Category: reviews

audio review : Pronounced Jah-Nay ( album ) … Zhané

audio review : Pronounced Jah-Nay ( album ) ... Zhané

Zhané’s music isn’t as exotic as they want you to believe; the grandiose introduction describes it as something you’ve never experienced before; but it is “strong”, “smooth” and occasionally “infectious”.

Mister DJ, their hit single from last year’s Roll Wit Tha Flava compilation, is up front. “What we going to do now is go back,” a voice says over the PA system as if it’s a classic from decades ago.

The best song is For A Reason, which, other than what sounds like clipping; distortion from the vocals being recorded too loud; is flawed only by the “second/minute/hour” part being in the wrong order.

my rating : 4 of 5

1994

audio review : Havoc And Bright Lights ( album ) … Alanis Morissette

Havoc And Bright Lights ( album ) ... Alanis Morissette

I need brighter lights. I can’t see what made Alanis Morissette think these songs were good enough to put out. Most aren’t bad. There’s a love-women anthem for men that’s pretty repulsive and Til You is syrupy enough to make you sick, but the background ambience this album provides is nice and breezy.

Listen for the dreamy military drum section at the end of the title song. Producers Guy Sigsworth and Joe Chiccarelli do a decent job in that regard. What’s lacking are any hooks to latch on to. There are hooks; every song has a soaring vocal refrain; but they aren’t catchy. That’s where the real havoc lies.

my rating : 3 of 5

2012

audio review : On The House ( mixtape ) … Slaughterhouse

On The House ( mixtape ) ... Slaughterhouse

The concept of this set was doomed from the beginning. It doesn’t really make sense to promote an album with an album, even when that promo album is only a so-called mixtape, especially when it’s composed of new songs that aren’t included on the album its promoting, because it only distracts from what it’s supposed to focus your attention on. The idea is that, while you have to pay for the official album, this one is On The House, but the official release date of Our House comes just days after this one. If this one is better, it will overshadow it. If it’s worse, it will put a damper on any anticipation the album had going for it. It’s not good promotion either way.

That said, every member of Slaughterhouse is a skillful rapper. Even their weakest link; Joell Ortiz; can be surprisingly impressive at times. He outshines Royce Da 5-9; my pick for the best rapper of the four, though this set, which has him favoring a gay sing-songy flow over a straight one, doesn’t really reflect that; on Truth Or Truth, which comes across as a 14-minute therapy session. Joe Budden also shines there, though he’s missing in action on a few of these songs. The best ones are generally the ones with the best hooks; namely Sucka MCs, Gone and Coming Home; but even the worse ones have at least a few impressive bars scattered here and there.

my rating : 3 of 5

2012

Red Bull

Red Bull

Red Bull is advertised as an energy drink that “improves performance”, “increases endurance”, “increases concentration”, “improves reaction speed” and “stimulates the metabolism”. In short, it “vitalizes” the “body and mind”, as the front of the can so proudly declares.

Interestingly enough, with all that said, there’s no mention of the taste, which I’d say is rather unique. It’s lightly carbonated, so I’d compare it to soda, but the closest flavor I can liken it to is maybe a lemon-lime berry mix with crushed Rockets (candy) stirred in for lift.

my rating : 3 of 5

video review : You’re The One [ In Concert ] ( concert ) … Paul Simon

You're The One [ In Concert ] ( concert ) ... Paul Simon

Old Paul Simon stands front and center, under a baseball cap, in a shirt with a cross on it, looking modest. Perhaps it’s because he knows that it’s not really him but his music that is the star of the show. He’s composed some great songs over the years and some of them find their way here, despite the off-putting set title, which falsely suggests that it’s primarily a concert of songs from his new album.

He does perform six songs from You’re The One, including the heartbreak anthem title track, but most of the songs he sings are the ones the world already knows and loves. And the backing music often sounds even better than the original album versions, thanks to his band, which at one point has master drummer Steve Gadd totally nailing the complex marching beat of Fifty Ways To Leave Your Lover.

That song fuses into a Fender Rhodes jazz session at the end, but funky instrumental breakdowns aren’t uncommon during this show, which is actually a mesh of two recent (2000) shows performed at The Olympia Hall in Paris. It would’ve been better to stick to one show, yes, but Paul Simon and his crew are wearing the same clothes, so you won’t notice unless you’re comparing shots of the audience.

my rating : 4 of 5

2001

video review : Night Of The Living Dead

video review : Night Of The Living Dead

What’s missing from the title is that The Living Dead are also murderous predators who want nothing more than to eat the flesh of their prey; undead people. It’s the gloomy doomy plot that makes it thrilling.

