video review : Paranormal Activity : The Marked Ones

video review : Paranormal Activity : The Marked Ones

This is Paranormal Activity 5. The decision to omit the “5” and give it a subtitle was a stupid one that not only causes confusion but basically ruins the consistency of the series. Not that it wasn’t already stupid. Paranormal Activity should’ve ended after the first one. Making more has less to do with art than money and it shows. This is, in a lot of ways, the same story being told over and over again. It’s a decent story usually; 2 is notably worse than the rest; but essentially the same nonetheless.

This time the camera focuses on a recent high school graduate named Jesse. His best friend Hector is the one with the camera and he seems to have it on constantly, as if he knows he’s shooting a real movie. They also have a friend named Marisol. The three serve as amatuer investigators when spooky things start happening around Jesse’s apartment. It begins with the death of the weirdo downstairs neighbor. By the end, people are screaming and running for their lives as the camera shoots on.

my rating : 3 of 5

2014

video review : Paranormal Activity : The Ghost Dimension
video review : Paranormal Activity : Next Of Kin

video review : Horrible Bosses 2

video review : Horrible Bosses 2

This movie isn’t horrible. It’s as okay as the first one. The title makes less sense now as it refers not to the people the main characters work for but the guys themselves. Nick, Kurt and Dale have become potential entrepreneurs by quitting their jobs and inventing a bath product called The Shower Buddy.

The opening scene has them on the set of a morning TV show to promote it. What happens from there takes the plot into an assortment of wacky twists and turns, all for the sake of comedy. Is it funny? Sometimes. But not nearly as often as it tries to be. Is it stupid? Usually. But so was the original.

my rating : 3 of 5

2014

video review : All Is Lost

video review : All Is Lost

The obvious comparison here is to Cast Away. They’re both stories about a man stranded on what may as well be the center of an ocean. What’s better here is the beginning and ending. This movie ends like that one should’ve. There’s no epilogue or even scene change to distract from the gist. Robert Redford is the sole character and his struggle to survive is all it’s about.

my rating : 4 of 5

Full Circle Organic Applesauce [ Unsweetened ]

Full Circle Organic Applesauce [ Unsweetened ]

My big problem with eating healthy is that healthy food generally doesn’t taste good. Sweet fruits, like apples, are a rare exception. Even with an apple though, there’s the nuisance of having to find a ripe one, peel it, and so on. That’s where jarred sauce comes in.

This Full Circle applesauce is made with organic apples, basically regular ones minus the harmful pesticides, and nothing else; not even water, so the texture isn’t too liquidy. As far as healthy eating goes, it’s a suitable alternative to almost any other sweet dessert.

my rating : 4 of 5

video review : Gone Girl

video review : Gone Girl

Girl Gone would’ve been a better title, but that fault goes to the Gillian Flynn book this movie is based on. It’s a novel not based on a true story because true stories aren’t (usually) this melodramatic. It starts off decently; a man’s wife goes missing and he’s suspected of murdering her; but the plot loses its way to what, in a crime flick that’s supposed to be realistic, equates to utter absurdity during the final third.

my rating : 2 of 5

2014

video review : Big Eyes

video review : Big Eyes

Margaret Keane is supposed to be a victim. Her husband defrauded the public by taking credit for her art and selling it as his, but it’s hard to feel sorry for her because she went along with it for financial gain albeit in 1950s America, where women artists weren’t taken seriously.

Sexual equality is a major theme in this slightly campy biography, which, with its simple storyline, serves as one of Tim Burton’s more cohesive, thus enjoyable, movies. It’s called Big Eyes, by the way, because of the peculiar way Keane’s art depicts the faces of its kid subjects.

my rating : 3 of 5

2014

video review : Orange Is The New Black [ Season 3 ]

video review : Orange Is The New Black [ Season 3 ]

Well, the first two seasons were good. This one represents a sudden and significant drop in quality. It’s the dialogue and storyline that can’t, for even one episode, rise above mediocrity. The comedy is mostly lame and the drama arcs are silly in comparison to the ruckus Vee, now dead, brought in Season 2.

Inmate Piper Chapman and her baggy eyes have become almost completely unlikeable. The fact that “transsexual” men are still men is (finally) addressed and the plot makes practical use of the women’s dirty panties, but there’s not much else to compliment about this disappointing season.

my rating : 3 of 5

2015

video review : Orange Is The New Black [ Season 4 ]
video review : Orange Is The New Black [ Season 5 ]
video review : Orange Is The New Black [ Season 6 ]
video review : Orange Is The New Black [ Season 7 ]

video review : Orange Is The New Black [ Season 2 ]

video review : Orange Is The New Black [ Season 2 ]

The first episode is an odd departure. After it, the series goes back to normal or at least as normal as it gets at Litchfield. If there does exist a real-life prison with a cast of characters enveloped in a neverending drama storm this entertaining, their story isn’t shot and edited this brilliantly.

