Category: reviews

Roger Wood Lumber Jack Smoked Sausage

Roger Wood Lumber Jack Smoked Sausage

The catchphrase; Great Tastin Good; makes no sense, but these Smoked Sausages are tasty enough to eat and enjoy. At least that’s the case when you put them on a bun with ketchup and mayonnaise or use them as a side with macaroni and cheese.

What’s a bit annoying is how they come tied in pairs, meaning you have to cut them, umbilical-cord-style, before you cook one. It also means, unless you snip off the parts you cut, you’re often left chewing on tough strings, which could potentially kill you.

What’s fun, though it might also make your skin crawl, is how they burst open, sometimes violently, when you boil them too long. It’s a grotesque sight, but the laceration makes for a convenient place to hold the aforementioned ketchup and mayo.

my rating : 3 of 5

audio review : Brown Eyed Girl ( song ) … Van Morrison

The only thing I dislike about this song; an ode to a Brown Eyed Girl Van Morrison used to have romantic and sexual relations with as a youth; is when he recites the “sha-la-la” song they used to sing. It serves as a sort of bridge or post chorus, but the song would be better without it.

Everything else, from the vocal melodies to the bouncy instrumentation they’re layered upon, sounds beautiful. I wonder if the Girl had the looks to match. Typically when a guy focuses only on a girl’s eyes, as Morrison does here, it means there’s not much else about her to compliment.

my rating : 4 of 5

1967

audio review : Brown Eyed Girl ( song ) ... Van Morrison

video review : Charles Oliveira versus Michael Chandler at UFC 262

video review : Charles Oliveira versus Michael Chandler at UFC 262

Michael Chandler comes close to a TKO victory in the very first round of this fight, but Charles Oliveira survives. What happens early in round two is akin to Oliveira; “the number-one submission guy in the history of The UFC”; being submitted by Chandler, the “gorilla”.

Oliveira lands a left to Chandler’s face that puts him on his ass. He (Chandler) spins back up only to get caught again, with the same punch, a few seconds later. Down he goes again and Dan Miragliotta’s seen enough, which makes Oliveira the new Lightweight Champion.

my rating : 4 of 5

2021

audio review : 14 Shots To The Dome ( album ) … LL Cool J

audio review : 14 Shots To The Dome ( album ) ... LL Cool J

This LL Cool J album begins like his previous one should’ve. How I’m Comin, a Marley Marl production seemingly created and released as the first single to recapture the commercial success of Mama Said Knock You Out, is an appropriate starter. Crossroads, about Biblical Revelation, is a fitting closer.

There’s only one good song in-between; a lament entitled Diggy Down on which Cool J covers societal problems such as poverty and crime. “In every alleyway, they’re getting high,” the occasional philanthropist observes, “On playgrounds, they’re selling crack and every day another baby dies.”

my rating : 3 of 5

1993

audio review : Mama Said Knock You Out ( album ) … LL Cool J

audio review : Mama Said Knock You Out ( album ) ... LL Cool J

“Don’t call it a comeback; I been here for years,” LL Cool J warns, “I’m rocking my peers, putting suckers in fear.” Why the battle rapper’s suddenly being coached by Marley Marl; the producer provides the music for every song here; as if he’s a member of The Juice Crew is anyone’s guess. They’re a good match though.

The album starting with a random jam about cars Boomin loud music instead of the go-hard title track comes across as an artistic blunder, though they’re two of its better cuts. Other highlights include Cheesy Rat Blues; a funny anecdote about going broke; along with the Ladies Love songs 6 Minutes Of Pleasure and Mr Good Bar.

my rating : 3 of 5

1990

Quaker Rice Cakes : Lightly Salted

Quaker Rice Cakes : Lightly Salted

I didn’t think I liked whole grain brown rice, but, aside from Salt, it’s the only thing on the ingredients list. There is “no high fructose corn syrup, artificial flavors or added colors”. These Rice Cakes are also “gluten free” and “cholesterol free”.

