audio review : Fetch The Bolt Cutters ( album ) … Fiona Apple

audio review : Fetch The Bolt Cutters ( album ) ... Fiona Apple

Perhaps the title doubles as a reference to how long it took for Fiona Apple to release this album. At this rate, it’ll be about another decade until we get another one. With that it demands careful and repeated listens, at least for her loyal and patient fans.

I’m one, though I haven’t liked a Fiona Apple album since Extraordinary Machine, the best songs of which were produced by Jon Brion. He also moved The Pawn, probably her best album. Is it coincidence the quality of her music declined when they split ways?

Fetch The Bolt Cutters sounds more like The Idler Wheel, which offered Anything We Want and Valentine; Largo would easily be the best song if it were actually on that album; as highlights. Most of its songs are middling though, which is also the case here.

It seems Fiona Apple needs to be reacquainted with melody, at least at the breaks where it matters. Most of these songs aren’t bad, but she’s too comfortable repeating awkward bars of fortune cookie poetry; “Evil is a Relay sport”; and passing it off as a hook.

The Mellotron riff on Rack Of His sounds enchanting though, even as Apple offers little of substance to accommodate it vocally. She does better on Cosmonauts, where she actually manages a cutesy chorus, and the feel-good feminist anthem Ladies.

my rating : 3 of 5

2020

audio review : Sextape 4 ( album ) … The-Dream

audio review : Sextape 4 ( album ) ... The-Dream

The-Dream’s Sextape was supposed to be a Ménage À Trois, but here it is; part 4, which, given it’s predecessor is a threesome, comes across as conceptually excessive. Not that the girls won’t enjoy listening to it while getting their Brains fucked Out.

Not every song is about sex; Take Care and Nothing Will Feel The Same dabble in straight romance; but, aside from the album’s aforementioned mere existence, its only major flaw is that the interlude-like Notice and Spiritual set should be one song.

Sextape 4 gets off to a Passionate start. Yep, that’s Sean Combs doing his classic Bad Boy ad-libs in the background. Other aesthetic climaxes include Hard 4 Me; a song about The-Dream giving a girl a powerful orgasm; Ecstasy and Say Something.

my rating : 3 of 5

2020

video review : Gretel And Hansel

video review : Gretel And Hansel

This is an artsy take on the Brothers Grimm tale, but, at first glance, you might have trouble determining who is who. Gretel And Hansel look like boys. Gretel is the “pretty” one the story is mostly focused on.

The visual style of the movie, led by cinematographer Galo Olivares, is gloomy and exquisite. It’s the plodding pace of the plot, marked with highfalutin character monologues, that might bore you to death.

my rating : 2 of 5

2020

video review : Christine

video review : Christine

Christine is an antique 1958 Plymouth Fury and, like most old cars, she has issues. “She’s real sensitive,” owner Arnie Cunningham warns. What he means is that if you offend his car, she might try to kill you.

Those scenes are the best parts in this love story of man and machine. It’s Arnie who fixes Christine up from trash to treasure. His transformation from class nerd to psycho enthusiast is less convincing.

my rating : 3 of 5

1983

video review : Cat’s Eye

video review : Cat's Eye

This is a trilogy of Stephen King stories. The first, Quitters Inc, about a clinic that goes to extreme measures to get people to stop smoking, is a drag. The Ledge and General; General is the name of the Cat that strings these little movies together; are better.

my rating : 3 of 5

1985

Night Shift ( book ) … Stephen King

Night Shift ( book ) ... Stephen King

Perhaps it’s just my finickiness, but the inclusion of Night Surf and Graveyard Shift seem to clash with the title of this book; a set of mostly previously published Stephen King stories from Cavalier and other monthly magazines.

They’re promoted as horror and most are indeed eerie while The Last Rung On The Ladder and The Woman In The Room, the latter of which seems tacked on after what would’ve been Salem’s Lot bookends, aim for mere poignancy.

Stephen King stories, at least these, are usually best during the build-up. The endings can be rather anticlimactic; namely in the cases of Quitters Inc, The Boogeyman and The Lawnmower Man. Strawberry Spring is downright stupid.

my rating : 3 of 5

1978

video review : Zabit Magomedsharipov versus Kyle Bochniak at UFC 223

video review : Zabit Magomedsharipov versus Kyle Bochniak at UFC 223

Zabit Magomedsharipov has a clear height and reach advantage here. That and his superior technical skills; Joe Rogan calls him “elite”; make it a tough fight for Kyle Bochniak. It’s Bochniak’s unrelenting persistence that keeps it competitive, especially near the end when the tide starts to turn.

my rating : 4 of 5

2018

Zendaya’s physical appearance

Zendaya's physical appearance Zendaya's physical appearance Zendaya's physical appearance Zendaya's physical appearance Zendaya's physical appearance Zendaya's physical appearance

Looking at her cute troll face, Zendaya seems short, but she actually stands five feet and ten inches tall… on a pair of skinny legs that are inherently sexy. Her nose is a little big, but her eyes, rather their epicanthal folds, give her an innocent childlike appearance; at least when she’s not covering them in coats of fakeup.

my rating : 4 of 5

2020

Autopsy Room Four ( story ) … Stephen King

The concept, a living man lying on a gurney as pathologists unknowingly prepare to perform an autopsy on him, is creepy and intriguing. It’s Stephen King’s flippant handling of it that disappoints.

A story like this should be ominous. Instead the “dead” man, who’s fully conscious but also fully paralyzed, makes corny wisecracks to himself, even as his body is about to be sawed open and dismantled.

my rating : 2 of 5

1997

Autopsy Room Four ( story ) ... Stephen King

audio review : Those Kinda Nights ( song ) … Eminem ( featuring Ed Sheeran )

Eminem says the club beat; the best part of the song; takes him back to his D-12 days. With that bar, it would’ve been a perfect opportunity to feature the other four living members for what would be their first song together probably since the Encore album.

You can hear Bizarre trying to “holla” at a girl, but he doesn’t rap. He should’ve been given the last verse. What a nostalgic treat that could’ve been. Besides, Eminem has his hands full with a chick of his own. Her name is Alexa and she has “lean” in her car.

She’s also bisexual. That reveal; the “jokes aside” to “so am I” bit; is an increasingly rare example of the rapper being effectively concise. Ed Sheeran also sounds good on the hook, making this a fun dance anthem and one of the better newer Eminem songs.

my rating : 4 of 5

2020

audio review : Music To Be Murdered By ( album ) ... Eminem

video review : The Invisible Man

video review : The Invisible Man

The Invisible Man’s best moments are its two most surprising ones. The first involves a girl being punched in the face. The second involves a woman getting her throat slit. There’s also a poignant scene involving an email message. They’re dramatic highlights in a movie that is otherwise a bit of a mess.

What’s nearly as unbelievable as a woman claiming her dead abusive ex-boyfriend is alive and invisibly stalking her; it would help if Cecilia’s role were played by someone pretty; are some of these gaping plot holes. By the end, this psychological thriller, which begins interestingly enough, has gotten rather silly.

my rating : 3 of 5

2020