The ghouls stumble about slowly and are fragile enough to push out of the way, but there’s strength in numbers, so a boarded-up house in Pennsylvania is only the safest place until there are enough of them to break in.

my rating : 5 of 5

1968

video review : Dawn Of The Dead

Listerine PocketMist : Cool Mint

Listerine PocketMist : Cool Mint

The keychain loop at the top makes it convenient because there’s no top to flip or remove. You can put your finger on the pump while it’s still in your pocket, whip it out, quick-spray and put it back in your pocket in a matter of seconds, long before you’re face-to-face with the person you’re about to talk to.

The paper labeling also comes off easily, so if someone does see it, they probably wouldn’t know what it is. With two peels, you’re left with a mysterious little green-blue thing that could be a gum dispenser. It’s a cool and handy item for those of us who want to be discreet about our oral hygiene.

My only complaint is the strong taste of peppermint that stings your tongue with every spray. It kills bacteria, so it helps to imagine the sting as bacteria dying, but I wonder why the taste of mint is so associated with fresh breath in the first place. I’d much rather have it taste and smell like nothing.

my rating : 4 of 5

video review : The Human Centipede 2 [ Full Sequence ]

video review : The Human Centipede 2 [ Full Sequence ]

The centipede isn’t that bad. It’s the protagonist, a fat guy named Martin, that’s repulsive. Seeing him cough, sneeze and gag is more disgusting than what he does to other people with the exception of him knocking someone’s teeth out with a hammer. At least I assume that’s what happened. I had to look away.

Having to look away is the point as director Tom Six presents a horror sequel that’s even more bloody and violent than part 1. Though there’s no narrative explanation for the sudden transformation to black and white, it also looks better. There’s a darker, more sinister tone here. Lacking is any kid of narrative depth.

There is a story and even some backstory; Martin, who was apparently sexually abused by his father as a child, is a die-hard fan of the first Human Centipede movie and has become obsessed with creating one of his own; but that’s just a flat platform for the gimmicky concept, which is, so far, all this series has going for it.

If there’s a part 3; and judging by the way this one ends, there probably will be; I’d like a centipede of all girls. If I have to watch naked people squirm around on the floor with their mouths on each other’s asses, farting and squirting diarrhea, once again, I’d like for all of them to be girls; preferably attractive ones.

my rating : 2 of 5

2011
 

LloydDuff :

weren’t you more then a bit harsh about Martin? Not everyone hates chubby people

as for the black and white I found it gave out an erasierhead like tone to it

video review : Avatar

video review : Avatar

The war-driven plot may be a racy historical metaphor, but that’s about as far out on an artistic limb James Cameron is willing to go. Everything else about Avatar, his first movie since the great Titanic, is safe and sound, often to the point of being cliché; a fact its surprisingly stodgy dialogue and cartoonish characterization give away right from the beginning.

In a future world where Earth people fly to other places in search of mineral goods, a marine named Jake Sully infiltrates moon Pandora; home of a race of tall blue cat-people with long tails and braided hair. He does so with a team of scientists via the Avatar program, which allows them to live on Pandora as Navi creatures without really being there.

It’s imaginative science fiction and the world of Pandora is a visual wonder. There are strange creatures, big and small, and awe-inspiring landscapes that sort of make you want to visit a place like that in real life. The story; a mythological fairy tale based around eye-rollingly unnecessary themes of religion and romance; never lives up to the hype.

my rating : 3 of 5

2009

video review : Avatar : The Way Of Water

Dole Mandarin Oranges In Light Syrup

Dole Mandarin Oranges In Light Syrup

This is probably the best-tasting fruit I’ve ever had from a can. I prefer my mandarin oranges canned anyway because there are no annoying seeds, peeling or slicing to get in the way. It’s just juicy tidbits in sugar water or “light syrup”; a sweet delight if there ever were such a thing. Chill it in the freezer, eat each piece one-by-one, then drink the juice to get the full effect.

my rating : 5 of 5

Kix

Kix

It’s a simple name for a simple cereal; crispy corn puffs shaped like little balls. It’s “kid-tested” and “mother-approved”, says the slogan, which neglects to mention whether or not the kids liked them. I’d bet they did. I’m an adult and I do. They’re not particularly sweet compared to most kids cereals, but, in a bowl with cold milk, they taste good enough to keep eating.

my rating : 4 of 5

Polar Strawberry In Light Syrup

Polar Srawberries In Light Syrup

The light syrup is basically sugar water and it does wonders for the taste of strawberries, which is the correct plural for Strawberry. Here their sourness is masked by sweetness. The texture of the juice is not quite as “light” as I’d prefer and strawberries that have been sitting in a jar of water are bound to get mushy, but these, served cold from the fridge, are a nice treat.

my rating : 4 of 5