot, the jokes are the driving force. This is essentially a loose parody of Training Day, a fact the script is clever enough to acknowledge.
my rating : 3 of 5
2014
There’s a poignant whipping scene involving soap, but the best part of this Slave story comes at the end. It’s a beautiful Hans Zimmer song based on the main character. That it sounds like Time from Inception is a blunder, but listening to it is better than watching the movie.
That’s not a moral criticism. Watching a dramatization of an essentially innocent man, or woman, endure the hardships of slavery generally doesn’t bother me. It’s just that, plotwise, Solomon’s story, based on his 1853 memoir, doesn’t necessarily make for an interesting movie.
my rating : 3 of 5
2013
Michelle Pfeiffer is looking old, but her daughter makes up for it. Belle is alluring. In a Robert De Niro movie about Goodfellas-style mob crime, the most captivating moment is a sex scene in which she’s getting fucked by her teacher. That’s because, while the concept; a Family trying to adjust to a new life via The Witness Protection Program; has potential, the plot is full of bullet holes.
my rating : 3 of 5
2013
Jordan Belfort lived the good life. His supply of money, drugs and pussy seemed endless until he got busted for stock fraud. His rise and fall is depicted here via Leonardo DiCaprio. The movie is zippy; an abundance of soft porn scenes help; but it never builds into a cohesive story.
Tighter editing might’ve done the job; the Lemmon car and Monaco boat rides are particularly excessive; but I’m doubtful. The Wolf Of Wall Street, while stimulating in its debauchery, plays with the incoherence and fleeting suspense of a movie that’s based on a true story.
my rating : 3 of 5
2013
The drums and bass sound suspiciously, almost criminally, similar to Madonna’s Holiday. While it’s arguable which song is better, Lady Gaga easily outshines during the verses. “Walk into the light,” she commands, “Display your diamonds and pearls in light.” She should’ve said something about the jewelry being “bright” instead of using “light” twice, but the way she channels Lena Horne on Broadway makes it one of the two best parts of the song.
The second best part is that same section of the second verse, which she totally slays. “There’s a life on Mars where the couture is beyond beyond.” Fabulous, in my gayest voice. The verses are early peaks though. The chorus, on which she makes the mistake of trying to carry the same melody as opposed to coming-up with something different, is comparatively anticlimactic. When she does decide to make a change, during the ending coda, it’s a mess.
my rating : 3 of 5
2013