Category: reviews

audio review : Cool Papa Bell ( song ) … Paul Simon

This reminds me of The Coast in that a bouncy guitar melody played by Vincent Nguini is allowed to loop continuously, giving it time to massage the mind.

Papa Bell is a Negro baseball player from nearly a century ago. The song is otherwise ambiguous, though there’s a theme of happiness and well-being that’s clear as day.

The way Simon says “fun” is cringeworthy and the Heaven Finally Found bit is phonetically confusing, but this is the best song on his Stranger To Stranger album.

my rating : 4 of 5

2016

audio review : Stranger To Stranger ( album ) ... Paul Simon

audio review : Street Angel ( song ) … Paul Simon

The start of this ditty, the closest Paul Simon’s come to hip-hop since his Wyclef Jean feature, sounds splendid. “My heart goes out to the street angels,” he says over blastworthy drums, but it’s a delightful background vocal sample that sells it.

After the first twenty seconds or so, the song instantly goes awry and becomes a bit of a mess. The main problem is the structure or lack thereof, specifically the fact that Simon never properly brings back the aforementioned chorus section.

my rating : 3 of 5

2016

audio review : Stranger To Stranger ( album ) ... Paul Simon

Brunswick Sardines [ In Spring Water ]

Brunswick Sardines [ In Spring Water ]

I eat sardines not because I like the taste; I don’t; but because they’re a cheap side filler and among the healthiest foods people can eat. That said, these Brunswicks; remarkably tender fish carcasses in spring water with no salt added; are probably the best-tasting I’ve had. If you’re eating them with something runny and tomato-based, like pasta with pasta sauce, they barely have any flavor at all, which is great.

my rating : 3 of 5

video review : Unforgiven

video review : Unforgiven

Men go to war over a cut-up whore. That’s the gist of a plot that’s about as silly as it sounds, especially at the end when a previously decrepit character suddenly becomes invincible.

Clint Eastwood plays an assassin recruited by a Kid to help him kill the cowboy who cut-up the aforementioned whore, but the story lacks in the way of tension and often goes astray.

my rating : 3 of 5

1992

audio review : A Different Kind Of Weather ( album ) … The Dream Academy

audio review : A Different Kind Of Weather ( album ) ... The Dream Academy

This album begins with a John Lennon song. It’s an odd move starting a set of otherwise original songs with a cover; one that makes for immediate conceptual awkwardness the album never gets good enough to make forgivable.

There are notable songs. Waterloo, about the train station in London, is relaxing. Saint Valentine’s Day offers sweet celtic vibes and a sweeping bridge-to-chorus section. Lowlands is also nice, but most of the rest is a dreary affair.

my rating : 3 of 5

1990

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cereal

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cereal

The box boasts “no artificial flavors”. What it doesn’t tell you is that, compared to the average kid-themed cereal, there’s hardly any flavor at all. The taste; imagine Trix with less punch; is frustratingly bland. That’s partly because the ingredients list is new-age healthy. The cereal, based on Nickelodeon’s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cartoon series, gets its color from vegetable juice and turmeric.

my rating : 3 of 5

audio review : Respek ( song ) … Birdman

He said he “ain’t gon say it no mo”, but he’s saying it again. “Put some respect when you mention my name,” the chorus, or is that the bridge, goes. It’s “respect”, but he’s pronouncing it with a “k” where the “ct” is supposed to be because, well, that’s the walk he talks. At least that’s how he said it on a recent visit to The Breakfast Club, a popular radio show on which he felt he was being disrespected.

It was a heated encounter that went semi-viral; the incident was also recorded on video; thus the making of this surprisingly catchy song, which does wonders to help save his reputation. If the joke’s on you, in other words, it’s best to join in on the laughs because getting angry often makes matters worse. The best part is the beat, a dazzling hood thumper fans and followers can ride along to.

my rating : 4 of 5

2016

video review : Independence Day [ Resurgence ]

video review : Independence Day [ Resurgence ]

This isn’t just Independence Day without Will Smith, which would be bad enough. It’s Independence Day without the humor, wit, suspense and entertainment; a sequel so lackluster it feels more like a TV knockoff than a sequel. Most of the main characters are back, but the nostalgia is wasted. Rain, the token Asian, is cute, but the new people are just cardboard cutouts.

The plot, which introduces an ally alien sphere, is surprisingly stupid. Even worse is the dialogue, which goes from just being flat to laughably awkward as it wedges in quick-cut plot points. “Can you believe it,” a hospital worker says to a patient who appears to be sleeping, “You’ve been in a coma for 7300 days.” One more day and he could’ve slept thru this cinematic disaster.

my rating : 2 of 5

2016

video review : Independence Day

video review : Independence Day

An invasion may be unlikely, but if space aliens do exist, and they probably do, it’s a scenario Earthlings may indeed have to face one day. That day happening to be the fourth of July and the American military being as effective fighting them off as they are in this movie is patriotic hogwash, more unlikely than the invasion itself, but this War Of The Worlds is at least fun to watch.

I’d prefer a more serious tone; characters drop one-liners when they should be fearing for their lives; but the jokes are funny. The plot? Entertaining. An alien mothership flies “90-billion” light years not just to kill every living being on Earth but to consume its natural resources before going on to the next planet. That’s where a Marine pilot and a cable repair man come into play.

my rating : 4 of 5

1996

Blue Bunny Ice Cream : Peanut Butter Party

Blue Bunny Ice Cream : Peanut Butter Party

It’s supposed to be a peanut butter party, but someone invited chocolate and its cousin. Peanut butter ice cream with peanut butter swirls is a tasty idea, but the addition of peanut butter cups coated in chocolate and fudge swirls is a bit much.

There’s fun to be had, meaning the ice cream is good, especially when melted down to a cold lumpy goo, but I can’t help but imagine how much better it would be if the flavor were peanut butter and nothing else as the name so merrily suggests.

my rating : 4 of 5

video review : Orange Is The New Black [ Season 4 ]

video review : Orange Is The New Black [ Season 4 ]

The best part of this season has to do with Maritza’s backstory as a car thief. It’s a short bit that has little to do with the overall story arc, but it’s perhaps the only one that provides a sense of genuine suspense. Season 4, while better than 3, isn’t on par with 2 and 1. The series is merely coasting, barely interesting enough to keep watching.

The worst parts are the lame comedy attempts and any time Lolly talks. The psychotic Ellen-lookalike is now, hands down, the most annoying character. She’s even worse than Suzanne and Piper. The show would do better with less of them and more of sexy Latinas Maritza and Marisol. Where can I purchase a pair of their smudgy panties?

That side plot isn’t abandoned, thankfully. This fourth season of Orange is mostly a silly soap opera. Then something dramatic happens near the end. It’s a bad thing for the women of Litchfield but a good thing for viewers seeking drama and tension. The ending, reminiscent of Do The Right Thing, entertains. But it’s a case of too little too late.

my rating : 3 of 5

2016

video review : Orange Is The New Black [ Season 5 ]
video review : Orange Is The New Black [ Season 6 ]
video review : Orange Is The New Black [ Season 7 ]

Little Big Shot Super Nozzle

Little Big Shot Super Nozzle

The problem with this water hose Nozzle is that it eventually gets stuck in the “pin-point” position. It’s a nuisance, presumably caused by inadvertent suction, that’s hard to undo. It can be prevented by not screwing it all the way down, but it’s still a major design flaw. Other than that, this Big Shot is a handy little nozzle for removing loose dirt and debri from floors, cars and whatever else.

my rating : 4 of 5