video review : The Garbage Pail Kids Movie

video review : The Garbage Pail Kids Movie

You don’t have to collect the trading cards to be entertained by this Movie. You need only strengthen your stomach and open your mind wide enough to dump yourself into its campy charm. It’s about a group of Kids “blessed with unusual features”.

There’s a girl who Vomits, a girl with a snotty nose, a boy who farts, a Nerd with acne who can’t hold his bladder, a 1950s-style tough guy, a Mommyless baby with bad breath and an Ali Gator with a toe fetish. Flaws and all, they’re a likeable bunch.

They’re conjured from a Garbage Pail to the “normie” world at an old antique shop ran by a philosophical magician after the boy who works there tips it over by mistake during a scuffle with the local bullies, one of which he has a romantic crush on.

The baby with the bad breath provides the funniest parts; namely the Binaca spray and movie theater slap scenes. Another standout is the Working song the Kids sing about a third in. I wish there were more. The Movie would work better as a musical.

my rating : 3 of 5

1987

video review : Petey Wheatstraw [ The Devil’s Son-In-Law ]

video review : Petey Wheatstraw [ The Devil's Son-In-Law ]

This is a fireball of bad acting, brainless dialogue and inane plotting with a heap of idiotic facial expressions and corny soul music thrown in for good measure. What’s entertaining is Rudy Ray Moore when he’s doing what he does best, but even his signature shit-talking gets stale as hell after a while.

my rating : 1 of 5

1977

video review : Spice World [ The Spice Girls Movie ]

video review : Spice World [ The Spice Girls Movie ]

I like their music, but neither it nor their looks; Scary is the most savory; can save this Spice Girls movie from the pits of blandness. It’s like a 90-minute Girl Power promo in which the bunch, literally playing caricatures of themselves, babble about nothing in a language only deep England can fully understand.

my rating : 1 of 5

1997

video review : The Jacket

video review : The Jacket

There’s a scene in this movie in which one character says to another, “You don’t understand”. That second character responds, “Try and help me understand.” “I don’t understand,” a third character says about ten minutes or fifteen years later. Yeah, it’s a confusing movie.

It’s about a former US soldier stricken with amnesia after receiving a head wound in The Gulf War. He’s charged with murder a year later after hitching a ride with a guy who kills a cop and sent to a mental institution where he becomes a lab rat for a time traveler.

The plot is as stupid as it seems. Despite its sleek visual style; the morgue drawer inspires some cool flashback scenes; the story goes nowhere interesting or entertaining fast, even when it’s going nearly two decades into the future and back within the blink of an eye.

my rating : 1 of 5

2005

video review : Land Of The Dead

video review : Land Of The Dead

George Romero created something special with Night Of The Living Dead. Land just bores you to death. There’s plenty of violent action, but that’s part of the problem. With all the explosions and gunshots, the vapid storyline never has a chance to build suspense. It doesn’t even feel like a zombie movie. For screaming out loud, since when do they know how to shoot back?

my rating : 1 of 5

2005

audio review : Little Big Man ( album ) … Bushwick Bill

audio review : Little Big Man ( album ) ... Bushwick Bill

I’ll keep this short. Bushwick Bill is the second Geto Boy to drop a solo album. He’s also the Crazyest. This project ends with J Prince helping the Skitso escape from what sounds like the psych ward of a maximum security prison. There’s a sequel to his Chuckie theme and a KKK rant, but the best song is Ever So Clear; a poignant memoir about what happened to his eye.

my rating : 3 of 5

1992

audio review : I Need A Haircut ( album ) … Biz Markie

audio review : I Need A Haircut ( album ) ... Biz Markie

Cool V starts this with a lengthy dedication like it’s his album and says he’s going to do it again on the next one. I guess that’s okay since he handles the music production, giving him about as much artistic credit as Biz Markie whose silly raps are fun but almost never as listenable as the beats they’re presented upon.

The Biz is best when telling a story. He reminisces about a high school crush who caught the Vapors on What Comes Around Goes Around; one of his best songs. Other interesting tales include Road Block; about a girl who brings her friend along on a date; and Buck Wild; about a young rebel headed for a life of crime.

my rating : 4 of 5

1991

video review : Paige VanZant versus Michelle Waterson at UFC Fight Night

video review : Paige VanZant versus Michelle Waterson at UFC Fight Night

This is a fantasy match of sorts; two of The UFC’s sexiest women going at it. Michelle Waterson begins with a death stare as Page VanZant bounces about happily. That smile is soon wiped away when Waterson throws her to the floor and locks her in a rear naked; yeah, I wish; choke. That’s when the party lights go out.

my rating : 3 of 5

2016

video review : Johnny Walker versus Nikita Krylov at UFC Fight Night

video review : Johnny Walker versus Nikita Krylov at UFC Fight Night

Nikita Krylov has an effective gameplan here. Johnny Walker has explosive knockout power, so Krylov smothers him with clinches and wrestles him down whenever possible. The problem with Walker seems to be his cardio as he starts to tire out in the first round. Easy decision victory for Krylov.

my rating : 3 of 5

2020

audio review : Amethyst ( mixtape ) … Tinashe

audio review : Amethyst ( mixtape ) ... Tinashe

I don’t know why she’s hiding her pretty face on the cover photo, but in Tinashe’s hand is an Amethyst. If that means this mixtape, which sounds more like a straight EP, is supposed to be some kind of precious stone, she’s not too far off.

“The future is mine,” the singer declares and it could be if she keeps making good songs, which her more popular peers can’t seem to manage. Something To Feel is particularly sensational despite being the shortest of the set.

my rating : 4 of 5

2015