audio review : Dogs Eating Dogs ( EP ) … Blink-182

audio review : Dogs Eating Dogs ( EP ) ... Blink-182

My problem with this EP is the way it ends. The final song; Pretty Little Girl; the perfect title for a pedophilic love ode, though I think the girl referenced here is “nineteen”; might be the best of the bunch, but the concept is too specific to serve as an appropriate ender.

The overall theme of Dogs Eating Dogs seems to, in other words, have little to nothing to do with romance. The solution to that problem would’ve been to either add another song or rearrange the order so that a different one, preferably the title track, comes at the end.

my rating : 3 of 5

2012

audio review : Vicious Lies And Dangerous Rumors ( album ) … Big Boi

Vicious Lies And Dangerous Rumors ( album ) ... Big Boi

A “love” song about a girl Big Boi refers to as the Apple Of My Eye begins and ends with the sound of someone biting an apple. That’s one of many annoying bits sprinkled about what, depending on how you classify his Speakerboxx, stands as his second or third album, entitled Vicious Lies And Dangerous Rumors because short album titles aren’t zany enough. The worst of those bits has a man ranting about boys who focus more on basketball than schoolwork. Even if you agree with his generalization, it’s his voice that makes him sound stupid. Nevermind the fact that the sermon seems to have no relevance in the context in which it’s presented.

Such flaws would be easier to forgive, or at least ignore, if the songs they’re mixed with were enjoyable enough to distract, but most aren’t. Big Boi’s music is quirky and fresh; while nowhere near my “top-ten” list, his rap skills aren’t too far behind those of his Outkast partner Andre 3000; but this sets lacks the appeal of his previous album. That’s most noticeable during the chorus sections. Most are decent; the rapper knows enough to recruit guest singers like Sarah Barthel of Phantogram; but the melody Wavves leader Nathan Williams provides on Shoes For Running sounds atrocious and the Thom Pettie hook hardly qualifies as such.

my rating : 3 of 5

2012

Sara Lee New York Style Cheesecake

Sara Lee New York Style Cheesecake

If you’re used to seeing cheesecake with a strawberry or cherry topping, this may take you by surprise. It looks like sponge cake or cornbread from the top. It’s not until you cut a slice and take a bite that you’re taken in by the taste of cheesecake.

It’s deliciously sweet and dangerously rich. If you eat too much too quick without drinking water or something to wash it down, it literally gets stuck between your throat and chest. Not that death by cheesecake wouldn’t be wonderful way to go.

my rating : 4 of 5

video review : Eddie Murphy : One Night Only

video review : Eddie Murphy : One Night Only

Eddie Murphy deserves some praise. His Delirious concert from nearly thirty years ago is a masterpiece, but this Spike TV tribute show, which comes across as a polar roast in which the recipient is praised instead of insulted, is all wrong. It’s not just the format that’s the problem; it’s the fact that old Eddie Murphy video clips are the only funny thing about it.

Every guest, from Jamie Fox to Chris Rock, aims to make you laugh and even their lamest jokes work on the giddy Saban Theatre crowd, but their attempts rarely work on me. Tracey Morgan is a hack. The Stevie Wonder performance, which shows he still has a wonderful singing voice, is, in this context, off-puttingly random. The whole show is a bit of a mess.

my rating : 2 of 5

2012

video review : Flight

video review : Flight

This Flight peaks with a crash-landing. It happens at the 25-minute mark. The plot descends into an extended epilogue from there. It’s not as much about the airplane as it is about the pilot, nicknamed Whip. It was his technical know-how that saved 96 of the 102 “souls” on board, but, as far as The NTBS and a blood test are concerned, it could be his alcoholism that endangered their lives in the first place.

Robert Zemeckis cues the dramatic mood music, scored by Alan Silvestri, and lets the story coast. What Whip, played by a somber if not sober Denzel Washington does at the end is an automatic nominee for stupidest movie character decisions. It seems highly unlikely that a real-life pilot in his position would do such a thing on the grounds of mere morality. I’m with him and the movie up until that point.

my rating : 4 of 5

2012

Sara Lee French Style Strawberry Cheesecake

Sara Lee French Style Strawberry Cheesecake

This Sara Lee Cheesecake, which is so “whipped” and “fluffy” when it thaws you’d be better off eating it with a spoon, tastes damn good. The one thing holding it back from excellence is that strawberries are sort of sour. It would be better with just the strawberry syrup on top. The oatmeal cookie crust is also distractingly crumbly. Not that it all doesn’t mesh well going down.

my rating : 4 of 5

Ur ( story ) … Stephen King

If you own an E-reader, avoid books by Stephen King. He’s a technical wordsmith, probably the result of “good” schooling, but he often lacks what it takes to create an interesting story. Ur, published for and seeming to serve as an elaborate plug for Amazon’s Kindle, is a perfect example.

The premise; a college English teacher buys a Kindle that offers nonexistence books from popular authors in alternative universes; has potential, but the tale Stephen King dents the fourth wall to crowbar it around is silly and illogical, especially when The Paradox Police arrive near the end.

my rating : 2 of 5

2009

audio review : Wu Block ( album ) … Ghostface Killah + Sheek Louch

Wu Block ( album ) ... Ghostface Killah + Sheek Louch

The title doesn’t really make sense. It’s a Wu-Tang Clan and D-Block (Lox) collaboration; Ghostface and Sheek are the prime members for this set; but the Wu Block moniker implies a Clan takeover. The title doesn’t linguistically represent both groups, in other words. It seems to favor Wu-Tang Clan over D-Block because the “Wu” is semantically equivalent to the “D”, not the “Block”. If you take out the “D”, it can be anybody’s “Block”, depending on whose name you put before it, just as it could be anybody’s “Clan”. If it were D Clan, the problem would go the opposite way.

