Category: reviews

Skittles [ Original ]

Skittles [ Original ]

If not for the little “s” on each piece, you might mistake a handful of Skittles for “M&Ms”. They might even be the same candy if it weren’t for the fact that one is filled with milk chocolate and the other fruit. At least that’s the concept here as each of the five colors represent a different kind.

Strawberry and grape are the best, orange dangles in the middle, while lemon and lime serve only to balance-out the other colors of the rainbow. What’s amazing is how well the five flavors blend together into a sweet fruit punch of sorts, which I’d take over a mouthful of chocolate any day.

Aside from the taste, the best thing about these bite-sized candies is that, even with a shell, they’re chewy, they’re not sticky and they dissolve into sugary grits rather than a taffy mass when you chew them. For what it’s worth, they’re also made with apple juice as one of the key ingredients.

If the makers get rid of lemon and lime for better fruits; or just leave it as a trio of orange, grape and strawberry; they could be on to something truly special. But even as is, because you can’t really taste the lemon and lime when you eat them all together, Skittles are my favorite candy.

my rating : 5 of 5
 

S. Fitze :

Absolutely no apple juice is used in manufacturing Skittles. No juice of any sort. Primary ingredients are sugar, corn syrup, hydrogenated palm kernel oil.

I’m also a Skittles fan, but making them out to be even semi-healthy is ludicrous.

audio review : Keep It Hood ( EP ) … MC Eiht

audio review : Keep It Hood ( EP ) ... MC Eiht

This EP would be better if MC Eiht didn’t stop for breaks. He has no discernible talent when it comes to composing hooks, so he shouldn’t bother. He should just rap. Reciting Hood poetry to Hood beats is what he’s best at, so maybe he should rap one long verse on every song.

Even better would be to recruit guests, preferably “bitches”, to sing the hooks. Premier scratches, as featured on a few of these songs, can only do so much. Eiht, as far as MCs go, is nowhere near the best, but his grimy voice is listenable enough over a dope Brenk Sinatra beat.

my rating : 3 of 5

2013

Turkey Hill All Natural Ice Cream : Vanilla Bean

Turkey Hill All Natural Ice Cream : Vanilla Bean

The best ice cream to eat, as far as your health goes, is all-natural ice cream without all the artificial additives and preservatives. This version of Turkey Hill’s Vanilla Bean has none. The ingredients are a list of five; cream, nonfat milk, sugar, vanilla and vanilla bean.

They’re “the same ingredients you would use to make ice cream at home”. That means, though it isn’t the best when it comes to taste; artificial flavors are generally better; the trade-off of being natural, thus as healthy as ice cream gets, makes it worthwhile.

my rating : 4 of 5

video review : Django Unchained

video review : Django Unchained

Silent letters are stupid and I don’t like Jamie Fox, but such nuisances are beside the point. It’s the plot of Django Unchained, a historic epic of sorts in which Fox plays a “nigger” slave turned contract killer, that’s the problem. The first half or so presents an interesting plotline as we travel with Django, led by fellow bounty hunter King Schultz; Christoph Waltz as the movie’s coolest character; to a “MISSISSIPPI” plantation to free his (Django’s) estranged wife. The final stretch is where everything sort of falls apart. Quentin Tarantino may be one of the best movie-makers pop cinema has to offer, yes, but this one suffers from what seems to be a simple case of artistic overindulgence. That final stretch, which begins with a ridiculous shoot-out, comes across as an unnecessary tack-on to what, though nowhere near his Inglourious Basterds magnum opus, could’ve been an enjoyable movie.

A dinner scene involving a slave named Stephen and a secret revealed unravels too conveniently; there isn’t enough reason given for Stephen’s sudden plot-turning suspicion; but there are moments of genuine tension there. You wonder, if only for a minute or two, whether or not the protagonists will make it out alive. That’s it though. There is no real tension or suspense anywhere else in the movie, which also lacks in the way of humor. Violence breaks itself for chuckle time and sometimes that works; a scene involving a blind lynch mob on horseback nears hilarity; but the movie’s many comedy attempts too often fall flat. Quentin Tarantino composed the words, but the dialogue is missing his signature zing. There’s not really any cleverness or grand irony here. Nothing wows, at least not in a positive sense. It’s just a slightly engaging slave story that runs too long.

my rating : 3 of 5

2012

audio review : Dogs Eating Dogs ( EP ) … Blink-182

audio review : Dogs Eating Dogs ( EP ) ... Blink-182

My problem with this EP is the way it ends. The final song; Pretty Little Girl; the perfect title for a pedophilic love ode, though I think the girl referenced here is “nineteen”; might be the best of the bunch, but the concept is too specific to serve as an appropriate ender.

The overall theme of Dogs Eating Dogs seems to, in other words, have little to nothing to do with romance. The solution to that problem would’ve been to either add another song or rearrange the order so that a different one, preferably the title track, comes at the end.

my rating : 3 of 5

2012

audio review : Vicious Lies And Dangerous Rumors ( album ) … Big Boi

Vicious Lies And Dangerous Rumors ( album ) ... Big Boi

A “love” song about a girl Big Boi refers to as the Apple Of My Eye begins and ends with the sound of someone biting an apple. That’s one of many annoying bits sprinkled about what, depending on how you classify his Speakerboxx, stands as his second or third album, entitled Vicious Lies And Dangerous Rumors because short album titles aren’t zany enough. The worst of those bits has a man ranting about boys who focus more on basketball than schoolwork. Even if you agree with his generalization, it’s his voice that makes him sound stupid. Nevermind the fact that the sermon seems to have no relevance in the context in which it’s presented.

