They call the original chocolate version a Classic, but this Vanilla Frosty tastes even better. It’s yummiest on a hot summer day melted down to a lumpy goo; that’s the best way to eat ice cream; a perfectly appropriate dessert to complement Wendy’s burgers and fries.
my rating : 4 of 5
Not including the ill-conceived Male project; it’s just a bunch of cover songs; this is Natalie Imbruglia’s first album in twelve years. It was twelve years before that when she made her pop music debut. Torn, her first single, remains one of her best songs. Her best album is still Left Of The Middle.
All of her albums are near the middle though, at least when it comes to the quality scale. This new one is no exception. There are a few more songs than normal, speaking of twelve, but even the best ones are far from Great. What does it mean that an album entitled Firebird has no highlights?
my rating : 3 of 5
2021
A Florida hurricane threatens to ruin Grammy’s birthday celebration. That’s the gist of the plot, but its nature bits; the Storm, the beach, the turtle eggs; are the pleasant parts. Sassy and her Sack; the magical practicality of the latter is probably the most unrealistic element of the story; are rather annoying.
my rating : 3 of 5
2009
This folk anthem celebrates the idea that international race segregation is the way to go, even if via leaking boats. “America for white, Africa for black,” Odis Cochran and his fellow bigots harmonize on the chorus, “Send them apes back to the trees; Ship Those Niggers Back.”
The music is composed of nothing more than an acoustic guitar, leaving the vocals alone to carry the melodies of the song, but that’s all it needs. What it would do better without are the comedy breaks on which a black man who refuses to get on the boat is beaten until he obeys.
my rating : 4 of 5
1964
I was hoping Anderson Silva would win this and I figured he would, but what a pleasant surprise. It’s The Spider’s first knockout; non-TKO knockout; since obliterating Vitor Belfort; a main eventer at this very Fight Club; a decade ago. That it happens in the very first round is icing on the cake.
Silva is one of the best UFC fighters of all time; guest commentator Donald Trump is one of the best US presidents; but it’s hard to say what’s more at play between his boxing skills and Tito Ortiz’s lack thereof. It’s Ortiz’s defense that fails him as Silva lands a right to his glass chin.
my rating : 3 of 5
2021
Strawberry Pocky; thin biscuit sticks covered in strawberry “cream”; are fun to eat. The soft/crunchy contrast of the frosting and the sticks is, along with its cutesy presentation, a delight.
It’s the taste that barely joins in on the “happiness”. It’s not quite as sweet and flavorful as you’d imagine; I was hoping for a taste similar to cotton candy; but mildly pleasant nonetheless.
my rating : 4 of 5
If your skin is the streets and razor bumps are the bad guys, Bump Patrol; an aftershave treatmeant; is the police or at least a squad of reliable security guards. It promises “visible results in 48 hours”. It seems to work even faster than that.
After accepting the constant appearance of razor bumps as a fact of life, I started using it on my face/neck and was wowed by the results, but it’s made for “everywhere you shave”; including vaginas, I imagine. Minor drawbacks include stinging and staining.
my rating : 4 of 5
This Rockstar has Zero fat, Zero sugar; only the latter fact is used for promotion; and more caffeine (Energy) than most other brands. The taste is, despite its carbonated sting, sweet and citrus-like. The can describes it as “grapefruit”, though there’s no actual grapefruit juice on the ingredients list. It’s a drink that’s best served (Ice) cold.
my rating : 3 of 5
The Chant prelude sounds stupid; Kanye West should’ve replaced the whole Donda concept with something else because it’s too specific for an album that only mentions his mother in spurts; but it gets better from there. Remember when he said he was going to follow Graduation with A Good Ass Job? Perhaps that should’ve been the title here.
Donda is surprisingly good; not so good that it’s surprising but surprising that it’s good after a multi-album slump. It’s easily his best since My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy thanks mostly to a bunch of songs with gorgeous beats; the best thing about gospel music is the sound of the organ; and catchy choruses. West is also a good rapper.
Some listeners will complain about the set being too long and it is. It might near greatness if it were limited to its best twelve songs. Hurricane, Jail, Moon, No Child Left Behind, Pure Souls and Jesus Lord would all have to be included. No Junya and no unnecessary Part 2 bonus remixes at the end. It would also need a proper album cover.
my rating : 4 of 5
2021
This album isn’t really untitled. The title is Untitled, but don’t waste your time trying to interpret some special meaning behind it. It’s apparently just a lazy artistic decision on the part of R Kelly, which doesn’t surprise me. Most of his albums have silly titles, so it’s business as usual for the crooner and in more ways than one.
Every song has to do with sex in some way or another. Even the Religious one has him singing to a girl he’s romantically, and no doubt sexually, involved with but not married to. Perhaps he forgot that his prolific song catalogue already includes a Religious Love dedication; one that happens to sound better than this one.
I’m not a “hater” though. I like R Kelly because R Kelly makes good music. After his previous two albums, I should say he’s starting to make better music again. His lack of conceptual diversity is actually part of his allure. The more shameless the lyrics are, like telling a girl to open her legs so that he can Kiss her on the lips, the better.
The best songs are the ones with the best vocal melodies. There’s an enchanting chorus happening Elsewhere. There’s also a cool song about Text messages tequila drinkers can relate to. Go Low, on which he sings about wanting to lick a girl’s pussy and sip on the “sweet sweet water” that will presumably ooze out of it, grooves like classic R.
All references to the Fourth Quarter of 12 Play should’ve been removed when he decided to ditch that concept, Supaman High isn’t a saver until the very end; the best part of the album is the way the beat takes the song out; and there should be a closer after the Pregnant ballad, but the girls don’t seem to mind such artistic blunders.
my rating : 3 of 5
2009
This is Janet Jackson’s best song ever. That’s thanks in part to an old Luther Vandross (Change) sample her loyal superproducers, Jimmy Jam And Terry Lewis, decided to bring back to life. It’s a gorgeously slinky beat to match Jackson’s gorgeously slinky vocal melodies.
If there’s a flaw, it’s that the song dances around the cliché concepts of sex; the part in which she tells a stranger she’s going to “ride” his “package” is uncharacteristically graphic for a radio single; and romance instead of just being the classic party anthem it’s meant to be.
my rating : 5 of 5
2001
The best part of this song is the breakdown near the middle when the drums stop to make way for what sounds like the harps of Heaven. “It creates an atmosphere,” a man says and what a peaceful atmosphere it is. It “might be dangerous”, but the music gives a sense, even if a false sense, of security.
The secret explorer concept seems to revolve around Outer space; a frequent hangout spot for Bass 305 when they’re not rattling car trunks here on Earth; but the aforementioned harp loop should’ve been expanded well beyond a mere eight bars. As is, the song ends up being rather anticlimactic.
my rating : 3 of 5
2021
