When Eddie Murphy impersonates a gay guy imitating a police siren and a starving man’s reaction to eating a cracker, it’s laugh-out-loud funny, but such moments are fewer and farther between than the ones from his Delirious show.
That one rarely lets up. This one is funny; once you get past the corny introduction skit; but not nearly as often. He spends too much time on Bill Cosby, which isn’t one of his best impersonations, romantic relationships and sex.
my rating : 3 of 5
1987
I’m not sure why, but I get the feeling Joan Crawford might be mentally unstable. Perhaps it’s the way she reacts when she realizes her daughter’s dress is hanging on a, gasp, wire hanger. It’s one of the movie’s many examples of overacting but also its most iconic, and most hilarious, moment. All of Mommie Dearest’s best scenes, in fact, are ones in which she’s abusing her daughter.
To be fair, the plot is based on a book, a memoir, written by Crawford’s real-life adopted daughter, so we’re only getting one side of the story. When it comes to allegations of mistreatment, especially among dysfunctional families, the truth is often overdramatized for the sake of one’s own virtue. Her take is interesting though, even if barely enough to have been made into a Hollywood movie.
my rating : 3 of 5
1981
In hindsight, it’s easy to say Miranda Maverick shouldn’t have taken this fight. She stepped in, on about a month’s notice, to replace a reportedly injured Maycee Barber, who gave Maverick her first UFC defeat back in July, but gets mostly dominated.
“How you feel right now,” Maverick’s coach starts to say between rounds, but she takes it as a question. “I’m losing,” she answers. She does good at limiting “damage”, but it’s Blanchfield’s offense; takedowns and ground game; that does her in.
my rating : 3 of 5
2021
A lot of people say that being Buried alive is the thing they fear more than anything else. I can think of worse, but the lack of oxygen alone would make for a terrifying experience. An American truck driver named Paul Conroy finds himself in just this situation after being kidnapped by “terrorists” while doing contract work in Iraq.
The hook is that the entire movie, which is sometimes overdramatic but generally suspenseful, takes place in the coffin. That means we’re with Paul the whole time. His breathing is annoying, but there are interesting talk breaks as his abductors were thoughtful enough to leave him with a cellphone to call home and beg for ransom money with.
my rating : 3 of 5
2010
A woman’s face is the most important thing when it comes to her physical appearance and often the most important thing about her period, but that’s basically all Ilhan Omar shows. She’s apparently fully clothed any time she expects to be seen by the general public. Aside from her mugshots, we never even see her hair.
That makes for a tough review, but I can tell she’s nowhere near fat. In fact she’s quite slim. My body standards are wide open from there. The aforementioned face is also acceptable. She’s actually somewhat cute; the only notable drawback being her seemingly bloodshot eyes and the way the middle part of her nose droops down.
I want to see more of her. If not an outline of her tits and ass, full bare legs and arms would be nice. When she’s feeling frisky, or risky given the strict fashion boundaries of her Muslim religion, she’s been known to show a little arm. I was also (surprisingly) able to find some pictures of her lovely feet, which for me is like porn.
my rating : 3 of 5
2021
“Now they try to wonder and figure how the fuck Charles Manson turn himself to a nigger,” Spice 1 says. The first bar of that line doesn’t really make sense, but the second one is a rare moment of metaphorical brilliance from an otherwise run-of-the-mill gangsta rapper. You listen to Spice 1 albums not for his wit but for his cap-busting tough talk and the grimy beats they’re presented upon. In that regard, AmeriKKKa’s Nightmare doesn’t disappoint. It’s his third, longest and perhaps best album so far.
D-Boyz Got Love for Me, featuring Jive labelmate E-40, is an odd start, but it’s addictive vibe, led by one of the sickest basslines you ever heard Spice 1 rap to, makes it one of the best songs on the album. The piano-led Tell Me What That Mail Like is another. In almost every case, with the exception of a few G-Funk knock-offs, it’s the music, most of which is carefully produced by Blackjack, that overshadows the vocals to the point where you almost start to wonder if the album would be better as an instrumental.