Not that I’d expect either group to consider proper English. This is rap music for uneducated street thugs; the type of “niggas” who rob and shoot people when they aren’t selling drugs to them. The first song, as it goes, is a collection of Crack Spot Stories. It’s also one of the best because it’s one of the few that isn’t dampered by a tawdry hook. Stick-Up Kids, inspired by a tired Fat Boys catchphrase, and Been Robbed, which limits its verse space to just four bars, are particularly annoying. The only commendable chorus, in fact, is the one provided by guest singer Erykah Badu.

Sheek has become the best rapper of The Lox though. “My high school teachers, they said I wouldn’t be nothing; sitting on the bleachers,” he says, “Now I’m sitting in a Phantom, trying to figure-out the features.” Jadakiss and Styles provide guest verses for comparison’s sake. Other Clan members, and Cappadonna, are also featured. I would’ve liked to hear a verse from Rza, but Ghostface holds it down. He and Sheek Louch actually make a dynamic duo. When Method Man finishes their story about a shady “bitch” named Stella, he only distracts from their chemistry.

my rating : 3 of 5

2012
 

C. Gray :

Excellent review. I agree with you on all points. You almost have to “dumb-down” to listen to this album. There’s no intelligence on display, and the stories lack originality. Aside from a few catchy tunes, this is a disappointing collaboration.

R. Maia :

Really? Your critiquing the title. Would you prefer lox-tang? Wu-block makes sense and to be honest not even worth mentioning in your review.

video review : The Dark Knight Rises

video review : The Dark Knight Rises

The title is a fancy way to say that Batman is back. Did the world need another Batman movie? No. But Wayne Enterprises; a multi-billion-dollar company owned by Bruce Wayne himself; is going bankrupt and popular superhero movies; this is the third in what is now a Christopher Nolan trilogy; make an insane amount of money. Two Face is dead and The Joker, a character who should’ve been mentioned if not given a cameo appearance, is in prison. Enter Bane, a strong vicious beast of a man with a gas mask stuck to his face. He wears it for a reason, but it muffles his voice sometimes to the point of being unintelligible.

Not that these characters, including Anne Hathaway as Catwoman, ever have anything poignant to say. Christopher Nolan is a lot better at directing fight scenes than composing dialogue. So the fast-cut plot, riddled with minor holes and unnecessary twists; Gotham City facing its demise in the form of a nuclear bomb is the gist; gets saved by its exciting and often violent action scenes. Most, if not all, of that action coincides with epic Hans Zimmer orchestral music, yes; and the new flying bat-toy is kind of cool; but this Dark Knight, while entertaining, is a sequel that doesn’t quite match the level of its predecessor.

my rating : 4 of 5

2012

audio review : History [ Mob Music | Function Music ] ( albums ) … E-40 + Too Short

audio review : History [ Mob Music | Function Music ] ( albums ) ... E-40 + Too Short audio review : History [ Mob Music | Function Music ] ( albums ) ... E-40 + Too Short

Mob music is the style of music E-40 rapped to on his Federal debut. The beats on that album were produced by Studio Tone and they, like most on those early albums, pound. But somewhere along the way; a decade after Federal, to be exact; E-40 lost his way. Now, another decade later, what he tries to pass as classic “mob” music is a collection of mostly watered-down starter beats. They do “pound” in the literal sense, meaning they’re produced with enough bass to give your speakers a workout, but not in the aesthetic sense the slang term implies.

Studio Tone is limited to just one track. That song, entitled Ask About Me, is perhaps the closest this set comes to classic “mob”. Most of the others, on both albums, sound like new-age post-Hyphy “function” music to me. That makes the double album concept a bit of a fraud. Long-time E-40 and Too Short fans anticipating an epic return to form shouldn’t get their hopes up, in other words, because they’ll be disappointed in a major way. In fact, the individual solo albums E-40 and Too Short released earlier this year are considerably better than this set.

Aside from the beats, the album concept is also thrown off by the fact that both rappers aren’t given equal time. This seems more like an E-40 release featuring Too Short than a true one-and-one collaboration. Too Short is featured on only the West Coast Shit chorus. E-40 is featured on several. I think E-40 has more verses too. He’s the better rapper, sure, but it’s a major flaw; one that would be hard to overcome even if most of the beats weren’t amateurish and most of the hooks weren’t lackluster. Some; Toasted, Say I and One Foot included; are just plain annoying.

my rating : 2 of 5

2012

Honey Graham Oh’s

Honey Graham Oh's

Oh yes. This cereal is delicious. It’s O-shaped corn pieces with “good things in the middle” like real oatmeal. The caramel-like taste, which I’d compare to Cap’n Crunch or old school Mr T, Gremlins and Batman cereal, is sweetened with honey, graham (cracker) flour and brown sugar.

The taste is great. It’s easily one of the best cereals in that regard, but it’s too crunchy. It won’t get soggy in milk, at least not in any reasonable amount of time, but that’s the problem because it makes for a hard chew. If it had the texture and consistency of, say, Cheerios, it’d be perfect.

my rating : 4 of 5

video review : The Grey

video review : The Grey

The Grey builds to a lone wolf metaphor at the end, but the title should be plural. The story takes place in a world dominated by real wolves who hunt to kill a group of oil drillers stranded in the cold snow after a plane crash. It’s a tale of survival, albeit a familiar one, held together not by precious dialogue or clever plotting; the men just trod along; but by a sense of impending doom.

my rating : 4 of 5

2011