video review : Child’s Play

video review : Child's Play

This Child’s Play remake, however unnecessary it may be, is, at worst, as watchable as most of the other movies in the series. That’s not saying much; I don’t think most are particularly good; but it makes for a surprisingly amusing experience.

Chucky, who doesn’t really look or sound like Chucky; Brad Dourif is replaced by Mark Hamill; dabbles not in Vodou but smart home technology. The story, which relies heavily on horror/comedy clichés, brings the old killer doll to 2019.

my rating : 3 of 5

2019

Fruity Lucky Charms

Fruity Lucky Charms

This Fruity version of Lucky Charms is better than the original. Neither would be good without the marshmallows; I wish they had a lot more than they do; but the corn pieces here taste better than the oat pieces there. Imagine a cross between Franken Berry and Trix.

my rating : 4 of 5

video review : Masters Of The Universe

video review : Masters Of The Universe

This is a movie based on a cartoon based on toys, so you’ll have to embrace, or at least excuse, all the zany characterization. The plot, which puts He-Man at war with his evil archenemy; watch for Skeletor’s epic “God” monologue near the end; is quite an adventure.

my rating : 4 of 5

1987

Tinashe’s physical appearance

Tinashe's physical appearance Tinashe's physical appearance Tinashe's physical appearance Tinashe's physical appearance Tinashe's physical appearance Tinashe's physical appearance

If I could have a romantic relationship with any famous singer, or just use her as a sex doll, I’d probably pick Tinashe. I could nitpick her height down a few inches; I generally prefer short girls; but damn. With that face, which is adorable even without makeup, body and blanched almond skin color, she’s about as close to my ideal girl as I’ve seen.

my rating : 5 of 5

2019

audio review : Sad Professor ( song ) … REM

The details are ambiguous, but it seems the gist is summed up neatly in the title. It’s a public letter from a college teacher in what sounds like a state of depression.

“Everyone hates a bore,” he laments, “Everybody hates a drunk.” The highlights of the song are the parts where he sings, rather passionately, about jumping Up.

my rating : 4 of 5

1998

audio review : Up ( album ) ... REM

video review : Won’t You Be My Neighbor

video review : Won't You Be My Neighbor

The title song, also the official theme song to Mister Rogers Neighborhood, is damn good. It’s the one part of the show I still enjoy as an adult. The show itself hasn’t aged nearly as well. This documentary; featuring biographical monologues from Fred Rogers, his family and associates; serves as a reminder. It teaches viewers a lot of new things about the Neighborhood, but nothing interesting enough to justify its existence.

my rating : 3 of 5

2018

video review : Pulp Fiction

video review : Pulp Fiction

The best thing Pulp Fiction has going for it are its flashy characters and the things they say. Quentin Tarantino, the movie’s writer and director, has a knack for creating interesting people. With John Travolta and Samuel Jackson on set to bring them to life, it’s just a matter of putting them in the right situations.

Vincent and Jules are contract killers who probably wouldn’t be hanging around each other if there weren’t “work” involved. They have contradicting personalities. Vincent is cool. He knows when to keep his mouth shut. Jules is a loudmouth who recites Bible passages to his victims before killing them.

A day or two in the life of a couple of hitmen is only part of the story, the worn pages of which also feature Bruce Willis as Butch Coolidge; a crooked boxer on the run with his girlfriend; and Uma Thurman as the wife of the notorious mob boss Vincent and Jules work for. At one point, he’s butt-raped by a man.

Pulp Fiction is mostly a series of flashbacks. One character is shot to death in the middle of the movie, comes back in the next scene and stays alive to the end. Other scenes are cut short and continued later. It’s a style of storytelling that’s somewhat confusing but also quite clever and entertaining.

my rating : 4 of 5

1994

video review : A Quiet Place

video review : A Quiet Place

It’s hard not to make noise. That’s the problem for a family trying to survive in an apocalyptic world. Their Earth has been invaded by blind space aliens who hunt humans thru sound.

With that, it’s like a cross between Signs and Tremors as the family tip-toes around and communicates via sign language. If you so much as fart too loud, you’re dead. How’s that for tension?

A Quiet Place works as a nod to the silent film era of a century ago, but it’s ultimately just another average horror flick that doesn’t have a lot to offer beyond its gimmicky premise.

my rating : 3 of 5

2018

video review : Megan Anderson versus Felicia Spencer at UFC Fight Night

video review : Megan Anderson versus Felicia Spencer at UFC Fight Night

Judging from the looks, also the stated height and reach advantage, you might think Megan Anderson would make quick work of Felicia Spencer. Their win/loss records tell a different story.

Anderson lands the first punch, a right-hand cross to the face, but once Spencer takes her back, she isn’t able to get her off. The fight, which is short and sexy, ends with a submission.

my rating : 3 of 5

2019

video review : Germaine De Randamie versus Aspen Ladd at UFC Fight Night

video review : Germaine De Randamie versus Aspen Ladd at UFC Fight Night

I don’t know what Herb Dean was thinking here. He stops the fight after Ladd goes down from a fist to the face; the first strike of the fight; but she wasn’t out. She seemed stunned; a bit slow to reset; but she was still in the fight.

“Aspen Ladd can’t believe the fight was stopped,” Brendan Fitzgerald declares and who could blame her. It’s her first official loss and probably a loss that will forever remain in quotation marks. This isn’t right, but it is what it is.

my rating : 3 of 5

2019

video review : Blair Witch 2 : Book Of Shadows

video review : Blair Witch 2 : Book Of Shadows

The Blair Witch Project is indeed “cool”. It’s also clever and creepy. Part 2, directed by Joe Berlinger, is a shitfest. It doesn’t even look like a documentary. It looks like a Hollywood movie with horrid acting and a plot that’s even worse.

my rating : 1 of 5

2000

video review : The Goonies

video review : The Goonies

The Goonies are reject kids who live for fun and wonder, use “gnarly” as an interjection, scream “Geronimo” down water slides and refer to each other as “guys” a little too much.

These imitation Hardy Boys and girls journey thru caves and taverns rigged with traps and bats, but the scariest bit is a grotesque being who looks like Bert from the back.

Maybe the movie, with its crude plot, idiotic comedy attempts and all, wouldn’t be so bad if the kids, especially the fat one and the Chinese one, weren’t so damn annoying.

my rating : 1 of 5

1985