I don’t know whose Passion this is, but it certainly isn’t mine. Peach is generally one of my favorite artificial fruit flavors, but this is a major exception. It tastes less like peaches and more like a weird chemical imitation. The flavor is okay at first sip, but it gets worse the more you drink.
my rating : 2 of 5
This Ghost is based on those Orange Cream bars you probably enjoyed as a kid. It also tastes like one. It’s not as good though because it’s hard, probably impossible, to match the texture of ice cream; the best part; in an Energy drink. The can claims “no artificial flavors”, suspiciously enough, yet it’s listed on the ingredients list.
my rating : 3 of 5
Don’t Be A Menace To South Central While Drinking Your Juice In The Hood; a parody of Menace To Society, South Central, Juice and Boyz N The Hood; is as ridiculous as its title, but that’s the point. It’s more of a ninety-minute In Living Color skit than a real movie, but, unlike most comedies, it’s actually funny most of the time and occasionally hilarious. It helps to have watched the flicks it spoofs to be fully amused.
my rating : 4 of 5
1996
If you thought they’d leave the new Planet Of The Apes franchise; a nearly two-billion-dollar success for Hollywood; a tidy trilogy, you’re a stupid “human”. Kingdom, as superfluous as its existence may be, is a worthy successor. It’s also a new beginning as Caesar, now replaced with lead chimp Noa, becomes legend. The dialogue is mostly stodgy and pretentious, but the plot, which also evolves around a supergirl named Mae, is engaging enough.
my rating : 4 of 5
2024
That’s Shit is more like it. Not to say this Fruit Bar isn’t edible, but the flavor is more like something that came out of someone’s rear end than anything delicious. There are “just three ingredients”; Blueberries, dates and active cultures; which is impressively healthy, but there’s a reason other snack products add more. A cookie coating à la Fig Newtons could really help with the taste.
my rating : 2 of 5
The title should be spelled right; Strawberries And Cream; and the High T verse should come after both of MC Eiht’s. Those are the only two major flaws on this otherwise palatable song. The best part is the beat; a jazzy groove with a delicious bassline; which isn’t fully appreciated till Bam and Chill start talking (drugs) over it near the end.
my rating : 4 of 5
1999
This is a traditional duet on which a man and a woman sing sweet nothings to each other if not under moonlight then the streetlights shining in thru the bedroom windows. It’s Billy Preston and Syreeta Wright, but it may as well be Nat King Cole and Lena Horne as their melodies embrace over a graceful orchestral score.
my rating : 4 of 5
1979
This song should end at about the 3:41 mark before Shaquille O’Neal enters the court. His verse is decent enough, aside from the faddish “95” reference, but the song would be better without him. Michael Jackson holds his own (“crotch”) vocally; there are some funky harmonies happening here; especially during the peaks when he starts doing his signature ad-libs.
my rating : 4 of 5
1995
“The magic of cereal is that you’re eating and drinking at the same time with one hand,” a Kellogg’s employee proclaims. It’s one of the rare occasions in which the constant barrage of food jokes actually work. Most simply aren’t funny, especially during the imbecilic first half, which leaves one wondering why what might’ve worked as a short comedy skit; about the invention of Pop Tarts; is being served as a full-length movie.
my rating : 2 of 5
2024
I don’t know what made Spice 1 think his Platinum OG album warranted a sequel, but the title is the least of its oddities. More baffling is the decision to put a random photo of 2Pac on the cover and invite a slew of guest rappers; every song has at least one; when the concept is about his own legacy.
That last bit is the worst thing about this project as Sway Calloway interrupts the playlist with a total of five Talks. He commemorates Spice 1 as if attending his funeral, but the interludes are out of place and only serve to annoy. The best songs include Come Out With Me, Not Easy and Real G’s.
my rating : 3 of 5
2024
“Plantains are high in fiber and resistant starch,” the bag reads, “which makes them a great crispy alternative to potato chips.” They also taste about as good, which is telling considering the fact that there are only two other ingredients; sunflower oil and salt. You may also be surprised to realize they’re not at all sweet but rather savory.
my rating : 4 of 5
It’s a fun concept, but this tastes like neither Skittles; my favorite candy; nor regular Cotton Candy. It’s more of the latter than the former, at least initially before the chemical aftertaste settles in, but either way it’s a blatant fraud. It also smells like something you shouldn’t be eating.
my rating : 2 of 5