Strawberry Pocky; thin biscuit sticks covered in strawberry “cream”; are fun to eat. The soft/crunchy contrast of the frosting and the sticks is, along with its cutesy presentation, a delight.
It’s the taste that barely joins in on the “happiness”. It’s not quite as sweet and flavorful as you’d imagine; I was hoping for a taste similar to cotton candy; but mildly pleasant nonetheless.
my rating : 4 of 5
If your skin is the streets and razor bumps are the bad guys, Bump Patrol; an aftershave treatmeant; is the police or at least a squad of reliable security guards. It promises “visible results in 48 hours”. It seems to work even faster than that.
After accepting the constant appearance of razor bumps as a fact of life, I started using it on my face/neck and was wowed by the results, but it’s made for “everywhere you shave”; including vaginas, I imagine. Minor drawbacks include stinging and staining.
my rating : 4 of 5
This Rockstar has Zero fat, Zero sugar; only the latter fact is used for promotion; and more caffeine (Energy) than most other brands. The taste is, despite its carbonated sting, sweet and citrus-like. The can describes it as “grapefruit”, though there’s no actual grapefruit juice on the ingredients list. It’s a drink that’s best served (Ice) cold.
my rating : 3 of 5
The Chant prelude sounds stupid; Kanye West should’ve replaced the whole Donda concept with something else because it’s too specific for an album that only mentions his mother in spurts; but it gets better from there. Remember when he said he was going to follow Graduation with A Good Ass Job? Perhaps that should’ve been the title here.
Donda is surprisingly good; not so good that it’s surprising but surprising that it’s good after a multi-album slump. It’s easily his best since My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy thanks mostly to a bunch of songs with gorgeous beats; the best thing about gospel music is the sound of the organ; and catchy choruses. West is also a good rapper.
Some listeners will complain about the set being too long and it is. It might near greatness if it were limited to its best twelve songs. Hurricane, Jail, Moon, No Child Left Behind, Pure Souls and Jesus Lord would all have to be included. No Junya and no unnecessary Part 2 bonus remixes at the end. It would also need a proper album cover.
my rating : 4 of 5
2021
This album isn’t really untitled. The title is Untitled, but don’t waste your time trying to interpret some special meaning behind it. It’s apparently just a lazy artistic decision on the part of R Kelly, which doesn’t surprise me. Most of his albums have silly titles, so it’s business as usual for the crooner and in more ways than one.
Every song has to do with sex in some way or another. Even the Religious one has him singing to a girl he’s romantically, and no doubt sexually, involved with but not married to. Perhaps he forgot that his prolific song catalogue already includes a Religious Love dedication; one that happens to sound better than this one.
I’m not a “hater” though. I like R Kelly because R Kelly makes good music. After his previous two albums, I should say he’s starting to make better music again. His lack of conceptual diversity is actually part of his allure. The more shameless the lyrics are, like telling a girl to open her legs so that he can Kiss her on the lips, the better.
The best songs are the ones with the best vocal melodies. There’s an enchanting chorus happening Elsewhere. There’s also a cool song about Text messages tequila drinkers can relate to. Go Low, on which he sings about wanting to lick a girl’s pussy and sip on the “sweet sweet water” that will presumably ooze out of it, grooves like classic R.
All references to the Fourth Quarter of 12 Play should’ve been removed when he decided to ditch that concept, Supaman High isn’t a saver until the very end; the best part of the album is the way the beat takes the song out; and there should be a closer after the Pregnant ballad, but the girls don’t seem to mind such artistic blunders.
my rating : 3 of 5
2009
This is Janet Jackson’s best song ever. That’s thanks in part to an old Luther Vandross (Change) sample her loyal superproducers, Jimmy Jam And Terry Lewis, decided to bring back to life. It’s a gorgeously slinky beat to match Jackson’s gorgeously slinky vocal melodies.
If there’s a flaw, it’s that the song dances around the cliché concepts of sex; the part in which she tells a stranger she’s going to “ride” his “package” is uncharacteristically graphic for a radio single; and romance instead of just being the classic party anthem it’s meant to be.
my rating : 5 of 5
2001
The best part of this song is the breakdown near the middle when the drums stop to make way for what sounds like the harps of Heaven. “It creates an atmosphere,” a man says and what a peaceful atmosphere it is. It “might be dangerous”, but the music gives a sense, even if a false sense, of security.
The secret explorer concept seems to revolve around Outer space; a frequent hangout spot for Bass 305 when they’re not rattling car trunks here on Earth; but the aforementioned harp loop should’ve been expanded well beyond a mere eight bars. As is, the song ends up being rather anticlimactic.
my rating : 3 of 5
2021
If the title is a reference to my rating system, Tinashe’s got it right. Almost every song here is a 3. This might be her most musically cohesive album since Nightride; her best; but the quality of that one leaves this one in the dust.
Not that 333 won’t have the girls Bouncin to its bassy summer beats. X, featuring Jeremih, is fun, but the album’s best song is Last Call; a breakup ballad on which the tipsy songstress manages to stumble upon some lovely melodies.
my rating : 3 of 5
2021
Eminem may have the best verse; Sticky Fingaz is a close second; but him being on this song sort of goes against the concept of it. Sticky and RBX introduced themselves to the world in 1992. Eminem’s only been famous for just over a year, so his Remember Me quotes seem silly compared to what came before them.
The “can of gas” line is classic though. I also like the “trenchcoats” and “out shooting” bits. Sticky Fingaz offers some funny lines of his own. “I get more pussy than them dyke bitches Total,” he boasts. RBX’s sole standout has him threatening to “hit your ass like the train hit that bitch that got Banned From TV.”
my rating : 4 of 5
2000
The best thing about Killing Season is the two legends that star in it. Robert De Niro and John Travolta, who play Bosnian War veterans, are alone (together) in the woods for most of it with nothing, besides a somewhat endearing scene involving an elk, to distract from their beaming star power. It’s a shame their rivalry couldn’t play out in a more fitting movie.
Though it gets better than the cliché battle flick the flashback prelude suggests it’s going to be, the plot is too contrived for its own good. There are solemn undertones dealing with death and life; the final scene hammers that latter message home; but the story, with all its unlikely happenstances, plays out more like a cartoon than something to be taken seriously.
my rating : 3 of 5
2013
One good thing about music, especially lyrical music like rap, is that it allows you to escape from reality. LL Cool J does just that via a series of fanciful story Rhymes that start with God raising Michelangelo from the “dead”, at the request of the pope, in order to make a painting of the rapper’s “head”. By the time he’s in his TV, meeting The Honeymooners, you’re lost in the groove of the beat.
my rating : 4 of 5
1987
![audio review : Bad [ Bigger And Deffer ] ( album ) ... LL Cool J](https://marcellee.com/posts/108464.jpg "audio review : Bad [ Bigger And Deffer ] ( album ) ... LL Cool J")
There’s a party going on and I wasn’t invited. The scene; people having crazy fun at what looks like a lavish rooftop hotel suite in or near Los Angeles; is awesome. I especially dig the part where host Madonna prances her way up a red-lit graffiti-laced staircase and tongue-kisses a random girl. It’s nice to see she’s still being a slut in her 50s.
What the video would do better without are the cringey cameos from celebrities who obviously aren’t at the party. Having Beyoncé in your video, lip-syncing to your song, makes for ultimate bragging rights, even for a VIP like Madonna, but it also makes for an awkward edit. The one exception is Nicki Minaj, who at least raps on the song.
my rating : 4 of 5
2015