That makes them a healthy snack; or at least it means they’re not an unhealthy snack; one of the rare ones that actually taste good. That’s partly because of the Styrofoam-like texture, which also makes them fun to eat.

my rating : 4 of 5

audio review : Wonderful Christmastime ( song ) … Paul McCartney

The refrain of this Christmas anthem is indeed Wonderful. Paul McCartney seems to know it too as he reverts to it after every four, or is it two, bars of verse. That gives the song an odd structure in which the bridge is the longest bit.

Not that anyone at the party is paying attention to the structure of the song. Everyone’s too busy having fun, dancing and singing along. “The mood is right, the spirit’s up,” McCartney observes, “We’re here tonight and that’s enough.”

my rating : 4 of 5

1979

video review : Antlers

video review : Antlers

This is a horror flick based not on killer deer but the wendigo; a mythological creature that “devours mankind”. It’s a decent concept, but the plot, which reminds me of Stephen King’s Gray Matter, is riddled with cinematic clichés and implausibilities. It seems even the most horrendous villains have a weakness for protagonists.

The boy the man turned wendigo fathers is fine. It’s his nosey school teacher; the wendigo is less creepy; I was hoping he’d use as beast feed. Instead, while her cop brother, attacked and injured, lies conveniently out of commission, she ends up playing a heroine of sorts. The movie is about as silly as the folklore it encompasses.

my rating : 2 of 5

2021

video review : Li Jingliang versus Khamzat Chimaev at UFC 267

video review : Li Jingliang versus Khamzat Chimaev at UFC 267

This would be an amazing showcase for Khamzat Chimaev if not for Li Jingliang’s defensive skills. The way Chimaev holds him up in the air like a rebellious toddler and slams him to the ground, all while talking to Dana White, is certainly, as Paul Felder suggests, impressive, but Jingliang is able to survive for a couple of minutes.

Chimaev is a scary prospect. He’s currently the most hyped “phenom” in The UFC. This victory puts him near the ranks of the top lightweight, not to mention welterweight and middleweight, contenders. He says he’s come to “kill everybody” and, considering his ten-fight MMA win streak; all early finishes; he might not be playing.

my rating : 4 of 5

2021

video review : Jan Błachowicz versus Glover Teixeira at UFC 267

video review : Jan Błachowicz versus Glover Teixeira at UFC 267

After his last five fights, including surprising wins over Dominick Reyes and middleweight champion Israel Adesanya, I thought Jan Błachowicz would beat Glover Teixeira relatively easily. What happens is the opposite. Błachowicz predicted a second-round finish and he was right. This makes Teixeira, at 42, the oldest-ever UFC champion after Randy Couture.

my rating : 3 of 5

2021

video review : Paranormal Activity : Next Of Kin

video review : Paranormal Activity : Next Of Kin

This is the best movie in the Paranormal Activity series, but that’s hardly a compliment. There are now seven parts and still none of them are good. The reason Next Of Kin comes the closest has to do with how far it trips from the original concept; labeling this a Paranormal Activity sequel comes across as a total cash grab; and unshackles itself to become a traditional horror flick.

The last third is actually quite thrilling. At that point, Margot; the Kin bit is about her and the mother she never knew; is allowed bloody grimaces because she no longer has to carry the movie with her cute looks. There are plenty of narrative flaws; her Amish family is scary enough without all the supernatural cowshit; but the ending leaves you wanting more. That’s a first for the franchise.

my rating : 3 of 5

2021

video review : Purple Rain

video review : Purple Rain

This could’ve been a good concert video. Instead the stage bits are repeatedly interrupted by what’s supposed to be a movie. The acting is porn bad; the only two real actors are Clarence Williams and Olga Karlatos as Prince’s dysfunctional parents; but the girls are pretty; Jill is my Apollonia; and the music rocks.

Of course the music rocks. This is a Prince movie and Purple Rain is his best album. The fictionalization of it is off-putting; for some inexcusable reason, his name is changed to The Kid; but its songs shine. Some are poignant enough to leave the ladies in tears. Perhaps the title is a metaphor for running mascara.

my rating : 3 of 5

1984

audio review : Purple Rain ( album ) … Prince And The Revolution