audio review : Beat It ( song ) … Michael Jackson

As funny as it would be, this isn’t a song about masturbation. When Michael Jackson says Beat It, he’s telling some boy to scram because it’s not worth risking his life fighting those other boys. There’s one of him, too many of them and “No one wants to be defeated.” I just love the way he harmonizes that last part.

A lot of guys, perhaps the boy’s father or older brother, will criticize Michael Jackson for telling him to run like a coward, especially with rock music this kick-ass blaring in the background; Eddie Van Halen’s guitar solo alone would destroy those little punks; but the point is that he’ll live to fight another day.

my rating : 5 of 5

1982

audio review : Thriller ( album ) … Michael Jackson

audio review : Baby Be Mine ( song ) … Michael Jackson

The title reminds me of Valentine’s Day. That would make it a cold February night as Michael Jackson offers to warm a girl in his arms. He already has her at his place. Now he wants to “share my feelings in the heat of love’s embrace” and “show you all the passion burning in my heart today.”

Rod Temperton is to blame for those lyrics. Quincy Jones is responsible for the slinky disco groove, which is upbeat enough to dance to and sensual enough to seduce to. Michael’s trying to have sex with this girl. “Only you and I can make sweet love this way,” he confesses, “There’s no more I can say.”

my rating : 5 of 5

1982

audio review : Thriller ( album ) … Michael Jackson

audio review : Practice Makes Paper ( album ) … E-40

audio review : Practice Makes Paper ( album ) ... E-40

E-40 announced this album about a year ago. It was supposed to be the third in a trilogy having to do with the definitions of the title phrases. The first was The Gift Of Gab. The second was supposed to be Rule Of Thumb. He either changed the order or canceled that one. This does seem to be two albums combined into one.

There are 26 songs, one of which features Scarface. I remember E-40 saying in an interview that Scarface was the one rapper he wanted to collab with but never have. Also featured are Rick Ross, Redman and Method Man. E-40 is never outshined though. Even when the hooks are lacking, as is often the case, he’s spitting game.

my rating : 3 of 5

2019

Honey Bunches Of Oats [ With Almonds ]

Honey Bunches Of Oats [ With Almonds ]

The name is silly, but this cereal is a tasty alternative to the ones made with plain flakes. The honey bunches of oats, which are literally that, are the best part. They’re sweet clusters that could make a granola-like snack on their own. The almonds, which are thinly sliced thus easy to chew, just add to the goodness.

my rating : 4 of 5

video review : Child’s Play

video review : Child's Play

This Child’s Play remake, however unnecessary it may be, is, at worst, as watchable as most of the other movies in the series. That’s not saying much; I don’t think most are particularly good; but it makes for a surprisingly amusing experience.

Chucky, who doesn’t really look or sound like Chucky; Brad Dourif is replaced by Mark Hamill; dabbles not in Vodou but smart home technology. The story, which relies heavily on horror/comedy clichés, brings the old killer doll to 2019.

my rating : 3 of 5

2019

Fruity Lucky Charms

Fruity Lucky Charms

This Fruity version of Lucky Charms is better than the original. Neither would be good without the marshmallows; I wish they had a lot more than they do; but the corn pieces here taste better than the oat pieces there. Imagine a cross between Franken Berry and Trix.

my rating : 4 of 5

video review : Masters Of The Universe

video review : Masters Of The Universe

This is a movie based on a cartoon based on toys, so you’ll have to embrace, or at least excuse, all the zany characterization. The plot, which puts He-Man at war with his evil archenemy; watch for Skeletor’s epic “God” monologue near the end; is quite an adventure.

my rating : 4 of 5

1987

Tinashe’s physical appearance

Tinashe's physical appearance Tinashe's physical appearance Tinashe's physical appearance Tinashe's physical appearance Tinashe's physical appearance Tinashe's physical appearance

If I could have a romantic relationship with any famous singer, or just use her as a sex doll, I’d probably pick Tinashe. I could nitpick her height down a few inches; I generally prefer short girls; but damn. With that face, which is adorable even without makeup, body and blanched almond skin color, she’s about as close to my ideal girl as I’ve seen.

my rating : 5 of 5

2019

audio review : Sad Professor ( song ) … REM

The details are ambiguous, but it seems the gist is summed up neatly in the title. It’s a public letter from a college teacher in what sounds like a state of depression.

“Everyone hates a bore,” he laments, “Everybody hates a drunk.” The highlights of the song are the parts where he sings, rather passionately, about jumping Up.

my rating : 4 of 5

1998

audio review : Up ( album ) ... REM

video review : Won’t You Be My Neighbor

video review : Won't You Be My Neighbor

The title song, also the official theme song to Mister Rogers Neighborhood, is damn good. It’s the one part of the show I still enjoy as an adult. The show itself hasn’t aged nearly as well. This documentary; featuring biographical monologues from Fred Rogers, his family and associates; serves as a reminder. It teaches viewers a lot of new things about the Neighborhood, but nothing interesting enough to justify its existence.

my rating : 3 of 5

2018

video review : Pulp Fiction

video review : Pulp Fiction

The best thing Pulp Fiction has going for it are its flashy characters and the things they say. Quentin Tarantino, the movie’s writer and director, has a knack for creating interesting people. With John Travolta and Samuel Jackson on set to bring them to life, it’s just a matter of putting them in the right situations.

Vincent and Jules are contract killers who probably wouldn’t be hanging around each other if there weren’t “work” involved. They have contradicting personalities. Vincent is cool. He knows when to keep his mouth shut. Jules is a loudmouth who recites Bible passages to his victims before killing them.

A day or two in the life of a couple of hitmen is only part of the story, the worn pages of which also feature Bruce Willis as Butch Coolidge; a crooked boxer on the run with his girlfriend; and Uma Thurman as the wife of the notorious mob boss Vincent and Jules work for. At one point, he’s butt-raped by a man.

Pulp Fiction is mostly a series of flashbacks. One character is shot to death in the middle of the movie, comes back in the next scene and stays alive to the end. Other scenes are cut short and continued later. It’s a style of storytelling that’s somewhat confusing but also quite clever and entertaining.

my rating : 4 of 5

1994

video review : A Quiet Place

video review : A Quiet Place

It’s hard not to make noise. That’s the problem for a family trying to survive in an apocalyptic world. Their Earth has been invaded by blind space aliens who hunt humans thru sound.

With that, it’s like a cross between Signs and Tremors as the family tip-toes around and communicates via sign language. If you so much as fart too loud, you’re dead. How’s that for tension?

A Quiet Place works as a nod to the silent film era of a century ago, but it’s ultimately just another average horror flick that doesn’t have a lot to offer beyond its gimmicky premise.

my rating : 3 of 5

2018