Category: reviews

video review : Victoria

video review : Victoria

Victoria is the name of the girl the plot revolves around, but that isn’t enough to justify the banal title. It’s not the story of her life, just two hours and thirteen minutes of it. I can say that because the movie is shot in and presented as a single take. That means everything happens in real time, no cuts whatsoever, a marvelous feat rarely accomplished before in the history of pop cinema. Of course, it wouldn’t mean much without a story that’s at least interesting. This one is poignant and thoroughly engaging.

It helps a lot that Victoria, played by Laia Costa, is both cute and charming. It takes almost an hour for the plot; she’s on an escapade with a small group of guys she just met in Berlin; to kick into gear, but it’s never boring. That’s mostly because the characters, improvised from a general outline, don’t talk or act like they’re in a movie. Though the underlying theme of romantic attraction is cliché, thus disappointing, the charming chemistry between Victoria and one of the guys (Sonne) seems genuine.

Whether or not the potential couple would do in real life what they do during the second half of this movie is another question. It seems unlikely for the reasons given, especially for Victoria, who seems to have nothing to gain in comparison to the risks she takes. But the foolhardy personality she displays early on; the initial set-up suggests her naivety will lead to gang rape; makes it a realistic possibility. With that, you’re along for the ride as a suspenseful crime drama unfolds before your eyes.

my rating : 4 of 5

2015

audio review : BB Talk ( song ) … Miley Cyrus

Miley Cyrus may have a cute face and sexy personality, but damn her voice is annoying. She sings okay enough; it’s her talking voice that’s a boner kill. The vulgar monologues presented here, addressed to a dude she’s in romantic “love” with, are a welcomed addition; that is to say they add stylistic value to the song; but you (I) wish it were a girlier-sounding girl talking.

The pop icon and chronic smoker, age 22, sounds 44 as she blathers about burying her head in his armpit, “which weirdly smells good”, and licking his teeth. Those disturbing images are soon replaced by a chorus that instantly catches the ear. “Fuck me so you’ll stop baby-talking,” it goes, as if he couldn’t do both, and it goes down like sweet tit milk over a funky hip-hop beat.

my rating : 4 of 5

2015

audio review : Smile ( song ) … Michael Jackson

This ballad; a cover of a Nat King Cole cover of a Charlie Chaplin original; doesn’t get interesting until the final minute. That’s when the mawkish instrumentation is replaced by a cute piano jingle.

Michael Jackson ladas, fingersnaps and whistles over what you could describe as happy baby music. It’s a shame the whole song, most of which buries itself in Saccharin, doesn’t sound like that.

my rating : 3 of 5

1995

audio review : History ( album ) ... Michael Jackson

audio review : DS ( song ) … Michael Jackson

“He’s out to shock,” MJ sings about the district attorney who tried to put him in prison, but he may as well be referring to himself. This song, from his History album, is a surprising departure for the pop icon. Michael Jackson songs have always been radio-friendly and relatively inoffensive. Even Dirty Diana handled groupie sluts with kid gloves. He takes those gloves off for DS, the seemingly ambiguous title of which represents Tom Sneddon’s phonetic initials. The “T” is changed to a “D” presumably to avoid a future defamation lawsuit.

The “BS” DA, it’s implied, has ties with not only the CIA but the KKK. But before you can ask yourself if Michael Jackson’s actually trying to play the race card, the chorus kicks back in. “Tom Sneddon is a cold man,” it goes and, as elementary as it is, it’s just catchy enough to hook you in, especially near the end of the song when the background harmonies begin. The music, led by a simple guitar riff on repeat, is tame compared to past rockers like Give In To Me and the aforementioned Dirty Diana; let alone Beat It; but it goes hard nonetheless.

my rating : 4 of 5

1995

audio review : History ( album ) … Michael Jackson

video review : Meadowland

video review : Meadowland

A man and woman lose their kid. That’s not a euphemism for death. They literally lose him at a gas station one day. The presumption is that he was kidnapped; the premise for a potentially engrossing story; but director Reed Morano ruins it by skipping to the boring epilogue. That means we’re forced to watch the parents mope as uneventful month by uneventful month goes by.

