Category: reviews

video review : The Guilty

video review : The Guilty

This movie is led by its dialogue, which comes via 112 Emergency Services calls. The main dispatcher is a man named Asger Holm, who’s on the job temporarily in lieu of his regular gig as a police officer.

The reason for his reassignment is what drives the story’s underlying subplot; he’s apparently on trial for unjustly killing a boy in the line of duty; but the main plot is about a woman who’s been abducted.

We just hear voices; it never leaves the perspective of Holm; but that’s what keeps it suspenseful. Just when you’re ready to convict, there’s a twist. Lesson? Never reach a verdict before you know all the facts.

my rating : 4 of 5

2018

Jessica Parker Kennedy’s physical appearance

Jessica Parker Kennedy's physical appearance Jessica Parker Kennedy's physical appearance Jessica Parker Kennedy's physical appearance Jessica Parker Kennedy's physical appearance Jessica Parker Kennedy's physical appearance Jessica Parker Kennedy's physical appearance

I want to eat Jessica Parker Kennedy. I don’t just mean that as a metaphor for licking pussy. I mean I want to eat her face like a cannibal. It looks like someone already got to her nose, but it’s slightly odd shape only adds to her prettiness.

If she’s not perfectly pretty, she’s about as close as I’ve seen. That’s thanks in part to her creamy skin color, which is indeed perfect in my eyes. It seems rare to catch her without make up; the one true beauty test; but she’s also cute without it.

my rating : 5 of 5

2019

video review : Anderson Silva versus Chris Weidman at UFC 162

video review : Anderson Silva versus Chris Weidman at UFC 162

As an Anderson Silva fan; he’s my favorite UFC fighter; the end of this bout is hard to watch, but he sort of brings it on himself. While I disagree with Joe Rogan’s hindsighted claim that “you can’t play games in The Octagon”; Silva’s antics have been successful until this point; The Spider simply goes too far here.

It’s a carryover from his last fight at UFC 153 in which he stood against the cage and let Stephan Bonnar punch him seemingly just to entertain the crowd, but Chris Weidman, led by head coach Ray Longo, isn’t having it. “Punch a hole in his fucking chest,” Longo commands. Weidman aims for the jaw instead.

my rating : 4 of 5

2013

video review : Chris Weidman versus Anderson Silva at UFC 168

video review : Anderson Silva versus Stephan Bonnar at UFC 153

video review : Anderson Silva versus Stephan Bonnar at UFC 153

The bigger they are, the harder they fall… after getting kneed in the solar plexus. Stephan Bonnar talks about taking Anderson Silva “on a ride thru Hell” in his pre-fight monologue, but he gets carjacked in the first round.

Most amusing is how Silva plays with him during the bout, putting his back against the cage and letting him tee off on him as if his 15-0 record isn’t on the line. Joe Rogan wants him to fight Jon Jones. That would be epic.

my rating : 4 of 5

2012

video review : Michelle Waterson versus Karolina Kowalkiewicz at UFC Fight Night

video review : Michelle Waterson versus Karolina Kowalkiewicz at UFC Fight Night

Michelle Waterson is the main attraction here. As well as she does fighting Karolina Kowalkiewicz, who’s simply but not significantly outmatched, it’s her sexy allure that distracts.

Power kicks from the Thai Chun-Li are a sight to behold. She also has beautiful side control. My favorite part though is after Round 1 when she pulls her shorts from the crack of her ass.

my rating : 4 of 5

2019

Barnum’s Animals

Barnum's Animals

I’m against caving in to PC pressure, which is part of the reason Barnum And Bailey stopped doing circus shows; activists protested because animals were allegedly mistreated; but the “new look” on the box makes sense. The illustrated animals have been in cages since these Crackers were first introduced to the world. Now, after well over a hundred years, they’re free.

It’s a slick metaphor to mark the end of Barnum’s circus, but they’re not really crackers. They’re cookies; shortbread cookies; just like the ones from McDonaldland with a taste that’s nearly indistinguishable. It’s a sweet buttery vanilla-like if not fortune-cookie-like blend that, when eaten with vanilla ice cream or a cup of milk, tastes even better than most animal meat.

my rating : 4 of 5

audio review : Gangsta Bizness ( album ) … MC Eiht + Tha Chill

audio review : Gangsta Bizness ( album ) ... MC Eiht + Tha Chill

It’s Gangsta Bizness as usual. The question is whether or not this is a Compton’s Most Wanted album. There’s the CMW graffiti on the cover and there are plenty of references on the songs, but lead members (MC) Eiht and (Tha) Chill are the ones featured.

The first couple of songs sound good. If they were an EP with Everything Wanted; it’s the beats that bang the most; the whole set would. As is, there are too many clunkers, including Late Nite (Latenite) Hype 5. I never even knew there was a 4.

my rating : 3 of 5

2019

Cheerios Oat Crunch : Cinnamon

Cheerios Oat Crunch : Cinnamon

This looks like Oh’s. It’s just messier; the oats, presented as granola, don’t stay inside of the “o”s; and less flavorful. If General Mills and Quaker could blend the two cereals; the taste and form of that with the texture and bite of this; they’d be on to something special.

my rating : 4 of 5

video review : Israel Adesanya versus Kelvin Gastelum at UFC 236

video review : Israel Adesanya versus Kelvin Gastelum at UFC 236

There’s a point in Round 4 in which Gastelum has Adesanya hurt bad. He lands a kick to the face followed by a jab and another jab. Adesanya retreats and stumbles against the fence, but instead of another strike, Gastelum goes for a takedown and gets it stuffed.

It was a boneheaded decision; a move, perhaps brought on by fatigue, that might’ve cost him the victory. It was either man’s fight going into the final round, but it’s Israel Adesanya who rises to the occasion, knocking Gastelum down and nearly out by the end.

my rating : 4 of 5

2019

video review : Robert Whittaker versus Yoel Romero at UFC 225

video review : Robert Whittaker versus Yoel Romero at UFC 225

Yoel Romero probably would’ve won this fight via decision if he wasn’t so inactive in the first couple of rounds. It’s not until a jab swells his right eye nearly shut that he starts to pick up the pace.

Whittaker lands more strikes; he fights with constant pressure; but Romero’s are more effective. When he connects, he connects with power. Whittaker is knocked nearly limp a couple of times.

my rating : 4 of 5

2018

Lucky Charms Frosted Flakes

Lucky Charms Frosted Flakes

At first glance, you would think this is a blend of Lucky Charms and Frosted Flakes; the latter of which I consider one of the best cereals ever. It isn’t until you pour a bowl and look that you realize there’s something wrong.

The problem isn’t the missing toasted oats from Lucky Charms; they’re nasty anyway; it’s that these aren’t Frosted Flakes. They’re a cheap off-brand-like imitation. That’s why you don’t see Tony The Tiger on the box.

General Mills doesn’t even make Frosted Flakes. Kellogg does. The name apparently isn’t trademarked. I feel hoodwinked. Not that the two cereals would go well together. Not every cereal tastes better with marshmallows.

my rating : 3 of 5

Mountain Dew : Sweet Lightning

Mountain Dew : Sweet Lightning

I understand the Sweet part. It’s the Lightning that’s confusing. This isn’t promoted as an energy drink and the taste, which has a peachy citrus vibe, isn’t particularly jolting, but I imagine a cold cup would be nice and refreshing on a lazy summer day.

You’re not supposed to drink it by itself. Sweet Lightning, a version of Mountain Dew, is apparently made for the sole purpose of drinking it while you eat a Breast, Drumstick or Thigh from Kentucky Fried Chicken, which is the only place to get it.

my rating : 3 of 5