Forget Piper Chapman. Her mess of a love life is overshadowed by the other, more interesting people around her; the familiar ones from Season 1. The new inmates are more caricatural than realistic, but Vee at least provides the plot with a major source of conflict and Soso is cute to look at.

my rating : 4 of 5

2014

video review : Orange Is The New Black [ Season 3 ]
video review : Orange Is The New Black [ Season 4 ]
video review : Orange Is The New Black [ Season 5 ]
video review : Orange Is The New Black [ Season 6 ]
video review : Orange Is The New Black [ Season 7 ]

video review : Orange Is The New Black [ Season 1 ]

video review : Orange Is The New Black [ Season 1 ]

Piper Chapman is bisexual. I don’t think that word is ever said during the entire season, but that’s what she is. She’s not “straight” nor a “lesbian”. She’s into girls and guys, or at least one of each; her fiancé Larry and her girlfriend Alex. It’s an important distinction because the theme of Orange revolves around sex and romance. It’s a prison soap opera filled with constant drama. The analogy is high school because what’s petty in the real world is serious enough to fight or kill someone for in prison. There are also plenty of laughs. It’s the combination that entices as you find yourself coming back to follow not just the lives of Chapman and her two partners, but also her fellow inmates; one of which really is a fellow.

Why a man, albeit one who alters his body to be like a woman, is sent to a women’s prison is never addressed, though the scenes sometimes cut from current time to backstory. Each episode focuses on one or two characters, and that does wonders to humanize them, but it’s not consistent. Certain people are covered more than once while others are completely overlooked. Also, the initial idea to end each episode with a wild cliffhanger is abandoned after only three. Soon a show that started-off great has settled into an inferior comfort zone. The drama is sometimes over-the-top and the comedy occasionally misses the mark; the Michael Jackson bit comes to mind; but the show is both zany and endearing on the whole.

my rating : 4 of 5

2013

video review : Orange Is The New Black [ Season 2 ]
video review : Orange Is The New Black [ Season 3 ]
video review : Orange Is The New Black [ Season 4 ]
video review : Orange Is The New Black [ Season 5 ]
video review : Orange Is The New Black [ Season 6 ]
video review : Orange Is The New Black [ Season 7 ]

audio review : Daysleeper ( song ) … REM

I don’t think “daysleeper” is a real word. Michael Stipe uses it as a slang term for someone who works during the night and sleeps during the day. The protagonist, presented in first-person perspective, seems to work in an institution or warehouse. At 3-AM, the receiving department is empty. “Everywhere is calm,” except for his aching head, which wants nothing more than to go home and get a good night’s rest like most of the other workers.

It’s hard to sleep in the daytime, even with an ocean sound machine at your bedside, when you live in a city of noisy neighbors. You’re constantly being awakened and, once awake, it’s hard to go back to sleep. That’s a big part of the problem, so this “daysleeper” sighs, cries and sings a soothing lament for all unfortunare victims of the graveyard shift. What a dreamy little ballad it is. Listen for the cute “weoo” chants near the end.

my rating : 4 of 5

1998

audio review : Up ( album ) ... REM

audio review : Talk Back ( song ) … Gorilla Zoe ( featuring Roxy Reynolds )

The spotlight is on Roxy Reynolds. You knew she fucked and sucked, but you probably didn’t know she rapped. Her lyrics are far from impressive; she’s as simple-minded as Gorilla Zoe when it comes to composing bars; but the meretricious content of her verse, presented in that sexy voice, makes up for what she lacks in artistic creativity.

“Put your tongue on that bubble gum,” she commands, referring to her pussy, which I imagine is sweet and yummy. “You love my lady lumps?” My answer would be yes, but not as much as her pussy. That’s what the song is about. “I’ll make that pussy talk back,” the chorus goes, which makes sense because her pussy has lips. I’ve seen them.

my rating : 3 of 5

2009

audio review : Blame Game ( song ) … Kanye West ( featuring John Legend )

The most endearing part of this song comes near the end where a semi-funny Chris Rock engages in a dialogue with what is supposed to be Kanye West’s girlfriend. She sounds awkwardly copy-and-pasted, retarded or drugged out of her fucking mind, but it’s cute how she says what she says. Though neither voice should be panned to the left or the right because its supposed to be “Yeezy” listening from his mono phone speaker, the background piano music is as beautiful as the Dark Twisted album title suggests.

Lo-fi drums come and go, but that music, which is at times highlighted by what sounds like a violin, is looped from start to end. That’s a winning move, along with the chorus. The “for sure” part sounds out of place, but it’s a nice chorus, especially when Kanye West replaces John Legend and adds his own melodic touch. If nothing else, that part supports my point that it’s nice vocal melodies, not nice voices, that matter most when it comes to the quality of a song. As far as intimacy goes, John Legend distracts.

There should be an unknown voice as the “local dude” West’s chick cheats on him with instead of Chris Rock. It’s certainly conceivable that a pretty “bitch” who’s leeched onto the dick (heart) of one wealthy celebrity would leech onto the heart (dick) of another, but it’s not supposed to be that way. He’s supposed to be a “neighborhood nigga” who couldn’t afford to buy the watch he wanted. That artistic blunder throws the concept off a bit. Then again, Chris Rock is a professional actor, so I guess it’s okay.

my rating : 4 of 5

2010

audio review : My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy ( album ) ... Kanye West