The movie focuses more on the woman, played by Olivia Wilde, as she goes down a spiral that is odd and a little absurd. Eating old cookie crumbs, smoking crack, having sex with strangers; her naked ass in the sex scene is the best part; and stalking little boys may be a part of her personality, but it seems unlikely simply losing a child of her own would make her do such things.

my rating : 2 of 5

2015

audio review : Vigilante Season ( album ) … Max B

audio review : Vigilante Season ( album ) ... Max B

If anyone’s capable of making a classic rap album, it’s Max B. That’s a conjecture that has little to do with his raps. It’s his unmatched ability to compose melodic hooks that puts him in a class of his own. Most rap songs suffer at the breaks, which is arguably the most important part of a song, but not his. He sings them with the same playful laid-back delivery and that makes him a one-trick pony, but it’s an impressive trick. Add the fact that his raps are consistently on-point, putting him at least on-level with Biggie, Jay-Z and 2Pac; the three rappers that inspired his ridiculous Biggaveli moniker; and Max B becomes a force to be reckoned with in the world of popular music.

What prevents this, his first official album, from being the masterpiece it could’ve been comes down to the song selection and the order in which those songs are presented. Max B is in prison, he’s been in prison since 2009 and he’s sentenced to be there for about 73 more years, so some of these songs have been circulating on the internet for years. But many of the ones not included here, like the classic Bang Bang Boogie, should’ve been. Tattoos On Her Ass, which confuses groupie appreciation with rap beef, is a rush of messy excellence. Porno Musik is hot. Money feels like a million bucks. Boss Don Season, in which he sings in the melody of the beat, is comparatively lackluster.

My biggest problem with the album, it’s most glaring blunder, is that its first verse isn’t even by Max B. The album, which begins with a song entitled Model Of Entropy, is basically introduced by a rapper named Young Riot, which flaws the concept right from the start. It’s a decision that probably shouldn’t bother me as much as it does; I can be OCDish when it comes to such things; but it does. Vigilante Season, even with its flaws; I didn’t even mention the mixtape-level mixing and mastering; is as “wavy” as a hurricane though. It’s about as good as I expected from an album that, unless Max B manages to go free from prison on appeal, which seems unlikely, may as well be posthumous.

my rating : 4 of 5

2011

video review : The Hateful Eight

video review : The Hateful Eight

If not for Inglourious Basterds, his masterpiece, I’d say Quentin Tarantino hasn’t wowed me, in a good way, since Jackie Brown. The Hateful Eight, like Django before it, is more epic in scale than substance. There are memorable quotes; the “goddamn Mexican” bit is hilarious; but they’re too far and few between to justify the script’s grandiose verbosity. Nearly every member of The Hateful Eight is a stone-cold killer, but they’re apt to talk you to death. That should be a positive. Tarantino has long had a knack for punchy dialogue, but he seems to be losing it.

The problem of the characters only sometimes saying interesting things to one another is compounded by the fact that they’re snowed-in at the mercy of a blizzard for most of the plot, which circles around a prisoner named Daisy Domergue; the one woman and most despicable of the bunch. The haven is a lodge named Minnie’s Haberdashery and, though this virtual stage play runs for nearly three hours, the suspense and bloodshed doesn’t begin until about the halfway point. Ironically enough considering the fact that a tighter edit could make the film better in half the time.

my rating : 3 of 5

2015

audio review : The Buffet ( album ) … R Kelly

audio review : The Buffet ( album ) ... R Kelly

Sticking with clunky analogies; the album title would be more tasteful without the “The”; the most playful part of this meal is a dish entitled Marching Band, which itself is filled with clunky analogies. If R Kelly is a poet, as he suggests, he’s not a good one. “She blow me like a tuba,” he says; The Buffet is a metaphor for a sexy woman’s body; “I beat it up like a snare drum.” It’s a good (enough) song though. Most of the others serve as aesthetic side dishes.

