audio review : Gods Network [ Rebirth ] ( album ) … Rakim

This is supposed to be the new Rakim album; his first in a long time; but it doesn’t sound like it. His Rebirth comes across as more of a posthumous project, which is odd because the God Emcee, unlike some of the guests featured here, didn’t die. Still every one of these “Se7en” songs is a collab with at least two other rappers.

The best among them is Chino XL who kills everyone figuratively, and literally via bomb at verse’s end, on a cypher that would’ve been better with no hook. I like Sally Green on the Love song though. DMX sounds stupid on Playground. Rakim can still rap. Too bad he didn’t decide to release a proper (solo) album after all these years.

my rating : 3 of 5

2024

audio review : Mack Daddy ( album ) … Sir Mix-A-Lot

Sir Mix-A-Lot is the Mack Daddy; “the man with the game” when it comes to luring sexy females with his ghetto glitz. The title theme is the best song. Baby Got Back; an ode to black girls with big butts; is another. The Boss Is Back; the worst song; should’ve started the album though. The order is a bit odd. It begins with a story about crooked cops and ends with a political rant against gun control.

my rating : 3 of 5

1992

video review : Longlegs

video review : Longlegs

“Lady FBI agent” Lee Harker, played by Maika Monroe, is attractive. She resembles a younger version of Jennifer Lopez. There’s no other reason to watch this stupid movie; a horror flick about a serial killer who acts like The Joker and looks like Roc… Well, I’m not going to say who he looks like, but his name is Longlegs. Imagine Silence Of The Lambs but worse; a lot worse.

my rating : 1 of 5

2023 or 2024

audio review : Nightshift ( song ) … Commodores

“Gonna be some sweet sounds,” the Commodores insist and they’re not lying. This song isn’t just sweet, it’s beautiful, especially when it comes to the vocal melodies. The only thing I dislike about it, in fact, is the concept. It’s limited to being a tribute to two specific dead singers; Marvin Gaye and Jackie Wilson; instead of the feel-good summer beach anthem the Caribbean vibes suggest.

my rating : 5 of 5

1985

video review : Twisters

video review : Twisters

This isn’t really a Twister sequel; more of a conceptual remake. The plot revolves (ferociously) around a storm chaser/tracker named Kate. She’s eventually saving the day while her two leading hunks hunker in fear; one of many eye-rollingly unrealistic clichés. The movie is fun enough on the whole, but it never lets you forget you’re watching a movie; a cash grab that speaks out against people “profiting off of” others. The irony.

my rating : 3 of 5

2024

audio review : Take Ya Time ( song ) … KRS-One ( featuring Freddie Foxxx )

KRS-One and Freddie Foxxx should’ve took their Time to make a better song. The verses, in which they have the nerve to brag about their skills and badmouth other (anonymous) rappers, are “lazy”. The same can be said for the beat; an amateurish production led by sloppy drums and a monotonous piano riff. The worst thing about the song though is the stupid hook.

my rating : 1 of 5

2011

audio review : Royalty Check ( album ) ... KRS-One + Bumpy Knuckles

audio review : Royalty Check ( album ) … KRS-One + Bumpy Knuckles

Freddie Foxxx; he should’ve used his real name here; played a major role on the Sex And Violence album; one of KRS-One’s best; so a new collab project is welcome. They certainly could’ve come up with a better album cover though. The cheap bootleg (lo-fi) sound quality is nearly as crude. Is this a demo album? Take Ya Time is wack. The best song is Flowing With The Vets.

my rating : 2 of 5

2011

G Fuel Energy Drink : Sage Mode

G Fuel Energy Drink : Sage Mode

The taste of this G Fuel Energy Drink might suggest pineapple, but it’s apparently a blend of pomelo and white peach. It’s “inspired by Naruto Shippuden”; there should be a colon between those last two names; the Sage Mode bit of which themes rather perfectly with this being promoted to enhance “performance energy” and “extreme focus”.

my rating : 3 of 5

audio review : The Death Of Slim Shady [ Coup De Grâce ] ( album ) … Eminem

The Slim Shady persona never really made sense to me and it still doesn’t; alter egos rarely do; so it’s just as well he kills it off. Eminem is Eminem after all; one rapper and the number one rapper on my “top five” list despite being terribly inconsistent over the years. Lyrically The Slim Shady LP remains the best album I ever heard. He was almost perfectly succinct back then. Now he’s verbose. Compare that Guilty Conscious to this one. “Can’t even form words,” he claims, rather ironically, as if he didn’t already use “words” in that rhyme scheme.

Still The Death Of Slim Shady (LP) is his best since Relapse; appropriately enough given the return to signature themes he hadn’t revisted since, including a message from Paul Rosenberg and monologue by Ken Kaniff. He’s also back to making fun of Christopher Reeves. “A lot of people ask me,” he says on Temporary, but those expecting another trip Underground will be disappointed. It’s a sycamore sap dedication to his daughter. Then, as if one sickeningly sweet ode wasn’t hard enough to stomach, there’s Somebody Save Me.

When he’s not making gay love songs, he’s offending gay people again, along with bisexuals and so-called transgenders, which is refreshing to hear; I detest LGBT and all “woke BS”; though he’s not as provocative as he claims to be. If he were, he’d say “the F word” like he used to and go after more rap peers/successors instead of easy targets; real victims of “cancel” culture; like Diddy and R Kelly… and Candace Owens. Deviant Eminem is the best Eminem and he hasn’t been this deviant in a long time, in other words, but us fans are never satisfied.

“I don’t see no fans,” he says, “All I see’s a bunch of complainers.” I like Houdini though. Evil is good. After that Nights tease from his previous project, I’m also pleasantly surprised to hear a verse from Bizarre; it’s been decades; though Eminem should’ve dropped one over the beat to make it a proper duet. No hook needed, but his Habits bridge is better than White Gold’s. Road Rage; the best beat; is ruined by its. EZ Mil’s Head Honcho is also weak before Em abandons it for a long tedious verse, though he does provide some witty bars elsewhere on the set.

my rating : 3 of 5

2024

audio review : How Ya Move Out Here ( song ) … JT Money

The best part of this song is the bassline. It reminds me of MC Eiht’s Strawberriez N Cream. Bang the beat while driving thru the hood, taking mental notes from OG JT. “It’s How Ya Move Out Here,” he suggests, meaning you (“niggas”) should be careful about bringing a lot of attention to yourself, especially when it comes to flexing and flossing. It could save your life.

my rating : 4 of 5

2020

audio review : OG Perspective ( album ) .. JT Money

Cheetos : Crunchy

Cheetos : Crunchy

When it comes to snacks, Cheetos are a tasty alternative to Doritos. The question is whether this original Crunchy version is better than the Puffs. If so, it probably has something to do with the comparatively dense texture and shape, which to me brings to mind Bamm-Bamm Rubble’s club, and cheesier coating.

my rating : 4 of 5

audio review : Tobey ( song ) … BabyTron ( featuring Big Sean + Eminem )

When it comes to famous rappers, Eminem is the best. He’s also terribly inconsistent, so a song like this, that has him rapping with a staccato monotone flow while not saying anything particularly clever, does little to accentuate the fact. He and Big Sean follow in the footsteps of BabyTron, but the Tobey Maguire spider/goat bit isn’t as dope as they seem to think it is.

my rating : 3 of 5

audio review : The Death Of Slim Shady [ Coup De Grâce ] ( album ) ... Eminem