I don’t know, but the only major gripe I have with the album, other than the fact that Spice 1 insists on dating his songs with “94” references, is the diss song. It’s dedicated to Pooh Man; a “fat-ass pudgy” rapper Spice 1 is apparently beefing with. It’s interesting to hear him go at a real person, but the hook, which makes the artistic blunder of stealing a line from Menace To Society, is awkwardly off-beat. Worse yet, the song, which ends the album, has basically nothing to do with the overall concept.
my rating : 3 of 5
1994
The catchphrase; Great Tastin Good; makes no sense, but these Smoked Sausages are tasty enough to eat and enjoy. At least that’s the case when you put them on a bun with ketchup and mayonnaise or use them as a side with macaroni and cheese.
What’s a bit annoying is how they come tied in pairs, meaning you have to cut them, umbilical-cord-style, before you cook one. It also means, unless you snip off the parts you cut, you’re often left chewing on tough strings, which could potentially kill you.
What’s fun, though it might also make your skin crawl, is how they burst open, sometimes violently, when you boil them too long. It’s a grotesque sight, but the laceration makes for a convenient place to hold the aforementioned ketchup and mayo.
my rating : 3 of 5
This LL Cool J album begins like his previous one should’ve. How I’m Comin, a Marley Marl production seemingly created and released as the first single to recapture the commercial success of Mama Said Knock You Out, is an appropriate starter. Crossroads, about Biblical Revelation, is a fitting closer.
There’s only one good song in-between; a lament entitled Diggy Down on which Cool J covers societal problems such as poverty and crime. “In every alleyway, they’re getting high,” the occasional philanthropist observes, “On playgrounds, they’re selling crack and every day another baby dies.”
my rating : 3 of 5
1993
“Don’t call it a comeback; I been here for years,” LL Cool J warns, “I’m rocking my peers, putting suckers in fear.” Why the battle rapper’s suddenly being coached by Marley Marl; the producer provides the music for every song here; as if he’s a member of The Juice Crew is anyone’s guess. They’re a good match though.
The album starting with a random jam about cars Boomin loud music instead of the go-hard title track comes across as an artistic blunder, though they’re two of its better cuts. Other highlights include Cheesy Rat Blues; a funny anecdote about going broke; along with the Ladies Love songs 6 Minutes Of Pleasure and Mr Good Bar.
my rating : 3 of 5
1990
After his last five fights, including surprising wins over Dominick Reyes and middleweight champion Israel Adesanya, I thought Jan Błachowicz would beat Glover Teixeira relatively easily. What happens is the opposite. Błachowicz predicted a second-round finish and he was right. This makes Teixeira, at 42, the oldest-ever UFC champion after Randy Couture.
my rating : 3 of 5
2021
This is the best movie in the Paranormal Activity series, but that’s hardly a compliment. There are now seven parts and still none of them are good. The reason Next Of Kin comes the closest has to do with how far it trips from the original concept; labeling this a Paranormal Activity sequel comes across as a total cash grab; and unshackles itself to become a traditional horror flick.
The last third is actually quite thrilling. At that point, Margot; the Kin bit is about her and the mother she never knew; is allowed bloody grimaces because she no longer has to carry the movie with her cute looks. There are plenty of narrative flaws; her Amish family is scary enough without all the supernatural cowshit; but the ending leaves you wanting more. That’s a first for the franchise.
my rating : 3 of 5
2021
This could’ve been a good concert video. Instead the stage bits are repeatedly interrupted by what’s supposed to be a movie. The acting is porn bad; the only two real actors are Clarence Williams and Olga Karlatos as Prince’s dysfunctional parents; but the girls are pretty; Jill is my Apollonia; and the music rocks.
Of course the music rocks. This is a Prince movie and Purple Rain is his best album. The fictionalization of it is off-putting; for some inexcusable reason, his name is changed to The Kid; but its songs shine. Some are poignant enough to leave the ladies in tears. Perhaps the title is a metaphor for running mascara.
my rating : 3 of 5
1984
audio review : Purple Rain ( album ) … Prince And The Revolution