Beatwise, Wake Up Everybody and Backyard Party sound like classic R. It’s their choruses that disappoint. Switch Up, featuring Lil Wayne and Jeremih, and Let’s Be Real Now, a duet with the prettiest girl Kelly’s ever collabed with; no offense to daughter Ariirayé; are downright silly. The album offers a variety of “R&B”; The Buffet also serves as a metaphor for that; but there’s nothing here to suggest he’s (still) The King of it. More like the palace’s head chef.

my rating : 3 of 5

2015

video review : Inside Out

video review : Inside Out

This Pixar presentation about a kid named named Riley deals with emotions. Each of her major emotional traits; Joy, Sadness, Fear, Disgust and Anger; is a separate character living in her head. They basically control her as they take turns and often compete attributing themselves to her overall personality.

The plot has her going thru turbulent times; she’s homesick after her family moves to San Francisco; and it’s up to the beings in her mind to help her cope. It’s a concept that could be silly, but, though Disgust seems to forget her purpose, it’s a lighthearted mixture of clever and cute, albeit more cute than clever.

my rating : 4 of 5

2015

Eat That Frog [ 21 Great Ways To Stop Procrastinating And Get More Done In Less Time ] ( book ) … Brian Tracy

Eat That Frog [ 21 Great Ways To Stop Procrastinating And Get More Done In Less Time ] ( book ) ... Brian Tracy

This is a book that can; and if you take its advice, almost certainly will; permanently change your life for the better. It could literally mean the difference between achieving your biggest goals relatively soon and never achieving them. What self-help guru Brian Tracy presents with a silly frog analogy is just what the subtitle says; 21 Great Ways To Stop Procrastinating And Get More Done In Less Time.

Okay, they may not all be great; the word “Great” should have been omitted from the title; but they are certainly good enough to get your life going in the right direction. The catch is that, unless perhaps you happen to know him personally, Brian Tracy won’t be there with you to make sure you continue to Eat That Frog after the initial burst of inspiration you get from reading it. Bummer.

my rating : 4 of 5

What If [ Serious Scientific Answers To Absurd Hypothetical Questions ] ( book ) … Randall Munroe

What If [ Serious Scientific Answers To Absurd Hypothetical Questions ] ( book ) ... Randall Munroe

The What If bit should’ve been left out of the title because not every question Randall Munroe answers in this book; mostly a compilation of posts from his popular internet blog, also erroneously titled; is a what-if one. He should’ve also left out the word “Absurd”. A hypothetical question like “From what height would you need to drop a steak for it to be cooked when it hit the ground” may be loaded, but I don’t think the gist is absurd at all.

These are logical, if uncommonly inquisitive, questions; the type I often wonder to myself. I usually don’t have the answers and I’m smart enough not to assume Randall Munroe’s claims are accurate, but, while bits of humor go against the Serious claim and the existence of this book is probably nothing more than a way to further monetize his (xkcd.com) site, I appreciate him taking the time to answer them in a scientific manner.

my rating : 4 of 5

2014

audio review : Top 5 Dead Or Alive ( album ) … Jadakiss

audio review : Top 5 Dead Or Alive ( album ) ... Jadakiss

I don’t know who my Top 5 rappers are, but if it’s limited to popular names as such lists tend to be, Eminem is number one. Jadakiss doesn’t make the list. He’s nowhere near. That’s despite the fact that he insists, over and over again, that he’s one of the five best. It’s a matter of opinion, so the debate is all in fun, but he has a lot of nerve making such a bold claim in such a bold way when, in my opinion, he might not even rank in the top 50.

His bullheaded arrogance may be forgiven if this were a great rap album or at least a good one. It’s far from it. Too many so-so beats, weak hooks and, yes, dull verses. Jadakiss used to be a better rapper. Listen to his first album. He still has that signature monotone delivery and makes sure to rhyme the last two or three syllables in every bar, but he rarely has anything clever or interesting to say anymore. And he needs to stop with that retarded laugh.

my rating : 2 of 5

2015