audio review : I Got Next ( album ) … KRS-One

audio review : I Got Next ( album ) ... KRS-One

The title suggests a game of basketball, but it’s the rap game KRS-One plays best. He’s The MC of MCs; a hip-hopper in perhaps its purest form. He’s also The Teacha, so, if we’re using the sport of basketball for comparison’s sake, he’s a former star player turned coach. The big difference is that, while arguably past his prime, he just can’t stay off the court.

There’s even a song entitled Can’t Stop Won’t Stop, but it’s not about his love for rap music. It’s a tale, told from the first-person perspective, about a drug dealer who, in order to avoid going to prison, makes a deal with the police. The story, enhanced with dramatic sound effects where applicable, fits snug into the BDP canon, alongside Love’s Gonna Get You.

It’s the ridiculous abundance of skits and bits, tracked in place of full-length songs, that serves as KRS-One’s foulest offense. There are two back-to-back intros at the start, for example, and three Halftime interludes in a row, which collectively come across as album filler, especially when you find yourself skipping them for the umpteenth time.

Only about half of the tracks are actual songs. Even if you ignore the rest of the album, only about half of those songs are of any notable quality. Step Into A World works in an off-beat kind of way and Real Hip-Hop is just that, but Blowe sounds silly and the Heartbeat beat; the song features Redman and Angie Martinez; is wack. So much for the Playoffs.

my rating : 3 of 5

1997

audio review : Get Off The Stage ( album ) … Too Short

audio review : Get Off The Stage ( album ) ... Too Short

Sounding more like a collection of song demos than album number seventeen, Get Off The Stage will have you yelling just that. Too Short has never sounded so uninspired and the beats are basic, but the worst parts by far are the lame-ass hooks. Dum Ditty Dum is downright awful.

I like I Like It; it’s the one good song on the album; and I’m glad Short Dogg came out of retirement when he did to drop some more game on us, but, if it’s gotten to the point where he’s putting out shit like this, it’s time to take his own advice and get the fuck Off The Stage for good.

my rating : 2 of 5

2007

audio review : Curtain Call 2 ( album ) … Eminem

audio review : Curtain Call 2 ( album ) ... Eminem

Eminem should’ve come up with a different title. Curtain Call made conceptual sense coming after the Encore album. This new one, based on the cover artwork, attempts to merge the concert/stage theme with, of all random things, a pinball game.

Musically it covers every Eminem album since that first Hits compilation, which, since he’s made one good album in all that time; one man’s “trash” is another man’s treasure; results in a lackluster affair. Even his raps have gotten corny and verbose.

“Oh,” he mocks on Rap God, “he’s too mainstream.” It’s kind of true though. His first two LPs were fun, edgy and provocative. Relapse was a gratifying throwback. Imagine a cringey Ed Sheeran, Rihanna or Beyoncé chorus on one of those albums.

my rating : 3 of 5

2022

audio review : Curtain Call [ The Hits ] ( album ) … Eminem

“Hi” was his formal introduction to the world; “My name is Slim Shady.” Almost seven years later, after becoming the most famous rapper ever, Eminem returns to the stage for a Curtain Call. It’s a compilation of his most popular songs; The Hits; plus a few new ones.

Fack, an odd start, finds him shoving a gerbil in his ass. “This don’t mean I’m gay,” he declares, “I don’t like men.” It’s a silly song that has the rapper, a genius during his Shady LP debut, squirting a wad of babble. That’s the problem with too much of his recent stuff.

His rap skills have steadily declined; a fact that would standout like a thumb sore from holding the mic too long if these songs were ordered chronologically. Then there’s the problem an Eminem Hits album was bound to create; that most of his best songs aren’t hits at all.

Guilty Conscious and Stan; a studio version featuring Elton John singing and playing the piano like he does on the Live one would be epic; represent Eminem at his best, but they’re here amongst a bunch of corny chart-toppers like Without Me and Mockingbird.

my rating : 3 of 5

2005

audio review : Curtain Call 2 ( album ) … Eminem