Such flaws would be easier to forgive, or at least ignore, if the songs they’re mixed with were enjoyable enough to distract, but most aren’t. Big Boi’s music is quirky and fresh; while nowhere near my “top-ten” list, his rap skills aren’t too far behind those of his Outkast partner Andre 3000; but this sets lacks the appeal of his previous album. That’s most noticeable during the chorus sections. Most are decent; the rapper knows enough to recruit guest singers like Sarah Barthel of Phantogram; but the melody Wavves leader Nathan Williams provides on Shoes For Running sounds atrocious and the Thom Pettie hook hardly qualifies as such.

my rating : 3 of 5

2012

Sara Lee New York Style Cheesecake

Sara Lee New York Style Cheesecake

If you’re used to seeing cheesecake with a strawberry or cherry topping, this may take you by surprise. It looks like sponge cake or cornbread from the top. It’s not until you cut a slice and take a bite that you’re taken in by the taste of cheesecake.

It’s deliciously sweet and dangerously rich. If you eat too much too quick without drinking water or something to wash it down, it literally gets stuck between your throat and chest. Not that death by cheesecake wouldn’t be wonderful way to go.

my rating : 4 of 5

video review : Eddie Murphy : One Night Only

video review : Eddie Murphy : One Night Only

Eddie Murphy deserves some praise. His Delirious concert from nearly thirty years ago is a masterpiece, but this Spike TV tribute show, which comes across as a polar roast in which the recipient is praised instead of insulted, is all wrong. It’s not just the format that’s the problem; it’s the fact that old Eddie Murphy video clips are the only funny thing about it.

Every guest, from Jamie Fox to Chris Rock, aims to make you laugh and even their lamest jokes work on the giddy Saban Theatre crowd, but their attempts rarely work on me. Tracey Morgan is a hack. The Stevie Wonder performance, which shows he still has a wonderful singing voice, is, in this context, off-puttingly random. The whole show is a bit of a mess.

my rating : 2 of 5

2012

video review : Flight

video review : Flight

This Flight peaks with a crash-landing. It happens at the 25-minute mark. The plot descends into an extended epilogue from there. It’s not as much about the airplane as it is about the pilot, nicknamed Whip. It was his technical know-how that saved 96 of the 102 “souls” on board, but, as far as The NTBS and a blood test are concerned, it could be his alcoholism that endangered their lives in the first place.

Robert Zemeckis cues the dramatic mood music, scored by Alan Silvestri, and lets the story coast. What Whip, played by a somber if not sober Denzel Washington does at the end is an automatic nominee for stupidest movie character decisions. It seems highly unlikely that a real-life pilot in his position would do such a thing on the grounds of mere morality. I’m with him and the movie up until that point.

my rating : 4 of 5

2012

Sara Lee French Style Strawberry Cheesecake

Sara Lee French Style Strawberry Cheesecake

This Sara Lee Cheesecake, which is so “whipped” and “fluffy” when it thaws you’d be better off eating it with a spoon, tastes damn good. The one thing holding it back from excellence is that strawberries are sort of sour. It would be better with just the strawberry syrup on top. The oatmeal cookie crust is also distractingly crumbly. Not that it all doesn’t mesh well going down.

my rating : 4 of 5

Ur ( story ) … Stephen King

If you own an E-reader, avoid books by Stephen King. He’s a technical wordsmith, probably the result of “good” schooling, but he often lacks what it takes to create an interesting story. Ur, published for and seeming to serve as an elaborate plug for Amazon’s Kindle, is a perfect example.

The premise; a college English teacher buys a Kindle that offers nonexistence books from popular authors in alternative universes; has potential, but the tale Stephen King dents the fourth wall to crowbar it around is silly and illogical, especially when The Paradox Police arrive near the end.

my rating : 2 of 5

2009

audio review : Wu Block ( album ) … Ghostface Killah + Sheek Louch

Wu Block ( album ) ... Ghostface Killah + Sheek Louch

The title doesn’t really make sense. It’s a Wu-Tang Clan and D-Block (Lox) collaboration; Ghostface and Sheek are the prime members for this set; but the Wu Block moniker implies a Clan takeover. The title doesn’t linguistically represent both groups, in other words. It seems to favor Wu-Tang Clan over D-Block because the “Wu” is semantically equivalent to the “D”, not the “Block”. If you take out the “D”, it can be anybody’s “Block”, depending on whose name you put before it, just as it could be anybody’s “Clan”. If it were D Clan, the problem would go the opposite way.

Not that I’d expect either group to consider proper English. This is rap music for uneducated street thugs; the type of “niggas” who rob and shoot people when they aren’t selling drugs to them. The first song, as it goes, is a collection of Crack Spot Stories. It’s also one of the best because it’s one of the few that isn’t dampered by a tawdry hook. Stick-Up Kids, inspired by a tired Fat Boys catchphrase, and Been Robbed, which limits its verse space to just four bars, are particularly annoying. The only commendable chorus, in fact, is the one provided by guest singer Erykah Badu.

Sheek has become the best rapper of The Lox though. “My high school teachers, they said I wouldn’t be nothing; sitting on the bleachers,” he says, “Now I’m sitting in a Phantom, trying to figure-out the features.” Jadakiss and Styles provide guest verses for comparison’s sake. Other Clan members, and Cappadonna, are also featured. I would’ve liked to hear a verse from Rza, but Ghostface holds it down. He and Sheek Louch actually make a dynamic duo. When Method Man finishes their story about a shady “bitch” named Stella, he only distracts from their chemistry.

my rating : 3 of 5

2012
 

C. Gray :

Excellent review. I agree with you on all points. You almost have to “dumb-down” to listen to this album. There’s no intelligence on display, and the stories lack originality. Aside from a few catchy tunes, this is a disappointing collaboration.

R. Maia :

Really? Your critiquing the title. Would you prefer lox-tang? Wu-block makes sense and to be honest not even worth mentioning in your review.